Some people think that in the modern world human beings are more powerful, while others claim that they have become more vulnerable. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people think that in the modern world human beings are more powerful, while others
claim that they have become more vulnerable.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any
relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the contemporary world, problems relating to humans are always a controversial topic. While some people assume that human species is the dominant species on Earth, other people believe that humans seem to be too fragile to overcome all obstacles in today life. From my perspective, humans will never stop strengthening our ability to cope with enormous problems and being powerful rather than being susceptible.
On the one hand, humans are more powerful in the modern world due to a combination of factors. Having special ability to think and create, humans make a lot of efforts in science and technology, which give us the chance to do things that were previously impossible. For example, we can now travel faster and farther than ever before through planes, communicate with people all over the world, and develop new medical treatments that can save several people. Additionally, with the help of modern equipment, humans can access to a wide range of knowledge in various fields all over the world, such as culture, language, education, … and hence improving our mindset and attitude in many issues to solve problems effectively.
On the other hand, humans also become more vulnerable in some ways. We are now more dependent on technology than ever before. As a result, our emotions and working productivities can be enormously affected without technological equipment such as phones, tablets, laptops, … Human beings are also more fragile to the effects of environment. We can be damaged in many serve disasters and diseases by virus appearing from climate change, global warming, animals, …
Briefly, there are convincingly reasons for decisions whether humans in modern world are more powerful or more susceptible. However, despite our vulnerabilities, humans are a resilient species since we still survive and develop in the face of many enormous challenges. We have special abilities that no other species can possess and we are in a consistent process of preventing the danger of life damage and evolving our life quality.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"problems relating to humans" -> "issues concerning humanity"
Explanation: "Problems relating to humans" is somewhat vague and lacks specificity. "Issues concerning humanity" is a more precise and formal phrase that aligns better with academic writing.
"controversial topic" -> "contentious subject"
Explanation: While "controversial topic" is understandable, "contentious subject" adds a touch of sophistication and formality to the phrase, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"while some people assume" -> "whereas some individuals posit"
Explanation: "Assume" is relatively informal in academic writing. "Posit" is a more formal and precise alternative that maintains the meaning of the sentence.
"today life" -> "contemporary life"
Explanation: "Today life" is awkward and not standard English. "Contemporary life" is a more suitable and formal alternative that fits the context.
"From my perspective" -> "In my view"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is somewhat colloquial. "In my view" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic writing to express personal opinion.
"humans will never stop strengthening our ability" -> "humanity will continually enhance its capacity"
Explanation: "Stop strengthening" is not the most elegant phrase for academic writing. "Continually enhance" is a more precise and formal expression.
"to cope with enormous problems" -> "to address significant challenges"
Explanation: "Cope with enormous problems" is somewhat informal. "Address significant challenges" is a more formal and appropriate alternative.
"being powerful rather than being susceptible" -> "exhibiting resilience rather than vulnerability"
Explanation: "Being powerful" and "being susceptible" are somewhat simplistic. "Exhibiting resilience" and "vulnerability" are more precise and formal terms that enhance the academic tone.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is more commonly used in spoken language. "Firstly" is a more formal and structured transition phrase for academic writing.
"Having special ability to think and create" -> "Possessing unique cognitive and creative capabilities"
Explanation: "Special ability to think and create" is somewhat informal. "Possessing unique cognitive and creative capabilities" is a more formal and specific expression.
"a lot of efforts" -> "considerable efforts"
Explanation: "A lot of efforts" is somewhat colloquial. "Considerable efforts" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"For example" -> "For instance"
Explanation: "For example" is perfectly acceptable, but "For instance" is slightly more formal and frequently used in academic writing.
"save several people" -> "save numerous lives"
Explanation: "Save several people" is a bit vague. "Save numerous lives" is a more specific and formal expression.
"access to a wide range of knowledge" -> "access to a vast array of knowledge"
Explanation: "Wide range of knowledge" is acceptable, but "vast array of knowledge" is slightly more formal and precise.
"such as culture, language, education, …" -> "such as culture and language, among others"
Explanation: The ellipsis (…) is unnecessary and informal in academic writing. "Among others" adds formality and clarity to the list of examples.
"improving our mindset and attitude" -> "enhancing our perspectives and attitudes"
Explanation: "Improving our mindset and attitude" could be more formally expressed. "Enhancing our perspectives and attitudes" maintains clarity while enhancing formality.
"also become more vulnerable" -> "have also become increasingly vulnerable"
Explanation: "Also become more vulnerable" could be more precisely expressed. "Have also become increasingly vulnerable" is a more formal and clear alternative.
"We are now more dependent on technology than ever before." -> "Our reliance on technology has reached unprecedented levels."
Explanation: The sentence lacks formality and precision. "Our reliance on technology has reached unprecedented levels" is more formal and clearer.
"As a result" -> "Consequently"
Explanation: "As a result" is slightly informal. "Consequently" is a more formal and precise transition word.
"without technological equipment such as phones, tablets, laptops, …" -> "without essential technological devices such as phones, tablets, and laptops"
Explanation: The list is incomplete and lacks clarity. Adding "essential" and listing the devices separately enhances clarity and formality.
"Human beings are also more fragile to the effects of environment." -> "Humans are also increasingly susceptible to environmental impacts."
Explanation: "Fragile to the effects of environment" is not as precise or formal. "Increasingly susceptible to environmental impacts" is clearer and more formal.
"Briefly," -> "In summary,"
Explanation: "Briefly," is somewhat informal. "In summary," is a more formal transition phrase.
"convincingly reasons for decisions" -> "compelling reasons for determining"
Explanation: "Convincingly reasons for decisions" is unclear and somewhat awkward. "Compelling reasons for determining" is more precise and formal.
"whether humans in modern world are more powerful or more susceptible" -> "whether humanity in the modern world exhibits greater resilience or vulnerability"
Explanation: "Whether humans in modern world are more powerful or more susceptible" is somewhat informal. "Whether humanity in the modern world exhibits greater resilience or vulnerability" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"since we still survive and develop" -> "as we continue to thrive and advance"
Explanation: "Since we still survive and develop" is somewhat informal. "As we continue to thrive and advance" is more formal and precise.
"special abilities that no other species can possess" -> "unique capabilities inaccessible to other species"
Explanation: "Special abilities that no other species can possess" is somewhat redundant. "Unique capabilities inaccessible to other species" is more concise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both viewpoints regarding whether humans are more powerful or vulnerable in the modern world. It acknowledges the arguments supporting both perspectives and provides reasoning for the author’s own opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth. Provide more specific examples and delve deeper into the implications of human power and vulnerability in various aspects of contemporary life.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that humans are more powerful in the modern world, supported by arguments regarding technological advancements and resilience. This position is consistently upheld throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, reinforce the thesis statement and clearly outline the reasons supporting the chosen stance in the introduction. Additionally, ensure that each body paragraph reinforces the central argument without introducing conflicting viewpoints.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with adequate development and support. Examples such as advancements in travel, communication, and medicine effectively illustrate the argument that humans are more powerful. However, the elaboration on vulnerability, particularly regarding environmental factors, could be more detailed.
- How to improve: To improve idea presentation, expand upon examples of human vulnerability and its impact on contemporary society. Provide specific instances of environmental challenges and their consequences on human well-being to enrich the discussion and provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the contrasting views of human power and vulnerability in the modern world. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as the brief mention of cultural knowledge and mindset improvement.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the discussion of human power and vulnerability. Avoid tangential topics that detract from the central theme, unless they are directly linked to supporting the main arguments.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive analysis, reinforcing clarity, enriching examples, and maintaining strict adherence to the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs presenting contrasting views, and a conclusion summarizing the author’s opinion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, supporting it with examples and reasoning.
- How to improve: To enhance logical coherence, consider refining the transition between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its main point without veering off into tangential topics.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphing effectively, with each paragraph containing a distinct idea or argument. The introduction sets up the discussion, body paragraphs explore the opposing views, and the conclusion summarizes the author’s stance. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development and cohesion.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph coherence by providing more detailed explanations and examples to support each argument. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. Transition words and phrases such as "while," "on the one hand… on the other hand," "additionally," and "briefly" help guide the reader through the argumentative structure.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are used effectively overall, strive to incorporate a greater variety of transitions to enhance coherence further. Additionally, ensure that transitions are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain a smooth flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, effectively presenting contrasting viewpoints on the topic. To improve, focus on refining the transition between paragraphs for smoother progression of ideas and provide more detailed support for arguments within each paragraph. Additionally, strive to diversify cohesive devices to enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, encompassing a variety of terms related to the topic at hand. For instance, the essay utilizes terms such as "contemporary world," "dominant species," "fragile," "obstacles," "resilient species," and "enormous challenges," among others. These words effectively convey the author’s ideas and contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. This can add depth to the argument and engage the reader on a more sophisticated level. Additionally, be cautious of repeating certain terms excessively and strive for diversity in word choice to maintain reader interest.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For instance, phrases such as "special ability to think and create," "enormous challenges," and "modern equipment" are clear and contextually appropriate. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise to strengthen the argument’s clarity and impact.
- How to improve: Aim to utilize vocabulary that precisely captures the intended meaning and avoids ambiguity. For example, instead of using broad terms like "problems," consider employing more specific terms such as "challenges," "dilemmas," or "predicaments" depending on the context. Additionally, strive to use domain-specific terminology accurately to enhance the credibility of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors detracting from overall comprehension. However, there are occasional instances of misspelled words, such as "serve" instead of "severe" and "hence" instead of "thus." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, enhancing spelling accuracy can contribute to a more polished and professional presentation.
- How to improve: Employ strategies such as proofreading, spell-checking tools, and deliberate practice to improve spelling accuracy. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling patterns and irregularities to minimize errors in future writing endeavors. Consistent attention to spelling detail will enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your written communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the author effectively employs complex sentences such as, "Having the special ability to think and create, humans make a lot of efforts in science and technology, which give us the chance to do things that were previously impossible." This sentence structure enhances the complexity of the argument and adds depth to the discussion.
- How to improve: To further enhance the essay’s sophistication, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as compound-complex sentences and varied introductory phrases. This can add further nuance and sophistication to the analysis provided.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy with few errors. However, there are minor issues such as subject-verb agreement inconsistencies ("we can be damaged" should be "we can be damaged" or "we can be vulnerable"), and punctuation errors (missing commas in compound sentences). For instance, "We are now more dependent on technology than ever before. As a result, our emotions and working productivities can be enormously affected without technological equipment such as phones, tablets, laptops, …" should have a comma after "before" for clearer readability.
- How to improve: Reviewing sentence structure and ensuring consistency in subject-verb agreement will help eliminate minor grammatical errors. Additionally, paying close attention to punctuation, particularly the use of commas in compound sentences, will enhance clarity and readability. A careful proofreading process can help identify and correct such errors effectively.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and a high level of accuracy. By incorporating more varied sentence structures and addressing minor grammatical errors, the essay can further elevate its effectiveness and clarity, potentially leading to an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the discourse surrounding humanity’s place in the contemporary era, there is a division of opinion regarding our prowess and vulnerability. While some argue for the ascendancy of the human species, others contend that we have become increasingly fragile amidst the challenges of modern life. From my perspective, humanity will persistently augment its capacity to confront significant challenges, thus demonstrating resilience rather than vulnerability.

On one hand, there are compelling arguments supporting the notion of human empowerment in the modern age. Possessing unique cognitive and creative capabilities, humans exert considerable efforts in the realms of science and technology. This endeavor has enabled remarkable feats previously deemed unattainable. For instance, advancements in transportation facilitate swifter and more extensive travel, while innovations in communication enable global connectivity. Moreover, breakthroughs in medical science have led to the development of treatments that save numerous lives. Additionally, the accessibility of a vast array of knowledge, encompassing diverse fields such as culture and language, among others, serves to enhance our perspectives and attitudes, thereby empowering us to tackle challenges effectively.

Conversely, it is evident that humans have also become increasingly vulnerable in certain respects. Our reliance on technology has reached unprecedented levels, rendering us emotionally and professionally susceptible in the absence of essential devices such as phones, tablets, and laptops. Furthermore, our species is more susceptible to environmental impacts, including severe disasters and diseases exacerbated by factors such as climate change, global warming, and encroachment into natural habitats.

In summary, there are compelling reasons for deliberating whether humanity in the modern world exhibits greater resilience or vulnerability. Nonetheless, as we continue to thrive and advance, it becomes apparent that humans possess unique capabilities inaccessible to other species. Despite our vulnerabilities, we remain a resilient species, continuously evolving and adapting to mitigate risks and enhance our quality of life.