Some people think that it is better for a country's economy if people spend more money rather than saving money. To what extent do you agree with this view?

In recent years, some people think that if citizen save more money rather than spend it, this country's economy is developed. While I agree with this view, I still believe that spending money is better than saving money to make economic of country enhance.

I can understand why some may think that people should save their money more than spend it to make the economic of their country raise. To begin with, saving money can offer for citizen a chance to buy some expensive thing such as house, apartment. This can result in people can have their house in this country and they can work in there to improve the economy. Another reason should be mentioned is that saving money can offer a stable life for citizen. This means that the money which is saved by citizen can enter to bank to get money from interest rate, so they can use this money to take care their life and have a stable life.

Nevertheless, I still believe that it is better for a country's economy if people spend more money rather than saving it because of several reason. Chief among these is that spending money allows the productive activities in this country work, so this lead to the deflection in this country drops and make people in this country have a stable job. Indeed, in Japan, the government encourage this citizen spend their money to buy some products to make workers in this factory are not unemployed. The second reason is that spending money bring the income for the business in this country which makes this business develop and allows them expanded, so this lead to the economy in country develop.

In conclusion, despite acknowledging that why some think that it is better for a country's economy if people save more money rather than spending it, I am of the opinion that people should spend more money rather than save it to make the economy in this country raise.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"citizen save more money rather than spend it" -> "citizens save more money rather than spend it"
Explanation: The correct form of the noun "citizen" is "citizens" when referring to multiple individuals.
"this country’s economy is developed" -> "the country’s economy develops"
Explanation: The verb "develops" should be used in the present tense to indicate ongoing development, and "this" is not necessary before "country’s economy" as it is already clear from the context.
"spending money is better than saving money to make economic of country enhance" -> "spending money is more beneficial than saving money in enhancing the country’s economy"
Explanation: "More beneficial" is a more precise and formal alternative to "better," and "in enhancing the country’s economy" corrects the awkward and incorrect phrase "to make economic of country enhance."
"people should save their money more than spend it" -> "people should save more money than spend it"
Explanation: Simplifying "their money" to "money" removes redundancy and improves clarity.
"can offer for citizen a chance to buy some expensive thing such as house, apartment" -> "offers citizens the opportunity to purchase expensive items such as houses and apartments"
Explanation: "Offers citizens the opportunity to purchase" is more formal and precise than "can offer for citizen a chance to buy." Also, "houses and apartments" is more specific and grammatically correct than "some expensive thing such as house, apartment."
"people can have their house in this country and they can work in there to improve the economy" -> "citizens can reside in their homes within the country and work there to contribute to the economy"
Explanation: "Reside in their homes" and "work there" are more formal and precise than "have their house in this country and they can work in there." "Contribute to the economy" is a more accurate and formal expression than "improve the economy."
"saving money can offer a stable life for citizen" -> "saving money can provide a stable life for citizens"
Explanation: "Provide" is more formal than "offer," and "citizens" should be plural to match the context.
"the money which is saved by citizen can enter to bank to get money from interest rate" -> "the money saved by citizens can be deposited in banks to earn interest"
Explanation: "Be deposited in banks to earn interest" is more precise and formal than "enter to bank to get money from interest rate."
"take care their life" -> "manage their lives"
Explanation: "Manage their lives" is a more formal and accurate expression than "take care their life."
"spending money allows the productive activities in this country work" -> "spending money enables productive activities in the country to operate"
Explanation: "Enables productive activities in the country to operate" is more formal and grammatically correct than "allows the productive activities in this country work."
"this lead to the deflection in this country drops" -> "this leads to a decline in the country’s deflation"
Explanation: "Leads to a decline in the country’s deflation" corrects the awkward and incorrect phrase "this lead to the deflection in this country drops."
"make workers in this factory are not unemployed" -> "prevent workers in this factory from becoming unemployed"
Explanation: "Prevent workers in this factory from becoming unemployed" is grammatically correct and more formal than "make workers in this factory are not unemployed."
"spending money bring the income for the business in this country" -> "spending money generates income for businesses in this country"
Explanation: "Generates income" is more precise and formal than "bring the income," and "businesses" is plural to match the context.
"allows them expanded" -> "enables them to expand"
Explanation: "Enables them to expand" is grammatically correct and more formal than "allows them expanded."
"make the economy in this country raise" -> "boost the economy in this country"
Explanation: "Boost" is a more formal and precise term than "make raise," which is grammatically incorrect in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether spending or saving money is better for a country’s economy. The writer acknowledges the viewpoint that saving can lead to economic development but ultimately supports the idea that spending is more beneficial. However, the argument could be more balanced; the essay leans heavily towards spending without fully exploring the implications of saving.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to present a more nuanced discussion of both perspectives. This could involve providing more detailed examples of how saving can contribute to economic stability and growth, as well as addressing potential counterarguments to the claim that spending is always better.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that spending is preferable to saving for economic growth. However, the initial statement is somewhat contradictory, as the writer claims to agree with the idea that saving is beneficial but then argues against it. This inconsistency may confuse readers about the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their agreement or disagreement with the prompt in the introduction and consistently support that position throughout the essay. Using clear transitional phrases can help reinforce the writer’s stance and guide the reader through the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the notion that spending is better for the economy, such as job creation and business development. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For instance, the reference to Japan could be expanded with more specific details or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples, including relevant data or case studies that illustrate the points being made. Additionally, elaborating on the implications of these ideas would help to create a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the economic implications of spending versus saving. However, there are moments where the phrasing is unclear, which can detract from the overall coherence. For example, phrases like "the economic of country raise" are awkward and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct and clearly articulated. Proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can help improve the overall readability of the essay. Additionally, staying directly relevant to the prompt in each paragraph will help maintain focus.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it could benefit from more balanced exploration of both sides, clearer articulation of the writer’s position, deeper support for ideas, and improved clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the balance between saving and spending money in relation to a country’s economy. The introduction outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs provide supporting reasons for both sides of the argument. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing saving money to spending money is somewhat abrupt. The second body paragraph begins with "Nevertheless," which indicates a shift in argument but lacks a strong connection to the previous point about saving.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that better connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits of saving, a phrase like "On the other hand" could be used to introduce the opposing view more smoothly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be more clearly delineated into separate sentences. For instance, the discussion about saving for expensive items and the stability it provides could be split into two sentences for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by relevant details. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes the main point. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the paragraph’s main idea or link it to the next paragraph, enhancing overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "another reason should be mentioned," and "chief among these." However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For example, the phrase "this country" appears frequently, which can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "for instance." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also enhance the reader’s understanding of the relationships between ideas. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help maintain the reader’s interest and improve overall cohesion.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, terms like "expensive thing," "stable life," and "productive activities" show an effort to diversify language. However, phrases such as "this country’s economy is developed" and "the economy in country develop" lack sophistication and variety, which limits the overall lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more advanced and varied expressions. For example, instead of "expensive thing," they could use "high-value assets" or "luxury items." Additionally, using synonyms for "spend" and "save," such as "expend" and "conserve," would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the economic of their country raise" is awkward and incorrect; it should be "the economy of their country improves." Similarly, "the deflection in this country drops" is unclear and likely intended to convey "unemployment rates decrease."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They could benefit from reviewing common collocations and phrases in economic discussions, such as "economic growth" instead of "economy develop." Practicing with vocabulary exercises that emphasize context can also help in selecting the right words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. Examples include "citizen" (should be "citizens"), "economic of country" (should be "economy of the country"), and "encourage this citizen" (should be "encourages its citizens"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail in spelling.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, focusing on commonly used words in academic writing. Utilizing tools like spell checkers and proofreading their work before submission can also help catch errors. Additionally, reading more academic texts can improve familiarity with correct spelling and usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these aspects will help the writer achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences follow a simple subject-verb-object format, which can make the writing feel repetitive and monotonous. For instance, phrases like "saving money can offer for citizen a chance" and "spending money allows the productive activities in this country work" indicate a lack of complex sentence structures. The use of conjunctions is minimal, and there are few compound or complex sentences that could enhance the flow and sophistication of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "saving money can offer for citizen a chance," it could be rephrased to "saving money can provide citizens with the opportunity to purchase expensive items, such as houses or apartments." Additionally, using a variety of conjunctions (e.g., although, while, because) can help create more complex ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that detract from its clarity and effectiveness. For example, phrases like "if citizen save more money" should be "if citizens save more money," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. Additionally, the phrase "the economic of their country raise" should be corrected to "the economy of their country rises." Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas that could help clarify meaning, particularly in longer sentences. For instance, "This can result in people can have their house in this country" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure that plural nouns are correctly used. Practicing sentence restructuring to eliminate redundancy (e.g., "This can result in people can have" should be revised to "This can result in people having") would also be beneficial. Furthermore, the writer should focus on punctuation, particularly the use of commas to separate clauses and improve readability. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct these common errors.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, improving the variety of sentence structures and addressing grammatical inaccuracies will significantly enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, some people think that if citizens save more money rather than spend it, this country’s economy will develop. While I agree with this view, I still believe that spending money is better than saving money to enhance the economy of the country.

I can understand why some may think that people should save their money more than spend it to help the economy of their country grow. To begin with, saving money can offer citizens a chance to buy expensive items such as houses and apartments. This can result in people having their homes in this country, and they can work there to contribute to the economy. Another reason to mention is that saving money can provide a stable life for citizens. This means that the money saved by citizens can be deposited in banks to earn interest, so they can use this money to manage their lives and maintain stability.

Nevertheless, I still believe that it is better for a country’s economy if people spend more money rather than saving it for several reasons. Chief among these is that spending money enables productive activities in this country to operate, which leads to a decline in deflation and helps prevent workers in this factory from becoming unemployed. Indeed, in Japan, the government encourages its citizens to spend their money on products to ensure that workers in these factories are not unemployed. The second reason is that spending money generates income for businesses in this country, which allows these businesses to expand, thus boosting the economy in this country.

In conclusion, despite acknowledging why some think that it is better for a country’s economy if people save more money rather than spend it, I am of the opinion that people should spend more money rather than save it to help the economy in this country grow.