Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles.
Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.

Numerous humans believe that doing various activities during your break time so significant to promote the mind, such as using the mind to read and doing word puzzles. Leftovers have the opposite outlook, they claim that it is more valuable if your brain is rested when you have free time. In my view, it is so principled to rest your head after working hard all day.

On the one hand, scientists researched that you will have quality health when you take a rest logically. You have to rest your mind after doing brain work to recharge your energy, it helps you relieve various stresses, boost your steam, and give you a good spirit to do the next work seriously. From there, you will always satisfied with everything, and you can control your emotions and behaviors. Moreover, not only mental health but also physical health, all of the parts in your body are administered by the brain, so to get a principled well-being let’s take a rest.

On the other hand, when you have leisure time after hard work and you continue to use this time to do a lot of things like reading or doing something, you will get numerous stresses immediately, and you can not complete any fully work-out plans you have. Especially, your brain can acquire just 75% per day if you use your break time to read your head will overloaded. Finally, your mind will be in trouble, anger will come to you and make you become a different person.

To sum up, resting the mind in your leisure time is a good way to have quality health to do everything perfectly and helps you promote a lot of sides in work and health

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Numerous humans believe" -> "Many individuals believe"
Explanation: "Numerous humans" sounds overly informal and anthropological. "Many individuals" maintains the idea of a large group without sounding overly casual.
"doing various activities during your break time so significant" -> "engaging in various activities during your leisure time is significant"
Explanation: "Doing various activities during your break time so significant" lacks clarity and formal structure. "Engaging in various activities during your leisure time is significant" is clearer and more academically appropriate.
"Leftovers have the opposite outlook" -> "Contrary perspectives suggest"
Explanation: "Leftovers" is an informal term that does not fit in academic writing. "Contrary perspectives" is a more formal way to introduce opposing viewpoints.
"On the one hand, scientists researched" -> "Firstly, research conducted by scientists"
Explanation: "On the one hand, scientists researched" is awkward and lacks precision. "Firstly, research conducted by scientists" introduces the argument more clearly and formally.
"you will have quality health when you take a rest logically" -> "taking logical breaks contributes to overall health"
Explanation: "You will have quality health when you take a rest logically" is awkward and lacks precision. "Taking logical breaks contributes to overall health" is clearer and more concise.
"recharge your energy" -> "replenish your energy"
Explanation: "Recharge your energy" is a colloquial expression. "Replenish your energy" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"boost your steam" -> "boost your stamina"
Explanation: "Boost your steam" is informal and unclear. "Boost your stamina" is a more formal and precise expression.
"From there, you will always satisfied with everything" -> "Consequently, you will consistently feel satisfied"
Explanation: "From there, you will always satisfied with everything" lacks grammatical correctness and clarity. "Consequently, you will consistently feel satisfied" provides a clearer transition and maintains formal language.
"your break time to read your head will overloaded" -> "if you use your leisure time to read, your mind will become overloaded"
Explanation: "Your break time to read your head will overloaded" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "If you use your leisure time to read, your mind will become overloaded" is clearer and more precise.
"your mind will be in trouble, anger will come to you" -> "you may experience mental distress and heightened irritability"
Explanation: "Your mind will be in trouble, anger will come to you" is too informal and lacks clarity. "You may experience mental distress and heightened irritability" is more formal and precise.
"To sum up" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "To sum up" is less formal than "In conclusion" in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives outlined in the prompt: the importance of using leisure time for activities that improve the mind and the opposing view that it’s important to rest the mind during leisure time. However, the discussion lacks depth and fails to fully explore the nuances of each viewpoint.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, the essay should delve deeper into each perspective, providing more detailed explanations and perhaps offering examples or anecdotes to support the arguments.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring the idea of resting the mind during leisure time. This stance is maintained consistently throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the writer could explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion, ensuring that the reader is left with a clear understanding of the author’s viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks sufficient elaboration and support. While it mentions the benefits of resting the mind, such as improved mental and physical health, it does so in a cursory manner without providing in-depth analysis or evidence.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and support their arguments with relevant evidence, such as studies or statistics, to lend credibility to their claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the importance of resting the mind during leisure time. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off track, such as when discussing the consequences of not resting the mind.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the topic at hand. Avoiding tangential discussions will help to strengthen the coherence and relevance of the essay.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of expression, and staying fully on topic. By providing more detailed explanations, supporting arguments with evidence, and ensuring coherence throughout, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It presents two main viewpoints on how leisure time should be spent and follows a clear structure of presenting arguments for each perspective. However, there are some instances of repetitive phrasing and awkward transitions between ideas, which slightly disrupt the overall flow of the essay. For example, the transition between discussing the benefits of resting the mind and the drawbacks of continuous activity could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on refining transitions between ideas to create a smoother flow of thought. Avoid repetitive phrases by using synonyms or restructuring sentences for variety. Additionally, consider using transitional phrases or linking words to signal shifts between different points more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which is essential for readability and coherence. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as the benefits of resting the mind or the potential drawbacks of continuous mental activity. However, some paragraphs could be more effectively structured to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, the paragraph discussing the benefits of rest could begin with a clear topic sentence summarizing its main point.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Use supporting evidence and examples to develop each point further, maintaining a coherent flow of ideas within and between paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("it," "your") and transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand"). While these devices provide some coherence by linking ideas within and between sentences, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices beyond pronouns and basic transitional phrases. Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore"), parallel structures, and synonyms, to strengthen the connections between ideas. Furthermore, enrich the vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and reduce repetition, thereby enhancing coherence and cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a coherent structure and presents arguments logically, there is room for improvement in refining transitions, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices to further enhance coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to incorporate a variety of vocabulary, albeit with some inaccuracies and repetitions. For instance, synonyms like "numerous" and "various" are used to describe people’s beliefs, but this could be enhanced with more diverse vocabulary choices. Additionally, phrases like "quality health" and "good spirit" are employed, though there is room to expand the range by integrating more nuanced vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve the lexical range, consider utilizing a broader spectrum of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely. Instead of relying on general terms like "various" or "a lot of," aim to incorporate specific and varied vocabulary relevant to the topic. For example, instead of "numerous humans," consider alternatives such as "many individuals" or "a plethora of people." Expanding your vocabulary arsenal through reading diverse materials and actively learning new words can greatly enhance the richness of your expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "quality health" and "principled well-being" convey the intended meaning clearly. However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "numerous stresses" and "your head will overloaded," which could be refined for clearer communication.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary precision, strive to choose words that precisely convey your intended meaning without ambiguity. Avoid vague terms like "numerous" and opt for more specific descriptors. For example, instead of "numerous stresses," consider specifying the types of stressors or using a more precise term like "myriad pressures." Similarly, instead of "overloaded," you could use "overburdened" or "overwhelmed" for clearer expression. Regular practice in identifying precise vocabulary through reading and vocabulary exercises can aid in sharpening this skill.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some spelling errors, such as "principled" instead of "principle," "steam" instead of "esteem," and "work-out" instead of "workout." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: Improving spelling accuracy requires consistent practice and attention to detail. Utilize spell-check tools to identify and correct spelling errors, and consider proofreading your work carefully before submission to catch any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing commonly misspelled words and their correct spellings can contribute to greater accuracy over time. Reading extensively can also expose you to correct spelling patterns and reinforce your understanding of standard orthography.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards simpler sentence structures, which can limit the sophistication of the writing. For instance, while there are attempts at complex sentences, such as "Scientists researched that you will have quality health when you take a rest logically," the execution lacks fluency and precision.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex structures, such as subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and varied sentence lengths. This can be achieved through studying model essays or literature to observe how more complex sentences are constructed and practicing integrating them into writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an overall satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not significantly impede understanding. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay that detract from its clarity and coherence. For example, "Numerous humans believe that doing various activities during your break time so significant to promote the mind" contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that hinder comprehension.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice. Additionally, proofreading and revising the essay thoroughly can help identify and correct errors in grammar and phrasing. Seeking feedback from peers or teachers can also provide valuable insights into areas for improvement.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an adequate level of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy through practice and revision, the writer can elevate the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals believe that engaging in various activities during leisure time is crucial for enhancing the mind, such as reading and solving word puzzles. Conversely, others argue that it is important to give the mind a rest during free time. In my opinion, it is important to rest the mind after a hard day’s work.

On one hand, scientific research suggests that taking a break is essential for overall health. Resting the mind after mental exertion helps recharge energy levels, alleviate stress, boost morale, and prepare one for future tasks. Consequently, one can maintain satisfaction, emotional stability, and control over behavior. Furthermore, since the brain governs bodily functions, including physical health, resting the mind is fundamental for holistic well-being.

On the other hand, if leisure time is filled with numerous activities after a strenuous workday, it can lead to immediate stress and hinder the completion of planned tasks. Overloading the mind with activities can limit its capacity to function optimally, resulting in frustration and changes in behavior.

In conclusion, resting the mind during leisure time is essential for maintaining overall health, enabling one to perform tasks effectively, and promoting well-being in various aspects of life.