Some people think that it is more important to find a job that you love than to find a job that pays well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people state that looking for an occupation that you have passion outweighs a job bringing a lucrative income. From my perspective, I would prefer a beloved career and I believe that this is more integrated than well-paying jobs.

To begin with, I think that when workers can pursue a job that they love, they can achieve career satisfaction and fulfillment. This means that when they desire their work, they have a tendency to engage in the tasks that they do and dedicate themselves to complete. Consequently, they can have motivation in their profession and boost their higher productivity and job satisfaction. On the contrary, working for a high-income job means that workers may not have passion for this position and they can show fatigue in their work. This leads to the decline in work efficiency and the lack of stimulation to develop their career ladder. In short, a job that you have dedication because of your enthusiasm can make you have job pleasure.

Moreover, I claim that workers can improve their quality of life from both mental health and work-life balance perspective. This is because if they evoke themselves that they love, they can significantly enhance overall happiness and well-being, as work constitutes a significant portion of daily life. This also may facilitate better work-life balance, as you are more willing to invest time and energy into something that brings you fulfillment. Meanwhile, a lucrative job can become a heavy burden and demand employees have professional skills to support their work. This results in an overwhelming and stressful occupation.

In conclusion, I support the idea that working a job that you have aspirations for is better than working for a company that pays you a high salary. It could improve workers' mental state and job satisfaction level.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people state" -> "Some individuals argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is a more precise term in academic writing, indicating a position or opinion that is supported by evidence or reasoning, which is more suitable than the vague "state" in this context.
"outweighs a job bringing a lucrative income" -> "outweighs the benefits of a lucrative income"
Explanation: The phrase "a job bringing a lucrative income" is awkward and unclear. "The benefits of a lucrative income" clarifies the meaning and maintains a formal tone.
"I would prefer a beloved career" -> "I would prefer a career that is deeply fulfilling"
Explanation: "Beloved" is an emotional term that may not be suitable for academic writing. "Deeply fulfilling" is a more formal and precise way to describe a career that brings satisfaction.
"I believe that this is more integrated than well-paying jobs" -> "I believe that this approach is more beneficial than pursuing well-paying jobs"
Explanation: "Integrated" is unclear in this context. "Beneficial" clearly conveys the positive outcomes of choosing a fulfilling career over a lucrative one.
"they can achieve career satisfaction and fulfillment" -> "they can attain career satisfaction and fulfillment"
Explanation: "Achieve" is a more formal synonym for "attain," which is preferred in academic writing for describing the attainment of goals or outcomes.
"they have a tendency to engage in the tasks that they do and dedicate themselves to complete" -> "they tend to engage fully in their tasks and dedicate themselves to their completion"
Explanation: "Have a tendency to" is somewhat informal and vague. "Tend to" is more concise and formal. Also, "dedicate themselves to complete" is awkward; "dedicate themselves to their completion" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"boost their higher productivity" -> "enhance their productivity"
Explanation: "Boost" is somewhat informal and can be replaced with "enhance" for a more formal tone.
"working for a high-income job means that workers may not have passion for this position" -> "working in a high-income job may not necessarily evoke passion"
Explanation: "Evoke passion" is a more precise and formal way to describe the relationship between job satisfaction and passion.
"they can show fatigue in their work" -> "they may experience fatigue in their work"
Explanation: "Show fatigue" is less formal and slightly awkward. "Experience fatigue" is more appropriate and clear in an academic context.
"a job that you have dedication because of your enthusiasm" -> "a job that elicits dedication due to enthusiasm"
Explanation: "Elicits dedication" is more precise and formal than "have dedication," which is awkward and unclear.
"job pleasure" -> "job satisfaction"
Explanation: "Job pleasure" is an informal and unclear term. "Job satisfaction" is the standard academic term for describing the positive feelings associated with one’s work.
"workers can improve their quality of life from both mental health and work-life balance perspective" -> "workers can enhance their quality of life from both mental health and work-life balance perspectives"
Explanation: "Enhance" is more formal than "improve," and "perspectives" is the correct plural form to match the plural subject "workers."
"you are more willing to invest time and energy into something that brings you fulfillment" -> "you are more inclined to invest time and energy in activities that bring fulfillment"
Explanation: "Inclined" is more formal than "willing," and "activities" is a more precise term than "something," which is vague and informal.
"a lucrative job can become a heavy burden" -> "a lucrative job can become burdensome"
Explanation: "Burdensome" is a more formal and precise term than "heavy burden," which is somewhat colloquial.
"demand employees have professional skills to support their work" -> "require employees to possess professional skills to support their work"
Explanation: "Require" is more formal than "demand," and "possess" is more precise than "have" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a preference for jobs that one loves over those that pay well. The introduction establishes the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs provide reasons supporting this view. For instance, the author discusses career satisfaction and fulfillment, as well as the impact on mental health and work-life balance. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint regarding the importance of salary, which would demonstrate a more balanced approach to the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider briefly presenting the counterargument—that a high-paying job can also provide security and opportunities—before refuting it. This would create a more comprehensive discussion and show an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring jobs that one loves, as evidenced by consistent references to job satisfaction and mental well-being. Phrases like "I would prefer a beloved career" and "I support the idea that working a job that you have aspirations for is better" reinforce this stance. However, the conclusion could be more emphatic in reiterating the position, as it somewhat dilutes the strength of the argument.
- How to improve: Strengthening the conclusion by restating the main arguments and explicitly reaffirming the preference for passion over salary would enhance clarity. Using assertive language in the conclusion can help solidify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the link between job satisfaction and productivity, and the benefits of mental health and work-life balance. Each point is supported with logical reasoning and examples, such as the assertion that passion leads to higher productivity. However, some ideas could be further extended with more specific examples or evidence, which would deepen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could include real-world examples or studies that illustrate the benefits of pursuing a passion over a high salary. This could involve mentioning successful individuals who prioritize passion or statistics on job satisfaction related to income levels.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, consistently discussing the merits of loving one’s job versus the benefits of a high salary. There are no significant deviations from the main theme, and each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. However, there are moments where the language could be more precise, which would enhance clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all language used is directly relevant to the topic. Avoiding vague phrases like "a job that you have dedication because of your enthusiasm can make you have job pleasure" would help clarify the argument. Instead, the writer could use more direct language to convey the same idea, such as "a job driven by passion leads to greater job satisfaction."

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the counterargument, strengthening the conclusion, providing more specific examples, and refining language for clarity, the writer could further enhance the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument favoring jobs that individuals love over those that pay well. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, contributing to the overall argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses career satisfaction and productivity, while the second focuses on mental health and work-life balance. This logical progression helps the reader follow the writer’s line of reasoning.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could include clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "One significant advantage of pursuing a job one loves is the increased career satisfaction and productivity it fosters." This would help to immediately signal the focus of the paragraph to the reader.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph is dedicated to a distinct aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to digest the information. However, the conclusion could be more developed to reinforce the main points made in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that the conclusion not only restates the main argument but also summarizes the key points discussed in the body paragraphs. This could involve briefly revisiting the ideas of career satisfaction and mental health benefits, thereby tying the conclusion back to the essay’s main arguments.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "moreover," and "in conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. Transitional phrases are used effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate additional linking phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "on the other hand" to create smoother transitions between contrasting ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "this means that" or "this leads to," the writer could alternate with phrases like "as a result" or "consequently" to maintain reader engagement and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively communicating the writer’s perspective. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and impact of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "occupation," "career satisfaction," "fulfillment," and "work-life balance." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, phrases like "beloved career" and "high-income job" are somewhat simplistic and could be replaced with more nuanced expressions such as "passionate vocation" or "financially rewarding position."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms that convey more precise meanings. Utilizing a thesaurus can help identify alternatives that fit the context better. Additionally, incorporating idiomatic expressions or collocations relevant to the topic could elevate the lexical quality of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some appropriate vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "evoke themselves that they love" is awkward and unclear. A more precise expression could be "engage in work they are passionate about." Similarly, the term "job pleasure" is not commonly used and could confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and common usage. Reading more academic essays or articles on similar topics can provide insights into how vocabulary is typically employed. Practicing paraphrasing sentences with different vocabulary can also help in understanding the nuances of word choice.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with only minor errors. However, the term "occupation" is correctly spelled, while "lucrative" is used correctly, showcasing the writer’s ability to spell more complex words. There are no glaring spelling mistakes, which is a positive aspect.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular reading and writing practice. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools during the writing process can help catch any inadvertent errors before submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and continued attention to spelling accuracy. By actively expanding vocabulary, focusing on precise language, and maintaining spelling diligence, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "when workers can pursue a job that they love" and "this means that when they desire their work" showcases an ability to form complex ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as "This means that" and "This leads to," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and transitions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "This means that," the writer could use alternatives like "As a result," or "Consequently," to introduce ideas. Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences or participial phrases could further diversify the sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "looking for an occupation that you have passion outweighs a job bringing a lucrative income" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer if rephrased. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas that could improve readability, particularly in complex sentences. For example, "This leads to the decline in work efficiency and the lack of stimulation to develop their career ladder" could benefit from a comma before "and" to separate two independent clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on sentence clarity and structure. Revising sentences for clarity, such as changing "looking for an occupation that you have passion outweighs a job bringing a lucrative income" to "seeking a job that you are passionate about is more important than pursuing a high-paying position," would enhance understanding. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would help in achieving greater accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people state that looking for an occupation that you have passion for outweighs finding a job that brings a lucrative income. From my perspective, I would prefer a beloved career, and I believe that this approach is more beneficial than pursuing well-paying jobs.

To begin with, I think that when workers can pursue a job that they love, they can achieve career satisfaction and fulfillment. This means that when they desire their work, they tend to engage fully in the tasks they do and dedicate themselves to their completion. Consequently, they can have motivation in their profession and enhance their productivity and job satisfaction. On the contrary, working in a high-income job means that workers may not have passion for their position, and they may experience fatigue in their work. This leads to a decline in work efficiency and a lack of stimulation to develop their career ladder. In short, a job that elicits dedication due to enthusiasm can bring you job satisfaction.

Moreover, I claim that workers can improve their quality of life from both mental health and work-life balance perspectives. This is because if they pursue what they love, they can significantly enhance their overall happiness and well-being, as work constitutes a significant portion of daily life. This may also facilitate better work-life balance, as you are more inclined to invest time and energy into something that brings you fulfillment. Meanwhile, a lucrative job can become burdensome and require employees to possess professional skills to support their work. This results in an overwhelming and stressful occupation.

In conclusion, I support the idea that working in a job that you are passionate about is better than working for a company that pays you a high salary. It could improve workers’ mental state and job satisfaction levels.