Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but other people think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen at TV and the internet. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

Individuals hold varying perspectives about whether the formation of world cognition can be achieved through authentic personal experience that tourists can gain over the course of their oversea journey or from alternative sources of information on various social platforms. While I agree that technology for communication and the internet can conserve efficiency in terms of cost and time, I would argue that authentic travel experiences might evoke apparent sensations in a foreign environment that are beyond what digital information can offer.
Modern media are considered a time-efficient and money-saving channel for people to explore the world. Compared to a large amount of time spent on transportation and commuting between destinations and other service costs, typing keywords in the Internet search engines and watching TV documentaries is a more affordable means for lower-income people with limited budgets. Besides, cyber and communication technologies expand the sources of information regarding foreign cultures. For instance, the broadened social circle created by social media enables individuals to form an in-depth understanding of the distinct life habits from video clips, photos, or even comments posted by friends. However, while it is no longer an ordeal for contemporary people to explore the world thanks to breakthroughs in information technology, gaining authentic travel experience from expeditions abroad is incomparable.
First and foremost, the tangible feelings in an alien environment are beyond what digital inputs can offer. It is true that exotic culinary delights or historical artifacts and artworks might be described vividly in online articles along with delicate photo illustrations. Nevertheless, none of them actually stimulate readers’ or audience's wonders, curiosity, or pure fascination. Moreover, a real tour enables individuals to gather first-hand data from their own angles. As objective as they may be, the digital images of the artifacts or artworks displayed on the screen are captured according to the professional opinions or personal preferences of directors and photographers.
In conclusion, people have differing opinions regarding whether alternate sources of information on social media platforms or real-life experiences that travelers might have when traveling abroad can contribute to the development of global cognition. While using technology related to cyberspace and telecommunication is also taken into account due to cost and time efficiency, I contend that an authentic travel experience may elicit palpable feelings in an unfamiliar setting that go beyond what multimedia tools can provide.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"oversea journey" -> "overseas journey"
Explanation: "Oversea" is not the correct term; it should be "overseas" when referring to a journey abroad. This change maintains clarity and correctness in vocabulary.
"conserving efficiency" -> "ensuring efficiency"
Explanation: "Conserving efficiency" does not accurately convey the intended meaning. "Ensuring efficiency" better communicates the idea that technology and the internet help maintain or improve efficiency.
"a more affordable means for lower-income people with limited budgets" -> "a more cost-effective option for individuals with limited financial resources"
Explanation: The phrase "lower-income people with limited budgets" is redundant and could be streamlined to "individuals with limited financial resources." Additionally, "more cost-effective option" is a clearer and more formal way to express affordability.
"For instance, the broadened social circle created by social media enables individuals" -> "For example, the expanded social networks facilitated by social media allow individuals"
Explanation: "Broadened social circle" is too informal for academic writing. "Expanded social networks facilitated by social media" is a more precise and formal alternative.
"distinct life habits" -> "unique cultural practices"
Explanation: "Distinct life habits" is somewhat vague and informal. "Unique cultural practices" provides a clearer and more academically appropriate description.
"First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
Explanation: "First and foremost" is slightly informal for academic writing. "Primarily" maintains the same meaning while being more formal.
"the tangible feelings" -> "the tangible experiences"
Explanation: "Tangible feelings" is ambiguous and could be interpreted in various ways. "Tangible experiences" is a clearer and more specific term in this context.
"none of them actually stimulate readers’ or audience’s wonders, curiosity, or pure fascination" -> "none of them truly evoke the wonder, curiosity, or fascination of readers or audiences"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat convoluted and informal. "Evoke" is a more precise and formal verb choice.
"As objective as they may be" -> "However objective they may seem"
Explanation: This change maintains the same meaning while using a more concise and formal structure.
"multimedia tools" -> "digital media"
Explanation: "Multimedia tools" is slightly informal. "Digital media" is a more formal term to describe various forms of digital content.
"people have differing opinions regarding whether alternate sources of information on social media platforms or real-life experiences that travelers might have when traveling abroad can contribute to the development of global cognition" -> "Opinions vary on the extent to which alternative sources of information on social media platforms or real-life experiences gained through travel contribute to the development of global understanding"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence and makes it more concise while maintaining academic tone and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It discusses both opinions presented in the prompt (the necessity of traveling abroad versus accessing information through TV and the internet) and provides a clear personal opinion.
- The essay acknowledges the perspective favoring alternative sources of information (TV and the internet) by discussing their efficiency in terms of cost and time.
- It also supports the opposing view by arguing that authentic travel experiences offer unique sensations that digital sources cannot replicate.
- How to improve: While the essay adequately addresses all parts of the question, ensuring a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint could enhance the depth of analysis. Providing specific examples or counterarguments related to the opposing perspective would enrich the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, supporting the importance of authentic travel experiences over relying solely on digital information.
- The writer clearly states their opinion in the introduction and reinforces it throughout the body paragraphs.
- Each paragraph contributes to reinforcing the author’s position, enhancing clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the essay could explicitly reiterate the author’s position in the conclusion, summarizing the main arguments and restating the central thesis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas with relevant examples and explanations.
- Each paragraph introduces a new aspect of the argument, expanding upon the benefits of both digital information and authentic travel experiences.
- Examples such as the efficiency of technology for exploration and the limitations of digital representations add depth to the discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the essay could explore counterarguments in greater detail. Addressing potential objections or contrasting viewpoints would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, consistently addressing the relationship between traveling abroad and accessing information through TV and the internet.
- Each paragraph contributes to the central theme, discussing different aspects of the debate without significant deviations.
- The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points without introducing new ideas.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains focus on the main topic, ensuring that each paragraph directly relates to the central argument would further strengthen coherence. Additionally, avoiding repetition of ideas could help streamline the essay’s structure.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong task response by addressing all parts of the question, maintaining a clear position, presenting well-developed ideas, and staying on topic. To improve, the essay could provide more explicit acknowledgment of opposing viewpoints, reinforce the author’s position in the conclusion, explore counterarguments in greater detail, and ensure each paragraph directly relates to the central argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that presents the two contrasting viewpoints and the author’s stance. Each subsequent paragraph follows a logical progression, discussing one aspect of the argument in depth before smoothly transitioning to the next point. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and restates the author’s opinion. The use of transitional phrases such as "while," "however," and "in conclusion" aids in maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and provides sufficient supporting details. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures to maintain reader engagement and avoid monotony.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to organize ideas and maintain coherence. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, beginning with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point. The paragraphs are well-structured, with supporting evidence and examples provided to bolster the author’s claims. Transitions between paragraphs are smooth, facilitating the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay generally maintains coherence within paragraphs, some sections could benefit from further development and elaboration. Consider expanding upon certain points to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the topic. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the overall argument and avoids unnecessary repetition or tangential information.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a proficient use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Transitional phrases such as "while," "first and foremost," and "in conclusion" are employed effectively to indicate shifts in perspective or introduce new arguments. Additionally, cohesive devices such as pronouns ("they," "it") and demonstratives ("these," "none of them") help to establish coherence by referencing previously mentioned concepts.
- How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases to establish clearer relationships between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of pronouns and ensure clarity in reference to antecedents to avoid confusion for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of vocabulary throughout. Phrases such as "formation of world cognition," "authentic personal experience," "exotic culinary delights," and "palpable feelings" contribute to the richness of expression. The writer effectively employs vocabulary relevant to the topic and showcases an ability to articulate ideas with diverse lexical choices.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits a strong vocabulary range, further enhancement could be achieved by incorporating more nuanced synonyms or expressions in certain areas. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "authentic travel experience," the writer could employ alternatives such as "genuine cultural immersion" or "real-life explorations" to add depth to the discourse.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For example, phrases like "tangible feelings in an alien environment" and "first-hand data" exhibit precise word choice, enhancing clarity and articulation. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be refined for greater precision. For instance, the phrase "digital inputs" could be replaced with a more specific term like "online representations" or "virtual depictions" to convey the idea more precisely.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, it’s advisable to scrutinize word choices and opt for terms that precisely capture the intended meaning. Consulting a thesaurus or conducting thorough revisions can help identify opportunities to replace general terms with more exact ones, thereby sharpening the overall vocabulary precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors detracting from overall comprehension. However, there are a few instances where spelling errors are present, such as "oversea" instead of "overseas" and "breakthroughs" instead of "breakthrough." These errors, while minor, slightly detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it’s beneficial to engage in regular proofreading and utilize spelling and grammar-checking tools. Additionally, consciously noting common spelling patterns and practicing spelling through writing exercises can help reinforce correct usage. Developing a habit of revising written work attentively before submission can significantly reduce the occurrence of spelling errors, contributing to overall clarity and professionalism.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex sentences, conditional sentences, and compound sentences. For instance, there is effective use of conditional structures such as "While I agree that technology for communication and the internet can conserve efficiency in terms of cost and time, I would argue that authentic travel experiences might evoke apparent sensations in a foreign environment that are beyond what digital information can offer." Additionally, the essay incorporates introductory phrases, parallel structures, and relative clauses to enhance sentence variety and coherence.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s structural diversity, consider incorporating rhetorical devices such as parallelism, inversion, and appositives. Additionally, experimenting with different sentence lengths and patterns can add further sophistication to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. Complex grammatical structures are used effectively, and there are few instances of grammatical errors or awkward constructions. For example, the use of verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and parallelism is generally accurate throughout the essay. Punctuation is used appropriately to enhance clarity and readability.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, attention to minor errors such as punctuation consistency and verb tense consistency can elevate the overall coherence and precision of the writing. Additionally, proofreading for subject-verb agreement and noun-pronoun agreement can further enhance grammatical accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions, contributing to its effective communication of ideas. Continued attention to sentence variety and grammatical precision will further strengthen the writer’s ability to convey complex arguments with clarity and sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

Individuals hold differing opinions on whether acquiring a comprehensive understanding of the world necessitates embarking on an overseas journey or if it can be attained through alternative means such as television and the internet. While I acknowledge the efficiency and accessibility offered by technology for communication and digital media, I maintain that genuine travel experiences can provide sensory experiences beyond the reach of online information.

Primarily, modern media serve as a convenient and cost-effective avenue for individuals to explore diverse cultures. Compared to the time and expenses associated with travel, accessing information through internet searches and television documentaries is a more economical option, particularly for those with limited financial resources. Furthermore, digital platforms expand access to information about foreign customs and traditions. For example, the expanded social networks facilitated by social media allow individuals to gain insights into unique cultural practices through video clips, photos, and comments shared by friends. However, while technology has made it easier for people to explore the world, it cannot replicate the authenticity of firsthand experiences gained through travel.

The tangible experiences encountered in a foreign environment are unparalleled. While online resources may vividly describe exotic cuisines or historical landmarks, they fail to evoke the same sense of wonder, curiosity, or fascination experienced during actual travel. Additionally, real-life experiences allow individuals to gather firsthand observations from their own perspectives. Despite the seemingly objective nature of digital images and descriptions, they are often shaped by the opinions or preferences of creators.

In conclusion, there is a debate over whether information from digital sources or real-life experiences obtained through travel contributes more to global understanding. While digital media offer convenience and accessibility, I argue that authentic travel experiences provide invaluable sensory and firsthand insights that cannot be replicated through screens.