some people think that job satisfaction is more important while other people think that a stable job is more important.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
some people think that job satisfaction is more important while other people think that a stable job is more important.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In these days and ages, job seekers opt-waver between satisfactory jobs and steady ones. From my point of view, although content jobs can help people gain countless benefits, a stable occupation might be more practical, realistic and appropriate than job fulfillment in this harshly competitive society.
Regarding interesting jobs, it is understandable why there are several adherents to choosing job satisfaction. First and foremost, content occupations which are intriguing and thought-provoking can instill individuals' interest, awe and curiosity. This means that desired jobs may foster the motivation and discipline of humans so they can be successful at work and achieve many memorable milestones in their careers. As a result, they might gain prominence in their fields, make lucrative and disposable incomes. Take Vietnam, for instance, according to a recent research, the resignation rate of employees who do satisfactory jobs is lower than that of wage earners doing consistent ones.
However, I find myself in full accord with the opinion that stable occupations are more essential than content ones in this current age. First of all, steady jobs may assist individuals with bringing stable income which can be employeed for covering daily expenses, feed themselves and secure a better life for their families. Furthermore, having permanent positions implies that it is more uncomplicated for workers to strike a balance between work and their personal lives. In contrast, in terms of satisfactory jobs, they might be unsteady and unconstant so laborers might have difficulties in guaranteeing stable lives for their families in this ever-changing society. Although it is argued that consistent jobs are tedious, dull and monotonous, I suppose that it depends on each person's preference and stable occupations also have their own precious values which should be highlighted.
In conclusion, despite the favorable features of job fulfillment, I fully concur with the viewpoint that the stability of occupation is more crucial in this harshly competitive and fast-changing society.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In these days and ages" -> "In recent times"
Explanation: "In these days and ages" is somewhat archaic and less precise. "In recent times" is more contemporary and appropriate for academic writing. -
"opt-waver" -> "opt between"
Explanation: "Opt-waver" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "opt between" for grammatical accuracy. -
"satisfactory jobs and steady ones" -> "stable jobs and fulfilling ones"
Explanation: "Satisfactory" is vague and less formal; "stable" and "fulfilling" are more specific and academically suitable. -
"content jobs" -> "fulfilling jobs"
Explanation: "Content jobs" is an uncommon term; "fulfilling jobs" is more widely recognized and appropriate in academic contexts. -
"harshly competitive society" -> "highly competitive society"
Explanation: "Harshly" is not typically used to describe competition; "highly" is more precise and appropriate in this context. -
"adherents to choosing job satisfaction" -> "advocates for job satisfaction"
Explanation: "Adherents to" is incorrect; "advocates for" is the correct phrase to describe those who support or promote something. -
"content occupations which are intriguing and thought-provoking" -> "fulfilling occupations that are engaging and intellectually stimulating"
Explanation: "Content occupations" is redundant; "fulfilling occupations" is more precise. "Intriguing and thought-provoking" is replaced with "engaging and intellectually stimulating" for a more formal tone. -
"instill individuals’ interest, awe and curiosity" -> "instill interest, awe, and curiosity in individuals"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured; the revised version is clearer and more grammatically correct. -
"make lucrative and disposable incomes" -> "generate substantial and sustainable incomes"
Explanation: "Disposable incomes" is incorrect; "sustainable incomes" is more accurate and formal. "Lucrative" is also replaced with "substantial" for a more neutral tone. -
"Take Vietnam, for instance" -> "For example, Vietnam"
Explanation: "Take" is too informal and conversational for academic writing; "For example" is the correct formal transition. -
"according to a recent research" -> "according to recent research"
Explanation: "A recent research" is grammatically incorrect; "recent research" is the correct form. -
"I find myself in full accord with the opinion" -> "I fully concur with this view"
Explanation: "Find myself in full accord with the opinion" is verbose and informal; "fully concur with this view" is more concise and formal. -
"uncomplicated for workers to strike a balance" -> "easier for workers to achieve a balance"
Explanation: "Uncomplicated" is not the correct word choice; "easier" is more direct and appropriate. -
"unsteady and unconstant" -> "unpredictable and unstable"
Explanation: "Unsteady and unconstant" are not standard terms; "unpredictable and unstable" are more precise and commonly used in academic discourse. -
"I suppose that it depends on each person’s preference" -> "It is subjective and dependent on individual preferences"
Explanation: "I suppose" is too casual; "It is subjective and dependent on individual preferences" is more formal and precise. -
"stable occupations also have their own precious values" -> "stable occupations also possess inherent value"
Explanation: "Precious values" is awkward and unclear; "possess inherent value" is clearer and more formal.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively discusses both views (job satisfaction vs. stable job) and provides the writer’s opinion. It acknowledges the arguments for job satisfaction (motivation, success, lower resignation rates in some cases) and contrasts these with the benefits of a stable job (steady income, work-life balance).
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure each view (job satisfaction and stable job) is equally developed with balanced argumentation and examples. For instance, more specific examples could be provided to illustrate scenarios where job satisfaction leads to better career outcomes or where stable jobs ensure financial security.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of stable jobs being more crucial in today’s competitive society. This stance is evident from the introduction through to the conclusion, where the writer explicitly states their agreement with the stability argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay’s coherence by reinforcing the connection between the body paragraphs and the thesis statement. This could be achieved by reiterating the importance of stability in each argumentative point, ensuring the position remains central and consistent throughout.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas on both job satisfaction and stable jobs. It extends these ideas by providing examples (e.g., Vietnam’s resignation rates) and supports them with reasoning (e.g., stable income supporting daily expenses).
- How to improve: To further enhance, deepen the analysis of each viewpoint with more nuanced examples and counterarguments. This could involve exploring potential drawbacks of stable jobs or discussing emerging trends in job satisfaction that challenge conventional notions.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally adheres to the topic of comparing job satisfaction with stable jobs. It occasionally deviates into discussing broader societal issues but ultimately relates these back to the importance of job stability.
- How to improve: Maintain a sharper focus on the essay prompt by ensuring that all examples and discussions directly contribute to the comparison between job satisfaction and stable jobs. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly relate to this comparison.
Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the task with well-structured arguments and relevant examples. To improve further and potentially achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim for more balanced development of both viewpoints, strengthen coherence by consistently reinforcing their chosen position, deepen analysis with nuanced examples, and maintain strict adherence to the essay prompt throughout.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It begins with an introduction that introduces the topic and presents a thesis statement. Each body paragraph discusses a different viewpoint (job satisfaction vs. stable job) and concludes with a clear opinion. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition between paragraphs could be more seamless to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, focus on improving transitional phrases between paragraphs. Clearly outline how each paragraph connects to the overall argument. Use topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis statement to maintain a cohesive structure throughout the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to organize different ideas. Each paragraph addresses a separate aspect of the topic, such as the benefits of job satisfaction or stability. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph unity and coherence within paragraphs. Some paragraphs could be more tightly focused on a single main idea.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the thesis statement. Develop each paragraph with supporting details and examples that strengthen the argument. Consider using linking words to enhance coherence within paragraphs, ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas (e.g., "first and foremost", "furthermore", "in conclusion"). However, the variety and effectiveness of these cohesive devices could be improved. Some transitions feel abrupt or could be more explicit.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used, such as adding transitional phrases (e.g., "on the other hand", "conversely", "despite this"). Use these devices consistently to guide the reader through the argumentative structure of the essay. Ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas and enhance coherence.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs, tightening paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion score to a higher band level. Strive for clarity and precision in presenting and connecting ideas throughout the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to vary vocabulary, with some effective use of synonyms and phrases such as "job satisfaction," "stable occupation," "thought-provoking," "lucrative incomes," and "permanent positions." However, there are instances where vocabulary repetition occurs, such as "satisfactory jobs" and "steady jobs," which could limit the range.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for more diverse synonyms and expressions throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "satisfactory jobs," consider alternatives like "fulfilling careers" or "rewarding professions." This will not only showcase a wider vocabulary but also improve coherence and richness in expression.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as "instill individuals’ interest" and "secure a better life." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as using "unsteady and unconstant" instead of clearer terms like "unstable" or "inconsistent."
- How to improve: Focus on using more exact vocabulary to convey ideas clearly and effectively. For instance, replace vague phrases like "might have difficulties" with more precise terms like "struggle" or "face challenges." This will strengthen the essay’s impact and clarity, aligning vocabulary usage more closely with the intended meanings.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a level of spelling accuracy appropriate for band 6, with minor errors like "employeed" (employed) and "unconstant" (inconstant) noticeable.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading carefully or using spell-check tools to catch and correct minor errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work for spelling consistency can significantly enhance overall presentation.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource with attempts to vary vocabulary and use precise language, further improvement can be achieved by expanding synonym usage, employing more precise vocabulary choices, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy throughout the essay. These refinements will contribute to a more polished and cohesive expression of ideas, aligning more closely with higher band descriptors for Lexical Resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including complex sentences ("Regarding interesting jobs, it is understandable why…"), conditional sentences ("Although it is argued that consistent jobs are tedious…"), and relative clauses ("which are intriguing and thought-provoking can instill individuals’ interest"). These structures contribute to clarity and coherence in presenting ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance variety further, consider incorporating more advanced structures such as inversion ("Not only are content jobs intellectually stimulating, but they also…"), passive voice constructions ("It is argued by some that…"), or more nuanced connectors to express relationships between ideas ("Despite the advantages of job satisfaction, it must be acknowledged that…").
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy with occasional errors. For example, "opt-waver" should be corrected to "waver" or "fluctuate," and "employeed" should be "employed." Punctuation is used effectively for the most part, although there are minor errors such as missing commas in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on consistent verb tenses throughout the essay. Revise sentences for subject-verb agreement and ensure correct use of articles ("a stable job" instead of "stable job"). Pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly with commas in complex sentences and apostrophes in possessives ("workers’ lives," "employees’ motivation"). Proofreading carefully before submission can help catch these errors.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures and punctuation, contributing to its coherence and clarity. Continuing to diversify sentence structures while refining grammatical accuracy will further strengthen the essay’s effectiveness in conveying ideas clearly and persuasively.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent times, individuals often face a choice between fulfilling jobs and stable ones. From my perspective, while fulfilling jobs offer numerous benefits, a stable job might be more practical and realistic in today’s highly competitive society.
Advocates for job satisfaction argue that engaging and intellectually stimulating occupations can instill interest, awe, and curiosity in individuals. Such jobs can motivate people to excel and achieve significant milestones in their careers, potentially leading to substantial and sustainable incomes. For example, in Vietnam, recent research indicates that employees in fulfilling roles tend to have lower resignation rates compared to those in stable positions.
However, I fully concur with the view that stable occupations are more essential in the current age. Firstly, stable jobs provide a reliable income that covers daily expenses, sustains individuals and their families, and supports a better quality of life. Moreover, these positions facilitate an easier balance between work and personal life, unlike unpredictable and unstable jobs that can disrupt familial stability. While some argue that stable jobs may be perceived as monotonous, I believe this is subjective and dependent on individual preferences. Additionally, stable occupations possess inherent value that should not be overlooked.
In conclusion, despite the advantages of fulfilling jobs, I firmly believe that job stability is paramount in today’s fiercely competitive and rapidly changing society.