Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society. While others think that individuals help a lot of influence. What is your opinion?

Some people suppose only the government executives have enough power to make considerable social changes, but others claim individuals have enormously influence on society. In my opinion, I think both the government and individuals contribute to shape the society.
On the one hand, the government and local authorities who introduce and enforce the law that to establish a stable society and government. For example, national executives and legislature bring in measures for residents which support them to raise awareness of acute problems of society. Besides, government contribute to connect ethnic groups, individuals in a country. For instance, national authorities may organise cultural activities and festivals that popularise their local culture. Therefore, that not only attracts tourists, connect local with other people in different countries and cities but also imworse national economy.
On the other hand, I believe individuals also contribute to shape the society. Both social unrest and good activities which come from individuals directly affect to society. An example is the criminal makes the society become worse. Meanwhile, people' good habits have ability to give many benefits in aspects, such as economy, society and politics of a nation. Not only the government but the national population also take responsibility for taking action to specific complications that emerge.
In conclusion, I think both governments and individuals have ability to cover all of the city nation's diverse aspects. Thus, they are factor in establishing and developing countries

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people suppose" -> "Some individuals believe"
Explanation: "Suppose" is somewhat informal and vague for academic writing. "Believe" is more precise and appropriate for formal essays, enhancing the academic tone.
"enough power" -> "sufficient authority"
Explanation: "Enough power" is somewhat colloquial and imprecise. "Sufficient authority" is more formal and specific, fitting the academic style better.
"enormously influence" -> "substantially influence"
Explanation: "Enormously" is an emotional and somewhat informal adverb. "Substantially" is more neutral and academically appropriate, conveying a significant impact without emotional connotation.
"I think" -> "I contend"
Explanation: "I think" is too casual for academic writing. "I contend" is a stronger, more formal expression that asserts a position in an academic context.
"who introduce and enforce the law that to establish" -> "who introduce and enforce laws to establish"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The correction clarifies the meaning and adheres to grammatical rules.
"bring in measures for residents which support them" -> "implement measures that support residents"
Explanation: "Bring in measures for residents which support them" is awkward and unclear. "Implement measures that support residents" is more direct and clear, improving readability and formality.
"government contribute to connect" -> "the government contributes to connecting"
Explanation: "Contribute to connect" is grammatically incorrect. "Contributes to connecting" corrects the verb tense and form, aligning with formal writing standards.
"that popularise their local culture" -> "that promote their local culture"
Explanation: "Popularise" is less commonly used in formal academic writing and can be misinterpreted. "Promote" is a more standard term in academic contexts, enhancing clarity and formality.
"that not only attracts tourists, connect local with other people" -> "that not only attracts tourists but also connects locals with others"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The correction improves grammar and clarity, making the sentence more readable and formal.
"imworse national economy" -> "improves the national economy"
Explanation: "Imworse" is a typographical error. "Improves" is the correct word, and the addition of "the" before "national economy" corrects the grammatical structure.
"Both social unrest and good activities which come from individuals directly affect to society" -> "Both social unrest and positive actions from individuals directly impact society"
Explanation: "Good activities" is vague and informal. "Positive actions" is more specific and formal. "Affect to" is grammatically incorrect; "impact" is the correct verb form in this context.
"makes the society become worse" -> "adversely affects society"
Explanation: "Makes the society become worse" is verbose and informal. "Adversely affects society" is concise and maintains a formal tone.
"people’ good habits have ability to give many benefits" -> "individuals’ good habits have the potential to provide numerous benefits"
Explanation: "People’ good habits" is grammatically incorrect. "Individuals’ good habits" corrects the possessive form. "Have ability to give" is awkward; "have the potential to provide" is more formal and precise.
"Not only the government but the national population also take responsibility" -> "Not only the government but also the national population takes responsibility"
Explanation: "Take" should be in the singular form "takes" to agree with the singular subject "population." The addition of "also" corrects the grammatical structure.
"they are factor in establishing and developing countries" -> "they are factors in establishing and developing countries"
Explanation: "Factor" should be plural "factors" to agree with the plural subject "they." This correction ensures grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument regarding the roles of government and individuals in enacting social change. However, it lacks depth in exploring these roles. The statement "both the government and individuals contribute to shape the society" is vague and does not clearly articulate how each party influences society. The examples provided, such as government measures and cultural activities, are underdeveloped and do not fully illustrate the impact of these actions. Additionally, the mention of individuals contributing through "good habits" is too general and lacks specific examples or explanations.
- How to improve: To better answer all parts of the question, the essay should include more specific examples and elaborate on how both the government and individuals can enact significant changes. For instance, discussing specific policies or initiatives that have led to social improvements, as well as notable individual actions or movements that have influenced society, would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position that both the government and individuals play a role in societal change is stated, but it lacks clarity and consistency. Phrases like "I think both the government and individuals contribute" are somewhat ambiguous and could be misinterpreted as indecisiveness. The essay does not consistently emphasize this dual perspective, leading to confusion about the author’s primary stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the essay should explicitly state the author’s opinion in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the body paragraphs. Using transitional phrases that clearly indicate agreement or disagreement with each point can help clarify the position. For example, stating "While the government plays a crucial role, individuals are equally important in driving change" would provide a clearer framework for the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat relevant but lack sufficient development and support. For instance, the claim that "criminal makes the society become worse" is an oversimplified statement that requires further explanation and context. The essay does not adequately extend these ideas or provide robust evidence to support them, which weakens the overall argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the essay should include more detailed explanations and relevant examples. Each claim should be backed by specific data, anecdotes, or references to studies that illustrate the point being made. For example, discussing a specific social movement led by individuals and its impact on policy change would provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the roles of government and individuals in societal change. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the conclusion, which introduces the idea of "covering all of the city nation’s diverse aspects" without clear relevance to the prompt. This can confuse readers about the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should consistently relate back to the prompt in each paragraph. Each point made should directly connect to how either the government or individuals can effect change in society. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main arguments without introducing new concepts that could distract from the central thesis.

Overall, the essay requires more depth, clarity, and coherence to effectively address the prompt and achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the two opposing views and states the writer’s opinion. However, the logical flow within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the government’s role to individuals’ contributions lacks a smooth connection. The body paragraphs contain relevant examples, but some ideas are not fully developed, leading to a somewhat disjointed reading experience.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main argument and transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking phrases such as "In addition," "Conversely," or "Furthermore" to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, consider expanding on key points with more detailed examples or explanations to strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph. The second body paragraph introduces multiple ideas without clear separation, which can confuse the reader about the main point being made.
- How to improve: Begin each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. For example, in the first body paragraph, a sentence like "The government plays a crucial role in shaping society through legislation and community initiatives" would provide clarity. Ensure that each idea within the paragraph is logically connected and flows well, possibly through the use of sub-points or examples that directly support the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate opposing views. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "that not only attracts tourists, connect local with other people," which disrupts the flow. Additionally, the use of pronouns and synonyms could be improved to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," and "For instance," to connect ideas more fluidly. Pay attention to sentence structure and ensure that clauses are properly linked. For example, instead of "that not only attracts tourists," rephrase to "which not only attracts tourists." This will improve clarity and enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, focusing on logical organization, clearer paragraph structures, and a more varied use of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "considerable social changes," "acute problems," and "cultural activities." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "government" and "individuals." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the essay’s lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "government," alternatives like "authorities," "administration," or "state" could be employed. Similarly, "individuals" could be replaced with "citizens," "members of society," or "private citizens" to avoid redundancy.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "enormously influence," which should be "enormous influence." Additionally, phrases like "the government contribute to connect" should be "the government contributes to connecting" for grammatical accuracy. The phrase "imworse national economy" appears to be a typographical error, likely intended to convey "improve the national economy."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that verbs agree in number with their subjects and that phrases are grammatically correct. Regular proofreading can help catch such errors. Furthermore, using a thesaurus can aid in selecting the most appropriate words for context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "imworse," which is not a recognized word, and "people’" which is missing the final "s" to indicate possession. These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in consistent practice, such as writing daily and using spell-check tools. Additionally, reviewing common spelling rules and frequently misspelled words can be beneficial. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary usage, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling that could elevate the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence, "Some people suppose only the government executives have enough power to make considerable social changes," uses a complex structure effectively. However, the essay predominantly relies on simpler constructions, which limits the overall range. Phrases like "I think both the government and individuals contribute to shape the society" could be rephrased for greater complexity, such as "In my view, both the government and individuals play crucial roles in shaping society."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "the government contribute to connect ethnic groups," the writer could say, "the government plays a vital role in connecting diverse ethnic groups by implementing inclusive policies." Additionally, reading more academic texts can expose the writer to different sentence structures that can be emulated in their writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "individuals have enormously influence" should be "individuals have enormous influence," as "influence" is a noun and should not be used in the adverbial form here. Additionally, phrases like "the government and local authorities who introduce and enforce the law that to establish a stable society and government" are awkwardly constructed and grammatically incorrect. The use of "that to establish" is incorrect; it should be "that establish." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also detract from the overall readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, noun forms, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors, such as ensuring commas are used to separate clauses correctly, would enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes that may be overlooked during silent reading.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is significant room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people suppose only government executives have enough power to make considerable social changes, but others claim individuals have enormous influence on society. In my opinion, I contend that both the government and individuals contribute to shaping society.

On the one hand, the government and local authorities who introduce and enforce laws establish a stable society. For example, national executives and legislatures implement measures that support residents in raising awareness of acute problems in society. Besides, the government contributes to connecting ethnic groups and individuals within a country. For instance, national authorities may organize cultural activities and festivals that promote their local culture. Therefore, this not only attracts tourists but also connects locals with others in different countries and cities, and it also improves the national economy.

On the other hand, I believe individuals also contribute to shaping society. Both social unrest and positive actions from individuals directly impact society. An example is that criminal activities can make society worse. Meanwhile, individuals’ good habits have the potential to provide numerous benefits in various aspects, such as the economy, society, and politics of a nation. Not only the government but also the national population takes responsibility for addressing specific complications that emerge.

In conclusion, I think both governments and individuals have the ability to cover all of the nation’s diverse aspects. Thus, they are factors in establishing and developing countries.