Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Write at least 250 words.

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Write at least 250 words.

Nowadays, some people believe that parents should teach their children how to become members of society, but others believe that schools should educate them. But in my opinion, I would agree with both sides.
Because the conditions for a student, children to become good people do not necessarily depend on family or external factors.
Regarding the first idea, I believe that each child's living environment will affect the feelings and natural habits that the child will form in the future. So this also depends on a good family or a bad family
Regarding the second idea, I think the school will be a more certain part in controlling the child's learning process and also help them access the living environment
After all, according to the process of forming a good or bad person, it depends on the choice of learning from the family or school, both can happen

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

2. "some people believe" -> "some individuals contend"
   Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal verb that implies a stronger assertion, fitting the academic tone better than the more casual "believe."

3. "teach their children how to become members of society" -> "instruct their offspring in societal norms"
   Explanation: "Instruct their offspring in societal norms" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague and informal "teach their children how to become members of society."

4. "But in my opinion, I would agree with both sides" -> "However, I concur with both perspectives"
   Explanation: "However" is a more formal transition than "But," and "concur with both perspectives" is a more academic way of expressing agreement than "agree with both sides."

5. "Because the conditions for a student, children to become good people do not necessarily depend" -> "Given that the conditions for a student’s development into a well-adjusted individual do not necessarily depend"
   Explanation: "Given that" is a more formal introductory phrase, and "development into a well-adjusted individual" is a more precise and formal way to describe the process of becoming a good person.

6. "living environment will affect the feelings and natural habits" -> "environmental influences will shape the emotional and behavioral patterns"
   Explanation: "Environmental influences" and "emotional and behavioral patterns" are more precise and formal terms than "living environment" and "feelings and natural habits."

7. "So this also depends on a good family or a bad family" -> "This also depends on a supportive or unsupportive family environment"
   Explanation: "Supportive or unsupportive family environment" is a more specific and formal way to describe the quality of family influence, replacing the simplistic and informal "good or bad family."

8. "the school will be a more certain part in controlling the child’s learning process" -> "the school plays a more significant role in regulating the child’s educational process"
   Explanation: "Plays a more significant role" is a more formal and precise expression than "will be a more certain part," and "regulating the child’s educational process" is more specific and formal than "controlling the child’s learning process."

9. "help them access the living environment" -> "facilitate their exposure to the environment"
   Explanation: "Facilitate their exposure to the environment" is a more formal and precise way to describe the role of schools in helping children interact with their surroundings.

10. "After all, according to the process of forming a good or bad person" -> "Ultimately, the process of shaping an individual’s character"
    Explanation: "Ultimately" is a more formal transition, and "shaping an individual’s character" is a more precise and formal way to describe the development of a person’s moral and ethical qualities.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding whether parents or schools should teach children how to be good members of society. However, it lacks depth in exploring each perspective. The discussion of the first idea is vague and does not provide concrete examples or reasoning to support the claim that a child’s living environment influences their development. Similarly, the second idea is mentioned but not sufficiently elaborated upon, leaving the reader unclear about how schools specifically contribute to this process.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly outline the arguments for both sides with specific examples. For instance, discussing how parental guidance can instill values such as empathy and responsibility, while schools can provide structured environments for social interaction and learning. Each viewpoint should be developed in separate paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay states a personal opinion that aligns with both sides, but this position is not clearly articulated. Phrases like "I would agree with both sides" create ambiguity about the writer’s stance. The lack of a definitive conclusion makes it difficult for the reader to understand the writer’s overall perspective on the issue.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should take a definitive stance in the introduction and restate this position in the conclusion. This could involve choosing one side to support more strongly while acknowledging the merits of the other side, thus providing a balanced yet clear argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For example, the assertion that "the conditions for a student… do not necessarily depend on family or external factors" is vague and unsupported. The essay does not provide examples or evidence to illustrate how both parents and schools contribute to a child’s development.
  • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate the points being made. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, which is then expanded upon with relevant details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the roles of parents and schools in teaching children to be good members of society. However, the lack of clarity in the arguments and the vague language used can lead to confusion about the main points being made. The essay could benefit from a more structured approach to ensure that each point directly relates back to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should outline the main points before writing the essay. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the essay prompt. Additionally, the writer should avoid introducing unrelated ideas or vague statements that do not contribute to the discussion.

In summary, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on developing clear arguments for both sides, presenting a definitive position, supporting ideas with specific examples, and maintaining a structured approach throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents two contrasting viewpoints regarding whether parents or schools should be responsible for teaching children to be good members of society. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat unclear. For instance, the transition between discussing the influence of family and the role of schools lacks a smooth flow, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The introduction states both sides but does not clearly outline the structure of the essay, which can lead to confusion about the main points being discussed.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should clearly outline the structure in the introduction, indicating that the essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting a personal opinion. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, followed by supporting details. For example, the writer could start the paragraph on parental influence with a sentence like, "Parents play a crucial role in shaping a child’s values and behaviors," before elaborating on this point.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay does use paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first paragraph introduces the topic but does not separate the two viewpoints clearly. The second and third paragraphs attempt to address each viewpoint but lack distinct separation, which can lead to confusion about where one argument ends and another begins. Additionally, the conclusion is not clearly defined, making it difficult for the reader to grasp the writer’s final stance.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea. For example, one paragraph could be dedicated to discussing the role of parents, while another could focus solely on the role of schools. Each paragraph should also have a clear concluding sentence that summarizes the main point and links it back to the overall argument. This will help create a more coherent structure and make it easier for the reader to follow the writer’s thoughts.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "but" and "regarding," to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and their use is sometimes awkward, which affects the overall fluency of the writing. For instance, phrases like "after all" are used, but they do not effectively link the preceding ideas to the conclusion. The lack of varied cohesive devices can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "furthermore," and "in contrast." These devices can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help maintain coherence without unnecessary repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "the child," the writer could use "they" or "students" to create a smoother reading experience.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to the topic of education and societal roles. Phrases such as "good members of society," "living environment," and "learning process" are relevant and appropriate. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, with phrases like "good family" and "bad family" appearing multiple times without variation. This limits the lexical diversity expected at a higher band score.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "good" and "bad," alternatives such as "supportive" or "dysfunctional" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more complex vocabulary related to socialization and education, such as "nurturing," "developmental influences," or "educational institutions," would elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the conditions for a student, children to become good people" is awkward and unclear. The term "good people" is also vague and could be better defined or replaced with a more specific term, such as "responsible citizens" or "ethical individuals." Furthermore, the phrase "the school will be a more certain part" lacks clarity and precision.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clearly defining terms and avoiding vague language. For instance, instead of saying "good people," the writer could specify what qualities or behaviors are being referred to. Additionally, rephrasing sentences for clarity, such as changing "the school will be a more certain part" to "schools play a crucial role," would enhance the overall precision of vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates correct spelling, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "children to become good people," which could be misinterpreted due to its awkward construction rather than spelling errors. The overall spelling is acceptable, but the phrasing can lead to confusion.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy and overall clarity, the writer should practice writing and proofreading their work. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or grammar checking software can help identify potential errors. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can assist in catching awkward phrasing or unclear expressions that may not be immediately obvious in written form.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and employs some relevant vocabulary, improvements in lexical range, precision, and clarity will help elevate the score in the Lexical Resource criterion. Focusing on expanding vocabulary, refining word choice, and ensuring clarity in expression will contribute to a more effective and polished essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, the sentence "But in my opinion, I would agree with both sides" is straightforward but lacks complexity. The use of phrases like "Regarding the first idea" and "Regarding the second idea" indicates an attempt to structure the argument, but the overall variety is insufficient. The essay also contains some awkward phrasing, such as "the conditions for a student, children to become good people," which could be restructured for clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For instance, instead of saying "the school will be a more certain part in controlling the child’s learning process," the writer could say, "While schools play a crucial role in guiding a child’s learning process, it is equally important to recognize the influence of family." Additionally, using a mix of declarative, interrogative, and conditional sentences can add depth to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "the conditions for a student, children to become good people" is grammatically incorrect and confusing. The use of "But" to start a sentence is informal and can disrupt the flow. There are also issues with comma usage, such as in "So this also depends on a good family or a bad family," where a comma before "or" is not necessary. Furthermore, the sentence "After all, according to the process of forming a good or bad person, it depends on the choice of learning from the family or school, both can happen" is convoluted and lacks clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch errors in sentence structure and punctuation. Practicing the correct use of conjunctions and understanding when to use commas can help clarify meaning. Additionally, the writer should focus on constructing clearer sentences by avoiding overly complex phrases and ensuring that each sentence conveys a single idea effectively. Reading more academic essays can also provide insights into proper grammar and punctuation usage.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy through careful revision and practice.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, some individuals contend that parents should instruct their offspring in societal norms, while others believe that schools are the appropriate setting for this education. However, I concur with both perspectives.

Given that the conditions for a child’s development into a well-adjusted individual do not necessarily depend solely on family or external influences, it is essential to consider both viewpoints.

Regarding the first idea, I believe that each child’s living environment significantly affects the emotions and natural habits they will develop in the future. This also depends on whether the family environment is supportive or unsupportive. Parents play a crucial role in shaping their children’s values and behaviors, as they are often the first teachers in a child’s life.

On the other hand, I think that schools play a more significant role in regulating the child’s educational process. They provide a structured environment where children can learn not only academic skills but also social skills and how to interact with peers. Schools facilitate their exposure to diverse perspectives and experiences, which are vital for becoming responsible members of society.

Ultimately, the process of shaping an individual’s character is influenced by both family and school. The development of a good or bad person depends on the lessons learned from both environments, and it is essential for parents and educators to work together to guide children effectively.