Some people think that people should be given the right to use fresh water as much as they like. Others believe that the government should strictly control the use of fresh water. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.

Some people think that people should be given the right to use fresh water as much as they like. Others believe that the government should strictly control the use of fresh water. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.

Some argue that it should be allowed for people to use fresh water without limitation , while others trust that the government should have strict regulations on the use of fresh water. In my view , I strongly believe that the government having control in this problem is more benefitial because of environmental concerns.
On the one hand, giving people the right to use fresh water freely is not a sustainable move to the society. As water has a vital role in almost every aspects of daily life such as drinking ,showering and other activities , overusing water without consideration can lead to a potential waste and cause a shortage of this natural resouces, affecting everyone on a daily basis . Moreover , some countries may not have efficent water to provide households in order to advocate this idea , so it is more viable that people use fresh water in a planned and unwasteful way. For instance , in Africa , people even die of thirst due to a resitricted source of fresh water available
On the other hand , legistating strict regulations to limit the amount of water used offers various advantages . Since the last few years, many environmental factors has caused fresh water to become a limited resource . Therefore , conservation is extremely necessary to ensure that everyone will have access to an appropriate amount of water because its crucial to human’s health . If someone use an excessive gallons of fresh water , the government can charge more money on it .
In conclusion , although water is important in human’s basic need , I agree that we should have control over the use of it in order to maintain the resources , making it available to everybody.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some argue" -> "Some individuals argue"
   Explanation: Replacing "Some argue" with "Some individuals argue" adds specificity and formality, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "without limitation" -> "without restrictions"
   Explanation: "Without restrictions" is a more precise and formal term than "without limitation," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in formal writing.

3. "trust" -> "believe"
   Explanation: "Believe" is more appropriate in an academic context than "trust," which can imply a personal or emotional stance, which is less suitable for formal essays.

4. "In my view" -> "In my opinion"
   Explanation: "In my opinion" is a more standard phrase in academic writing, aligning better with the formal tone expected in essays.

5. "having control in this problem" -> "exercising control over this issue"
   Explanation: "Exercising control over this issue" is more precise and formal, improving the clarity and specificity of the statement.

6. "more benefitial" -> "more beneficial"
   Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.

7. "giving people the right to use fresh water freely" -> "granting individuals unrestricted access to fresh water"
   Explanation: "Granting individuals unrestricted access to fresh water" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial tone of "giving people the right to use fresh water freely."

8. "a sustainable move to the society" -> "a sustainable move for society"
   Explanation: "For society" is grammatically correct and more formal than "to the society," which is awkward and incorrect.

9. "almost every aspects" -> "almost every aspect"
   Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, ensuring that "aspect" is singular to match the singular verb "is" in the following clause.

10. "overusing water without consideration" -> "excessive water use without consideration"
    Explanation: "Excessive water use" is a more formal and precise term than "overusing water," which is somewhat informal and vague.

11. "a potential waste" -> "wastage"
    Explanation: "Wastage" is a more formal and precise term than "a potential waste," which is vague and informal.

12. "efficent water" -> "efficient water"
    Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.

13. "legistating" -> "legislating"
    Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.

14. "has caused" -> "have caused"
    Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, aligning the verb "have" with the plural subject "many environmental factors."

15. "charge more money on it" -> "impose higher charges on it"
    Explanation: "Impose higher charges on it" is more formal and precise than "charge more money on it," which is colloquial and vague.

16. "human’s basic need" -> "human’s basic needs"
    Explanation: Corrects a possessive error and pluralizes "need" to match the plural subject "needs," enhancing grammatical accuracy and formality.

17. "making it available to everybody" -> "ensuring its availability to all"
    Explanation: "Ensuring its availability to all" is more formal and precise than "making it available to everybody," which is somewhat informal and less specific.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the use of fresh water. The first paragraph presents the argument for unrestricted access, while the second paragraph discusses the need for government regulation. The writer also includes their own opinion, favoring government control, which is a necessary component of the task. However, the discussion of the opposing view could be more balanced, as it lacks depth and specific examples to fully illustrate the potential benefits of unrestricted water use.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed arguments for the opposing view. This could include discussing potential economic benefits of unrestricted access or addressing the rights of individuals to manage their own resources. Additionally, incorporating specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of government control in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion. However, the phrase "I strongly believe that the government having control in this problem is more beneficial" could be more assertively articulated. The use of "strongly believe" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more definitive statement.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should avoid hedging language and instead use more assertive phrases. Additionally, reinforcing their stance with more robust reasoning throughout the essay would help solidify their position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the environmental impact of water overuse and the necessity of conservation. However, some points are underdeveloped. For instance, the mention of Africa and water scarcity is a strong example but lacks elaboration on how this situation relates to the broader argument about regulation.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, elaborating on how government regulations could lead to better water management practices would strengthen the argument. Additionally, integrating data or studies on water usage could provide further support.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the use of fresh water and the implications of regulation versus unrestricted access. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, particularly in the discussion of the opposing view, which feels somewhat rushed and less relevant to the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the main question. They could also use topic sentences to clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph, ensuring that all content is relevant to the discussion of fresh water usage and regulation.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of their essay, potentially raising their band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The argument for government control is presented first, followed by the counterargument. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother, as the shift from discussing the drawbacks of unrestricted water use to the benefits of regulation feels somewhat abrupt. Additionally, the examples provided, such as the situation in Africa, could be better integrated into the argument to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help signal shifts in perspective. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly links back to the thesis statement will strengthen the overall coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for coherence. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first body paragraph is longer and contains multiple ideas, while the second is shorter and less developed.
  • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by expanding on the second body paragraph. For instance, you could include more examples or elaborate on the implications of strict regulations. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea, helping the reader to follow the argument more easily.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "therefore" is used, but the relationship between the preceding and following sentences could be more explicitly stated.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "however." This will help to clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, reinforcing the connections between your points.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, such as "sustainable," "regulations," "conservation," and "vital role." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the term "fresh water" appears multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the richness of the language. Phrases like "the government should have strict regulations" could be varied with alternatives like "the government should impose stringent controls" or "the government should enforce strict measures."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "fresh water," the writer could use "clean water," "potable water," or "water resources." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary exercises can help in expanding lexical variety.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "benefitial" is a misspelling of "beneficial," and "resouces" should be "resources." Additionally, the phrase "the government having control in this problem" could be more clearly articulated as "the government having control over this issue." The phrase "excessive gallons of fresh water" is also somewhat awkward; "excessive amounts of fresh water" would be more precise.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on proofreading for spelling errors and awkward phrasing. Utilizing grammar and spell-check tools can help catch these mistakes. Furthermore, practicing sentence restructuring can lead to clearer expressions of ideas.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "benefitial," "efficent," "legistating," and "resitricted." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings of the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps through flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, careful proofreading after writing can help catch these errors. Reading more widely can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are notable areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "giving people the right to use fresh water freely is not a sustainable move to the society." However, there is a tendency towards simpler structures, which limits the overall variety. The use of phrases like "I strongly believe that the government having control in this problem is more beneficial" indicates a reliance on straightforward constructions.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences. For example, instead of saying "the government should have strict regulations," you could say, "while some argue for unrestricted access to fresh water, others contend that the government should impose strict regulations to ensure sustainability." Additionally, using introductory clauses or phrases can add complexity, such as "Given the increasing scarcity of fresh water, it is imperative that…"

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, "benefitial" should be "beneficial," and "efficent" should be "efficient." There are also punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary space before commas and the lack of commas in compound sentences. For example, "As water has a vital role in almost every aspects of daily life such as drinking ,showering and other activities" should be revised to include commas after "drinking" and "showering" for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for spelling mistakes and ensure that all subject-verb agreements are correct. For example, "many environmental factors has caused" should be corrected to "many environmental factors have caused." Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in lists and compound sentences, will enhance clarity. Consider using grammar-checking tools or resources to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that people should be granted unrestricted access to fresh water, while others believe that the government should impose strict regulations on its use. In my opinion, I strongly believe that exercising control over this issue is more beneficial due to environmental concerns.

On the one hand, allowing individuals to use fresh water freely is not a sustainable approach for society. Water plays a vital role in almost every aspect of daily life, such as drinking, showering, and other activities. Excessive water use without consideration can lead to wastage and cause a shortage of this natural resource, affecting everyone on a daily basis. Moreover, some countries may not have efficient water supplies to support this idea, making it more viable for people to use fresh water in a planned and responsible manner. For instance, in Africa, many people suffer from thirst due to limited access to fresh water.

On the other hand, legislating strict regulations to limit the amount of water used offers various advantages. In recent years, many environmental factors have caused fresh water to become a limited resource. Therefore, conservation is extremely necessary to ensure that everyone will have access to an appropriate amount of water, as it is crucial for human health. If individuals use excessive gallons of fresh water, the government can impose higher charges on it.

In conclusion, although water is essential for human’s basic needs, I agree that we should exercise control over its use to maintain this vital resource, ensuring its availability to all.