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Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to have a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to have a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are benefits to having a satisfying career life for choose a job early and keep doing it But changing jobs regularly also has many benefits. Firstly, those who choose a job early and keep doing it can accumulate skills and expertise over time, ultimately becoming experts in their field. This gives them a sense of accomplishment and deep satisfaction at work. For example,a race car driver who spends decades perfecting his professional driving skills may find more satisfaction in his job than someone who frequently switches careers.
Morever, stable career paths often lead to established networks and long-term professional relationships. Secondly, People who believe in career diversity can gain a wide range of knowledge and skills from different types of careers. This can help them acquire more comprehensive skills and adapt to different work environments more quickly. For example, a programmer who becomes a computer science teacher will acquire a variety of skills that can lead to a more dynamic and fulfilling career. Furthermore, Job changers may also discover new passions and interests, leading to more fulfilling and meaningful career choices. In conclusion, I disagree with the above, as pursuing a single career path may result in deep expertise and long-term professional relationships, but changing jobs frequently can give you a variety of knowledge and skills. Career satisfaction depends on personal interests and values.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "for choose a job early" -> "for choosing a job early"
    Explanation: Replacing "for choose a job early" with "for choosing a job early" corrects the grammatical error and uses the gerund form to maintain a formal tone.

  2. "But changing jobs regularly" -> "However, changing jobs regularly"
    Explanation: Substituting "But" with "However" enhances the transition between ideas, creating a smoother and more formal flow in academic writing.

  3. "For example,a race car driver" -> "For example, a race car driver"
    Explanation: Adding a space after "example," corrects the spacing issue, ensuring proper punctuation and adherence to formal writing conventions.

  4. "Morever" -> "Moreover"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error by changing "Morever" to "Moreover" aligns with academic language standards.

  5. "Secondly, People who believe in career diversity" -> "Secondly, individuals who value career diversity"
    Explanation: Substituting "People" with "individuals" and rephrasing "believe in career diversity" to "value career diversity" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  6. "acquire more comprehensive skills" -> "develop a broader set of skills"
    Explanation: Replacing "acquire more comprehensive skills" with "develop a broader set of skills" maintains formality while offering a more nuanced and sophisticated expression.

  7. "Furthermore, Job changers" -> "Furthermore, individuals changing jobs"
    Explanation: Using "individuals changing jobs" instead of "Job changers" improves the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  8. "In conclusion, I disagree with the above" -> "In conclusion, I hold a different perspective"
    Explanation: Substituting "I disagree with the above" with "I hold a different perspective" maintains formality and avoids direct contradiction, contributing to a more diplomatic tone.

  9. "Career satisfaction depends on personal interests and values." -> "Ultimately, career satisfaction hinges on personal interests and values."
    Explanation: Enhancing the concluding statement by replacing "depends on" with "hinges on" adds a level of sophistication and formality to the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the prompt. It acknowledges the benefits of both choosing a job early and sticking to it, as well as the advantages of changing jobs regularly. However, the analysis is brief and lacks depth. Specific examples are mentioned but could be expanded upon for a more comprehensive response.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more thorough examination of the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches. Expanding on the examples given and incorporating additional ones would enhance the completeness of the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that disagrees with the notion that choosing and sticking to one job leads to a more satisfying career. The stance is consistently maintained throughout the essay, and the concluding sentence reinforces the disagreement.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the essay, the writer could consider presenting a more nuanced argument by acknowledging potential benefits of choosing one job early while emphasizing the advantages of career diversity. This would demonstrate a more sophisticated understanding of the topic.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas in the essay are presented but lack sufficient development and support. The examples provided are somewhat brief and could benefit from more elaboration and detail. Additionally, the reasoning behind the presented ideas could be made more explicit.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should expand on each point with more detailed examples and explanations. Connecting the examples back to the central argument will strengthen the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally deviates from the main focus. For instance, the mention of a race car driver seems somewhat disconnected from the broader discussion on career choices. While the example is relevant, it could be better integrated into the essay’s flow.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, the writer should ensure that every example and point directly contributes to the central argument. Integrating examples seamlessly and explicitly connecting them to the main ideas will improve the essay’s overall cohesion.

In summary, while the essay provides a clear stance and touches upon various aspects of the prompt, it would benefit from a more thorough exploration of each point, with expanded examples and improved organization to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information in a logical manner. It starts by presenting the benefits of choosing a job early and sticking with it, followed by the advantages of changing jobs. The race car driver example effectively illustrates the point. However, there is a slight issue with the transition to the second point about career diversity, as it abruptly introduces a new perspective without a smooth segue.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure a smoother transition between the two perspectives. Consider using a transitional sentence at the end of the first paragraph to introduce the idea of career diversity more seamlessly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into two main paragraphs, addressing the benefits of a stable career and the advantages of career diversity. However, the second paragraph is quite long and covers multiple subpoints. This affects the overall readability and could be improved for better structural clarity.
    • How to improve: Break down the second paragraph into smaller, focused paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of career diversity. This will improve readability and make it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices reasonably well. There is a good use of linking words and phrases such as "firstly," "secondly," "moreover," and "furthermore" to signal the sequence of ideas. However, some of these transitions are a bit abrupt, affecting the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Work on providing smoother transitions between ideas. For instance, consider using more nuanced transition phrases or sentences to connect the thoughts more seamlessly. Additionally, ensure that the logical order of ideas is maintained consistently throughout the essay for better cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas but would benefit from improved transitions and better paragraph structure. These refinements will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, as evidenced by the inclusion of words like "accumulate," "diversity," "fulfilling," and "meaningful." However, some repetition of terms, such as the frequent use of "career" and "job," limits the overall variety. Additionally, there is room for improvement in the selection of more precise and nuanced vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively.
    • How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, try incorporating more synonyms and exploring different ways to express key concepts. For instance, instead of consistently using "career" and "job," consider alternatives like "profession," "occupation," or "vocation" to introduce diversity. Also, focus on introducing domain-specific vocabulary related to the essay prompt to showcase a deeper understanding of the topic.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. While some terms like "accumulate skills" and "established networks" are relatively precise, there are instances of vague language, such as "deep satisfaction at work" and "long-term professional relationships." These phrases could be further refined to enhance clarity and specificity.
    • How to improve: Work on refining the use of abstract terms by providing more concrete examples or specifics. For instance, instead of stating "deep satisfaction at work," elaborate on the specific aspects of the job that contribute to this satisfaction. This will not only make your writing more precise but also help the reader better understand your perspective.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a noticeable level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors observed. For instance, "Morever" should be corrected to "Moreover." These errors, while minimal, can impact the overall impression of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay more thoroughly before submission. Pay attention to common spelling mistakes, and if possible, seek feedback from others to catch any errors that may have been overlooked. Additionally, leveraging spelling and grammar tools can serve as a useful final check to ensure accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, such as in the second paragraph where the essay discusses the benefits of career diversity. However, more variety and sophistication in sentence structures would enhance the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. Simple and compound sentences dominate, limiting the demonstration of advanced grammatical structures.
    • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating a greater variety of sentence structures, including compound-complex sentences, parallel structures, and conditional sentences. This can elevate the sophistication of your writing and enhance the overall flow of ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies. For instance, in the first sentence, there is a missing article ("There are benefits to having a satisfying career life for choose a job early and keep doing it"). There are also issues with subject-verb agreement ("Morever" should be "Moreover," and "changers" should be "changers"). Punctuation errors include missing commas in some instances, affecting the clarity of the ideas presented.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, review basic grammar rules, paying attention to articles, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation. Proofread your essay carefully to identify and correct errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-checking tools to catch and rectify mistakes. This will contribute to a more polished and professional final product.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are advantages to having a satisfying career life, both for those who opt for choosing a job early and sticking with it, as well as for those who change jobs regularly. Firstly, individuals who choose a job early and remain dedicated to it can amass skills and expertise over time, ultimately becoming experts in their field. This provides them with a sense of accomplishment and profound satisfaction at work. For example, a race car driver who dedicates decades to perfecting professional driving skills may find more satisfaction in their job than someone who frequently switches careers.

Moreover, stable career paths often result in established networks and long-term professional relationships. Secondly, individuals who value career diversity develop a broader set of skills and knowledge by engaging in different types of careers. This enables them to acquire more comprehensive skills and adapt quickly to various work environments. For instance, a programmer who transitions into a computer science teaching role will acquire a variety of skills, leading to a more dynamic and fulfilling career.

Furthermore, individuals changing jobs may also discover new passions and interests, leading to more fulfilling and meaningful career choices. In conclusion, I hold a different perspective from the idea that choosing a single career path may result in deep expertise and long-term professional relationships. On the contrary, changing jobs frequently can provide a variety of knowledge and skills. Ultimately, career satisfaction hinges on personal interests and values.

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