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Some people think that people who chose a job early and keep doing are more likely to get satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that people who chose a job early and keep doing are more likely to get satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Choosing a job and sticking to it is often seen as the key to a successful and satisfying career life. However, this is not necessarily the case, as there are many advantages to frequently changing jobs. This essay will discuss the merits of both approaches and argue that neither is necessarily more likely to lead to a satisfying career life.

There are great benefits to choosing a job early and keep doing it. Those who do it are likely to benefit from the stability, security that comes with staying in the same job. This can provide a sense of comfort and assurance, as they will be familiar with the job and the workplace. Furthermore, they will be able to build up a network of contacts and gain valuable experience in their chosen field.

On the other hand, those who frequently change jobs may gain other advantages. They may first benefit from the variety and challenge that comes with new roles. This can help to keep them motivated and engaged, as they will be constantly learning new skills and gaining new experiences. Additionally, they may be able to progress more quickly in their career, as they will be exposed to different roles and environments.

In conclusion, neither approach is necessarily more likely to lead to a satisfying career life. Those who choose a job early and keep doing it can benefit from the stability and security, while those who frequently change jobs can benefit from the variety and challenge. Ultimately, it is up to the individual to decide which approach is best for them


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Choosing a job and sticking to it is often seen as the key to a successful and satisfying career life." -> "Selecting a profession and remaining committed to it is frequently regarded as pivotal for a successful and gratifying career."
    Explanation: Replacing "Choosing a job" with "Selecting a profession" and "sticking to it" with "remaining committed to it" elevates the formality and precision of the statement.

  2. "However, this is not necessarily the case, as there are many advantages to frequently changing jobs." -> "Nevertheless, this may not be universally true, as there are numerous advantages to regularly changing positions."
    Explanation: The substitution of "However" with "Nevertheless" and rephrasing "this is not necessarily the case" to "may not be universally true" enhances the academic tone and clarity of the sentence.

  3. "There are great benefits to choosing a job early and keep doing it." -> "Significant benefits accrue to those who opt for an early career choice and persist in it."
    Explanation: Changing "There are great benefits to choosing a job early and keep doing it" to "Significant benefits accrue to those who opt for an early career choice and persist in it" introduces a more formal and precise expression.

  4. "Those who do it are likely to benefit from the stability, security that comes with staying in the same job." -> "Individuals who do so are likely to gain from the stability and security inherent in remaining in the same position."
    Explanation: The revision improves the sentence’s clarity and formality by replacing "Those who do it" with "Individuals who do so" and separating the benefits for emphasis.

  5. "Furthermore, they will be able to build up a network of contacts and gain valuable experience in their chosen field." -> "Moreover, they can establish a network of contacts and acquire valuable experience within their chosen field."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality by replacing "Furthermore" with "Moreover" and streamlining the sentence for improved readability.

  6. "On the other hand, those who frequently change jobs may gain other advantages." -> "Conversely, individuals who frequently change positions may attain additional benefits."
    Explanation: Substituting "On the other hand" with "Conversely" contributes to a more formal transition, and replacing "jobs" with "positions" offers a nuanced and elevated term.

  7. "This can help to keep them motivated and engaged, as they will be constantly learning new skills and gaining new experiences." -> "This practice can contribute to sustaining their motivation and engagement, fostering continuous acquisition of new skills and experiences."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance precision and formality, providing a more detailed expression of the idea.

  8. "Additionally, they may be able to progress more quickly in their career, as they will be exposed to different roles and environments." -> "Moreover, they may advance more rapidly in their career, benefiting from exposure to diverse roles and environments."
    Explanation: The alterations introduce a more formal transition with "Moreover" and improve precision by specifying "exposure to diverse roles and environments."

  9. "In conclusion, neither approach is necessarily more likely to lead to a satisfying career life." -> "In conclusion, neither approach is inherently more predisposed to culminate in a gratifying career."
    Explanation: The replacement of "likely to lead" with "inherently more predisposed to culminate" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  10. "Ultimately, it is up to the individual to decide which approach is best for them." -> "Ultimately, the choice of the most suitable approach rests with the individual."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality and clarity by replacing "it is up to the individual to decide" with "the choice of the most suitable approach rests with the individual."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by presenting both perspectives on choosing a job early and sticking to it versus frequently changing jobs. The discussion is balanced, considering the advantages of each approach and concluding that neither is inherently superior.
    • How to improve: While the essay provides a well-rounded view, it could enhance its depth by exploring potential drawbacks of each approach. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position by arguing that neither approach is inherently superior for achieving a satisfying career life. This stance is evident throughout the essay, offering a balanced analysis.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could include a concise thesis statement in the introduction to explicitly state the central argument. This would provide a roadmap for the reader and enhance overall coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas on the benefits of both approaches, elaborating on stability and security for those who stick to one job and on variety and challenge for those who change jobs frequently. Specific examples, such as building a network of contacts or quickly progressing in a career, support these points.
    • How to improve: To enhance idea development, the essay could include more specific and real-world examples, illustrating how individuals have successfully navigated their careers using each approach. This would add depth and authenticity to the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages of both approaches and concluding that satisfaction depends on individual preferences. However, there is a minor deviation in the introduction, where it briefly mentions that sticking to one job is "often seen as the key to a successful and satisfying career life."
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should avoid making absolute statements in the introduction that may imply a bias. Instead, it could introduce the topic more neutrally, acknowledging differing opinions without implying one is more valid than the other.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and skillfully explores the advantages of both sticking to one job and changing jobs frequently. To improve, it could delve deeper into potential drawbacks, explicitly state the thesis in the introduction, include more specific examples, and avoid making potentially biased statements in the introductory section.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs delve into the advantages of each approach. However, the flow could be improved by providing a more explicit roadmap in the introduction, previewing the main points to guide the reader. There is a smooth transition between paragraphs, but the concluding paragraph could summarize the main points more effectively.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider explicitly outlining the main points in the introduction to provide a clear roadmap for the reader. In the conclusion, summarize the key advantages of both approaches more explicitly to reinforce the essay’s main arguments.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is adequately paragraphed. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the third paragraph could be more clearly structured, separating the discussion of the advantages of those who stick to one job from those who change jobs frequently.
    • How to improve: Consider refining the structure of the third paragraph to ensure a clear separation between the advantages of those who stick to one job and those who change jobs frequently. This will enhance the readability and effectiveness of each point.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words ("however," "on the other hand," "furthermore") and cohesive phrases ("on the other hand," "in conclusion"). These contribute to the overall coherence and progression of ideas. However, a more extensive use of linking words within paragraphs could further enhance the connectivity of ideas.
    • How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs to strengthen the internal cohesion. This can be achieved by incorporating additional transition words and phrases where necessary, ensuring a smooth flow of ideas within each paragraph.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some variety in word choice. However, there is room for improvement as certain terms and phrases are repeated throughout the essay, such as "satisfying career life," "frequently change jobs," and "benefit from." While the essay adequately addresses the topic, a more extensive and nuanced vocabulary could enhance the overall quality.
    • How to improve: To improve the use of a wide range of vocabulary, consider exploring synonyms and alternative expressions for repetitive terms. For instance, instead of consistently using "satisfying career life," try using alternatives like "fulfilling professional journey" or "rewarding career path." This will not only diversify your language but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, there are instances where the use of certain terms could be more accurate. For example, in the statement, "those who frequently change jobs may gain other advantages," the term "other advantages" is somewhat vague and could be specified for better clarity.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by avoiding vague terms like "other advantages." Instead, specify the benefits gained from changing jobs. For example, "those who frequently change jobs may gain advantages such as diverse skill acquisition, accelerated career progression, and exposure to different work environments." This enhances the clarity and depth of your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits generally correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "chose" instead of "choose" in the prompt and "doing it" instead of "doing so" in the introduction. While these errors do not significantly detract from comprehension, addressing them would contribute to a more polished presentation.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to minor spelling details. Use proofreading techniques, such as reading your essay aloud or employing spell-check tools, to catch and correct these small errors. Additionally, reviewing the prompt before writing can help ensure accurate usage of terms and verb forms, enhancing overall spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory range of sentence structures. There is evidence of both simple and complex sentences, with varied lengths. For example, the essay uses complex sentences when discussing the benefits of choosing a job early: "This can provide a sense of comfort and assurance, as they will be familiar with the job and the workplace." However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of structures, especially in the introduction and conclusion, where the sentences tend to be more straightforward.

    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating compound and compound-complex sentences. For instance, in the introduction, instead of a straightforward sentence, introduce a more complex structure to engage the reader. For instance, "While the conventional wisdom suggests that sticking to a single job leads to a successful career, an alternative perspective argues for the merits of job changes."

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement is not strictly maintained, such as in "Those who do it are likely to benefit from the stability, security that comes with staying in the same job." The correct form would be "Those who do so are likely to benefit."

    Punctuation is generally sound, but there are a few areas where commas could be used more effectively for clarity, such as in "Furthermore, they will be able to build up a network of contacts and gain valuable experience in their chosen field."

    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure clear and grammatically correct sentences. Also, consider refining the use of commas for improved clarity. For example, "Furthermore, building a network of contacts and gaining valuable experience in their chosen field will contribute to their professional growth."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and sentence structures but would benefit from a more nuanced and varied approach to sentence construction. Additionally, careful attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation will further enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Choosing a profession and remaining committed to it is often considered crucial for a successful and fulfilling career. However, this belief may not apply universally, as there are numerous advantages to regularly changing positions. This essay will discuss the merits of both approaches and argue that neither is inherently more likely to lead to a satisfying career.

Significant benefits accrue to those who opt for an early career choice and persist in it. Individuals who do so are likely to gain from the stability and security inherent in remaining in the same position. Moreover, they can establish a network of contacts and acquire valuable experience within their chosen field.

Conversely, individuals who frequently change positions may attain additional benefits. This practice can contribute to sustaining their motivation and engagement, fostering continuous acquisition of new skills and experiences. Moreover, they may advance more rapidly in their career, benefiting from exposure to diverse roles and environments.

In conclusion, neither approach is inherently predisposed to culminate in a gratifying career. Ultimately, the choice of the most suitable approach rests with the individual.

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