Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sports, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals maintain that physical power is essential for success in sports, while others affirm that mental durability is of greater significance. This essay will dissect both viewpoints, with agreement leaning toward the latter.

Notably, physical power can generate various noteworthy benefits; one of the intrinsic ones is elevating the game's efficiency. Irrefutably, more and more sports activities typically necessitate endurance from athletes; consequently, were athletes not to equip endurance for themselves, they would likely sustain severely adverse impacts during competitions; hence, when athletes possess physical strength, this can probably assist them in executing vigorous and swift actions. As a result, abilities and achievements are elevated during the match.

Albeit with the benefit mentioned above of physical power, other mental toughness can offer superior benefits. The incontrovertible upside is the ability to endure pressure from competition, audience, and self. Indubitably, athletes characteristically have to encounter countless psychological pressures, which can wreak havoc on the performance of athletes; therefore, iron will assist sports players in managing such challenges, catalyzing their success. Another unquestionable benefit is that willpower furnishes the ability to accommodate and control emotional responses. Undeniably, a match can be a fierce environment with opponent tactics, weather conditions, or unexpected injuries; thus, not only does mental strength support athletes in preserving enthusiasm and remaining dedicated to goal attainment, but it also assists them in maintaining alertness and composure while managing situations during the match, consequently, optimizing performance in sports.

In conclusion, while physical power can give athletes particular benefits, the notion that mental fortitude is incontrovertible and more beneficial is espoused in light of the above reasoning.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals maintain" -> "Some argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is more direct and academically appropriate than "maintain," which can imply a less active or less definitive stance.
"physical power is essential for success" -> "physical strength is crucial for success"
Explanation: "Strength" is a more precise term in the context of sports, and "crucial" is more formal than "essential," enhancing the academic tone.
"mental durability" -> "mental resilience"
Explanation: "Resilience" is a more commonly used and accepted term in academic discourse when discussing mental toughness in sports, making it more precise and appropriate.
"Notably" -> "Notably, however"
Explanation: Adding "however" clarifies the transition to the contrasting viewpoint, enhancing the formal structure of the essay.
"elevating the game’s efficiency" -> "enhancing the game’s efficiency"
Explanation: "Enhancing" is a more precise verb in this context, suggesting improvement rather than simply elevating, which can imply a more dramatic change.
"Irrefutably" -> "Undoubtedly"
Explanation: "Undoubtedly" is more commonly used in academic writing to express certainty, whereas "irrefutably" can sound overly dramatic and less formal.
"severely adverse impacts" -> "significant adverse impacts"
Explanation: "Significant" is more precise and appropriate in academic writing, avoiding the hyperbole implied by "severely adverse."
"this can probably assist" -> "this may assist"
Explanation: "May" is more academically appropriate than "probably," which can introduce unnecessary speculation.
"abilities and achievements are elevated" -> "abilities and achievements are enhanced"
Explanation: "Enhanced" is a more precise term in this context, suggesting improvement rather than elevation, which can be vague.
"other mental toughness" -> "mental toughness"
Explanation: Removing "other" corrects the redundancy and maintains the formal tone by focusing on the singular concept of mental toughness.
"endure pressure from competition, audience, and self" -> "withstand pressures from competition, audience, and internal sources"
Explanation: "Withstand" is more formal than "endure," and specifying "internal sources" clarifies the types of pressures being referred to, enhancing precision.
"wreak havoc on the performance" -> "adversely affect the performance"
Explanation: "Adversely affect" is a more formal and precise phrase than "wreak havoc," which is colloquial and less suitable for academic writing.
"iron will assist" -> "mental toughness assists"
Explanation: "Mental toughness" is a more direct and formal way to refer to the concept, avoiding the awkward and unclear "iron will assist."
"furnishes the ability to accommodate and control emotional responses" -> "enables the management of emotional responses"
Explanation: "Enables the management of" is more concise and academically appropriate than "furnishes the ability to accommodate and control," which is verbose and awkward.
"a fierce environment" -> "a challenging environment"
Explanation: "Challenging" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "fierce," which can imply a negative connotation.
"not only does mental strength support athletes" -> "mental strength not only supports athletes"
Explanation: Reordering the sentence improves the flow and clarity, aligning with formal academic style.
"remaining dedicated to goal attainment" -> "remaining committed to achieving their goals"
Explanation: "Remaining committed to achieving their goals" is more specific and formal, enhancing clarity and precision.
"optimizing performance in sports" -> "optimizing their performance in sports"
Explanation: Adding "their" clarifies the subject of the action, aligning with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the importance of physical and mental strength in sports. The first paragraph discusses the advantages of physical strength, emphasizing its role in enhancing performance and endurance. The second paragraph shifts focus to mental strength, detailing its significance in managing pressure and emotional responses. However, while both perspectives are presented, the essay could benefit from a more explicit comparison between the two views, which would strengthen the analysis.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could include a more direct comparison of the two strengths, perhaps by discussing scenarios where one may outweigh the other. Additionally, explicitly stating the importance of both aspects in the conclusion would provide a more balanced view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that mental strength is more important than physical strength, as indicated in the introduction and conclusion. However, the transition between discussing physical and mental strength could be more seamless to reinforce this stance. The phrase "agreement leaning toward the latter" could be more assertively stated to clarify the author’s position from the outset.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author should consistently reinforce their opinion throughout the essay, perhaps by using transitional phrases that remind the reader of the main argument. Explicitly stating the preference for mental strength in the topic sentences of each paragraph could also help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas about both physical and mental strength, supported by logical reasoning. For instance, the discussion on how mental strength helps athletes manage pressure is well articulated. However, some points could be further developed. For example, while the essay mentions the benefits of physical strength, it could elaborate on specific sports or scenarios where this is particularly evident.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should provide more concrete examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, mentioning specific athletes known for their mental resilience or physical prowess would strengthen the argument and provide a more vivid illustration of the concepts discussed.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of physical versus mental strength in sports, with each paragraph dedicated to discussing one aspect. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the author consistently relates back to the central theme. However, the language used, such as "intrinsic ones" and "incontrovertible upside," may distract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and enhance clarity, the author should aim for simpler and more direct language. Avoiding overly complex vocabulary can help ensure that the main ideas are easily understood. Additionally, ensuring that each point directly ties back to the central question will reinforce the essay’s relevance throughout.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some adjustments in comparison, clarity, development, and language, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives on the importance of physical versus mental strength in sports. The body paragraphs are logically divided, with the first focusing on the advantages of physical strength and the second on mental strength. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "Albeit with the benefit mentioned above of physical power" could be more seamlessly integrated to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transition phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in focus. For example, instead of "Albeit with the benefit mentioned above," you might use "While physical strength offers significant advantages, it is essential to recognize the critical role of mental strength." This would create a more cohesive link between the two paragraphs.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into the respective strengths of physical and mental capabilities. However, the conclusion could be more robust; it briefly summarizes the arguments without reinforcing the essay’s overall stance.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by explicitly restating your opinion and summarizing the key points discussed. For instance, you could say, "In conclusion, while physical strength is undeniably beneficial in sports, the ability to maintain mental fortitude ultimately plays a more crucial role in achieving long-term success." This would provide a more definitive closure to your argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "notably," "consequently," and "undeniably," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "as a result" is repeated, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "as a result," you might use "therefore," "thus," or "this leads to." Additionally, employing more complex cohesive devices, such as "in contrast" or "on the other hand," can enhance the sophistication of your writing and improve coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments clearly, focusing on smoother transitions, a more impactful conclusion, and a wider range of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion of your writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "intrinsic," "efficiency," "vigor," and "incontrovertible" showcasing a good command of language. However, some phrases, like "physical power" and "mental durability," could be perceived as somewhat repetitive or less varied. The use of synonyms or alternative expressions could enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate a broader variety of synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "physical power," alternatives like "physical prowess" or "athletic strength" could be employed. Additionally, diversifying the vocabulary related to "mental strength" could enhance the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of precise vocabulary usage, such as "endurance" and "psychological pressures," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, the term "mental durability" is less commonly used in this context and may confuse readers. The phrase "iron will" is a strong metaphor but could be seen as slightly clichéd.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should choose terms that are more commonly accepted in discussions about mental strength, such as "mental resilience" or "mental fortitude." This would not only clarify the argument but also align better with standard terminology in sports psychology.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no apparent misspellings. Words like "essential," "significance," and "achievements" are correctly spelled, reflecting the writer’s attention to detail.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work and consider using tools such as spell-check software. Additionally, familiarizing themselves with commonly misspelled words in academic writing could further enhance their spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a band score of 7, there are areas for improvement, particularly in expanding vocabulary range and enhancing precision. By incorporating more varied synonyms and selecting terms that are widely recognized in the context of sports, the writer can elevate their lexical resource further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Notably, physical power can generate various noteworthy benefits; one of the intrinsic ones is elevating the game’s efficiency" showcases the writer’s ability to combine ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, as seen in "were athletes not to equip endurance for themselves," which adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph where similar sentence beginnings are used, such as "the incontrovertible upside is" and "another unquestionable benefit is," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and transitions. For example, instead of consistently starting with phrases like "the incontrovertible upside," the writer could use alternatives such as "One significant advantage is…" or "Additionally, mental strength also provides…" This would not only improve the flow but also engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "were athletes not to equip endurance for themselves" is grammatically correct but somewhat awkward; a more natural phrasing could enhance clarity. Additionally, punctuation is mostly accurate, though there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as in "consequently, optimizing performance in sports," where a semicolon might be more appropriate to separate two independent clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining awkward phrases for clarity. Practicing sentence rephrasing can help in this regard. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas and semicolons, can enhance the overall readability of the essay. For example, breaking up longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help convey ideas more effectively.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical choices, the writer can elevate their writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals maintain that physical strength is crucial for success in sports, while others argue that mental resilience is of greater significance. This essay will discuss both viewpoints, with a preference for the latter.

Notably, physical strength can provide various noteworthy benefits; one of the intrinsic advantages is enhancing the game’s efficiency. Irrefutably, many sports activities typically require endurance from athletes; consequently, if athletes do not develop their endurance, they may experience significant adverse impacts during competitions. Therefore, when athletes possess physical strength, it can assist them in executing vigorous and swift actions. As a result, their abilities and achievements are enhanced during the match.

Despite the benefits of physical strength, mental toughness can offer even greater advantages. The undeniable upside is the ability to withstand pressures from competition, audience, and internal sources. Undoubtedly, athletes often face numerous psychological pressures that can adversely affect their performance; thus, mental resilience assists sports players in managing such challenges, facilitating their success. Another unquestionable benefit is that mental strength enables the management of emotional responses. A match can be a challenging environment with opponent tactics, weather conditions, or unexpected injuries; thus, mental toughness not only supports athletes in maintaining enthusiasm and remaining committed to achieving their goals, but it also helps them stay alert and composed while navigating situations during the match, consequently optimizing their performance in sports.

In conclusion, while physical strength can provide athletes with certain advantages, the argument that mental fortitude is more beneficial is supported by the reasoning outlined above.