Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward student who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

One perspective is that schools should grant students who achieve the best academic results, while others argue that it would be better if the prizes were given to the students who show improvement. I am more inclined to support the former view because it will stimulate the outcome of and promote both the school and its image.

Admittedly, rewarding for students making progress in their studies has numerous advantages. Chief among them is that it encourages students from all different academic levels to be dedicated to their studies and stimulate their performances in exams, which will heighten the overall image of the school. Furthermore, if the prizes are just given to the high – achievers most of the students will not be motivated to work harder because they will assume theat they cannot achieve higher achievement . This proble can be addressed if the school recognize their effort so they can find improvements are excited.

On the other hand, the high-achievers should be awarded due to several factors. One of them is that will build a Strong sense of pride which can foster performance of both the rewarded student the ambitious student's who want to achieve the reward and glory. Moreover, it will project high-quality images of the school performance, which may attract students to enroll and maximize the income for the schod fon facilities improvements.

In conslusion, though may encourage the students producing improved academic results through awarding them, it is better for both of the educational quality and school's income by rewarding the students having the hghest level of academic. Therefore, I am more inclined toward the latter Statement

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"One perspective is that" -> "One perspective holds that"
Explanation: "Holds that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce an opinion or viewpoint in academic writing, enhancing the formality of the statement.
"grant students who achieve the best academic results" -> "award students with the highest academic achievements"
Explanation: "Award" is more specific and formal than "grant" in this context, and "highest academic achievements" is more precise than "best academic results."
"it would be better if the prizes were given to the students who show improvement" -> "it would be advantageous to award students demonstrating improvement"
Explanation: "Award" is more specific and formal than "give," and "demonstrating improvement" is more precise and academically appropriate than "show improvement."
"I am more inclined to support the former view" -> "I am more inclined to endorse the former perspective"
Explanation: "Endorse" is a more formal synonym for "support," and "perspective" is preferred over "view" in academic contexts to denote a more nuanced and considered opinion.
"will stimulate the outcome of and promote both the school and its image" -> "will enhance the outcomes and promote both the school and its reputation"
Explanation: "Enhance" is more specific and formal than "stimulate," and "reputation" is more precise than "image" in this context, which typically refers to a more general perception.
"rewarding for students making progress" -> "rewarding students who demonstrate progress"
Explanation: "Rewarding for" is awkward and unclear; "rewarding students who demonstrate progress" is clearer and more direct.
"Chief among them is that it encourages students from all different academic levels" -> "A primary advantage is that it motivates students across all academic levels"
Explanation: "A primary advantage" is more formal than "Chief among them," and "motivates" is more precise than "encourages" in this context.
"stimulate their performances in exams" -> "enhance their performance in exams"
Explanation: "Enhance" is more specific and academically appropriate than "stimulate" in this context, referring to improvement rather than initial motivation.
"the high – achievers most of the students will not be motivated" -> "most students may not be motivated"
Explanation: Removing "the high-achievers" clarifies the sentence and avoids redundancy, as "most students" already implies a majority.
"they will assume theat they cannot achieve higher achievement" -> "they may assume they cannot achieve higher achievements"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "theat" to "that" and uses "achievements" to maintain consistency in plural form.
"This proble can be addressed" -> "This problem can be addressed"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "proble" to "problem."
"find improvements are excited" -> "find improvement exciting"
Explanation: "Find improvement exciting" is grammatically correct and clearer than the original phrase, which is awkward and unclear.
"the high-achievers should be awarded" -> "high-achievers should be awarded"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "high-achievers" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.
"will build a Strong sense of pride" -> "will foster a strong sense of pride"
Explanation: "Foster" is more precise and formal than "build" in this context, and "strong" should be lowercase to maintain grammatical consistency.
"the ambitious student’s who want to achieve the reward and glory" -> "ambitious students who seek the reward and glory"
Explanation: "Ambitious students" is grammatically correct, and "seek" is more formal than "want," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
"it will project high-quality images of the school performance" -> "it will project a high-quality image of the school’s performance"
Explanation: "A high-quality image" is grammatically correct, and "school’s" is possessive form, which is necessary for clarity and formality.
"may attract students to enroll and maximize the income for the schod fon facilities improvements" -> "may attract students to enroll and increase revenue for facility improvements"
Explanation: "Increase revenue" is more specific and formal than "maximize the income," and "facility improvements" is clearer and more appropriate than "schod fon facilities improvements," which is likely a typographical error.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives on whether schools should reward high achievers or those who show improvement. The first paragraph introduces the two views, while the body paragraphs discuss the advantages of each. However, the conclusion leans towards one side without fully exploring the implications of both views. For instance, while the essay mentions the benefits of rewarding improvements, it does not sufficiently elaborate on how this could impact student motivation or overall school performance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both views are equally explored and that the implications of each are discussed in more depth. Including specific examples or scenarios where rewarding improvements has led to positive outcomes could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of rewarding high achievers, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, the phrasing in some sections is ambiguous, such as "I am more inclined to support the former view," which could confuse readers about which perspective is being supported. Additionally, the conclusion states, "it is better for both of the educational quality and school’s income by rewarding the students having the highest level of academic," which could be clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently use precise language and ensure that the stance is unmistakable throughout the essay. Rephrasing ambiguous statements and reinforcing the position in the body paragraphs can help clarify the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the motivational effects of rewarding improvements and the pride associated with high achievement. However, some points lack depth and supporting evidence. For example, the claim that rewarding high achievers "will project high-quality images of the school performance" could be substantiated with examples or statistics to enhance credibility.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with relevant examples, data, or anecdotes. This could involve discussing specific programs or studies that illustrate the impact of rewards on student performance.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the two views as required by the prompt. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as in the discussion about the school’s income, which may detract from the primary focus on student motivation and achievement. The phrase "maximize the income for the school for facilities improvements" feels somewhat tangential to the core argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the main topic of rewarding students. It may be helpful to outline the main ideas before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument without diverging into less relevant areas.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criterion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two distinct viewpoints regarding the rewarding of students: one in favor of rewarding high achievers and the other supporting the recognition of improvements. The organization of ideas is generally clear, with a logical progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of rewarding improvements to the merits of rewarding high achievers lacks a clear linking phrase, which can disrupt the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "On the contrary," or "Conversely," when moving between contrasting viewpoints. Additionally, clearly stating the main idea of each paragraph at the beginning can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the discussion. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For example, the first body paragraph mixes the advantages of rewarding improvements with a critique of rewarding high achievers, which can confuse the reader about the main point of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, start the first body paragraph with a statement like, "Rewarding students who show improvement has several significant benefits," and then elaborate on those benefits. This will help maintain focus and clarity within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as "Admittedly," and "On the other hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing. For example, phrases like "theat they cannot achieve higher achievement" contain typographical errors that detract from the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Consequently." Additionally, proofreading for typographical errors and awkward phrasing can significantly enhance clarity. For example, revise "the school recognize their effort so they can find improvements are excited" to a clearer statement like "the school should recognize their efforts, which can motivate students to strive for improvement."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "high-achievers," "stimulate," and "encourages." However, the vocabulary usage is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "students who show improvement" and "students making progress." The essay could benefit from more varied expressions to convey similar ideas, which would enhance the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer could explore synonyms and alternative phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "students who show improvement," they could use "students demonstrating growth" or "those exhibiting progress." Incorporating a wider array of vocabulary would help elevate the essay’s sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the outcome of and promote both the school and its image" is awkward and unclear. Additionally, "theat" is a misspelling that leads to confusion, and "strong sense of pride" is vague without context. The phrase "maximize the income for the schod fon facilities improvements" is also unclear due to the misspelling of "school" and the awkward phrasing.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using precise vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of "maximize the income," they could say "increase funding for facility enhancements." Additionally, proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring that phrases are contextually relevant will improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "theat" instead of "that," "schod" instead of "school," and "conslusion" instead of "conclusion." These errors disrupt the flow of reading and can lead to misunderstandings of the intended message.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud, using spell-check tools, or asking a peer to review the work for errors. Regular practice with spelling exercises and vocabulary quizzes can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, improvements can be made in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy to achieve a higher band score. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and minimizing spelling errors, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, phrases like "One perspective is that schools should grant students who achieve the best academic results" and "I am more inclined to support the former view" are straightforward but lack complexity. The use of conjunctions is minimal, and there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the prizes are just given to the high-achievers," the writer could say, "if the prizes are awarded solely to high-achievers, many students may feel discouraged and unmotivated." Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences will create a more engaging and dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, "theat" should be "that," and "hghest" should be "highest." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "the high-achievers should be awarded due to several factors. One of them is that will build a Strong sense of pride," which lacks a subject in the second sentence. Punctuation errors, such as the incorrect spacing before and after dashes (e.g., "high – achievers"), further complicate the readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch typographical errors and ensure correct spelling. Additionally, practicing subject-verb agreement and sentence structure will help. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for commas, periods, and dashes to ensure they are used correctly. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation mistakes.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument, improving the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice, along with targeted feedback, can help the writer achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

One perspective holds that schools should award students with the highest academic achievements, while others argue that it is more important to reward students who show improvement. I am more inclined to endorse the former view because it will enhance the outcomes and promote both the school and its reputation.

Admittedly, rewarding students who demonstrate progress in their studies has numerous advantages. A primary advantage is that it motivates students across all academic levels to be dedicated to their studies and enhances their performance in exams, which will heighten the overall image of the school. Furthermore, if the prizes are only given to high achievers, most students may not be motivated to work harder because they may assume they cannot achieve higher accomplishments. This problem can be addressed if the school recognizes their efforts, allowing them to find improvement exciting.

On the other hand, high achievers should be awarded due to several factors. One of them is that it will foster a strong sense of pride, which can enhance the performance of both the rewarded students and the ambitious students who seek the reward and glory. Moreover, it will project a high-quality image of the school’s performance, which may attract students to enroll and increase revenue for facility improvements.

In conclusion, while rewarding students for producing improved academic results may encourage them, it is ultimately better for both educational quality and the school’s income to reward students with the highest academic achievements. Therefore, I am more inclined toward the former statement.