some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show imprivements. discuss both views and give your own opinion
some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show imprivements. discuss both views and give your own opinion
People have different views about whether students should be rewarded based on their academic achievements or their improvements in learning. The writer of this essay believes that school should offer rewards to better improvements because pupils can be encouraged in recognition of their efforts and put them as a model for schoolmates.
A reason why school should reward students because of their improvements that is prize tend to create a range of feelings among learners, from excitement to a sense of satisfaction. For instance, students who are not the best students in class would be happy with the rewards they receive from teachers with their improvements. As a result, those students would put a respect on their both teachers and hard-work attempts.
Some others argue that it is more essential to praise those who have the highest level of academic attainment. The best learnners in their classes due to their hard-working and consistent efforts and determination in their studies. Hence, it is their reward and worthy that they must deserve to be granted rewards. However, this viewpoint may be true but the development of study progress due to their 100% efforts on the learning path.
The author of this essay opines that if prizes were awarded to those who produce improved academic results, classes would encounter the situation in which the majority of students obtain rewards during the semester. Take America as an example, schools dotted around this country bring an incentive scheme on giving reward to hard working students though their bad results because of the policies from their head.
In conclusion, this essay assumes that it is worth to encourage students and put them as a model for schoolmates who has better improvements. Thus, the principal should prepare more rewards for the development on academic results of each students though they are not the best
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"People have different views" -> "Individuals hold diverse perspectives"
Explanation: "Individuals hold diverse perspectives" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"should be rewarded based on their academic achievements or their improvements in learning" -> "should be recognized for their academic achievements or their progress in learning"
Explanation: "Recognized for" is more specific and formal than "rewarded based on," and "progress in learning" is a more precise term than "improvements in learning," which is somewhat vague. -
"school should offer rewards to better improvements" -> "schools should recognize better improvements"
Explanation: "Recognize" is more appropriate in this context than "offer rewards," as it implies acknowledging and valuing the improvements rather than providing tangible incentives. -
"prize tend to create a range of feelings" -> "prizes often evoke a range of emotions"
Explanation: "Prizes often evoke a range of emotions" is more precise and academically appropriate than "prize tend to create a range of feelings," which is less formal and slightly awkward. -
"put a respect on their both teachers and hard-work attempts" -> "show respect for both their teachers and their hard work"
Explanation: "Show respect for both their teachers and their hard work" is grammatically correct and clearer than "put a respect on their both teachers and hard-work attempts," which is awkward and incorrect. -
"Some others argue" -> "Others argue"
Explanation: "Others argue" is a more concise and formal way to introduce opposing viewpoints in academic writing. -
"The best learnners" -> "the best learners"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the proper spelling of "learners." -
"it is their reward and worthy that they must deserve to be granted rewards" -> "it is their just reward that they deserve"
Explanation: "It is their just reward that they deserve" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, removing redundancy and improving formality. -
"the development of study progress due to their 100% efforts on the learning path" -> "the development of their academic progress, resulting from their dedicated efforts"
Explanation: "The development of their academic progress, resulting from their dedicated efforts" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward and imprecise "study progress" and "100% efforts on the learning path." -
"Take America as an example" -> "Consider the United States as an example"
Explanation: "Consider the United States as an example" is more formal and specific than "Take America as an example," which is colloquial and imprecise. -
"bring an incentive scheme on giving reward to hard working students" -> "implement an incentive scheme to reward hardworking students"
Explanation: "Implement an incentive scheme to reward hardworking students" is grammatically correct and more formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "bring an incentive scheme on giving reward to hard working students." -
"it is worth to encourage students and put them as a model for schoolmates who has better improvements" -> "it is worthwhile to encourage students and serve as a model for their peers who demonstrate better improvements"
Explanation: "It is worthwhile to encourage students and serve as a model for their peers who demonstrate better improvements" corrects grammatical errors and enhances formality, replacing "put them as a model for schoolmates who has better improvements" with a more precise and formal structure. -
"the principal should prepare more rewards for the development on academic results of each students" -> "the principal should prepare more incentives for the development of each student’s academic results"
Explanation: "Prepare more incentives for the development of each student’s academic results" corrects grammatical errors and uses more precise terminology, enhancing the formal tone of the conclusion.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding whether schools should reward academic excellence or improvements. The first part discusses the importance of rewarding improvements, citing how it encourages students who may not excel academically. The second part acknowledges the perspective of rewarding high achievers, but it lacks depth and clarity in articulating this viewpoint. The essay does not fully explore the implications of either approach, leading to a somewhat superficial treatment of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is thoroughly examined. This could involve providing more examples or evidence for both sides, discussing potential benefits and drawbacks of each approach, and clearly articulating the implications of rewarding improvements versus academic excellence.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay expresses a clear preference for rewarding improvements, stating that it encourages students. However, the position is somewhat muddled by the lack of a strong conclusion that reinforces this stance. The transition between discussing both views and presenting the author’s opinion is not smooth, which may confuse readers about the overall argument.
- How to improve: The writer should clearly delineate their opinion in the introduction and restate it effectively in the conclusion. Using transitional phrases can help maintain a consistent flow of ideas. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument with a strong concluding statement will clarify the position taken throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, particularly in favor of rewarding improvements, but these ideas are not well-developed. For instance, while it mentions that rewards can create positive feelings among students, it does not delve into how this might affect their long-term motivation or academic performance. The argument for rewarding high achievers is also underdeveloped and lacks specific examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples or statistics to support claims, explaining the rationale behind the arguments, and exploring counterarguments more thoroughly. Each idea should be clearly linked to the overall thesis to ensure coherence.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the two viewpoints and the author’s opinion. However, there are moments where the focus drifts, particularly in the discussion about the American incentive scheme, which feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument. The phrasing and structure also detract from the clarity of the topic being addressed.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main topic and supports the overall argument. Avoiding tangential information and ensuring that each point is relevant will help maintain focus. Additionally, clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can guide the reader and reinforce the essay’s central theme.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents a clear opinion, it requires more depth, clarity, and coherence to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear discussion of both views regarding student rewards, which is essential for coherence. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. However, the argumentation within paragraphs lacks a consistent logical flow. For instance, the transition from discussing rewards for improvements to the argument for rewarding high achievers could be more seamless. The essay also introduces the author’s opinion somewhat abruptly, which disrupts the logical progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, employing linking phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," can improve the flow between contrasting viewpoints.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, which is a positive aspect. However, the structure of these paragraphs could be improved. For example, the second paragraph starts with a reason but lacks a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, the final paragraph does not effectively summarize the arguments presented and introduces new ideas instead.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Following this, supporting sentences should elaborate on the topic with examples and explanations. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main arguments without introducing new concepts, reinforcing the writer’s opinion clearly.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance" and "however," which help in connecting ideas. However, the range and effectiveness of these devices are limited. For example, the use of pronouns and conjunctions could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance coherence. The phrase "the author of this essay opines" is somewhat formal and could be replaced with simpler language for better flow.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "therefore." Additionally, using synonyms and varying sentence structures can help maintain the reader’s interest and improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, terms like "academic achievements," "improvements," and "incentive scheme" show an effort to engage with the topic. However, phrases such as "put them as a model for schoolmates" and "put a respect on their both teachers" reveal a limited range and awkward phrasing that detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated phrases. For example, instead of "put them as a model," consider using "serve as role models." Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs can enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, "prize tend to create a range of feelings" should be "prizes tend to create a range of feelings." The phrase "put a respect on their both teachers" is awkward and incorrect; a more precise expression would be "show respect for both their teachers and their own efforts."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. Reviewing common collocations and idiomatic expressions can help. For instance, instead of "the best learnners in their classes," use "the top learners in their classes." This not only improves precision but also enhances the overall quality of the writing.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "imprivements" (improvements), "learnners" (learners), and "hard-working" (should be hyphenated as "hardworking"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Regular reading can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates some strengths in vocabulary usage, there are notable weaknesses in range, precision, and spelling that need to be addressed. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, improving word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complex structures that could enhance the argument. For instance, phrases like "A reason why school should reward students because of their improvements" are awkwardly constructed and could benefit from rephrasing to improve clarity and sophistication. The use of relative clauses and varied sentence beginnings is minimal, which restricts the overall fluency and engagement of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences, such as those that use subordinating conjunctions (e.g., "Although many believe that…"). Additionally, varying sentence openings by starting with adverbial phrases or dependent clauses can create a more dynamic flow. For example, instead of starting with "A reason why school should reward students…", the writer could say, "One compelling reason for rewarding students based on their improvements is that…"
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "school should offer rewards to better improvements" lacks clarity and should be rephrased to "schools should offer rewards for improvements." The phrase "put a respect on their both teachers and hard-work attempts" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "show respect for both their teachers and their hard work." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunction usage, detract from the overall readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles (e.g., "the best learners" instead of "best learnners"). Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focused on common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors before submission can help catch mistakes that may otherwise go unnoticed. Reading the essay aloud can also aid in identifying awkward phrasing and grammatical inaccuracies.
In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument, improving the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice and careful revision are key strategies for achieving these improvements.
Bài sửa mẫu
People hold diverse perspectives about whether students should be rewarded based on their academic achievements or their improvements in learning. The writer of this essay believes that schools should recognize better improvements because pupils can be encouraged in recognition of their efforts and serve as a model for their classmates.
One reason why schools should reward students for their improvements is that prizes often evoke a range of emotions among learners, from excitement to a sense of satisfaction. For instance, students who may not be the best in class would feel delighted by the rewards they receive from teachers for their progress. As a result, those students would show respect for both their teachers and their hard work.
Others argue that it is more essential to praise those who achieve the highest level of academic attainment. The best learners in their classes demonstrate hard work, consistent effort, and determination in their studies. Hence, it is their just reward that they deserve to be granted recognition. However, this viewpoint overlooks the development of academic progress that results from dedicated efforts.
The author of this essay opines that if prizes were awarded to those who produce improved academic results, classrooms would likely see a situation where the majority of students receive rewards throughout the semester. Consider the United States as an example; schools across the country implement an incentive scheme to reward hardworking students, even if their results are not the best, due to policies set by their administrators.
In conclusion, this essay asserts that it is worthwhile to encourage students and recognize them as models for their peers who demonstrate better improvements. Thus, the principal should prepare more incentives for the development of each student’s academic results, even if they are not the top performers.