some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvement. discuss both view and give your own opinion.

There is an aspect argue that schools should give gifts to students with the highest socore in the exam, whereas, others say that the reward should be given to sudents who make progressment in their studies. The writer will discuss both views prespectively before concluding that students making improvement in learning ough to have the reward.
Firstly, when school focus on those students they have significantly improved the examination. If the students trying to level up from the past year's results then it is the responsibility of schools and class teachers to encourage them and reward them for this performance. For instance, as per a survey by the Times of India of the report, when starting this activity in the schools given to reward a significant number of students the literacy rate has increased in the country by 70% to 90% in the last decades.
However, when schools give a reward for good grades to students then it helps motivate them and also for other students, they think that if they do it the same then they attain a reward same as on them. They are doing more hard work in their studies and trying to better marks in exams. For example, as per a report by BBC News, the US government started last year new program for students when they perform above 90 % marks in the 12th examination, they provide a scholarship and also wave-off the fees for further higher studies, so the result after the one-year passing rate is increased more than 30% from the last years.
In conclusion, the debate over whether to reward academic excellence or improvement highlights important aspects of education. While recognizing top performers can inspire ambition and set high standards, rewarding improvement fosters a supportive and inclusive atmosphere. A balanced approach that values both excellence and growth is essential for creating an educational environment that nurtures all students, preparing them for future success in various aspects of life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is an aspect argue" -> "There is an argument"
Explanation: "Aspect argue" is grammatically incorrect. "Argument" is the correct term to use when referring to a point of view or a discussion.
"socoder" -> "score"
Explanation: "Socoder" is a typographical error. The correct spelling is "score", referring to the numerical value obtained in an examination.
"sudents" -> "students"
Explanation: "Sudents" is a typographical error. The correct spelling is "students", referring to individuals who are receiving education.
"make progressment" -> "make progress"
Explanation: "Progressment" is not a word. The correct term is "progress", which refers to advancement or improvement.
"prespectively" -> "respectively"
Explanation: "Prespectively" is a typographical error. The correct word is "respectively", used to indicate that items are being discussed in a specific order.
"students making improvement in learning ough" -> "students who make improvements in their learning"
Explanation: "Making improvement in learning ough" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested revision clarifies the subject and verb agreement, improving readability and formality.
"when school focus on those students" -> "when schools focus on these students"
Explanation: "School" should be plural to match the context of multiple schools, and "these" is more appropriate than "those" in this context.
"they have significantly improved the examination" -> "they have significantly improved their performance in the examination"
Explanation: The phrase "improved the examination" is unclear and incorrect. "Improved their performance in the examination" clarifies the meaning and is grammatically correct.
"trying to level up from the past year’s results" -> "seeking to improve upon their previous year’s results"
Explanation: "Trying to level up" is an informal idiom. "Seeking to improve upon" is more formal and academically appropriate.
"the Times of India of the report" -> "a report by The Times of India"
Explanation: "The Times of India of the report" is grammatically incorrect. "A report by The Times of India" is the correct structure for citing a source.
"given to reward a significant number of students" -> "initiated to reward a significant number of students"
Explanation: "Given to reward" is awkward and unclear. "Initiated to reward" is more precise and formal, indicating the start of a program or activity.
"the literacy rate has increased in the country by 70% to 90% in the last decades" -> "the literacy rate has increased by 70% to 90% over the past decades"
Explanation: "In the last decades" is vague and informal. "Over the past decades" is more precise and formal, specifying the time period.
"when schools give a reward for good grades to students" -> "when schools offer rewards for good grades to students"
Explanation: "Give a reward" is somewhat informal and vague. "Offer rewards" is more specific and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"they think that if they do it the same then they attain a reward same as on them" -> "they believe that if they achieve similar results, they will receive the same reward"
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies the meaning and improves the formality and clarity.
"doing more hard work" -> "putting in more effort"
Explanation: "Doing more hard work" is redundant. "Putting in more effort" is a more precise and formal expression.
"trying to better marks in exams" -> "striving for better marks in exams"
Explanation: "Trying to better marks" is grammatically incorrect. "Striving for better marks" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"the US government started last year new program" -> "the US government initiated a new program last year"
Explanation: "Started last year new program" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Initiated a new program last year" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"they provide a scholarship and also wave-off the fees" -> "they offer a scholarship and waive the fees"
Explanation: "Wave-off" is not a standard term. "Waive" is the correct verb for canceling or reducing fees, and "offer" is more appropriate than "provide" in this context.
"the result after the one-year passing rate is increased more than 30% from the last years" -> "the one-year pass rate has increased by more than 30% compared to previous years"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and improves the formality and grammatical structure.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding whether schools should reward academic excellence or improvement. The first body paragraph discusses the importance of rewarding improvement, while the second body paragraph focuses on the merits of rewarding high academic performance. However, the discussion lacks depth in exploring the implications of each viewpoint. For instance, while the essay mentions a survey and a report, it does not delve into the potential drawbacks of each approach or how they might coexist.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide a more balanced analysis by discussing the potential downsides of both rewarding improvement and excellence. Including specific examples or case studies that illustrate these points would also strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in the introduction and conclusion, advocating for the importance of rewarding improvement. However, the body paragraphs could be more cohesive in reinforcing this stance. The transition between discussing both views and the concluding opinion feels somewhat abrupt, which may confuse the reader about the writer’s ultimate position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases that link the discussion of both views back to their main argument. Additionally, reiterating the importance of their stance in each body paragraph can help reinforce their position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both rewarding improvement and academic excellence, but the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. While the writer includes references to surveys and reports, these examples are not fully integrated into the argument. For instance, the statistics mentioned could be more thoroughly explained to illustrate their relevance to the discussion.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on their examples, explaining how they directly support the argument. Providing more detailed evidence or anecdotes would help to substantiate the claims made and make the essay more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the prompt’s themes of academic excellence and improvement. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion about scholarships and government programs could be more directly tied to the main argument about school rewards.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate back to the central question of how schools should reward students. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to addressing the prompt.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, cohesion, and the integration of supporting evidence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing rewards for improvement to rewards for high academic results feels abrupt. The ideas within paragraphs are generally coherent, but the connection between the two main arguments could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, use transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" to better connect contrasting ideas between paragraphs. This will help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for coherence. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion. However, the first body paragraph could be more clearly defined, as it mixes ideas about improvement and the role of schools without a clear focus.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. For the first body paragraph, consider starting with a sentence that clearly states the focus on improvement before discussing the role of schools. This will help maintain clarity and ensure that each paragraph serves its purpose effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly" and "However," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be stronger. For example, the phrase "as per a survey by the Times of India" could be better integrated into the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Moreover" to add information, and "Nevertheless," "On the contrary," or "Despite this" to present contrasting ideas. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay and make the argument more persuasive.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view. By focusing on improving logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the use of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases like "significantly improved," "responsibility of schools," and "supportive and inclusive atmosphere" show an effort to incorporate diverse vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition and limited lexical variety, such as the repeated use of "reward" and "students."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "reward," alternatives like "recognition," "incentive," or "acknowledgment" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "academic achievement" or "educational progress" can diversify the vocabulary related to the topic.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "students making improvement in learning" could be more clearly expressed as "students who demonstrate improvement in their learning." Additionally, "the highest socore in the exam" contains a spelling error and could be more precisely stated as "the highest scores on exams."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Reviewing phrases for grammatical accuracy and coherence will help. For instance, instead of "the responsibility of schools and class teachers," consider "it is the responsibility of both schools and teachers." This not only improves precision but also enhances the overall readability of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "socore" instead of "score," "sudents" instead of "students," "progressment" instead of "progress," and "ough" instead of "ought." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing practice that focuses on commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help identify words that may not sound correct, prompting a review of their spelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly improved.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it predominantly relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, the opening sentence uses a compound structure ("There is an aspect argue that schools should give gifts… whereas, others say…"), which is somewhat awkward and lacks clarity. Additionally, the use of phrases like "when school focus on those students" and "if the students trying to level up" shows a limited range of grammatical structures, particularly in the use of conditional forms and complex sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied clauses. For instance, instead of using "when school focus on those students," the writer could say, "When schools focus on students who have significantly improved, they can foster a more encouraging learning environment." Practicing the use of subordinate clauses and varying sentence openings can also help in achieving a more sophisticated grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "There is an aspect argue" should be "There is an aspect that argues," and "sudents who make progressment" should be corrected to "students who show improvement." Additionally, the phrase "as per a survey by the Times of India of the report" is awkwardly constructed and could be simplified for clarity. Punctuation errors include the unnecessary comma after "whereas" in the first sentence and the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms. For example, "school focus" should be "schools focus," and "students trying" should be "students try." Regular practice with grammar exercises and reading well-structured essays can help in recognizing and correcting these errors. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity and readability.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards improving their band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy for future IELTS essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is an argument that schools should reward students with the highest scores in exams, while others believe that the focus should be on rewarding students who show improvement in their studies. The writer will discuss both views respectively before concluding that students who make improvements in their learning ought to receive the reward.

Firstly, when schools focus on students who make progress, they have significantly improved their performance in examinations. If students are striving to improve upon their previous year’s results, it is the responsibility of schools and teachers to encourage them and reward their efforts. For instance, according to a report by The Times of India, when schools initiated a program to reward a significant number of students, the literacy rate in the country increased from 70% to 90% over the past decades.

However, when schools offer rewards for good grades to students, it helps motivate them, and other students believe that if they achieve similar results, they will receive the same reward. This encourages them to put in more effort and strive for better marks in exams. For example, as reported by BBC News, the US government initiated a new program last year for students who perform above 90% in their 12th-grade examinations. They offer scholarships and waive the fees for further higher studies, resulting in a one-year pass rate that has increased by more than 30% compared to previous years.

In conclusion, the debate over whether to reward academic excellence or improvement highlights important aspects of education. While recognizing top performers can inspire ambition and set high standards, rewarding improvement fosters a supportive and inclusive atmosphere. A balanced approach that values both excellence and growth is essential for creating an educational environment that nurtures all students, preparing them for future success in various aspects of life.