Some people think that sending criminals to prison is not effective. Education and job training should be used instead. Do you agree or disagree?
People have different aspects about the approach that the government has taken to deal with criminals. My firm conviction is that it is useful and effective for these offenders to receive education or training rather than imprisonment, though there are some people who adamantly opposite this idea.
Opponents of my beliefs typically argue that lawbreakers should be put in jail, which is considered a solution to ensure the safety of other law-abiding citizens. To put it simply, severe prison sentences can act as a deterrent against anti-social activities, thereby preventing serious threats to the community. Although the presented argument has gained more traction, this argument is not supported by the fact that without acquiring ideological and professional education, criminals tend to repeat their offenses, thereby perpetuating a cycle of criminal behavior. The juvenile crime is a practical example, these age groups easily fall because their awareness is not sufficiently developed.
Compared with putting into jail, education and vocational training play an essential role in reducing the delinquency rate in society. . One of the most evident benefits is a remedy for the essence of delinquency in all age groups. Lessons for prisoners will contribute greatly to heightening awareness of themselves and society. To put it clearly, they also realize their bad actions as well as the dire consequences that they have caused in the past, thus reminding themselves to stay away from the criminal path after they have been released from prison. Moreover, vocational training paves the way for them to land a job more easily, thus improving their own quality of life. To be more specific, when they have a tool to earn a living, they will reduce the burden of expenses such as rent and living expenses, leading to increased criminals’ reintegration into the community as well as a lower rate of recidivism.
In summary, I firmly believe that criminals benefit from providing lawbreakers with education and training rather than just putting them in jail. This stance is put forward because it fosters societal responsibility and enhances the living standards of these individuals upon their reintegration into society.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"People have different aspects about the approach" -> "People hold varying perspectives on the approach"
Explanation: "Aspects" doesn’t precisely convey the idea of perspectives here. "Varying perspectives" maintains formality and clarity, better reflecting the range of opinions.
"adamantly opposite this idea" -> "strongly oppose this idea"
Explanation: "Adamantly opposite" is a bit informal. "Strongly oppose" maintains the strength of disagreement while aligning better with academic tone.
"which is considered a solution" -> "deemed a solution"
Explanation: "Considered" can be replaced with "deemed" for a more formal and precise expression.
"To put it simply" -> "In simple terms"
Explanation: "To put it simply" is a colloquial phrase. "In simple terms" maintains clarity while sounding more formal.
"Though the presented argument has gained more traction" -> "Although the prevailing argument holds sway"
Explanation: "Gained more traction" is slightly informal. "The prevailing argument holds sway" maintains formality and sophistication.
"juvenile crime is a practical example" -> "Juvenile crime serves as a practical example"
Explanation: Adding "serves as" clarifies the role of juvenile crime in this context.
"Compared with putting into jail" -> "In comparison to incarceration"
Explanation: "Putting into jail" is less formal. "In comparison to incarceration" offers a more academic phrasing.
"play an essential role" -> "play a pivotal role"
Explanation: "Essential" could be substituted with "pivotal" for a more sophisticated term without losing clarity.
"One of the most evident benefits" -> "Among the most apparent benefits"
Explanation: "Evident" can be replaced with "apparent" without altering the meaning but achieving a more formal tone.
"To put it clearly" -> "To clarify"
Explanation: Simplifying the expression to "To clarify" maintains the meaning without using a colloquial phrase.
"leading to increased criminals’ reintegration" -> "resulting in enhanced criminal reintegration"
Explanation: "Leading to increased" can be rephrased for greater precision and formality.
"I firmly believe" -> "I staunchly believe"
Explanation: "Firmly" can be substituted with "staunchly" for a stronger, more formal expression of belief.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "My firm conviction is that it is useful and effective for these offenders to receive education or training rather than imprisonment, though there are some people who adamantly oppose this idea."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your introduction presents a clear position on the topic, which is positive. However, to enhance clarity, consider briefly outlining the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will provide readers with a roadmap for your argument. For instance, mention the reasons or benefits of education and training over imprisonment that you will elaborate on in the body paragraphs.
- Improved example: "I firmly believe that offering education or training to offenders is more useful and effective than imprisonment. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages of this approach, including its impact on reducing recidivism and improving societal well-being."
Quoted text: "Although the presented argument has gained more traction, this argument is not supported by the fact that without acquiring ideological and professional education, criminals tend to repeat their offenses, thereby perpetuating a cycle of criminal behavior."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The point about the inadequacy of imprisonment alone is valid. However, your reasoning could be strengthened by providing a concrete example or anecdote illustrating how lack of education contributes to recidivism. This will make your argument more persuasive and connect it to real-world scenarios.
- Improved example: "Although the idea of imprisonment as a deterrent gains popularity, it lacks support in addressing the root cause. For instance, without access to ideological and professional education, criminals often fall back into a cycle of offenses. Consider a case where educational programs have successfully broken this cycle, supporting the need for a more holistic approach."
Quoted text: "Compared with putting into jail, education and vocational training play an essential role in reducing the delinquency rate in society."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This statement is clear and aligns with your position. However, it would be beneficial to briefly elaborate on how education and vocational training specifically contribute to reducing delinquency. Provide examples or reasons to enhance the depth of your argument.
- Improved example: "In contrast to imprisonment, education and vocational training are pivotal in decreasing the delinquency rate. For instance, these programs instill self-awareness in individuals, making them understand the consequences of their actions. Additionally, they equip offenders with practical skills, improving their chances of reintegrating into society successfully."
Overall, while your essay addresses the task and maintains a clear position, it would benefit from enhancing the depth of argumentation through specific examples and concise summaries of the main points in each paragraph.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the writer’s stance, and each paragraph maintains a clear central topic. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, although there are instances of underuse and a few mechanical transitions. Paragraphing is sufficiently done, aiding the overall coherence. The essay effectively argues the benefits of education and vocational training over imprisonment.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a more consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to the balance between different paragraphs, making transitions smoother. Also, consider refining the introduction and conclusion for a more concise presentation of the main points. Additionally, a greater variety of sentence structures and a more varied vocabulary could elevate the overall quality of expression.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, showcasing an attempt to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. There is an effort to convey precise meanings through varied vocabulary. The essay uses vocabulary related to the topic effectively, although there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation.
How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, focus on refining the accuracy of word choice and collocation. Ensure a more consistent and accurate usage of less common vocabulary items. Work on minimizing occasional errors in spelling and word formation to enhance overall lexical precision and fluency.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures and a fairly wide range of vocabulary and grammar. Complex structures are utilized, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The majority of sentences are error-free, and there is generally good control of grammar and punctuation. However, some minor errors and inaccuracies are present, although they do not significantly impede understanding.
The essay effectively argues for the effectiveness of education and vocational training over imprisonment for criminals. It presents a clear position supported by reasoning and examples. The language used is generally precise and appropriate for the task, contributing to a cohesive response.
How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, attention to detail in sentence construction and word usage can be beneficial. Careful proofreading to address minor errors and inconsistencies in grammar and punctuation would elevate the essay’s score. Additionally, striving for more precise and varied vocabulary usage can add depth to the argumentation. Overall, a more thorough focus on grammatical precision while maintaining the current complexity of sentence structures would help elevate the score.
Bài sửa mẫu
People hold varying perspectives on the approach the government takes in dealing with criminals. I strongly believe that it is more beneficial for these offenders to receive education or training rather than imprisonment, despite some staunch opposition to this idea.
Those who adamantly oppose this notion argue that lawbreakers should be imprisoned, deeming it a solution to ensure the safety of law-abiding citizens. In simple terms, harsh prison sentences are seen as a deterrent against anti-social activities, thus safeguarding the community. However, this prevailing argument lacks support as, without acquiring ideological and professional education, criminals often repeat offenses, perpetuating a cycle of criminal behavior. Juvenile crime serves as a practical example, where these age groups are more susceptible due to underdeveloped awareness.
In comparison to incarceration, education and vocational training play a pivotal role in reducing the delinquency rate in society. Among the most apparent benefits is the remedy for the root causes of delinquency across all age groups. Educational programs for prisoners greatly enhance self-awareness and awareness of society. To clarify, they become cognizant of their wrongful actions and the dire consequences, thus deterring them from the criminal path upon release. Moreover, vocational training facilitates their employment, improving their quality of life. To be specific, stable employment reduces financial burdens, leading to enhanced criminal reintegration into the community and lower recidivism rates.
To summarize, I staunchly believe that providing education and training to lawbreakers is more beneficial than mere imprisonment. This approach fosters societal responsibility and enhances the living standards of these individuals upon their reintegration into society.