Some people think that space mining is a field that should be invested more. Others strongly oppose this and suggest that it is wasteful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely acknowledged that while space mining is an intriguing industry to be invested in and studied about, it is still not an optimal solution to current situation and consequently considered wasteful. From my perspective, I actively concur in the opposing view against this opinion due to it is being expensive, yet redundant to the issues that the Earth is facing.

It is evident that such environmental problems such as soil depletion ,and water pollution are obstacles that human should consider measures to reduce detrimental effects on citizens around the globe. Although extraterrestrial studies do massively contribute to the better future consequences, it is not yet needed for the present. Due to the significant expenses for such space experiments;Therefore, should space mining become the main attention and other issues are neglected, the majority of humanity may suffer from more crucial health problems.

Another striking feature is that adequately devoting to astronomy does have a high likelihood of failure. To justify, the universe is beyond our understanding which holds thousands of mystery to be unfolded, thus there is insufficient evidence and limited information to harness the power of the planetary materials. For that reason, scientists might not be able to utilize those unbeknownst energy sources from outer space, which later then, become useless to our humanity.

In conclusion, while it will be a great opportunity for such breakthrough in the digital age if space mining is successfully studied, it indeed presents a paradox to the global economy and today’s issues, with it is such a redundant and overpriced objective.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is widely acknowledged" -> "It is commonly recognized"
Explanation: "Commonly recognized" is a more precise and formal term that enhances the academic tone of the statement.
"an intriguing industry to be invested in and studied about" -> "an industry worthy of investment and research"
Explanation: Simplifying "studied about" to "research" and using "worthy of investment" instead of "to be invested in" streamlines the phrase and aligns better with formal academic language.
"it is still not an optimal solution to current situation" -> "it remains an unsuitable solution to the current situation"
Explanation: "Remains an unsuitable solution" is more precise and formal, improving clarity and appropriateness for an academic context.
"I actively concur in the opposing view" -> "I strongly support the opposing view"
Explanation: "Strongly support" is more direct and academically appropriate than "actively concur," which can sound overly formal and less natural.
"due to it is being expensive" -> "because it is expensive"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error "due to it is" to "because it is" improves the sentence structure and clarity.
"yet redundant to the issues" -> "yet redundant to addressing the issues"
Explanation: Adding "addressing" clarifies the meaning and provides a more precise connection between the redundancy and the issues.
"such environmental problems as soil depletion,and water pollution" -> "such environmental problems as soil depletion and water pollution"
Explanation: Correcting the punctuation error and using "and" instead of a comma improves readability and adherence to standard punctuation rules.
"human should consider measures" -> "humans should consider measures"
Explanation: Changing "human" to "humans" corrects the grammatical number agreement, aligning with the plural context.
"do massively contribute to the better future consequences" -> "significantly contribute to better future outcomes"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more precise than "massively," and "outcomes" is more specific and formal than "consequences."
"it is not yet needed for the present" -> "it is not currently necessary"
Explanation: "Currently necessary" is more concise and formal, improving the academic tone.
"Due to the significant expenses for such space experiments;" -> "Due to the significant expenses associated with such space experiments"
Explanation: Adding "associated with" clarifies the relationship between the expenses and the space experiments, enhancing the sentence’s clarity and formality.
"the majority of humanity may suffer from more crucial health problems" -> "humanity may face more severe health challenges"
Explanation: "Face" is more appropriate than "suffer from" in this context, and "severe health challenges" is a more precise and formal term than "crucial health problems."
"adequately devoting to astronomy" -> "adequately devoting to the study of astronomy"
Explanation: Adding "the study of" clarifies the subject and improves the grammatical structure.
"there is insufficient evidence and limited information to harness the power of the planetary materials" -> "there is insufficient evidence and limited information to utilize the resources of planetary materials"
Explanation: "Utilize the resources" is more precise and formal than "harness the power," and "resources" is a more specific term than "materials."
"which later then, become useless to our humanity" -> "which would then become useless to humanity"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error "later then" to "would then" and removing "our" before "humanity" aligns with formal writing standards.
"it is such a redundant and overpriced objective" -> "it is such an unnecessary and costly endeavor"
Explanation: "Unnecessary and costly endeavor" is more precise and formal, replacing the colloquial "redundant and overpriced objective."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding space mining. The writer acknowledges the potential benefits of space mining but ultimately aligns with the opposing view, arguing that it is wasteful and not a priority compared to pressing issues on Earth. However, the essay could have been strengthened by explicitly stating the extent of agreement or disagreement, as the prompt requests. The phrase "I actively concur in the opposing view" suggests a strong disagreement, but the lack of a clear position on "to what extent" leaves some ambiguity.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate their position on the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction and throughout the essay. For instance, they could specify whether they completely disagree with space mining or if they see some merit in it but believe other issues should take precedence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against space mining, emphasizing its expense and perceived redundancy. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For example, the introduction mentions that space mining is "intriguing," which could confuse the reader about the writer’s overall stance. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the potential benefits of space mining without sufficiently tying it back to the argument against it.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should avoid introducing any conflicting ideas that could dilute their argument. They should consistently frame their points to support their main argument against space mining, ensuring that every paragraph reinforces their stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the environmental problems on Earth and the high costs associated with space mining. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the mention of "health problems" lacks specific examples or data to substantiate the claim. Additionally, the argument about the likelihood of failure in astronomy is interesting but could benefit from more elaboration and examples.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should include more specific examples, statistics, or studies that support their claims. For instance, they could reference specific environmental issues or provide data on the costs of space mining projects. This would lend more credibility to their arguments and make them more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding space mining. However, some sentences introduce ideas that seem tangential, such as the mention of "extraterrestrial studies" contributing to a better future without directly linking it back to the main argument. This could distract from the central focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the argument about space mining. They could achieve this by regularly referring back to the prompt and ensuring that each paragraph clearly ties back to the central question of whether space mining should be invested in or not.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from clearer articulation of the position, more robust supporting evidence, and tighter focus on the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against space mining, which is articulated in the introduction and supported by two main body paragraphs. Each paragraph addresses a specific argument against space mining, contributing to a logical progression of ideas. However, the connection between the ideas could be strengthened. For instance, the transition from discussing environmental issues to the potential failures of space mining feels abrupt and could benefit from clearer linking phrases that guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" to connect ideas more smoothly. Additionally, outlining the essay before writing can help ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one, creating a more cohesive argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, while the body paragraphs delve into the reasons against space mining. However, the conclusion could be more robust, as it merely reiterates points without synthesizing the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. The conclusion should not only summarize the arguments but also reflect on their implications or suggest a way forward. This will provide a more satisfying closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "although," "due to," and "for that reason," which help to connect ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be improved. For example, the phrase "which later then, become useless to our humanity" lacks clarity and could be better connected to the previous sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in contrast," "as a result," and "for example." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used correctly and enhances clarity. For example, revising sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity will improve overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices would enhance its overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "intriguing industry," "detrimental effects," and "high likelihood of failure." However, some phrases are repetitive or overly simplistic, such as "space mining" and "issues that the Earth is facing," which could be varied to enhance the lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases like "the majority of humanity may suffer from more crucial health problems" could be expressed with more sophisticated vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "space mining," alternatives like "extraterrestrial resource extraction" or "celestial mining" could be used. Additionally, exploring phrases like "pressing global challenges" instead of "issues that the Earth is facing" would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices in the essay are imprecise, leading to confusion. For example, the phrase "due to it is being expensive" is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly phrased. The use of "redundant" in the context of space mining could also be misleading, as it typically means unnecessary repetition rather than being ineffective or irrelevant.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Instead of "due to it is being expensive," a more precise construction would be "due to its high costs." Additionally, clarifying terms like "redundant" by using "unnecessary" or "less relevant" in this context would enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "soil depletion ,and" (the comma should not be there) and "unknown energy sources" (the phrase "unbeknownst energy sources" is awkward and not commonly used). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on punctuation and commonly confused words. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with frequently misspelled words in academic writing could be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as complex sentences ("Although extraterrestrial studies do massively contribute to the better future consequences, it is not yet needed for the present.") and compound sentences ("It is evident that such environmental problems such as soil depletion, and water pollution are obstacles that human should consider measures to reduce detrimental effects on citizens around the globe."). However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect structures that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "due to it is being expensive" is grammatically incorrect and should be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences. This can be achieved by using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because, since) to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, varying the sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or clauses) can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect its overall clarity and coherence. For example, "the current situation" should replace "current situation," and the phrase "due to it is being expensive" is incorrect; it should be "due to its expense." Punctuation errors include the unnecessary comma before "and" in "soil depletion, and water pollution" and the incorrect use of a semicolon before "Therefore," which should be a comma instead. The misuse of "which later then, become useless" also demonstrates a lack of grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and correct preposition usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises, as well as proofreading for common mistakes, can help. Additionally, paying attention to punctuation rules, such as the correct placement of commas and semicolons, will enhance the clarity of the writing. Reading more academic texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation in context.

In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas and demonstrates a basic range of structures, it requires significant improvement in grammatical accuracy and the variety of sentence structures to achieve a higher band score. Engaging in targeted practice and revision will be beneficial for the writer’s development.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that while space mining is an intriguing industry worthy of investment and research, it is still not an optimal solution to the current situation and is consequently considered wasteful. From my perspective, I strongly support the opposing view due to the fact that it is expensive, yet redundant in addressing the issues that the Earth is facing.

It is evident that such environmental problems as soil depletion and water pollution are obstacles that humans should consider measures to reduce the detrimental effects on citizens around the globe. Although extraterrestrial studies do significantly contribute to better future outcomes, it is not currently necessary for the present. Due to the significant expenses associated with such space experiments, should space mining become the main focus and other issues be neglected, the majority of humanity may suffer from more severe health challenges.

Another striking feature is that adequately devoting resources to the study of astronomy has a high likelihood of failure. To justify, the universe is beyond our understanding and holds thousands of mysteries to be unfolded; thus, there is insufficient evidence and limited information to utilize the resources of planetary materials. For that reason, scientists might not be able to harness those unknown energy sources from outer space, which would then become useless to humanity.

In conclusion, while it would be a great opportunity for such a breakthrough in the digital age if space mining is successfully studied, it indeed presents a paradox to the global economy and today’s issues, as it is such an unnecessary and costly endeavor.