Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give our own opinion

That people have divergent opinions about whether the best way to reduce traffic accidents is imposing strict punishments for driving offences or not remains controversial in the field of transportation. While it can be argued that imposing strict punishments is one of the most essential measures to ensure road safety, I believe that other measures are also successful to enhance the safety on the roads.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that strict punishments will reduce the number of people commiting the driving offences. In other words, it is a punishment for driving offenders and a warning for those who intend to violate traffic laws. For instance, in Vietnam, residents are not allowed to drive vehicles immediately after drinking alcoholic substances like alcohol and beer. If they are caught, they are confiscated their driver license and vehicle. As a result, it can reduce the risk of recidivism and set an example for other people, contributing to decline in the quantity of traffic accidents.
On the other hand, I believe that governments could use other solutions to decrease traffic accidents, resulting in fostering road safety. Firstly, governments should concern about education for residents. Specifically, some free propaganda sessions should be organized to raise people’s awareness of traffic safety, thereby limiting unintended consequences. Secondly, governments should increase the number of policies on the roads where dwellers usually participate in traffic. By this way, traffic participants will remind themselves that they should obey the traffic laws, leading to the reduction in the quantity of driving offences and enhancing the residents' awareness and the road safety.
In conclusion, although both views have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to reduce the number of people who commit driving crimes and foster road safety by other measures not just using strict punishments.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"imposing strict punishments" -> "imposing stringent penalties"
Explanation: "Stringent penalties" is a more precise and formal term than "strict punishments," which better captures the severity and formality of the measures being discussed in an academic context.
"not just using strict punishments" -> "solely relying on strict penalties"
Explanation: "Solely relying on" is more precise and formal than "not just using," which sounds somewhat informal and vague. "Penalties" is also preferred over "punishments" for a more formal tone.
"people commiting" -> "people committing"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, ensuring the verb "committing" is correctly conjugated in the present participle form.
"a punishment for driving offenders" -> "a deterrent for driving offenders"
Explanation: "Deterrent" is a more precise term in this context, indicating a measure intended to discourage behavior, which is more specific and academically appropriate than "punishment."
"are confiscated their driver license" -> "have their driver’s licenses confiscated"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical structure and adds the possessive form "driver’s licenses" to maintain clarity and accuracy.
"it can reduce the risk of recidivism" -> "this can reduce the risk of recidivism"
Explanation: Adding "this" clarifies the subject of the sentence, making it clear that the preceding action is the cause of the reduction in recidivism.
"set an example for other people" -> "serve as a deterrent to others"
Explanation: "Serve as a deterrent to others" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea that the punishment serves as a warning to others, enhancing the academic tone.
"decrease traffic accidents" -> "reduce the incidence of traffic accidents"
Explanation: "Reduce the incidence of" is a more formal and precise phrase, suitable for academic writing, compared to the simpler "decrease traffic accidents."
"concern about education for residents" -> "prioritize education for residents"
Explanation: "Prioritize" is a more active and formal verb than "concern," which is vague and less direct. It clearly indicates the government’s proactive approach to education.
"some free propaganda sessions" -> "various educational programs"
Explanation: "Educational programs" is a more formal and appropriate term than "propaganda sessions," which carries a negative connotation and is too informal for academic writing.
"increase the number of policies on the roads" -> "enhance road safety measures"
Explanation: "Enhance road safety measures" is a more specific and formal way to describe the actions taken to improve road safety, replacing the vague and less formal "increase the number of policies on the roads."
"traffic participants" -> "drivers"
Explanation: "Drivers" is a more specific and appropriate term than "traffic participants," which is overly broad and informal for this context.
"dwellers usually participate in traffic" -> "drivers regularly engage in traffic"
Explanation: "Drivers regularly engage in traffic" is more precise and contextually appropriate than "dwellers usually participate in traffic," which is awkward and unclear.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the effectiveness of strict punishments versus other measures in reducing traffic accidents. The first paragraph presents the argument for strict punishments, while the second paragraph discusses alternative measures, such as education and increased policies. However, the essay lacks a thorough exploration of the opposing viewpoint, particularly in terms of depth and examples. The discussion on strict punishments is somewhat more developed than the alternative measures, which could lead to an imbalance in the treatment of the two perspectives.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more balanced examination of both viewpoints. This could involve adding more detailed examples and evidence for the alternative measures, as well as addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer expresses a clear opinion that while strict punishments are important, other measures are also necessary for improving road safety. However, the position could be more consistently articulated throughout the essay. The conclusion reiterates the opinion but does not strongly connect back to the arguments made in the body paragraphs, which may leave the reader unclear about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently link back to their opinion in each paragraph. This can be achieved by using phrases that reinforce their stance and summarizing how each argument supports their overall viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both strict punishments and alternative measures, but the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the example of Vietnam’s laws against drunk driving is relevant, it could be expanded with more context or statistics to strengthen the argument. The section discussing education lacks specific examples of successful educational programs or initiatives that have effectively reduced traffic accidents.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence. This could include statistics, case studies, or references to successful programs in other countries. Additionally, elaborating on how each measure directly contributes to road safety would enhance the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the discussion of strict punishments versus alternative measures for improving road safety. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, which may distract from the main points. For example, phrases like "fostering road safety" could be simplified or clarified to maintain focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should aim for straightforward language and clear transitions between ideas. Ensuring that each sentence contributes directly to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, reviewing the essay for any unnecessary complexity or ambiguity can enhance overall clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of both viewpoints, clearer articulation of the writer’s position, stronger support for ideas, and improved clarity and focus throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss both views, with the first paragraph focusing on the argument for strict punishments and the second on alternative measures. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; the connection between the arguments is somewhat abrupt. For example, the phrase "On the other hand" is effective, but the ideas could be linked more explicitly to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that not only indicate a shift in perspective but also summarize the previous point. For instance, after discussing strict punishments, a sentence like "While strict punishments have their merits, it is equally important to consider alternative approaches" would create a clearer connection between the two viewpoints.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focused on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs each tackle one side of the debate. However, the conclusion could be more robust; it briefly restates the main points but does not fully synthesize the arguments presented in the body.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph not only presents an idea but also includes a concluding sentence that ties back to the thesis. In the conclusion, consider summarizing the key arguments made in the body paragraphs before stating your opinion, which would provide a more comprehensive closure to the discussion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "For instance," which help to guide the reader through the arguments. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied connectors to enhance the flow of ideas. For example, phrases like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "In addition" could be used to introduce supporting details or to connect related ideas more fluidly.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, when introducing examples or elaborating on a point, use connectors that indicate addition or contrast, which would enrich the text and improve the overall coherence. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to avoid repetition and maintain cohesion throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and variety of cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic of road safety and traffic offences. Terms such as "divergent opinions," "strict punishments," "traffic laws," and "recidivism" indicate a solid understanding of the subject matter. However, there are instances where more varied vocabulary could enhance the essay. For example, phrases like "successful to enhance the safety" could be improved by using synonyms or more sophisticated expressions such as "effective in improving safety."
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "strict punishments," alternatives like "severe penalties" or "harsh sanctions" could be used. Additionally, employing more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text, such as "significantly reduce" instead of just "reduce."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are some imprecise usages that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "confiscated their driver license and vehicle" should be "have their driver’s license and vehicle confiscated." This grammatical error affects the clarity of the statement. Additionally, the phrase "concern about education for residents" is awkward; a more precise expression would be "prioritize education for residents."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on sentence structure and word choice. Reviewing sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity is essential. Using tools like thesauruses or vocabulary lists specific to the topic can help in selecting the most appropriate words. Practicing writing sentences with varied structures can also enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "commiting" (should be "committing") and "driver license" (should be "driver’s license"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using digital tools that check spelling and grammar. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular reading and writing practice can also improve spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs a good range of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in precision, variety, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For example, complex sentences such as "While it can be argued that imposing strict punishments is one of the most essential measures to ensure road safety, I believe that other measures are also successful to enhance the safety on the roads" show an attempt to incorporate variety. However, many sentences are quite similar in structure, often following a straightforward subject-verb-object format. This limits the overall complexity and sophistication of the writing. Additionally, phrases like "it is undeniable that strict punishments will reduce the number of people committing the driving offences" could benefit from more varied introductory clauses or transitional phrases to enhance flow and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more complex and compound sentences. Incorporate introductory phrases, subordinate clauses, and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "governments should," try varying the structure: "In addition to strict punishments, governments could also focus on education and awareness campaigns." This not only adds variety but also improves the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity and professionalism. For instance, "commiting" should be corrected to "committing," and "they are confiscated their driver license and vehicle" is awkwardly phrased; a clearer construction would be "their driver’s license and vehicle are confiscated." Additionally, the phrase "the quantity of traffic accidents" could be improved to "the number of traffic accidents," which is more idiomatic. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas before conjunctions in compound sentences, also occur, which can confuse readers and disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, careful proofreading is essential. Focus on common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify errors. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will improve clarity. Reading essays aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that enhance readability.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, ultimately leading to a more polished and effective argument.

Bài sửa mẫu

People have divergent opinions about whether the best way to reduce traffic accidents is solely relying on strict punishments for driving offences or not. This remains a controversial topic in the field of transportation. While it can be argued that imposing stringent penalties is one of the most essential measures to ensure road safety, I believe that other measures are also effective in enhancing safety on the roads.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that strict punishments will reduce the number of people committing driving offences. In other words, it serves as a deterrent for driving offenders and a warning for those who intend to violate traffic laws. For instance, in Vietnam, residents are not allowed to drive vehicles immediately after consuming alcoholic substances like alcohol and beer. If they are caught, their driver’s licenses and vehicles are confiscated. As a result, this can reduce the risk of recidivism and set an example for others, contributing to a decline in the incidence of traffic accidents.

On the other hand, I believe that governments could use other solutions to decrease traffic accidents, thereby fostering road safety. Firstly, governments should prioritize education for residents. Specifically, various educational programs should be organized to raise people’s awareness of traffic safety, thereby limiting unintended consequences. Secondly, governments should enhance road safety measures by increasing the number of policies on the roads where residents regularly engage in traffic. By this way, traffic participants will remind themselves that they should obey the traffic laws, leading to a reduction in the number of driving offences and enhancing residents’ awareness and road safety.

In conclusion, although both views have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to reduce the number of people who commit driving offences and foster road safety through other measures, not just by using strict punishments.