Some people think that strict punishments for driving offenses are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The issue of road security has long been a topic of discussion. Some individuals hold various views about harsh discipline for driving violations and enhancing road safety. In my opinion, improving road safety might appear to be effective, increasing strict punishment for driving offenses can bring greater benefits and reduce traffic accidents.
On the one hand, expanding public transit options plays a crucial role in traffic, and the government leader always implements policies like improving traffic congestion and the number of vehicles. Allowing for the development of transportation infrastructure helps reduce traffic congestion and decreases the threat of air pollution. However, these days, public transport is increasing on the contrary few people obey the rules resulting in a growing number of road setbacks. For example, in Vietnam, on holiday and Tet have more than one hundred road accidents caused do not obey the rules, especially when drunk, high-speed propulsive, and running a red light. This measure, therefore, does not actually solve the problem at its root.
On the other hand, it would be more advantageous if the government's harsh discipline for driving offenses were the key to reducing traffic accidents and were a significant solution. For instance, in Vietnam, people who drink alcohol while participating in traffic will be punished from 300000 Vietnam dong to 7 million Vietnam dong even death penalty if causing death. Increasing strict punishment helps citizens obey laws reduce road accidents and manage traffic efficiently. More importantly,this is also a sustainable solution to decrease the mortality rate.Individuals should be focused on the road while driving to improve mobility, which helps traffic congestion always improve. As a result, the main traffic issue will be handled.
In conclusion, while improving road security may be beneficial to a certain extent, I am convinced that strict punishments for driving offenses are the key to reducing traffic disasters.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"long been a topic of discussion" -> "has been a topic of ongoing discussion"
Explanation: The phrase "long been" is somewhat informal and vague. "Has been a topic of ongoing discussion" is more precise and formal, indicating a continuous and ongoing nature of the topic.
"Some individuals hold various views" -> "Some individuals hold diverse perspectives"
Explanation: "Various views" is somewhat generic and less formal. "Diverse perspectives" is more specific and academically appropriate, emphasizing the range of opinions.
"might appear to be effective" -> "may be effective"
Explanation: "Might appear to be" is redundant and less direct. "May be" is more straightforward and maintains the formal tone.
"increasing strict punishment" -> "enhancing punitive measures"
Explanation: "Increasing strict punishment" is somewhat informal and vague. "Enhancing punitive measures" is more precise and formal, focusing on the type of action taken.
"All the time" -> "constantly"
Explanation: "All the time" is informal and conversational. "Constantly" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"the government leader" -> "government leaders"
Explanation: "The government leader" is grammatically incorrect as it implies a single leader. "Government leaders" is grammatically correct and more appropriate for a plural subject.
"always implements policies" -> "consistently implements policies"
Explanation: "Always" is too absolute and informal. "Consistently" is more precise and formal, indicating a regular pattern of action.
"helps reduce traffic congestion and decreases the threat of air pollution" -> "helps alleviate traffic congestion and mitigate the threat of air pollution"
Explanation: "Decreases" is less formal and slightly vague. "Mitigate" and "alleviate" are more precise and formal terms, suitable for academic writing.
"on the contrary few people obey" -> "however, few people comply"
Explanation: "On the contrary" is informal and less precise. "However" is more formal and appropriate for contrast. "Comply" is also more formal than "obey" in this context.
"caused do not obey" -> "resulted from non-compliance"
Explanation: "Caused do not obey" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Resulted from non-compliance" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"high-speed propulsive" -> "high-speed driving"
Explanation: "Propulsive" is incorrect in this context. "Driving" is the correct term for describing vehicle operation.
"running a red light" -> "running red lights"
Explanation: "Running a red light" is grammatically incorrect as it should be plural. "Running red lights" corrects this error.
"does not actually solve the problem at its root" -> "does not effectively address the root cause"
Explanation: "Does not actually solve the problem at its root" is verbose and informal. "Does not effectively address the root cause" is concise and maintains a formal tone.
"more advantageous if the government’s harsh discipline" -> "more effective if the government imposes stricter discipline"
Explanation: "More advantageous" is less specific and slightly informal. "More effective" is direct and appropriate for academic writing. "Imposes stricter discipline" is more precise than "harsh discipline."
"punished from 300000 Vietnam dong to 7 million Vietnam dong even death penalty" -> "fined from 300,000 to 7 million Vietnam dong, with the possibility of the death penalty"
Explanation: The original phrasing is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the range of fines and the severity of the penalty.
"helps citizens obey laws" -> "encourages citizens to comply with laws"
Explanation: "Helps citizens obey laws" is somewhat informal and less precise. "Encourages citizens to comply with laws" is more formal and specific.
"manage traffic efficiently" -> "efficiently manage traffic"
Explanation: "Manage traffic efficiently" is grammatically correct, but "efficiently manage traffic" is more formal and aligns better with academic style.
"Individuals should be focused on the road" -> "drivers should maintain their focus on the road"
Explanation: "Individuals" is too broad and informal for this context. "Drivers" is specific and relevant. "Maintain their focus" is more precise than "be focused."
"always improve" -> "continuously improve"
Explanation: "Always" is absolute and informal. "Continuously" is more precise and formal, indicating ongoing improvement.
"traffic issue will be handled" -> "traffic issue will be addressed"
Explanation: "Handled" is less formal and slightly vague. "Addressed" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding strict punishments for driving offenses and alternative measures to improve road safety. The first body paragraph discusses public transport improvements, while the second focuses on the effectiveness of strict punishments. However, the treatment of the first view is somewhat superficial, lacking depth in analysis and examples. The essay does not fully explore the potential benefits of alternative measures, which could provide a more balanced discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should delve deeper into the alternative measures proposed, such as public education campaigns or technological advancements in traffic management. Providing specific examples and evidence for both views would strengthen the argument and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring strict punishments as the key to reducing traffic accidents. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the two views could be smoother, as the shift from one argument to the other feels abrupt at times.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer could use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, explicitly stating how the discussion of public transport relates to the effectiveness of punishments could create a more cohesive narrative.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both views, but the support for these ideas is uneven. The discussion about public transport lacks sufficient elaboration and examples, while the section on strict punishments provides a more detailed account of penalties in Vietnam. However, the reasoning behind why strict punishments are more effective could be further developed.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend ideas by providing more detailed explanations and examples for both views. For instance, discussing how strict punishments have led to behavioral changes in other countries could strengthen the argument. Additionally, incorporating statistics or studies on road safety could provide more substantial support for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, focusing on the prompt’s question about road safety and driving offenses. However, there are moments where the relevance of certain points is questionable, particularly in the discussion of public transport, which could be more directly linked to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main arguments before writing the essay to ensure that all content is relevant and contributes to answering the question posed.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score, demonstrating a more nuanced understanding of the topic and a more effective argument structure.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion. Each body paragraph addresses a specific viewpoint, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, the transition between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing public transport to the consequences of traffic violations in the first body paragraph feels abrupt and lacks a clear connection.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the main argument of each paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "In contrast" or "Furthermore" can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, with the first discussing alternative measures and the second advocating for strict punishments. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first paragraph is somewhat lengthy and covers multiple ideas, which may overwhelm the reader.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible parts. For instance, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on public transport and another discussing the consequences of non-compliance with traffic rules.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the government leader always implements policies like improving traffic congestion," which could confuse the reader. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is not always appropriate, as seen in the phrase "the threat of air pollution," which does not clearly connect to the preceding idea.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," and "For instance." This will help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device used is contextually appropriate and contributes to the clarity of the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, addressing the above areas will enhance its clarity and effectiveness, potentially raising the band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of road safety and traffic offenses. Phrases such as "harsh discipline," "traffic congestion," and "public transit options" indicate a reasonable range. However, the vocabulary used is often repetitive, particularly in discussing the consequences of driving offenses, which detracts from the overall richness of the language. For example, the phrase "strict punishment" is repeated multiple times without variation.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. Instead of repeatedly using "strict punishment," alternatives such as "severe penalties," "stringent measures," or "rigorous enforcement" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can help create a more nuanced argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "harsh discipline for driving violations" could be misinterpreted as a reference to educational discipline rather than legal penalties. Furthermore, the term "road setbacks" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning of "road accidents" or "traffic incidents."
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For instance, replacing "harsh discipline" with "severe penalties" or "strict enforcement of laws" would clarify the context. Additionally, ensuring that terms like "road setbacks" are replaced with more precise language, such as "traffic accidents" or "road incidents," will enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "do not obey the rules" should be "for not obeying the rules," and "high-speed propulsive" is awkward and likely intended to mean "high-speed driving." Additionally, "government leader" is an incorrect phrase; "government officials" or "government authorities" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Furthermore, practicing spelling through exercises or quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in discussing the topic, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will enhance the overall quality and clarity of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of conditional structures in "if the government’s harsh discipline for driving offenses were the key to reducing traffic accidents" shows an attempt at complexity. However, many sentences are overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed, such as "the government leader always implements policies like improving traffic congestion and the number of vehicles," which lacks clarity and sophistication. Additionally, phrases like "public transport is increasing on the contrary" are confusing and do not effectively convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using more varied sentence types and lengths. Incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses can add depth to the writing. For instance, instead of saying "public transport is increasing on the contrary," a more effective structure could be "Despite the increase in public transport options, compliance with traffic rules has not improved." This not only clarifies the point but also showcases a more sophisticated use of language.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "caused do not obey the rules" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "caused by not obeying the rules." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the missing space after "More importantly," lead to a lack of clarity in the writing. The use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, particularly concerning verb forms and prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, the writer should focus on proper comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation is needed or where sentences may be awkwardly constructed. Furthermore, seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-checking tools can provide additional support in identifying and correcting errors.

By addressing these areas of grammatical range and accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, potentially raising their band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

The issue of road safety has been a topic of ongoing discussion. Some individuals hold diverse perspectives regarding harsh punishments for driving offenses and their impact on enhancing road safety. In my opinion, while improving road safety may appear effective, increasing strict punishments for driving violations can yield greater benefits and significantly reduce traffic accidents.

On the one hand, expanding public transit options plays a crucial role in managing traffic, and government leaders consistently implement policies aimed at alleviating traffic congestion and reducing the number of vehicles on the road. The development of transportation infrastructure helps alleviate traffic congestion and mitigate the threat of air pollution. However, these days, while public transport is increasing, few people comply with the rules, resulting in a growing number of road incidents. For example, in Vietnam, during holidays and Tet, there are more than one hundred road accidents caused by non-compliance with traffic regulations, especially due to drunk driving, high-speed driving, and running red lights. This approach, therefore, does not effectively address the root cause of the problem.

On the other hand, it would be more effective if the government imposed stricter discipline for driving offenses as a key solution to reducing traffic accidents. For instance, in Vietnam, individuals who drive under the influence of alcohol face fines ranging from 300,000 to 7 million Vietnam dong, with the possibility of the death penalty if their actions result in fatalities. Enhancing punitive measures encourages citizens to comply with laws, thereby reducing road accidents and efficiently managing traffic. More importantly, this is also a sustainable solution to decrease the mortality rate. Drivers should maintain their focus on the road while driving to improve mobility, which helps ensure that traffic congestion is continuously addressed. As a result, the main traffic issue will be effectively managed.

In conclusion, while improving road safety may be beneficial to a certain extent, I am convinced that strict punishments for driving offenses are the key to significantly reducing traffic disasters.