Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while other think that tere are more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A number of individuals think that achieveving success in life requies determination and hard work, while other argue that tere are momentous considerations, for instance money and appearance. From my point of view, to be successful need persistence and determinaton.
On the one hand, it is understandable why some people believe that success in life comes from hard work and determination. The key rationale in favor of this thingking is that success with integrity. You take achievement with all your efforts and persistence, that mean success in one’s own right. Although it take your mumerous times, results will be much more valuable. Moreover, success in one own right make your parents proud of you and be appreciated.
On the other hand, there are also sound reasons to think that money and appearance are more crucial to success in life. The reason that can be put forward is that, individuals who has money and appearance find it easy to get job and make other impression than other. For instance, To be a model and actor or celebrity almost need appearance because it easy to focus everyone’eyes. This means that, achive results easy and some time it is more effective than people who work hard and determination.
In conclusion, although there are jusifications to advocate the idea that tera are crucial factors such as money and appearance, I would contend that to be successful with hard work and determination because it is better for long term success.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"achieveing" -> "achieving"
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "achieving" maintains the formality of the essay and ensures clarity in communication.
"requies" -> "requires"
Explanation: "Requires" is the correct spelling of the verb, aligning with standard English usage and formal writing conventions.
"tere" -> "there"
Explanation: "There" is the correct word to use in this context, indicating a location or existence of significant considerations.
"momentous" -> "significant"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more precise and appropriate term in this context, conveying the idea of importance or relevance.
"determinaton" -> "determination"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling to "determination" ensures accuracy and maintains the professionalism of the essay.
"thingking" -> "thinking"
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling to "thinking" ensures proper usage and clarity in conveying ideas.
"this thingking" -> "this thinking"
Explanation: Similar to the previous correction, "thinking" is the correct form of the word in this context.
"key rationale" -> "key rationale"
Explanation: Adding the article "a" before "key rationale" makes the phrase grammatically correct and enhances readability.
"You take achievement with all your efforts and persistence, that mean success in one’s own right." -> "Achievement is attained through dedicated efforts and persistence, signifying success in one’s own right."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality while maintaining the intended meaning.
"Although it take your mumerous times" -> "Although it may take numerous attempts"
Explanation: Using "may" and rephrasing "times" to "attempts" improves clarity and grammatical accuracy.
"make your parents proud of you and be appreciated" -> "earn the pride and appreciation of one’s parents"
Explanation: This change maintains formality and improves clarity by expressing the idea more concisely and directly.
"there are also sound reasons to think that money and appearance are more crucial" -> "there are compelling reasons to consider money and appearance as crucial"
Explanation: The suggested change enhances clarity and formality by using "compelling" instead of "sound" and rephrasing for smoother flow.
"individuals who has money and appearance" -> "individuals who possess wealth and physical attractiveness"
Explanation: Using "possess" instead of "has" and elaborating on "appearance" with "physical attractiveness" improves precision and formality.
"make other impression than other" -> "create a more favorable impression than others"
Explanation: Clarifying the intended meaning and improving grammar by rephrasing the sentence.
"To be a model and actor or celebrity almost need appearance because it easy to focus everyone’eyes." -> "Professions such as modeling, acting, or celebrity status often require physical attractiveness as it captivates attention."
Explanation: This revision provides a clearer and more academically appropriate expression of the idea.
"achive results easy" -> "achieve results easily"
Explanation: Correcting the grammar by using the adverb "easily" instead of the adjective "easy" to modify the verb "achieve."
"there are jusifications to advocate the idea that tera are crucial factors" -> "there are justifications for advocating the idea that there are crucial factors"
Explanation: Revising for clarity and grammatical accuracy, including adding the article "the" before "justifications" and correcting the spelling of "there."
"I would contend" -> "I contend"
Explanation: Removing "would" makes the statement more direct and confident, fitting for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument but falls short in fully addressing the nuances of each perspective. It briefly mentions the importance of hard work and determination, as well as the significance of money and appearance, but lacks depth in discussing the opposing viewpoints. Furthermore, the opinion presented in the conclusion is not effectively supported by the preceding arguments.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should dedicate more space to exploring the perspectives of both hard work/determination and money/appearance in greater detail. Each viewpoint could be supported by specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate their significance in achieving success. Additionally, the conclusion should provide a stronger synthesis of the arguments presented in the body paragraphs, reinforcing the chosen stance with compelling reasoning.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to maintain a clear position that success is primarily achieved through hard work and determination, the argumentation lacks consistency and coherence. There are instances where the importance of money and appearance seems to be acknowledged, which undermines the clarity of the stance.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should establish a more defined and unwavering stance from the outset, reinforcing this position throughout the essay with consistent reasoning and supporting evidence. Avoiding contradictory statements and maintaining a focused argument will help to strengthen the overall clarity of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the importance of hard work, determination, money, and appearance, but these ideas lack sufficient development and support. Examples are briefly mentioned without thorough elaboration, and the arguments lack depth and analysis.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should expand on each idea presented, providing more detailed explanations and relevant examples to strengthen the argumentation. Additionally, incorporating counterarguments and addressing them effectively can demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and enrich the overall discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing factors contributing to success in life, including hard work, determination, money, and appearance. However, there are instances where the focus wavers, such as briefly mentioning the pride of parents without clear relevance to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that every point made directly relates to the topic of success and the factors influencing it. Avoiding tangential discussions and irrelevant details will help to keep the essay on track and strengthen its coherence.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt and presents some relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of argumentation, and coherence of structure. By refining these aspects and providing more thorough explanations and support, the essay can achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally follows a logical organization by presenting arguments for both sides of the issue and concluding with the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be clearer to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure that each paragraph is linked logically to the preceding one. Use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the progression of ideas. Additionally, consider restructuring sentences to improve clarity and coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the effectiveness of paragraphing is inconsistent. Some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, making it difficult to understand the main point. For instance, the second paragraph could benefit from a stronger topic sentence to clearly introduce the argument being made.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by including clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. These topic sentences should encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph, providing a roadmap for the reader. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single coherent point to avoid confusion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("although," "moreover," "in conclusion") and pronouns ("it," "this"). However, there is a lack of variety in cohesive devices, leading to repetitive language and weak cohesion between ideas. Additionally, some cohesive devices are not used effectively, impacting the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to include a variety of linking words, transitions, and synonyms. This will help create smoother connections between ideas and reduce redundancy. Practice integrating cohesive devices seamlessly into sentences to improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to pronoun reference to ensure clarity and coherence in the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempt to vary word choice. For instance, synonyms like "persistence" and "determination" are used to convey similar meanings. However, there is a repetition of certain words and phrases, such as "success" and "in one’s own right," which indicates a limited range.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, incorporate a broader range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. For example, instead of repeatedly using "success," explore synonyms like "achievement," "accomplishment," or "fulfillment." Additionally, strive to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate to elevate the essay’s quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays imprecise vocabulary usage in several instances. For example, the phrase "achieve results easy" lacks precision and clarity. Additionally, there are minor grammatical errors that detract from the precision of expression.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary precisely to convey ideas with clarity and accuracy. When discussing complex concepts like success, ensure that the vocabulary chosen accurately reflects the intended meaning. Proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and rectify grammatical errors, contributing to improved precision in expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally satisfactory, with only a few minor errors observed (e.g., "achieveving," "requies," "tera"). While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Employ strategies such as spell-checking tools and thorough proofreading to minimize spelling errors. Additionally, dedicating time to review spelling rules and common word patterns can help strengthen spelling proficiency over time. Consistent practice and attention to detail are key to enhancing spelling accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in expanding vocabulary range, refining precision in word choice, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy. Implementing targeted strategies for vocabulary enrichment and error correction can contribute to achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is limited variety in sentence structure overall. Most sentences follow a straightforward subject-verb-object pattern without much variation in length or complexity. For example, "On the one hand, it is understandable why some people believe that success in life comes from hard work and determination." This sentence structure is repeated throughout the essay, resulting in a lack of dynamism and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as complex-compound sentences, conditional sentences, and relative clauses. Varying the length and structure of sentences can add depth and complexity to your writing. For instance, instead of consistently using simple sentences, try combining ideas to form more complex structures. Additionally, experiment with rhetorical devices such as parallelism, inversion, and subordination to add nuance and elegance to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical errors and inconsistencies, affecting the overall accuracy of the writing. For example, "A number of individuals think that achieveving success in life requies determination and hard work, while other argue that tere are momentous considerations, for instance money and appearance." Here, "achieveving" should be "achieving," "requies" should be "requires," and "other" should be "others." Additionally, punctuation errors are present throughout the essay, such as missing commas and incorrect usage of apostrophes.
- How to improve: Improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills involves careful proofreading and revision. Start by reviewing basic grammar rules related to sentence structure, verb conjugation, and agreement. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and the use of articles (e.g., "a," "an," "the"). Additionally, familiarize yourself with punctuation rules, including the correct usage of commas, periods, apostrophes, and quotation marks. Proofreading your writing multiple times can help you identify and correct errors more effectively. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to further refine your writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that achieving success in life requires determination and hard work, while others argue that there are more important factors, such as money and appearance. From my perspective, success necessitates persistence and determination.

On one hand, it is understandable why some individuals uphold the belief that success in life comes from hard work and determination. The key rationale supporting this thinking is that success achieved through dedicated efforts and persistence signifies success in one’s own right. Although it may take numerous attempts, the results will be much more valuable. Moreover, achieving success in one’s own right earns the pride and appreciation of one’s parents.

On the other hand, there are also compelling reasons to consider money and appearance as crucial to success in life. Individuals who possess wealth and physical attractiveness often create a more favorable impression than others. Professions such as modeling, acting, or celebrity status often require physical attractiveness as it captivates attention. This suggests that achieving results easily, sometimes, is more effective than people who work hard with determination.

In conclusion, while there are justifications for advocating the idea that there are crucial factors such as money and appearance, I contend that success is better achieved through hard work and determination because it is better for long-term success.