Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge right and wrong and to behave well. Some say that teachers should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both view and give your opinion?
Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge right and wrong and to behave well. Some say that teachers should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both view and give your opinion?
There is a heated debate as to whether students should receive judgements about right and wrong and their behaviour by their teacher or whether they should only taught about academic subjects. This essay attempts to shed light on both views before concluding that I am in favor of former notion.
On the one hand, only focusing on academic subjects is advadtageous to some extent. Firstly, this option could give them higher consequence in their mark. Without the moral problem, students who do not have well behaviours but have talented in some subjects are also respected, which can lead to optimizing entirely their potential abilities. Secondly, this strategy could give them more advantage or even in some fist years after graduating. This is because in some countries or businesses, they employ according to students’s profile, which also is highlighted by their impressive certification; as a result, they will have more chances to have a job.
On the other hand, there are compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that giving student judgemet for right and wrong and teaching them to have good behaviors is more important. One reason is that this strategy can develop them adequately. Because childrens can enhance their soft skills, such as communication and how to behave well, they will have more adaptability of various environments and workplaces. Another reason is that this option can teach them how to treat everyone. Without these knowledge, students could, for example, be selfish by their success or have some toxic tendency, such as bullying everyone, so this option can help students build up better relationship network.
In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that focusing on academic work has some advadtages, such as more beautiful profile, but it just lasts for a short term. Therefore, I would contend that teaching students adequately have more benefits, due to various skills supporting for their longer future.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"judgements about right and wrong" -> "judgments about right and wrong"
Explanation: The word "judgements" should be in the singular form "judgments" to align with standard English usage in academic writing. -
"only taught about academic subjects" -> "only taught academic subjects"
Explanation: Removing "about" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more direct and formal. -
"I am in favor of former notion" -> "I support the former view"
Explanation: "Support" is more formal and precise than "in favor of," and "view" is more appropriate than "notion" in this context. -
"advadtageous" -> "advantageous"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error to ensure the word is spelled correctly. -
"give them higher consequence in their mark" -> "improve their academic performance"
Explanation: "Improve their academic performance" is a clearer and more formal way to express the intended meaning. -
"do not have well behaviours" -> "do not exhibit good behavior"
Explanation: "Exhibit good behavior" is grammatically correct and more formal than "have well behaviors." -
"talented in some subjects" -> "skilled in certain subjects"
Explanation: "Skilled" is more precise and academically appropriate than "talented," which can be vague and informal. -
"give them more advantage or even in some fist years after graduating" -> "provide them with advantages, potentially even in the first years after graduation"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. -
"students’s profile" -> "students’ profiles"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive form to "students’" and pluralizes "profile" to match the context. -
"impressive certification" -> "impressive academic credentials"
Explanation: "Academic credentials" is a more specific and formal term than "certification." -
"giving student judgemet for right and wrong" -> "assessing students’ moral judgments"
Explanation: "Assessing" is more precise and formal than "giving," and "moral judgments" is a clearer and more academic term than "right and wrong." -
"childrens" -> "children"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error to ensure proper spelling. -
"how to behave well" -> "proper behavior"
Explanation: "Proper behavior" is a more formal and concise expression than "how to behave well." -
"more adaptability of various environments and workplaces" -> "greater adaptability in various environments and workplaces"
Explanation: "Greater adaptability" is more precise and formal, and "in" is the correct preposition for this context. -
"teach them how to treat everyone" -> "teach them how to interact with others"
Explanation: "Interact with others" is a more specific and formal phrase than "treat everyone." -
"be selfish by their success" -> "become selfish due to their success"
Explanation: "Become" is the correct verb form for this context, and "due to" is more formal than "by." -
"have some toxic tendency" -> "develop toxic tendencies"
Explanation: "Develop toxic tendencies" is a more precise and formal way to describe the acquisition of negative behaviors. -
"build up better relationship network" -> "develop stronger social networks"
Explanation: "Develop stronger social networks" is a more formal and precise term than "build up better relationship network." -
"teaching students adequately have more benefits" -> "teaching students adequately offers more benefits"
Explanation: "Offers" is the correct verb form to use with "more benefits," aligning with the passive voice used in the sentence structure.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the role of teachers in imparting moral values versus focusing solely on academic subjects. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages of focusing on academics, while the second body paragraph presents arguments for teaching moral judgments and behavior. However, the discussion of the first view is less developed and lacks depth compared to the second view, which is more thoroughly explored.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more balanced arguments for both sides. This could involve elaborating on the benefits of academic focus with specific examples or evidence, ensuring that each view is given equal weight in the discussion.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of teaching moral judgments in the introduction and reiterates this stance in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing both views and the conclusion could be smoother, as the conclusion somewhat abruptly shifts back to the writer’s opinion without a clear summary of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should include a brief summary of the key points made for both views before restating their opinion in the conclusion. This will help reinforce their stance and provide a cohesive ending to the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the importance of teaching moral values is discussed. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat general and lacks specific examples or evidence to strengthen the arguments. For instance, the mention of "soft skills" and "better relationship network" could be supported with real-life examples or studies demonstrating the impact of these skills.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide concrete examples or data to support their claims. This could involve citing studies on the importance of soft skills in the workplace or providing anecdotal evidence of how moral education has positively impacted students’ lives.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements. However, there are moments where the language becomes unclear, such as "more beautiful profile," which detracts from the overall clarity and focus of the argument. Additionally, some phrases, like "toxic tendency," could be more clearly articulated to maintain relevance to the topic.
- How to improve: The writer should strive for clarity in their language and ensure that all terms used are appropriate and relevant to the discussion. Revising ambiguous phrases and ensuring that all points directly relate back to the prompt will help maintain focus and coherence throughout the essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from more balanced arguments, clearer transitions, and stronger support for ideas. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition between discussing the advantages of focusing solely on academics to the importance of moral education feels abrupt. The phrase "On the one hand" introduces the first argument well, but the subsequent transition to the second argument lacks a clear connective phrase that would better signal the shift in perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transitional phrases between paragraphs and within them. For instance, after discussing the first viewpoint, you could use "Conversely" or "In contrast" to introduce the opposing argument. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the thesis statement, reinforcing the overall argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct viewpoint, which is a strength. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be refined. For instance, the first body paragraph contains several ideas that could be more clearly delineated. The sentence "Without the moral problem, students who do not have well behaviours but have talented in some subjects are also respected" could be broken down for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic. Consider using bullet points or lists for complex ideas to enhance clarity. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "On the other hand," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where cohesion could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "this option" is used repetitively, which can lead to confusion about what is being referred to. Additionally, the use of "such as" is somewhat limited, and more varied cohesive devices could enhance the essay’s flow.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Consequently." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, vary the reference terms used to avoid repetition; for instance, instead of repeatedly saying "this option," you could refer back to the specific idea being discussed, such as "the focus on academic subjects."
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "heated debate," "advantageous," "optimizing," and "compelling reasons." However, the range is somewhat limited, and certain phrases are repeated or lack sophistication. For instance, the phrase "give them more advantage" could be expressed more elegantly as "provide them with greater opportunities."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and more complex expressions. For example, instead of "good behaviors," consider using "positive behaviors" or "constructive conduct." Additionally, incorporating more academic or formal vocabulary can elevate the overall quality of the writing.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "judgements about right and wrong" which could be more accurately phrased as "moral judgments." The phrase "mark" is vague and could be more specific, such as "academic performance" or "grades." Furthermore, "talented in some subjects" could be better articulated as "gifted in specific disciplines."
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences to ensure clarity. For example, instead of "students who do not have well behaviours," a more precise phrasing would be "students who exhibit poor behavior."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "advadtageous," "judgemet," "childrens," and "advadtges." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through targeted exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words. Reading more academic texts can also aid in familiarizing oneself with correct spelling in context.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable effort to engage with the topic and express opinions, there are notable areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these aspects will enhance the overall quality of the writing and potentially lead to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For example, "this option could give them higher consequence in their mark" lacks clarity and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For instance, instead of saying "this option could give them higher consequence in their mark," you might say, "By prioritizing academic subjects, students may achieve higher marks, which can significantly impact their future opportunities." Additionally, practice using different sentence beginnings and varying the length of sentences to create a more engaging flow.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, phrases like "should only taught" should be corrected to "should only be taught," and "students’s profile" should be "students’ profiles." There are also instances of incorrect word forms, such as "advadtageous" instead of "advantageous," and "judgemet" instead of "judgment." Punctuation is generally adequate, but there are missing commas that could improve readability, especially in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common errors can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for spelling and punctuation errors before submission can help catch mistakes. For example, revising "Without these knowledge" to "Without this knowledge" would enhance grammatical correctness. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and rectify errors in your writing.
By addressing these areas for improvement, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy on your IELTS Task 2 essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
There is a heated debate regarding whether teachers should be responsible for teaching students to make judgments about right and wrong and to exhibit proper behavior, or whether they should focus solely on academic subjects. This essay attempts to shed light on both views before concluding that I support the former view.
On the one hand, concentrating exclusively on academic subjects can be advantageous to some extent. Firstly, this approach could lead to higher marks for students. Without the moral considerations, students who may not exhibit good behavior but are skilled in certain subjects can still be respected, which can help them optimize their potential abilities. Secondly, this strategy could provide them with advantages, potentially even in the first years after graduation. In some countries or businesses, employers often hire based on students’ profiles, which are highlighted by their impressive academic credentials; as a result, they will have more opportunities to secure a job.
On the other hand, there are compelling reasons why I believe that teaching students to assess moral judgments and encouraging good behavior is more important. One reason is that this approach can adequately develop them as individuals. Because children can enhance their soft skills, such as communication and proper behavior, they will have greater adaptability in various environments and workplaces. Another reason is that this option can teach them how to interact with others. Without this knowledge, students might become selfish due to their success or develop toxic tendencies, such as bullying, which can hinder their ability to build strong social networks.
In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that focusing on academic work has some advantages, such as creating an impressive profile, these benefits may only last for a short term. Therefore, I contend that teaching students adequately offers more benefits, as it equips them with various skills that support their long-term future.