Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well. Others say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is a controversial debate, whether teachers should take accountability for conveying moral values or only teach them about specialized areas. This author thinks that professors should hold responsibility for both due to several reasons and rationales that are illustrated.

First of all, it should be recognized that teaching students about morality standards can allow them to prepare to be productive members of society with certain good qualities such as honesty, tolerance, and sharing. Secondly, if pupils failed to obey laws and behaved irresponsibly, communities would have more delinquents and criminals, catastrophically affecting the city's reputation. Therefore, ethical lessons are not only critical for many students, but they also play a critical role in order to ensure the order of society.

However, I also firmly believe that academic subjects are becoming crucially important as the job market is now increasingly competitive, so schools should expose students to a wide range of knowledge so that they can get a job later on. For instance, it would be impossible for the young to be professional teachers or doctors if they did not master their majors. Additionally, many countries are often in need of a well-educated workforce. As a consequence, students who are taught properly can have more chances to get jobs than those who are not In conclusion, I am swayed by the notion that emphasizes the importance of moral values and specialized subjects.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is a controversial debate" -> "It is a contentious issue"
Explanation: "Controversial debate" is redundant as "debate" inherently implies controversy. Using "contentious issue" simplifies and clarifies the phrase, aligning it with academic style by avoiding redundancy.
"take accountability for conveying" -> "be responsible for imparting"
Explanation: "Take accountability for conveying" is awkward and unclear. "Be responsible for imparting" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic context better.
"due to several reasons and rationales that are illustrated" -> "due to several reasons and rationales that will be discussed"
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and unclear. "That will be discussed" provides a clearer indication of what is to come, enhancing the academic structure of the essay.
"teaching students about morality standards" -> "teaching moral standards to students"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured. Reversing the order improves the flow and clarity of the sentence, adhering to more conventional academic phrasing.
"allow them to prepare to be productive members of society" -> "enable them to become productive members of society"
Explanation: "Allow them to prepare to be" is verbose and awkward. "Enable them to become" is more direct and academically appropriate, avoiding redundancy and improving readability.
"if pupils failed to obey laws and behaved irresponsibly" -> "if pupils fail to comply with laws and exhibit irresponsible behavior"
Explanation: "Failed to obey laws and behaved irresponsibly" is informal and slightly vague. "Fail to comply with laws and exhibit irresponsible behavior" uses more precise and formal language suitable for academic writing.
"catastrophically affecting the city’s reputation" -> "significantly impacting the city’s reputation"
Explanation: "Catastrophically" is an emotional and informal term. "Significantly impacting" is more measured and appropriate for academic discourse, avoiding emotional language.
"critical role in order to ensure the order of society" -> "critical role in maintaining societal order"
Explanation: "In order to ensure the order of society" is verbose and awkward. "In maintaining societal order" is concise and maintains the formal tone required in academic writing.
"academic subjects are becoming crucially important" -> "academic subjects are increasingly crucial"
Explanation: "Crucially important" is redundant. "Increasingly crucial" avoids redundancy and enhances the formal tone of the sentence.
"the job market is now increasingly competitive" -> "the job market has become increasingly competitive"
Explanation: "Is now increasingly competitive" is awkwardly phrased. "Has become increasingly competitive" provides a clearer temporal context, enhancing the academic tone.
"it would be impossible for the young to be professional teachers or doctors" -> "it would be impossible for young individuals to become professional teachers or doctors"
Explanation: "The young" is vague and informal. "Young individuals" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"many countries are often in need of a well-educated workforce" -> "many countries frequently require a well-educated workforce"
Explanation: "Are often in need of" is slightly informal and vague. "Frequently require" is more direct and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"students who are taught properly can have more chances to get jobs" -> "students who receive proper education have a greater likelihood of securing employment"
Explanation: "Can have more chances to get jobs" is informal and vague. "Have a greater likelihood of securing employment" is more precise and formal, aligning with academic standards.
"I am swayed by the notion that emphasizes the importance of moral values and specialized subjects" -> "I am persuaded by the argument that emphasizes the importance of both moral values and specialized subjects"
Explanation: "I am swayed by the notion" is informal and vague. "I am persuaded by the argument" is more formal and specific, enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding the role of teachers in imparting moral values versus focusing solely on academic subjects. However, it lacks a clear and comprehensive exploration of both perspectives. The first paragraph leans heavily towards the argument that teachers should teach moral values, but it does not sufficiently present the opposing view. The mention of the importance of academic subjects is brief and lacks depth, which leads to an imbalance in addressing the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should dedicate a paragraph to thoroughly discussing the opposing viewpoint, providing specific examples or arguments that support the idea that teachers should focus solely on academic subjects. This could include discussing the role of education in preparing students for the workforce or the importance of specialized knowledge in various fields.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that teachers should be responsible for both moral education and academic subjects. However, the clarity of this position is somewhat muddled, especially in the conclusion, where the phrase "I am swayed by the notion" introduces ambiguity. The reader is left uncertain about the author’s definitive stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion without introducing uncertainty. Phrases like "I firmly believe" can be used to reinforce the author’s stance, ensuring that the reader understands the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the importance of teaching moral values, such as preparing students to be productive members of society and reducing delinquency. However, these points are not sufficiently extended or supported with detailed examples or evidence. The discussion on academic subjects is also underdeveloped, lacking specific examples of how these subjects contribute to students’ future success.
- How to improve: The author should aim to elaborate on each point made, providing specific examples or case studies that illustrate the importance of both moral education and academic subjects. For instance, citing statistics on the impact of moral education on societal behavior or discussing specific academic skills that are essential in the job market would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the roles of teachers in both moral and academic education. However, the lack of depth in discussing the opposing view and the ambiguity in the conclusion detract from the overall coherence and focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the prompt and contributes to the overall argument. It may help to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all points are relevant and well-developed. Additionally, maintaining a consistent structure that clearly delineates the discussion of both views will enhance clarity and relevance.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the essay needs to provide a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints, clarify the author’s position, support ideas with concrete examples, and maintain a strong focus on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the dual role of teachers in imparting both moral values and academic knowledge. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to present arguments for both perspectives. However, the transition between the two views could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing moral education to academic subjects feels abrupt, lacking a clear connective statement that links the two ideas cohesively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph, such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," to signal a shift in focus. Additionally, summarizing the main point of the first paragraph before transitioning to the second can help reinforce the connection between the two views.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. The first paragraph addresses the importance of moral education, while the second discusses the necessity of academic subjects. However, the conclusion is somewhat weak and does not effectively summarize the key points made in the essay, which can leave the reader feeling unsatisfied.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly reiterating the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs. This could involve restating the importance of both moral and academic education and how they complement each other in preparing students for future challenges. A well-rounded conclusion can enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "secondly," and "however," to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "as a consequence" is used, but it could be more effectively integrated to clarify the relationship between the ideas presented.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "on the contrary," and "for instance." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify the relationships between ideas, making the argument more coherent.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents clear arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "accountability," "moral values," "productive members of society," and "well-educated workforce." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "critical role" and "crucially important," which detracts from the overall richness of the language. Additionally, some phrases are overly simplistic or could be expressed with more sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the author should aim to incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions. For example, instead of repeating "critical," alternatives like "essential," "vital," or "pivotal" could be utilized. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help diversify word choice.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "teaching students about morality standards" could be more accurately expressed as "instilling moral values" or "educating students on ethical principles." Additionally, the term "catastrophically affecting the city’s reputation" could be seen as hyperbolic and vague, as it lacks specificity regarding the nature of the impact.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the author should focus on selecting words that convey their intended meaning more clearly. This can be achieved by considering the context and the nuances of different words. Practicing paraphrasing and rephrasing sentences can also aid in finding more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, the phrase "professors should hold responsibility" could be misleading, as "professors" typically refers to university-level educators, while "teachers" would be more appropriate in the context of primary and secondary education.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the author should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can help reinforce correct spelling. Reading extensively can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled vocabulary in context.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively working on these areas, the author can aim for a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and varied clauses. For example, the use of conditional structures in "if pupils failed to obey laws and behaved irresponsibly" showcases an understanding of how to convey hypothetical situations. Additionally, the phrase "it should be recognized that teaching students about morality standards can allow them to prepare" effectively employs an introductory phrase that sets the stage for the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "should" and "can," which could limit the overall variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, use passive voice where appropriate, and experiment with different conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "should," the writer might use "must" or "ought to" to express necessity or obligation. Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could enhance the sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a solid command of grammar, with most sentences being grammatically correct. However, there are a few errors that detract from the overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "this author thinks that professors should hold responsibility for both due to several reasons and rationales that are illustrated" is somewhat awkward and could be more concisely stated. Additionally, there is a punctuation error in the sentence "As a consequence, students who are taught properly can have more chances to get jobs than those who are not," where a comma is needed before "than" for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on sentence clarity and conciseness. Revising sentences to eliminate unnecessary words or phrases can improve readability. Furthermore, careful proofreading for punctuation, especially in complex sentences, will help ensure clarity. For example, the writer might revise the opening sentence to "This essay argues that teachers should be responsible for both moral education and academic subjects," which is clearer and more direct.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a contentious issue whether teachers should be responsible for imparting moral values or solely focus on teaching academic subjects. This author believes that educators should hold responsibility for both due to several reasons and rationales that will be discussed.

First of all, it should be recognized that teaching students about moral standards can enable them to become productive members of society with essential qualities such as honesty, tolerance, and cooperation. Secondly, if pupils fail to comply with laws and exhibit irresponsible behavior, communities would face an increase in delinquents and criminals, significantly impacting the city’s reputation. Therefore, ethical lessons are not only critical for many students, but they also play a vital role in maintaining societal order.

However, I also firmly believe that academic subjects are increasingly crucial as the job market has become highly competitive. Schools should expose students to a wide range of knowledge to prepare them for future employment. For instance, it would be impossible for young individuals to become professional teachers or doctors if they did not master their respective fields. Additionally, many countries frequently require a well-educated workforce. As a consequence, students who receive proper education have a greater likelihood of securing employment compared to those who do not.

In conclusion, I am persuaded by the argument that emphasizes the importance of both moral values and specialized subjects.