Some people think that the best ưay to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believed there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views ang give your opinion.

In recent times, there has been a concerning debate surrounding essential solutions to bring down higher crime rates. While some individuals believed that criminals should receive longer prison sentences, others believed that there are useful alternative ways to reduce the level of offenders. In my opinion, I am of that the new and better methods should be widely imposed on people who commit crimes rather than only long-term incarceration.
To begin with, the first reason that some people believed putting dangerous criminals in jail might bring many benefits is creating a positive change for prisoners in the reform process. When being held in prison for a longer duration, criminals could have the opportunity to examine their own mistakes and spend most of their time attending useful labor . This helps them become more responsible and build a better understanding of a meaningful life. Another cause is to prevent individuals from criminal thoughts or behavior. This is because people perceive the severity of the illegal acts, the dangers, and the consequences of engaging in criminal behavior.
On the other hand, other alternatives are also essential to reduce the growing crime rate. The first measure is for authorities to hold more workshops or programs on TV that educate citizens on legal knowledge. These supports would help to raise people's awareness of how risky breaking the law is and contribute to building a safer society. Another good step is for the government to install more surveillance cameras and have more policemen patrolling the streets to avoid criminals shoplifting or pickpocketing and ensure the safety of citizens. Last but not least, released- prisoners should be ensured a decent job to avoid entering re-offending way.
In conclusion, although putting criminals in prison longer can be a great contributor to preventing crime, I still believed that other effecyive measures need to be taken into consideration.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In recent times" -> "Recently"
Explanation: "Recently" is a more concise and formal alternative that maintains the intended temporal reference without the redundancy of "times."
"essential solutions" -> "effective solutions"
Explanation: "Essential" implies necessity, which is not the intended meaning here. "Effective" accurately describes solutions that are capable of producing the desired outcome.
"bring down higher crime rates" -> "reduce crime rates"
Explanation: "Bring down" is colloquial and less precise. "Reduce" is the standard term in academic and formal contexts for decreasing quantities or rates.
"believed that" -> "believed"
Explanation: The phrase "believed that" is redundant. Removing "that" simplifies the sentence and maintains formality.
"I am of that the new and better methods" -> "I believe that new and better methods"
Explanation: "I am of that" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "I believe" is the correct expression for personal opinion.
"putting dangerous criminals in jail" -> "incarcerating dangerous criminals"
Explanation: "Incarcerating" is a more formal and precise term than "putting in jail," which is informal and vague.
"might bring many benefits" -> "may yield numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Might" is less formal than "may," and "numerous" is more precise than "many" in academic writing.
"examining their own mistakes" -> "reflecting on their actions"
Explanation: "Reflecting on their actions" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "examining their own mistakes."
"spend most of their time attending useful labor" -> "devote most of their time to productive labor"
Explanation: "Devote" is more formal than "spend," and "productive labor" is a more precise term than "useful labor."
"Another cause is to prevent individuals from criminal thoughts or behavior" -> "Another reason is to deter individuals from criminal thoughts and behaviors"
Explanation: "Deter" is more specific and formal than "prevent," and "behaviors" is plural to encompass a broader range of actions.
"people perceive the severity of the illegal acts" -> "individuals perceive the severity of illegal acts"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and removing "the" before "acts" corrects the grammatical structure.
"These supports" -> "these programs"
Explanation: "Supports" is incorrect in this context; "programs" is the correct noun to refer to educational initiatives.
"how risky breaking the law is" -> "the risks associated with breaking the law"
Explanation: "The risks associated with breaking the law" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea.
"released- prisoners" -> "released prisoners"
Explanation: "Released-prisoners" is grammatically incorrect; "released prisoners" is the correct form.
"entering re-offending way" -> "re-offending"
Explanation: "Re-offending way" is awkward and unclear. "Re-offending" is the correct term and is more formal.
"I still believed" -> "I still believe"
Explanation: "Believed" should be in the present tense to match the ongoing discussion, and "believe" is more formal than "believed."
"other effecyive measures" -> "other effective measures"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "effective" to "effective."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding crime reduction effectively. The author presents the argument for longer prison sentences in the first body paragraph, discussing potential benefits such as personal reflection and deterrence. The second body paragraph outlines alternative measures, including educational programs and increased surveillance, which also addresses the prompt’s requirement to discuss both perspectives. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit comparison between the two views, as it primarily leans towards the alternative methods without fully exploring the implications of longer sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should include a more balanced discussion that weighs the pros and cons of both longer prison sentences and alternative measures. This could involve providing specific examples or statistics that illustrate the effectiveness of each approach, thereby offering a more comprehensive analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear opinion in the introduction, favoring alternative methods over longer prison sentences. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. While the conclusion reiterates the preference for alternative measures, the body paragraphs could more clearly link back to this stance, especially when discussing the benefits of longer sentences.
- How to improve: The author should ensure that each paragraph explicitly ties back to their main argument. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases that remind the reader of the overarching opinion, such as "While longer sentences may provide some benefits, it is crucial to recognize that…"
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of longer prison sentences and the importance of educational programs. However, some ideas lack depth and supporting evidence. For instance, while the essay mentions workshops and surveillance as alternatives, it does not elaborate on how these measures can effectively reduce crime or provide evidence to support these claims.
- How to improve: To strengthen this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, discussing specific studies or statistics that show the effectiveness of educational programs in reducing crime rates would enhance the argument’s credibility.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the discussion of crime reduction methods. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly unclear or convoluted, which can distract from the main argument. For example, phrases like "released-prisoners should be ensured a decent job to avoid entering re-offending way" could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: The writer should strive for clarity and precision in language to maintain focus on the topic. Simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that each point is directly related to the main argument will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can enhance overall clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, but it would benefit from deeper analysis, clearer connections to the main position, and improved clarity in expression.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the two perspectives on crime reduction and states the writer’s opinion. However, the organization within the body paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of longer prison sentences but could more clearly separate the ideas of reform and deterrence. The second body paragraph introduces alternative measures but lacks a clear transition from the previous point, which can confuse readers about the relationship between the two perspectives.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the main argument. Additionally, employ transition phrases such as "Firstly," "In contrast," and "Furthermore" to guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. Structuring each paragraph to first state the main idea, followed by supporting details, can also help clarify the organization.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more uniformity in length and depth. For example, the first paragraph is somewhat longer and more detailed than the second, which may disrupt the balance of information presented.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach in paragraph length and detail. Each paragraph should ideally contain a similar number of sentences and depth of analysis. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand" and "In conclusion," which help to connect ideas and indicate transitions. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some connections between sentences and ideas feel abrupt. For example, the transition between discussing the benefits of longer sentences and introducing alternative measures could be smoother.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Conversely," "In addition," and "Consequently." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and avoid confusion.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "concerning debate," "positive change," and "legal knowledge." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "believed that" and "reduce the level of offenders," which could be varied for greater impact. Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as "the new and better methods should be widely imposed on people who commit crimes," which could benefit from more precise language.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "believed," alternatives like "argued," "contended," or "asserted" could be employed. Furthermore, using more specific terms related to crime prevention, such as "rehabilitation programs" or "community service," would improve the essay’s lexical diversity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the level of offenders," which is vague and could be better articulated as "the number of offenders" or "the rate of criminal activity." Additionally, the phrase "criminal thoughts or behavior" could be more accurately expressed as "criminal intent" or "criminal activity." The use of "effecyive" is a spelling error that detracts from the precision of the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing and revising phrases for clarity. For example, instead of "creating a positive change for prisoners in the reform process," the writer could say "facilitating rehabilitation for prisoners." Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and seeking feedback on word choice can also help enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "effecyive" instead of "effective," and "ang" instead of "and." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing. While the majority of words are spelled correctly, the presence of these mistakes indicates a need for more careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them regularly can help improve spelling skills. Engaging in exercises that focus on spelling can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, enhancing precision in word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of conditional phrases such as "When being held in prison for a longer duration" and the complex structure in "Although putting criminals in prison longer can be a great contributor to preventing crime" show an attempt to incorporate more sophisticated grammar. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the opening sentences of paragraphs, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could experiment with different introductory phrases, use more varied conjunctions, and incorporate a mix of active and passive voice. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The first reason" or "Another cause," the writer could use phrases like "One significant advantage" or "Additionally, it is crucial to note that." This would create a more engaging and varied reading experience.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For example, the phrase "I am of that the new and better methods should be widely imposed" is awkward and incorrect; it should be rephrased to "I believe that new and better methods should be widely implemented." Additionally, there are instances of incorrect verb forms, such as "some individuals believed" instead of "some individuals believe," which disrupts the present tense consistency. Punctuation errors include missing commas, particularly before conjunctions in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors in verb forms and sentence structure, would be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud can also aid in identifying awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that improve overall readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are clear areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can elevate their writing to achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, there has been a concerning debate surrounding effective solutions to bring down higher crime rates. While some individuals believe that criminals should receive longer prison sentences, others believe that there are better alternative ways to reduce the level of offenders. In my opinion, I believe that new and better methods should be widely imposed on people who commit crimes rather than only long-term incarceration.

To begin with, the first reason that some people believe putting dangerous criminals in jail might bring many benefits is that it creates a positive change for prisoners in the reform process. When held in prison for a longer duration, criminals could have the opportunity to reflect on their own mistakes and devote most of their time to productive labor. This helps them become more responsible and build a better understanding of a meaningful life. Another reason is to deter individuals from criminal thoughts or behaviors. This is because people perceive the severity of illegal acts, the dangers, and the consequences of engaging in criminal behavior.

On the other hand, other alternatives are also essential to reduce the growing crime rate. The first measure is for authorities to hold more workshops or programs on TV that educate citizens on legal knowledge. These programs would help to raise people’s awareness of how risky breaking the law is and contribute to building a safer society. Another good step is for the government to install more surveillance cameras and have more policemen patrolling the streets to prevent criminals from shoplifting or pickpocketing and ensure the safety of citizens. Last but not least, released prisoners should be ensured a decent job to avoid re-offending.

In conclusion, although putting criminals in prison for longer can be a great contributor to preventing crime, I still believe that other effective measures need to be taken into consideration.