Some people think that the best way to become successful in life is to get a university education, whereas others say this is no longer true. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

How to achieve success in personal life has long been the topic of concern for not only laypersons but also researchers. Although people can generate achievement by taking part in university, others believe that it is not necessary to go to college. In my opinion, education will certainly help to make progress in life but it is not the effective method.

On the one hand, there are numerous cogent reasons to state the advantages brought to life by having a diploma. Firstly, by learning at university, students could be passed on a wide range of experiences and skills which are important for their future jobs by a variety of professional tutors.This results in expanding their knowledge which helps them to handle their work effectively so they can climb to higher position, earning a substantial income. Secondly, due to the fact that most high-skilled professions require at least a bachelor’s degree in the relevant fields, academy qualifications, which are absorbed after graduating from the campus, play a crucial role in job applications. This results in higher job opportunities than people who just graduated from high school, thus enabling them to achieve numerous accomplishments in the future.

On the other hand, there is another way to attain achievement in life without having an educational institution. Firstly, individuals who are not enrolling in university can learn through online courses or vocational school about work that does not require a diploma, such as being an entrepreneur or a hair designer. Thus, they could become experts in those fields with tenacity and creativity, so opportunities to progress in their lives are boosted. Individuals with specialized talents can focus on their ambitions and learn some skills that they demand, which helps them achieve their ambitions. For instance, the Times writes that Ronaldo is one of the best soccer players in the world, and he does not have academic degrees but has just made endless efforts to achieve his goal.

In conclusion, it is evident that engaging in a university education is not the only way to achieve success because there are other methods, such as registering for an online course or vocational school and attempting to develop their own talent.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"How to achieve success in personal life" -> "Strategies for attaining personal success"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal and lacks precision. "Strategies for attaining personal success" conveys the same meaning in a more formal and precise manner.
"laypersons" -> "laypeople"
Explanation: "Laypersons" is a less common and slightly archaic term. "Laypeople" is more widely understood and maintains formality.
"Although people can generate achievement by taking part in university" -> "While participation in university can lead to accomplishments"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. "While participation in university can lead to accomplishments" offers a smoother transition and clearer expression.
"others believe that it is not necessary to go to college" -> "others argue that attending college is unnecessary"
Explanation: "Believe" is a weaker term in academic writing. "Argue" conveys a stronger stance. "Attending college" is more formal than "going to college."
"education will certainly help to make progress in life but it is not the effective method" -> "Education undoubtedly contributes to life progress, yet it is not the sole efficacious method."
Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and uses informal language ("make progress"). "Contributes to life progress" is more formal and specific. "Efficacious" is a more sophisticated term than "effective."
"there are numerous cogent reasons to state the advantages brought to life" -> "There are compelling reasons to underscore the benefits"
Explanation: "Numerous cogent reasons" is redundant and somewhat informal. "Compelling reasons" is more concise and formal. "Brought to life" is overly simplistic; "underscore the benefits" is more formal and precise.
"by learning at university" -> "through university education"
Explanation: "Learning at university" is colloquial. "Through university education" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"This results in expanding their knowledge which helps them to handle their work effectively so they can climb to higher position" -> "This facilitates knowledge expansion, enabling them to effectively manage their responsibilities and advance in their careers."
Explanation: The original phrase is verbose and lacks precision. "Facilitates knowledge expansion" is more concise and formal. "Advance in their careers" is more specific than "climb to higher position."
"a substantial income" -> "a significant income"
Explanation: "Substantial" and "significant" are synonymous, but "significant" is more commonly used in academic writing.
"academy qualifications" -> "academic credentials"
Explanation: "Academy qualifications" is not standard terminology. "Academic credentials" is a more precise and formal alternative.
"which are absorbed after graduating from the campus" -> "which are acquired upon graduation"
Explanation: "Absorbed after graduating from the campus" is awkward and unclear. "Acquired upon graduation" is more direct and formal.
"On the other hand, there is another way to attain achievement" -> "Alternatively, there exist alternative avenues for achieving success"
Explanation: The original phrase is redundant ("On the other hand" and "another way"). "Alternatively" is a more concise transition. "Avenues for achieving success" is more formal than "attain achievement."
"individuals who are not enrolling in university" -> "individuals who do not enroll in university"
Explanation: "Are not enrolling" is unnecessarily verbose. "Do not enroll" is simpler and more direct.
"such as being an entrepreneur or a hair designer" -> "such as entrepreneurship or hair design"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and awkward. Using "entrepreneurship" and "hair design" as nouns is more formal and precise.
"Thus, they could become experts in those fields with tenacity and creativity, so opportunities to progress in their lives are boosted." -> "Thus, they could become proficient in those fields through dedication and creativity, thereby enhancing their opportunities for personal advancement."
Explanation: The original sentence is wordy and lacks clarity. "Proficient in those fields" is more precise than "experts." "Enhancing their opportunities for personal advancement" is more formal and specific than "opportunities to progress in their lives are boosted."
"Individuals with specialized talents can focus on their ambitions and learn some skills that they demand" -> "Individuals with specialized talents can pursue their aspirations and acquire the requisite skills"
Explanation: "Learn some skills that they demand" is awkward and imprecise. "Acquire the requisite skills" is more formal and specific.
"the Times writes that Ronaldo is one of the best soccer players in the world" -> "According to The Times, Ronaldo is regarded as one of the premier soccer players globally"
Explanation: "The Times writes" is informal. "According to The Times" is a more formal attribution. "Regarded as one of the premier soccer players globally" is a more formal and precise description.
"but has just made endless efforts to achieve his goal" -> "but has dedicated extensive effort towards achieving his objectives"
Explanation: "Endless efforts" is informal and hyperbolic. "Dedicated extensive effort towards achieving his objectives" is more formal and precise.
"it is evident that engaging in a university education is not the only way to achieve success" -> "it is apparent that pursuing a university education is not the sole path to success"
Explanation: "Engaging in a university education" is verbose. "Pursuing a university education" is simpler and more direct. "Sole path to success" is more formal than "only way to achieve success."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both viewpoints outlined in the prompt. It discusses the belief in the necessity of a university education for success as well as the opposing view that university education is not essential for success. Relevant sections include the introduction, where both perspectives are introduced, and throughout the body paragraphs where each viewpoint is explored.
- How to improve: To enhance the completeness of the response, consider providing more nuanced exploration of each viewpoint. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion summarizes the discussion effectively and reinforces your own opinion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, stating that while education can contribute to success, it is not the only path to achievement. This stance is evident from the introduction through to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the stated position. Avoid any ambiguity in language that may inadvertently weaken the clarity of your stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and supports them with examples and reasoning. Examples include the benefits of a university education in securing higher-paying jobs, as well as alternative paths to success such as vocational training and self-directed learning.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, consider providing more depth in the analysis of each point. Additionally, ensure that all ideas presented directly contribute to supporting your overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively stays on topic throughout, addressing the central question of whether a university education is necessary for success. There are no significant deviations from this focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the overarching theme of the importance of education in achieving success. Avoid tangential discussions that do not contribute to the main argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments and examples, there is room for improvement in deepening the analysis of each viewpoint and ensuring complete coherence in presenting the author’s perspective.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction presents the two opposing views succinctly, followed by two body paragraphs that each discuss one viewpoint in detail before providing the author’s opinion in the conclusion. However, within paragraphs, there is room for improvement in logical progression of ideas. For example, in the first body paragraph, the discussion on the advantages of university education could be more logically sequenced to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph presents a clear main idea followed by supporting details that logically follow from it. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the flow of ideas within paragraphs and between them.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as advantages of university education or alternative paths to success. However, there are instances where paragraph structure could be improved for better clarity and coherence. For instance, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be more effectively presented in separate paragraphs to enhance readability.
- How to improve: Aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph, followed by supporting details and examples that relate directly to that topic. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into shorter ones to ensure each paragraph addresses a single main idea or argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the text. Examples include transitional phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which signal shifts between different viewpoints, as well as pronouns and demonstratives to refer back to previously mentioned concepts. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of cohesive devices used. While the essay generally demonstrates coherence, more advanced cohesive devices such as parallel structures or conditional sentences could be incorporated to further enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: Experiment with a wider range of cohesive devices to strengthen connections between ideas and create a smoother flow of information. This could include using parallel structures for comparison, employing conjunctions like "however" or "nevertheless" to contrast ideas, and incorporating transitional adverbs or adverbial phrases to indicate cause-and-effect relationships. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 9

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating diverse lexical choices to articulate ideas effectively. For instance, varied vocabulary is evident in phrases like "cogent reasons," "substantial income," "specialized talents," and "endless efforts." These lexical selections enhance the clarity and sophistication of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary, consider integrating more nuanced or idiomatic expressions to further enrich the language. Exploring synonyms or alternative phrases could add depth to the analysis and provide a richer linguistic texture.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise to enhance clarity and accuracy. For example, phrases like "passed on" could be replaced with "imparted," and "enrolling in university" might be more accurately expressed as "pursuing a university education." Additionally, while the phrase "academy qualifications" is used, it may benefit from specifying the types of qualifications or credentials being referred to.
- How to improve: To refine precision, strive for more specific and concise word choices that precisely capture the intended meaning. Utilizing domain-specific terminology where appropriate and avoiding ambiguous language can further enhance clarity and effectiveness of expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate spelling throughout. However, there are occasional errors present, such as "experiences" instead of "experiences" and "an educational institution" instead of "educational institution." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, enhancing spelling accuracy can contribute to a more polished and professional presentation.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully for errors, utilizing spell-checking tools, and actively expanding familiarity with commonly misspelled words. Engaging in regular writing practice and seeking feedback can also aid in identifying and rectifying spelling mistakes more effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, it utilizes both dependent and independent clauses effectively, such as "Although people can generate achievement by taking part in university, others believe that it is not necessary to go to college" and "Individuals with specialized talents can focus on their ambitions and learn some skills that they demand, which helps them achieve their ambitions."
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s structural diversity, consider incorporating more advanced sentence structures like parallelism, inversion, and conditional sentences. For instance, integrating conditional sentences could enhance the complexity of argumentation, such as "Had the essay explored hypothetical scenarios through conditional sentences, it could have added depth to the discussion."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are occasional errors that affect clarity and precision. For example, in the sentence "This results in higher job opportunities than people who just graduated from high school, thus enabling them to achieve numerous accomplishments in the future," the phrase "than people who just graduated from high school" lacks clarity due to the absence of a comparative marker (e.g., "than those of people who just graduated from high school").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to sentence structure and clarity. Reviewing complex sentence constructions and ensuring conciseness can mitigate potential errors. Additionally, utilize punctuation marks such as commas and semicolons appropriately to improve sentence flow and coherence. For instance, revising the sentence mentioned above to "This results in higher job opportunities compared to those of individuals who have only graduated from high school, thus enabling them to achieve numerous accomplishments in the future" would enhance clarity and precision.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, further diversification of sentence structures and meticulous attention to grammar and punctuation can elevate the clarity and sophistication of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Achieving success in personal life has long been a topic of concern for both everyday people and researchers alike. While some argue that attending university is essential for success, others disagree, stating that it’s no longer necessary. In my view, education is undeniably valuable for progress in life, but it’s not the only effective method.

On one hand, there are compelling reasons to highlight the benefits of obtaining a university degree. Firstly, through university education, students gain a wide range of experiences and skills from various professional tutors. This facilitates knowledge expansion, enabling them to effectively manage their responsibilities and advance in their careers, potentially leading to a significant income. Secondly, many high-skilled professions require at least a bachelor’s degree, making academic credentials acquired upon graduation crucial for job applications and increasing job opportunities.

On the other hand, there are alternative avenues for achieving success without attending an educational institution. For instance, individuals who choose not to enroll in university can pursue learning through online courses or vocational schools, focusing on fields such as entrepreneurship or hair design. By dedicating themselves and utilizing their creativity, they can become proficient in these areas, thereby enhancing their opportunities for personal advancement. Moreover, individuals with specialized talents can pursue their aspirations and acquire the requisite skills, as exemplified by Ronaldo, one of the premier soccer players globally, who achieved his goals through dedication and effort, without relying on academic degrees.

In conclusion, while university education is undoubtedly beneficial, it’s not the sole path to success. Alternative methods such as online courses, vocational training, and developing one’s talents offer viable routes for personal advancement. Therefore, individuals have various options to pursue success according to their interests and abilities.