some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Currently, arts have emerged as a phenomenon, when many countries allocate more financial resources to invest this aspect, because they likely have awareness the potential of art what they can provide. However, more and more people contend that investment in arts is an unnecessary expense and nation leaders can use this financial resource to develop other aspects like education or health services. I would like to express my contradiction to this statement and to support my view, several reasons are outlined in this essay.
Let me begin by pointing that the potential of arts to develop some occupations, such as tourism industry or service industry. That means this local can take advantage to gain more attentions from domestic and international tourists and grow some related businesses to generate revenue like accommodation service or food and beverage service. For example, Hanoi, one of the most popular metropolis in Vietnam, which have GDP accounted for approximately 10% by the tourism industry. Beside available tourist attractions, The head of the tourism department also allows the opening of museum or exhibitions with content related to seasons or historical events to gain more attention as well as more activities to keep travelers staying. Especially, Hanoi invested over four million Dollar to build “Hanoi Ceramic Mosaic Mural” near the center point of this city. As a result, after this work of art finish, the number of tourisms going to Hanoi witnessed an increase by 20,000 people, compared to that of the same period in the previous years.
Another point I would like to mention is that importance of investment to arts in education industry, that offer a well-rounded education system. For example, While traditional art, such as painting, likely offers a window into the past, resulting in the expansion of knowledge related to the literary and artistic heritage of various cultures for the children, modern art, with visual art being the instance, may challenge their perceptions and often incorporates innovative techniques; therefore, it plays a crucial role in developing creativity and critical thinking skill for youngsters.
All in all, regardless of any point to the contrary, I can safely say that art is a potential opportunity and should be maximized by the government when investing because that other industries will benefit when those can take advantage of this chance.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"arts have emerged as a phenomenon" -> "the arts have emerged as a phenomenon"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "arts" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formal tone of the sentence.
"allocate more financial resources to invest this aspect" -> "allocate more financial resources to invest in this field"
Explanation: "Invest in" is the correct preposition to use when discussing the allocation of resources to a particular area, and "field" is more precise than "aspect" in this context.
"they likely have awareness the potential of art what they can provide" -> "they are likely aware of the potential benefits that arts can provide"
Explanation: "Are likely aware of" corrects the awkward and incorrect phrase "have awareness," and "benefits" is more specific than "potential of art."
"more and more people contend" -> "an increasing number of people contend"
Explanation: "An increasing number of" is a more formal and precise way to describe the growing trend, avoiding the colloquial "more and more."
"I would like to express my contradiction" -> "I would like to express my disagreement"
Explanation: "Disagreement" is the correct term for expressing opposition to an opinion, whereas "contradiction" typically refers to a logical inconsistency.
"several reasons are outlined in this essay" -> "several reasons will be outlined in this essay"
Explanation: Using "will be" instead of "are" corrects the tense to match the future action of outlining reasons.
"this local can take advantage to gain more attentions" -> "this region can capitalize on attracting more attention"
Explanation: "Capitalize on" is a more precise and formal expression than "take advantage to gain," and "attracting" is grammatically correct.
"grow some related businesses to generate revenue like accommodation service or food and beverage service" -> "stimulate related businesses, such as accommodation and food and beverage services, to generate revenue"
Explanation: "Stimulate" is a more formal term than "grow," and using "such as" with a list of examples is more appropriate than "like."
"Hanoi, one of the most popular metropolis in Vietnam" -> "Hanoi, one of Vietnam’s most popular cities"
Explanation: "Cities" is the correct plural form for metropolises, and "one of Vietnam’s" is more grammatically correct than "one of the most popular metropolis in."
"Beside available tourist attractions" -> "In addition to the available tourist attractions"
Explanation: "In addition to" is a more formal and precise way to introduce additional information.
"The head of the tourism department also allows the opening of museum or exhibitions" -> "The head of the tourism department also permits the opening of museums or exhibitions"
Explanation: "Permits" is more formal than "allows," and "museums" should be plural to match the context.
"Hanoi invested over four million Dollar" -> "Hanoi invested over four million dollars"
Explanation: "Dollars" should be lowercase as it is a unit of currency, and the space after the comma is necessary for proper punctuation.
"after this work of art finish" -> "after this work of art is completed"
Explanation: "Is completed" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"the number of tourisms going to Hanoi witnessed an increase" -> "the number of tourists visiting Hanoi witnessed an increase"
Explanation: "Tourists" is the correct noun form, and "visiting" is more precise than "going to."
"that offer a well-rounded education system" -> "that provide a comprehensive education system"
Explanation: "Provide" is more appropriate than "offer" in this context, and "comprehensive" is a more formal synonym for "well-rounded."
"that offer a window into the past" -> "that provide a window into the past"
Explanation: "Provide" is more formal and correct than "offer" in this context.
"resulting in the expansion of knowledge related to the literary and artistic heritage" -> "resulting in the expansion of knowledge about the literary and artistic heritage"
Explanation: "About" is more precise than "related to" in this context, enhancing clarity and formality.
"may challenge their perceptions and often incorporates innovative techniques" -> "may challenge their perceptions and often incorporates innovative techniques"
Explanation: The second "may" is unnecessary and should be removed for grammatical correctness.
"plays a crucial role in developing creativity and critical thinking skill" -> "plays a crucial role in developing creativity and critical thinking skills"
Explanation: "Skills" should be plural to match the context of multiple skills being developed.
"All in all, regardless of any point to the contrary" -> "In conclusion, despite any opposing viewpoints"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a more formal introduction to a summary, and "despite any opposing viewpoints" is a clearer and more formal way to acknowledge counterarguments.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear stance against the idea that government spending on the arts is wasteful. The writer argues that investment in the arts has significant benefits, particularly in tourism and education. However, while the essay acknowledges the opposing viewpoint, it could further explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the view presented in the prompt. The phrase "I would like to express my contradiction to this statement" indicates disagreement, but the author does not explicitly quantify their agreement or disagreement, which is essential for a more nuanced response.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clarify their position more explicitly. They could state whether they completely disagree, partially agree, or agree with certain aspects of the opposing viewpoint. Additionally, including a brief discussion on the potential benefits of reallocating funds from the arts to other sectors could provide a more balanced view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the notion that funding the arts is a waste. The author consistently supports their viewpoint with examples related to tourism and education. However, the initial sentence could be clearer in articulating the author’s stance. Phrasing such as "I would like to express my contradiction" is somewhat awkward and could be more straightforward.
- How to improve: The writer should aim for clearer language when stating their position. Using phrases like "I strongly disagree with the view that government spending on the arts is wasteful" would provide a more direct and confident assertion of their stance. Consistent use of strong, clear language throughout the essay will help reinforce their position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the economic benefits of the arts through tourism and the educational value of art. These ideas are supported with relevant examples, such as the investment in the "Hanoi Ceramic Mosaic Mural" and its impact on tourism. However, some points lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the discussion on the educational benefits of art could include more specific examples or studies to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. Including statistics, studies, or quotes from experts in the field could add credibility and depth to the arguments. Additionally, ensuring that each point is fully explored before moving on to the next will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of government investment in the arts. However, there are moments where the writing could be more concise and focused. For example, the sentence structure is sometimes convoluted, which can distract from the main point. The phrase "that means this local can take advantage to gain more attentions" is unclear and could be simplified for better understanding.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should strive for clarity and conciseness in their writing. Breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones can help keep the reader engaged and ensure that the main ideas are communicated effectively. Additionally, revisiting the essay after writing to eliminate any off-topic statements or redundancies can help tighten the focus.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, but there are areas for improvement in clarity, depth, and explicitness in addressing the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that government spending on the arts is wasteful. The introduction outlines the opposing view and states the author’s position effectively. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the economic benefits of arts through tourism but lacks a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. The transition between discussing tourism and the specific example of Hanoi is somewhat abrupt, which can confuse readers about the central point being made.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. Additionally, ensure that examples directly support the topic sentence and are introduced smoothly. For example, you could start the first body paragraph with a sentence like, "Investing in the arts can significantly boost the tourism industry, as evidenced by the case of Hanoi."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure could be more effective. The first body paragraph is quite lengthy and covers multiple ideas without clear separation, which can overwhelm the reader. The second body paragraph, while focused on education, also lacks a clear transition from the previous point about tourism, making the overall flow less cohesive.
- How to improve: Break down longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones. Each paragraph should ideally cover a single main idea. For instance, you could separate the discussion on tourism and the economic benefits into two distinct paragraphs. This would not only clarify the argument but also improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "all in all," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions feel forced or repetitive. For instance, the phrase "that means" is used in a way that disrupts the flow of the argument rather than enhancing it.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Use transitions like "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" to create smoother connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used naturally within the context of the sentence. For example, instead of saying "that means," you could say "This suggests that" to maintain a formal tone.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "financial resources," "investment," "tourism industry," and "well-rounded education system." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "gain more attentions" and "this aspect" lack precision and could be expressed more effectively. Additionally, the phrase "a phenomenon" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate more varied and advanced synonyms. For example, instead of "gain more attentions," the writer could use "attract greater interest" or "draw more visitors." Exploring synonyms for common words and using a thesaurus can help diversify vocabulary usage.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "the potential of art what they can provide" is awkward and unclear. A more precise formulation could be "the potential benefits that art can provide." Furthermore, the phrase "importance of investment to arts in education industry" is grammatically incorrect and could be better expressed as "the importance of investing in the arts within the education sector."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on constructing clearer and more grammatically correct sentences. Reviewing sentence structure and ensuring that phrases convey the intended meaning without ambiguity will enhance clarity. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing can help in developing more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Dollar" (should be "dollars"), "tourisms" (should be "tourists"), and "beside" (should be "besides"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading of their work. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences like "However, more and more people contend that investment in arts is an unnecessary expense and nation leaders can use this financial resource to develop other aspects like education or health services" shows an attempt to convey more nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and run-on sentences, such as "Let me begin by pointing that the potential of arts to develop some occupations, such as tourism industry or service industry." This sentence lacks clarity and proper structure, which detracts from the overall effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using a greater variety of complex and compound sentences. Incorporating more varied conjunctions and transition phrases can help improve coherence and flow. For example, restructuring sentences to avoid run-ons and ensuring that each clause is clearly connected can enhance clarity. Additionally, the writer could benefit from practicing sentence inversion and conditional sentences to add complexity to their writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect readability. For example, phrases like "they likely have awareness the potential of art what they can provide" are grammatically incorrect and confusing. The sentence lacks proper connectors and articles, leading to ambiguity. Additionally, there are missing commas, such as before "which have GDP accounted for approximately 10% by the tourism industry," which could help clarify the sentence structure. The use of "Dollar" should be pluralized to "dollars," and "tourisms" should be corrected to "tourists."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and the correct form of nouns. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical rules can help. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors can enhance clarity; using tools like Grammarly or engaging a peer for feedback can also be beneficial. The writer should also pay attention to the use of prepositions and conjunctions to ensure sentences are coherent and grammatically correct.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to present a balanced argument, improving grammatical accuracy and diversifying sentence structures will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, the arts have emerged as a phenomenon, with many countries allocating more financial resources to invest in this aspect, because they are likely aware of the potential benefits that arts can provide. However, an increasing number of people contend that investment in the arts is an unnecessary expense and that national leaders can use these financial resources to develop other areas, such as education or health services. I would like to express my disagreement with this statement, and to support my view, several reasons will be outlined in this essay.

Let me begin by pointing out the potential of the arts to develop certain occupations, such as the tourism industry or the service industry. This means that this locality can take advantage of gaining more attention from domestic and international tourists and grow related businesses to generate revenue, such as accommodation services or food and beverage services. For example, Hanoi, one of the most popular cities in Vietnam, has a GDP that accounts for approximately 10% from the tourism industry. In addition to the available tourist attractions, the head of the tourism department also allows the opening of museums or exhibitions with content related to seasons or historical events to gain more attention, as well as to provide more activities to keep travelers engaged. Especially, Hanoi invested over four million dollars to build the “Hanoi Ceramic Mosaic Mural” near the center point of the city. As a result, after this work of art is completed, the number of tourists visiting Hanoi witnessed an increase of 20,000 people compared to the same period in previous years.

Another point I would like to mention is the importance of investment in the arts within the education industry, which provides a well-rounded education system. For example, while traditional art, such as painting, likely offers a window into the past, resulting in the expansion of knowledge related to the literary and artistic heritage of various cultures for children, modern art, with visual art being an instance, may challenge their perceptions and often incorporates innovative techniques; therefore, it plays a crucial role in developing creativity and critical thinking skills for youngsters.

In conclusion, despite any opposing viewpoints, I can safely say that the arts present a potential opportunity and should be maximized by the government when investing, as other industries will benefit when they can take advantage of this chance.