Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There was a suggestion that the high growing use of computers and cellphones affects terribly young generation's reading and writing skills in communication. I strongly concur with this statement because of computer addiction and unclearly writing.

Firstly, spending a lot of time on computer can addict young people. The heavy dependence on computer prevents them from communicating directly with the others. Therefore, adolescents will be insulated by everyone around them and meet get trouble into chatting face to face with the others. In fact, there are a lot of gamers can't have a word naturally with their family members because of speechless in the direct communication. So that using of computer to talk can be harmful for youngster reading.

Moreover, the writing of young users will not be clearly. Because they just type on the computer instead of writing, their handwriting will be bad and unclearly. Furthermore, almost young people type insufficiently when chatting on computer. For instance, the maintain of writing in recent time is " teen code" which is well known at short words so they will have harsh writing. That is why large use of computers and mobile phones in communication have negative effects on reading and writing of young people.

To sum up, Reading and writing skills will be affected negatively because of computer addiction and unclearly words.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There was a suggestion" -> "It has been suggested"
Explanation: "It has been suggested" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a statement in academic writing, enhancing the tone and clarity of the sentence.
"high growing use" -> "increasing use"
Explanation: "Increasing use" is a more precise and natural term in academic contexts, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "high growing."
"affects terribly" -> "adversely affects"
Explanation: "Adversely affects" is a more formal and precise way to express negative impact, aligning better with academic style.
"young generation’s" -> "the younger generation’s"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "younger generation" corrects the possessive form and clarifies the reference.
"spending a lot of time on computer" -> "spending considerable time on computers"
Explanation: "Considerable time" is more formal and precise than "a lot of time," and "computers" should be plural to reflect the general trend.
"addict young people" -> "addict young individuals"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and it is grammatically correct in this context.
"insulated by everyone around them" -> "isolated from others"
Explanation: "Isolated from others" is a more precise and formal way to describe the social isolation caused by excessive computer use.
"meet get trouble into chatting" -> "encounter difficulties in face-to-face communication"
Explanation: "Encounter difficulties in face-to-face communication" is a clearer and more formal expression than the awkward and incorrect "meet get trouble into chatting."
"gamers can’t have a word naturally" -> "gamers struggle to engage in natural conversations"
Explanation: "Struggle to engage in natural conversations" is a more precise and formal way to describe the difficulty in conversing naturally.
"using of computer to talk" -> "use of computers for communication"
Explanation: "Use of computers for communication" is grammatically correct and more formal than "using of computer to talk."
"youngster reading" -> "young people’s reading"
Explanation: "Young people’s reading" is grammatically correct and more specific than the vague "youngster reading."
"the writing of young users will not be clearly" -> "the writing of young users is unclear"
Explanation: "Is unclear" is grammatically correct and more direct, avoiding the awkward construction of "will not be clearly."
"type insufficiently" -> "type inadequately"
Explanation: "Type inadequately" is a more precise and formal term than "type insufficiently," which is not commonly used in this context.
"maintain of writing" -> "standard of writing"
Explanation: "Standard of writing" is a more appropriate and formal term than "maintain of writing," which is incorrect and unclear.
"harsh writing" -> "poor writing"
Explanation: "Poor writing" is a more accurate and formal description than "harsh writing," which is not typically used to describe writing quality.
"large use of computers and mobile phones" -> "extensive use of computers and mobile phones"
Explanation: "Extensive use" is a more precise and formal term than "large use," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"clearly words" -> "clear writing"
Explanation: "Clear writing" is grammatically correct and more specific than "clearly words," which is awkward and incorrect.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt regarding the negative effects of computers and mobile phones on young people’s reading and writing skills. However, it does not fully explore the extent of agreement or disagreement as requested. The introduction states a strong agreement, but the body paragraphs focus primarily on two points: computer addiction and unclear writing. There is a lack of depth in discussing the extent of the negative effects, which is crucial for a higher band score.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and then explore both sides of the argument. For instance, they could mention potential positive effects of technology on communication skills before reiterating their stance. This would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate critical thinking.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of the negative impact of technology on reading and writing skills. However, the support for this position is inconsistent. The phrases used, such as "I strongly concur," indicate a clear stance, but the development of ideas lacks coherence and depth, making it difficult to maintain a strong argument throughout.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main argument. They could use topic sentences to outline the main idea of each paragraph and provide clear transitions between points. Additionally, reinforcing their position with more robust examples and explanations would strengthen the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as computer addiction and unclear writing, but these points are not well-developed. For instance, the idea of "computer addiction" is introduced but not sufficiently explained or supported with evidence. The mention of "teen code" is relevant but lacks elaboration on how it specifically affects reading and writing skills.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the negative impact of technology on reading and writing. They could also consider counterarguments and address them to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of technology on reading and writing skills. However, there are moments where the language used is vague or unclear, which detracts from the overall focus. For example, phrases like "meet get trouble into chatting face to face" are confusing and detract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all sentences contribute directly to the main argument. They should also work on clarity and precision in their language to avoid ambiguity. Proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing would help improve the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to fully address all parts of the prompt, present a clear and consistent position, develop and support their ideas more effectively, and maintain focus on the topic with clear and precise language. Additionally, ensuring that the essay meets the word count requirement is essential for scoring higher in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position on the topic, stating that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones negatively affects young people’s reading and writing skills. However, the organization of ideas within paragraphs lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the main argument but does not effectively transition to the supporting points. The second paragraph discusses computer addiction but does not clearly link this to the impact on reading skills. The third paragraph addresses writing clarity but does not connect it back to the overall argument cohesively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, using linking phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Consequently" can help create smoother transitions between ideas. Structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each focus on a single point, and a conclusion that summarizes the arguments will improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is undermined by a lack of clear structure. The first paragraph attempts to introduce the topic but mixes multiple ideas without clear separation. The second and third paragraphs do not maintain a consistent focus, leading to confusion about the main points being discussed. For example, the second paragraph starts with computer addiction but quickly shifts to the effects on face-to-face communication without a clear transition.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single aspect of the argument. For example, one paragraph could discuss computer addiction, another could focus on the impact on writing skills, and a third could elaborate on reading skills. This will help the reader follow the argument more easily. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear beginning, middle, and end will enhance overall clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly" and "Moreover," but the range and effectiveness of these devices are limited. The use of "So that" and "Because" is somewhat informal and does not contribute to a formal academic tone. Furthermore, the essay lacks varied cohesive devices that could enhance the connections between ideas, making the text feel somewhat repetitive and disjointed.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "In contrast," "On the other hand," or "As a result" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, employing pronouns and synonyms can improve cohesion by avoiding repetition. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts will help the writer become more comfortable with their application.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication. For instance, terms like "computer addiction," "young generation," and "communication" are repeated without variation. The phrase "high growing use of computers and cellphones" could be expressed more elegantly as "increasing reliance on computers and mobile phones." Additionally, the use of "teen code" is somewhat informal and may not be appropriate for an academic essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more descriptive phrases. For example, instead of repeating "young people," alternatives like "youth," "adolescents," or "teenagers" could be used. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to technology and communication, such as "digital interaction" or "virtual communication," would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "affects terribly" is vague and could be replaced with "has detrimental effects." The term "insulated by everyone around them" is also awkward; a more precise expression could be "isolated from their peers." Furthermore, the phrase "unclearly writing" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "unclear writing."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using terms that accurately convey their intended meaning. Reading academic articles or essays can help familiarize the writer with more precise language. Additionally, revising sentences to ensure clarity and correctness will enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "high growing" (should be "highly growing" or "rapidly increasing"), "meet get trouble" (should be "get into trouble"), and "unclearly" (should be "unclear"). These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly reading it aloud to catch mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can also be beneficial. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can help reinforce correct spelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By actively expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited variety in sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex structures. For example, sentences like "The heavy dependence on computer prevents them from communicating directly with the others" and "So that using of computer to talk can be harmful for youngster reading" show a basic structure but lack complexity. The use of phrases such as "because of computer addiction and unclearly writing" indicates an attempt at variety, but the overall execution remains simplistic.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "Because they just type on the computer instead of writing," the writer could say, "While typing on the computer may be more convenient, it ultimately detracts from the quality of their handwriting." Additionally, varying the use of passive voice and conditional sentences can add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "high growing use of computers" should be "rapidly growing use of computers," and "young generation’s reading and writing skills" should be "the reading and writing skills of the younger generation." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas that could clarify sentence structure, e.g., "In fact, there are a lot of gamers can’t have a word naturally with their family members" should be "In fact, many gamers can’t communicate naturally with their family members." The use of "unclearly" as an adverb is also incorrect; "unclear" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct recurring errors. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas and conjunctions, will enhance clarity. Reading more complex texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation in context.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to diversify sentence structures and improve grammatical accuracy through targeted practice and revision.

Bài sửa mẫu

There has been a suggestion that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones adversely affects the younger generation’s reading and writing skills in communication. I strongly concur with this statement due to computer addiction and unclear writing.

Firstly, spending considerable time on computers can addict young individuals. This heavy dependence on technology prevents them from communicating directly with others. As a result, adolescents may become isolated from those around them and encounter difficulties in face-to-face communication. In fact, many gamers struggle to engage in natural conversations with their family members due to their lack of experience in direct interaction. Therefore, the use of computers for communication can be detrimental to young people’s reading skills.

Moreover, the writing of young users tends to be unclear. Because they primarily type on computers instead of writing by hand, their handwriting often suffers and becomes difficult to read. Furthermore, many young people type inadequately when chatting online. For instance, the prevalent use of “teen code,” which relies on abbreviations and short words, leads to poor writing standards. This is why the extensive use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on the reading and writing abilities of young people.

To sum up, reading and writing skills are negatively affected by computer addiction and unclear writing.