Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people’s reading and writing skills .To what extent do you disagree?

A section of sociaty believe that the growing use of mobile phones and computers in communication make teenagers have a negative behavious about they writing and reading skills. This author agree that communication on the internet could effect on young people because the heavy dependence on mobile phones and computers of young people.
It is viral to understand that internet have became a part of the development of technology in the world. People can easily connected with everyone by just using a mobile phone or a computers. Young generation who have more and better access to the internet. With that young people started have a heavy dependence on phones or computers, it make the growing use of phones go up quickly. It can make their behavior on the internet become badly. With the convenience of mobile phonbes they take full time chatting and meeting on the internet without going outside to have a regular meeting with friend. It make they writing and reading skills go badly when they connected with the negative information.
It can be seen that beside the negative effects , internet can be good for teenagers if they know how to use it in the good ways. Phones and computer can have a positive effects if the users know how to selected information. It can turn their communication on the internet better
Thus, it can be seen that with the increasing use of phones and computer young people can easily access to the bad information making they reading and writing badly. Therefore if they know how to select information it can be good for they.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A section of sociaty" -> "A section of society"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and adjusts the term to its correct form, enhancing the professionalism of the text.
"make teenagers have a negative behavious about they writing and reading skills" -> "lead to a negative behavior towards their writing and reading skills"
Explanation: Replaces "make teenagers have a negative behavious about they writing and reading skills" with "lead to a negative behavior towards their writing and reading skills" to correct grammatical errors and improve clarity and formality.
"This author agree" -> "This author agrees"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form to match the singular subject "author," ensuring grammatical accuracy.
"could effect on young people" -> "may affect young people"
Explanation: Replaces "could effect" with "may affect" to correct the verb form and improve the sentence structure for clarity and correctness.
"the heavy dependence on mobile phones and computers of young people" -> "the heavy dependence on mobile phones and computers among young people"
Explanation: Adds "among" to specify the group affected, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"It is viral to understand" -> "It is essential to understand"
Explanation: Replaces "viral" with "essential" to correct the misuse of the word "viral," which is typically used to describe the spread of viruses, not importance.
"internet have became" -> "the internet has become"
Explanation: Corrects the verb tense and subject-verb agreement to "has become" for grammatical accuracy.
"People can easily connected with everyone" -> "People can easily connect with anyone"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form "connected" to "connect" for grammatical consistency and replaces "everyone" with "anyone" for a more formal tone.
"Young generation who have more and better access to the internet" -> "Younger generations who have greater and more extensive access to the internet"
Explanation: Replaces "Young generation" with "Younger generations" to correct the plural form and "better" with "greater and more extensive" for precision and formality.
"started have a heavy dependence" -> "began to have a heavy dependence"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form to "began to have" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"it make their behavior on the internet become badly" -> "it makes their behavior on the internet deteriorate"
Explanation: Replaces "make" with "makes" for subject-verb agreement and "become badly" with "deteriorate" for a more precise and formal expression.
"mobile phonbes" -> "mobile phones"
Explanation: Corrects the typographical error in "phonbes" to "phones."
"It make they writing and reading skills go badly" -> "This leads to a decline in their writing and reading skills"
Explanation: Replaces "It make they writing and reading skills go badly" with "This leads to a decline in their writing and reading skills" to correct grammatical errors and enhance formality.
"beside the negative effects, internet can be good for teenagers" -> "besides the negative effects, the internet can be beneficial for teenagers"
Explanation: Corrects the punctuation and replaces "good" with "beneficial" for a more precise and formal adjective.
"Phones and computer can have a positive effects" -> "Phones and computers can have positive effects"
Explanation: Corrects the plural form of "computer" and removes the unnecessary article "a" before "positive effects" for grammatical accuracy.
"if the users know how to selected information" -> "if users know how to select information"
Explanation: Corrects "selected" to "select" for the correct verb form and removes the unnecessary article "the" before "information."
"it can be good for they" -> "it can be beneficial for them"
Explanation: Replaces "good" with "beneficial" and "they" with "them" for grammatical correctness and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the negative effects of increased computer and mobile phone use on young people’s reading and writing skills. However, it does not fully explore the extent of disagreement as required by the question. The author states agreement with the negative effects but fails to provide a balanced view or acknowledge any potential positive aspects of technology on these skills. The mention of positive effects is vague and underdeveloped, lacking sufficient detail or examples to substantiate this perspective.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly state the extent of disagreement with the prompt. The author could include a more balanced discussion by acknowledging both sides of the argument, providing specific examples of how technology can enhance reading and writing skills alongside the negatives. This could involve discussing educational apps or online resources that promote literacy.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position taken in the essay is somewhat clear, as the author agrees with the notion that technology negatively impacts reading and writing skills. However, the clarity is undermined by inconsistent phrasing and a lack of strong supporting arguments. For instance, the phrase "it can be seen that with the increasing use of phones and computer young people can easily access to the bad information" lacks conviction and does not reinforce the author’s stance effectively.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay with well-structured arguments. Using transitional phrases to connect ideas and reiterate the main argument can also help in maintaining clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack depth. While the author mentions heavy dependence on technology and its negative effects, these points are not sufficiently elaborated upon. For example, the claim that "it make their behavior on the internet become badly" is vague and does not provide specific examples or evidence to support this assertion. Additionally, the essay fails to adequately extend the discussion on how these negative behaviors directly impact reading and writing skills.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to provide specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the negative effects of technology on literacy. Each point made should be elaborated upon with clear explanations and relevant details. This could involve discussing specific behaviors, such as reliance on autocorrect features or the impact of social media on writing styles.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the central topic, particularly when discussing the positive aspects of technology. While it is important to acknowledge both sides, the discussion on positive effects is not sufficiently developed and feels like an afterthought. This lack of focus detracts from the overall argument regarding the negative impacts on reading and writing skills.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the author should ensure that every paragraph contributes directly to answering the prompt. If discussing positive aspects, it should be done in a way that clearly relates back to the main argument about reading and writing skills. The author could also consider dedicating a separate paragraph to counterarguments, clearly delineating them from the main thesis while still supporting the overall position.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure but lacks a clear logical progression of ideas. For instance, the introduction states the author’s agreement with the negative impact of technology on reading and writing skills, but the subsequent paragraphs do not consistently build on this argument. The transition from discussing negative effects to acknowledging potential benefits is abrupt and lacks a clear connection. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates points without synthesizing the arguments made throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the author should outline their main points before writing. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the thesis statement. Furthermore, the essay could benefit from a more structured approach, such as presenting negative effects first, followed by potential benefits, and concluding with a balanced perspective. Using linking phrases like "firstly," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion" can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. For example, the first paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The second paragraph introduces new concepts without a clear transition from the previous one, leading to confusion about the main point being made.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The author should start a new paragraph when introducing a new point or aspect of the argument. For instance, one paragraph could focus solely on the negative impacts of technology on reading and writing skills, while another could discuss the potential benefits. This will create a clearer structure and make it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the overall flow of ideas. Phrases like "it can be seen that" and "thus" are used, but they are repetitive and do not effectively connect ideas. Additionally, some transitions are unclear, such as moving from the discussion of negative effects to positive aspects without a proper linking phrase.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the author should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using "however," "furthermore," "in contrast," and "for example" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, referring back to previously mentioned concepts can enhance cohesion. The author should practice using these devices in context to ensure they contribute to the clarity and flow of the essay.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, the author should focus on organizing ideas logically, structuring paragraphs effectively, and employing a diverse range of cohesive devices. Engaging in practice essays with these strategies in mind will lead to improved clarity and coherence in writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some appropriate terms related to the topic, such as "communication," "dependence," and "technology." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive, particularly with the frequent use of "phones" and "computers," which could be varied with synonyms or related terms (e.g., "devices," "gadgets," "digital platforms"). Additionally, phrases like "make teenagers have a negative behaviours" could be expressed more fluently as "lead to negative behaviors among teenagers."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should practice using synonyms and varying sentence structures. Engaging with vocabulary exercises or reading materials related to technology and communication can help expand their lexical repertoire. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "badly," consider alternatives such as "poorly," "negatively," or "adversely."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "effect on young people" instead of the more accurate "affect young people." The phrase "it make the growing use of phones go up quickly" is also unclear; a more precise expression would be "it has led to a rapid increase in phone usage." The term "viral" is incorrectly used in the context of discussing the importance of understanding the internet; it should be "vital."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on understanding the meanings of words and their appropriate contexts. Utilizing a thesaurus to find more suitable words and checking definitions can help. Additionally, practicing writing sentences with new vocabulary in context can reinforce correct usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "sociaty" (society), "behavious" (behaviors), "effect" (affect), "viral" (vital), "phonbes" (phones), and "they" (their). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them regularly can be beneficial. Engaging in spelling quizzes or games can also make the learning process more enjoyable and effective.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria of the IELTS Task 2 essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance the writing. For instance, phrases like "It can be seen that beside the negative effects" and "It make they writing and reading skills go badly" show a reliance on basic structures. Additionally, the use of subordinate clauses is minimal, which restricts the depth of argumentation and analysis.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using relative clauses or conditional clauses. For example, instead of saying "People can easily connected with everyone," the writer could say "People, who have access to mobile phones and computers, can easily connect with others." Practicing sentence combining exercises and studying complex sentence structures can also help improve this aspect.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that hinder clarity and coherence. For instance, "the growing use of mobile phones and computers in communication make teenagers have a negative behavious about they writing and reading skills" should be corrected to "the growing use of mobile phones and computers in communication makes teenagers exhibit negative behaviors regarding their writing and reading skills." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "internet have became" should be "internet has become") and incorrect pronoun usage (e.g., "it make they writing" should be "it makes their writing"). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing commas that could clarify sentence structure.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper pronoun usage, and verb tense consistency. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and engaging in exercises that target these specific areas can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly to separate clauses will improve overall clarity. Reading more complex texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, the grammatical range and accuracy need significant improvement to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical precision will enhance the effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

A section of society believes that the growing use of mobile phones and computers in communication leads to negative behavior towards young people’s reading and writing skills. This author agrees that communication on the internet may affect young people because of their heavy dependence on mobile phones and computers.

It is essential to understand that the internet has become a significant part of technological development in the world. People can easily connect with anyone by just using a mobile phone or a computer. Younger generations, who have greater and more extensive access to the internet, have begun to develop a heavy dependence on these devices. This increased reliance on phones and computers has led to a rapid rise in their usage. Consequently, it can negatively impact their behavior on the internet. With the convenience of mobile phones, young people often spend all their time chatting and socializing online, rather than engaging in regular face-to-face interactions with friends. This shift can lead to a decline in their writing and reading skills, especially when they are exposed to negative information.

It can be seen that, besides the negative effects, the internet can be beneficial for teenagers if they know how to use it wisely. Phones and computers can have positive effects if users know how to select information effectively. This can enhance their communication skills on the internet.

Thus, it is clear that with the increasing use of phones and computers, young people can easily access harmful information, which may lead to a deterioration in their reading and writing abilities. Therefore, if they learn how to select information appropriately, it can be beneficial for them.