Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others think that the main benefits are in the world business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others think that the main benefits are in the world business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some individuals believe that the main purpose of collaborating towards globalization can create some advantages for protecting the environment. Nevertheless, others suppose that developing international business is more dominant than other issues for the world cooperation. Personally, because both schools of thought hold particular merits, I would evaluate this perspective equally in this essay.
On the one hand, the multinational cooperation is regarded as a necessary policy for the environmental protection. In fact, thanks to the connection among nations worldwide to solve the current environmental issues, the pollution rates has been declined significantly. Particularly, nowadays, the environmental problem is a global phenomenon and needing the extensive carefulness of all world nations. For example, in recent years, the environmental pollution is getting more and more increased and damaged seriously by some negative habits of humans. This is reasons why it frequently occurs the natural diseases, including floods, droughts, epidemic which inflict tremendous outcomes to the quality of global populations. Therefore, collaborating among countries around the world is an imperative solution for communities to tackle the serious environmental dangers now.
On the other hand, fostering the multinational connection also play an important role expanding commercial exchanges among nations. In addition, when broadening the relationship with other countries, it not only has more opportunities to integrate and develop cultural diversity but it also contributes to the economic development of nations. For instance, when Vietnam expand their relationship with numerous worldwide countries, it is a wonderful benefit for Vietnam to promote the convenience of goods exchange, involving the exports and imports process to various products to satisfy the daily condition of people, such as Korean cosmetics, Chinese clothes, etc. Moreover, exporting Vietnamese items also a good way to enhance the national financial budget and elevate the living quality of local residents by the variety of jobs chance when connect with many countries, especially in Asia. Consequently, developing world business is also a major advantage in multinational connection.
In conclusion, both purposes hold equally important functions. While the international cooperation play a crucial role to protecting the global environmental issues by proposing specific policies and general discussion among nations, I believe that it also has the significant benefits for fostering world commercial connection such as integrating cultural variety and promoting the national economic development.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"collaborating towards globalization" -> "collaborating towards globalization"
Explanation: The phrase "collaborating towards globalization" is grammatically incorrect. The correct phrase should be "collaborating towards global cooperation" or "collaborating for globalization." -
"can create some advantages" -> "can yield several benefits"
Explanation: "Yield" is a more precise and formal term than "create," and "several benefits" is more specific than "some advantages." -
"developing international business is more dominant" -> "the development of international business is more significant"
Explanation: "More dominant" is vague and informal; "more significant" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing. -
"Personally, because both schools of thought hold particular merits" -> "Given that both perspectives have distinct merits"
Explanation: "Given that" is a more formal introduction to a conditional statement, and "perspectives" is more specific than "schools of thought." -
"the multinational cooperation is regarded as a necessary policy" -> "multinational cooperation is viewed as a necessary policy"
Explanation: "Viewed" is more formal than "regarded," and "multinational cooperation" should be treated as a singular noun. -
"thanks to the connection among nations worldwide to solve" -> "thanks to the global connections among nations"
Explanation: "Global connections" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea. -
"the pollution rates has been declined" -> "pollution rates have decreased"
Explanation: "Have decreased" is grammatically correct, and "pollution rates" should be treated as a plural noun. -
"the environmental problem is a global phenomenon and needing the extensive carefulness" -> "the environmental problem is a global phenomenon requiring extensive care"
Explanation: "Requiring" is more formal than "needing," and "extensive care" is a more precise term than "extensive carefulness." -
"This is reasons why" -> "This is why"
Explanation: "This is reasons why" is grammatically incorrect; "This is why" is the correct form. -
"frequently occurs the natural diseases" -> "frequently occur natural disasters"
Explanation: "Occur natural disasters" is grammatically correct and more specific than "occurs the natural diseases." -
"inflict tremendous outcomes to the quality of global populations" -> "inflict significant impacts on global populations"
Explanation: "Significant impacts" is more precise and formal than "tremendous outcomes," and "on" is the correct preposition. -
"fostering the multinational connection also play an important role expanding commercial exchanges" -> "fostering multinational connections also plays an important role in expanding commercial exchanges"
Explanation: "Plays" agrees with the singular subject "connection," and "in" is the correct preposition for indicating the role in an activity. -
"it not only has more opportunities to integrate and develop cultural diversity but it also contributes to the economic development of nations" -> "it not only offers more opportunities for integrating and developing cultural diversity but also contributes to the economic development of nations"
Explanation: "Offers more opportunities for" is more precise and formal than "has more opportunities to." -
"exporting Vietnamese items also a good way" -> "exporting Vietnamese items is also a good way"
Explanation: "Is" corrects the grammatical error in the verb agreement with "items." -
"elevate the living quality of local residents" -> "enhance the quality of life for local residents"
Explanation: "Enhance the quality of life" is a more formal and precise phrase than "elevate the living quality." -
"by the variety of jobs chance" -> "through the variety of job opportunities"
Explanation: "Through the variety of job opportunities" is grammatically correct and more formal than "by the variety of jobs chance." -
"developing world business is also a major advantage" -> "developing international business is also a significant advantage"
Explanation: "International business" is more specific than "world business," and "significant" is more formal than "major."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the benefits of international cooperation, discussing environmental protection and business development. The first paragraph effectively outlines the environmental perspective, citing the importance of multinational cooperation in addressing global environmental issues. The second paragraph presents the business perspective, highlighting how international relationships can enhance trade and economic growth. However, while both views are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of each side, as one side appears slightly more developed than the other.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that both perspectives are given equal weight in terms of depth and examples. Consider providing more specific examples or statistics to support each viewpoint, and ensure that the discussion of each side is roughly equivalent in length and detail.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in the conclusion, stating that both perspectives are equally important. However, the introduction could be clearer in establishing the author’s stance. The phrase "I would evaluate this perspective equally" is somewhat vague and could lead to confusion about the author’s opinion.
- How to improve: Strengthen the introduction by explicitly stating your opinion on the matter. For instance, you could say, "In my opinion, while environmental protection is crucial, the benefits of international business cannot be overlooked." This would provide a clearer framework for the reader and guide the essay’s argument more effectively.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both environmental protection and business development. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For example, while the environmental section mentions pollution rates and natural disasters, it does not provide specific examples of international cooperation efforts that have led to improvements. Similarly, the business section mentions cultural diversity and economic development but could further elaborate on how these benefits manifest in real-world scenarios.
- How to improve: To improve the support for your ideas, include specific examples of international agreements or initiatives that have successfully addressed environmental issues, such as the Paris Agreement. For the business perspective, consider discussing specific trade agreements or partnerships that have led to economic growth for participating countries.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the discussion of "negative habits of humans" in the environmental section feels somewhat tangential and could be more directly tied to international cooperation efforts.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points made directly relate back to the benefits of international cooperation. Avoid introducing ideas that, while relevant to the broader topic of environmental issues or business, do not specifically address the prompt. Keeping each paragraph tightly aligned with the main question will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a balanced discussion, improvements can be made in the areas of clarity, depth of examples, and focus. By refining these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for each viewpoint regarding international cooperation. The introduction effectively outlines the two perspectives and indicates that both will be discussed. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific argument, which helps maintain clarity. However, the transition between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing environmental issues to the economic benefits in the second body paragraph lacks a clear linking sentence that ties the two ideas together cohesively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence could be added to bridge the environmental discussion to the economic benefits, such as, "While environmental protection is crucial, it is equally important to recognize the economic advantages that international cooperation can bring."
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the overall structure is easy to follow. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main point of the paragraph more effectively. For instance, the second body paragraph begins with a statement about the importance of multinational connections but could be strengthened by explicitly stating that this paragraph will focus on the economic benefits of international cooperation.
- How to improve: Strengthen topic sentences to clearly indicate the focus of each paragraph. For example, the second body paragraph could start with, "In addition to environmental protection, international cooperation significantly enhances economic development through expanded commercial exchanges." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal the contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where more varied devices could enhance the text’s flow. For example, phrases like "for instance" and "moreover" are repeated, which can make the writing feel somewhat formulaic.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "for example," you might use "for instance," "such as," or "to illustrate." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "in contrast" or "consequently," can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on improving transitions, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher band score in coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "collaborating," "globalization," "environmental protection," and "commercial exchanges." However, the range is somewhat limited and repetitive in places. For instance, the phrase "multinational cooperation" appears multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical richness. Additionally, terms like "negative habits of humans" could be expressed more succinctly or with more precise vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. Instead of repeating "multinational cooperation," alternatives like "international collaboration" or "global partnerships" could be used. Expanding vocabulary related to environmental issues and business could also help, such as using terms like "sustainability," "trade relations," or "economic integration."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the pollution rates has been declined significantly" is grammatically incorrect and should be "the pollution rates have declined significantly." Additionally, the phrase "the environmental problem is a global phenomenon and needing the extensive carefulness" is awkward and unclear. The use of "natural diseases" is also misleading; it would be more accurate to refer to "natural disasters" in this context.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. Proofreading for subject-verb agreement and ensuring that word choices accurately convey the intended meaning is essential. Utilizing more specific terms, such as "natural disasters" instead of "natural diseases," will enhance clarity.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors and grammatical issues that affect readability. For example, "the pollution rates has been declined" should be corrected to "the pollution rates have declined." Additionally, "the environmental pollution is getting more and more increased" is awkwardly phrased and could be simplified to "environmental pollution is increasing." The phrase "the variety of jobs chance" is also incorrect; it should be "the variety of job opportunities."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling and grammatical accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers and grammar checkers can help identify errors before submission. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can assist in catching awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and attempts to engage with the topic, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score in future writing tasks.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "Some individuals believe that the main purpose of collaborating towards globalization can create some advantages for protecting the environment" showcases a complex structure. However, there are instances where sentence structures are repetitive or lack variety, such as the frequent use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" to introduce contrasting points.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied transition phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," alternatives like "Conversely," "In contrast," or "Another perspective is that…" could be employed. Additionally, varying the placement of subordinate clauses could enhance the complexity of sentences.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that impact clarity. For instance, in the phrase "the pollution rates has been declined significantly," "has" should be "have" to agree with the plural subject "rates." Additionally, there are awkward constructions, such as "the environmental problem is a global phenomenon and needing the extensive carefulness of all world nations," which should be rephrased for clarity and grammatical correctness. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, can also be found, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that verbs are correctly conjugated according to their subjects. A thorough proofreading process can help catch these errors. Additionally, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences can enhance clarity. For example, the sentence "This is reasons why it frequently occurs the natural diseases, including floods, droughts, epidemic which inflict tremendous outcomes to the quality of global populations" could be revised for clarity and grammatical correctness, such as "This is the reason why natural disasters frequently occur, including floods, droughts, and epidemics, which inflict tremendous consequences on the quality of life for global populations."
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on enhancing grammatical accuracy and diversifying sentence structures will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some individuals believe that the main benefit of collaborating towards globalization can yield several advantages for protecting the environment. Nevertheless, others argue that the development of international business is more significant than other issues in global cooperation. Personally, given that both perspectives have distinct merits, I would evaluate this viewpoint equally in this essay.
On the one hand, multinational cooperation is viewed as a necessary policy for environmental protection. In fact, thanks to the global connections among nations aimed at addressing current environmental issues, pollution rates have decreased significantly. Particularly, the environmental problem is a global phenomenon requiring extensive care from all nations. For example, in recent years, environmental pollution has increased dramatically due to some negative human habits. This is why natural disasters, including floods, droughts, and epidemics, frequently occur and inflict significant impacts on global populations. Therefore, collaborating among countries around the world is an imperative solution for communities to tackle the serious environmental dangers we face today.
On the other hand, fostering multinational connections also plays an important role in expanding commercial exchanges among nations. When broadening relationships with other countries, it not only offers more opportunities for integrating and developing cultural diversity but also contributes to the economic development of nations. For instance, when Vietnam expands its relationships with numerous countries worldwide, it benefits from the convenience of goods exchange, including the export and import of various products to meet the daily needs of people, such as Korean cosmetics and Chinese clothing. Moreover, exporting Vietnamese items is also a good way to enhance the national financial budget and improve the quality of life for local residents through the variety of job opportunities created when connecting with many countries, especially in Asia. Consequently, developing international business is also a significant advantage of multinational cooperation.
In conclusion, both purposes hold equally important functions. While international cooperation plays a crucial role in protecting global environmental issues by proposing specific policies and facilitating general discussions among nations, I believe that it also has significant benefits for fostering world commercial connections, such as integrating cultural diversity and promoting national economic development.