Some people think that the Olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Others say the Olympics is a waste of money and the money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There has been a fierce debate about the Olympics impact and value. While some argue that these events engender financial burden and resources for them should be allocated on other essential demands, I think that the Olympic Games is also an inspiring gathering that fosters global unity and sportsmanships.

To begin with, there exists various rationales for reducing the Olympics budget. Firstly, Olympic Games require the main country to own an extreme number of large-scale infrastructures such as football stadiums, running yards, swimming pools. As the pre-existing athletic facilities are not enough for these events, hosts need to construct new ones. Secondly, income from tourism and advertising does not bear the Games’ expenses. For example, the 2004 Athens Olympics proved disastrous as the organizers ran over budget and failed to repay their debts.

The Olympic Games; however, may strengthen the bonds among participant countries. Nations can set aside their differences and conflicts to participate in sports, a politically-neutral subject. Countries engaged in conflicts may join the Olympics, despite their being at war with each other. North and South Korea for instance, they both take part in the Games while also being in contest with one another, even competing under the same flag in the 2018 Olympics. This proves that sport competitions, such as the Olympics, may unite countries notwithstanding their differences, whether political or ethnicity.

In conclusion, despite the Olympics Games impact on the financial budget, these events offer a precious opportunity to foster a diplomatic relationship and sportsmanship around the world.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There has been a fierce debate" -> "There has been a contentious debate"
Explanation: "Contentious" is a more precise term that conveys the intensity of the debate without the emotional connotation of "fierce," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
"engender financial burden" -> "impose a financial burden"
Explanation: "Impose" is more direct and appropriate in this context, clearly indicating the action of the Olympics on the host country’s finances.
"resources for them should be allocated on other essential demands" -> "resources should be allocated to other essential demands"
Explanation: Removing "for them" clarifies the subject and improves the sentence structure, making it more direct and formal.
"the Olympic Games is" -> "the Olympic Games are"
Explanation: "Olympic Games" is a plural noun and requires the plural verb "are" to maintain grammatical accuracy.
"sportsmanships" -> "sportsmanship"
Explanation: "Sportsmanship" is the correct noun form, not "sportsmanships," which is a typographical error.
"there exists various rationales" -> "there are various rationales"
Explanation: "There are" is more natural and correct in this context, avoiding the awkward construction of "there exists."
"extreme number of large-scale infrastructures" -> "large number of extensive infrastructures"
Explanation: "Extensive" is more precise and academically appropriate than "large-scale," which is somewhat redundant.
"not enough for these events" -> "insufficient for these events"
Explanation: "Insufficient" is a more formal and precise term than "not enough," which is too colloquial for academic writing.
"hosts need to construct new ones" -> "hosts must construct new ones"
Explanation: "Must" is more forceful and formal than "need," fitting the context better.
"income from tourism and advertising does not bear the Games’ expenses" -> "income from tourism and advertising does not cover the Games’ expenses"
Explanation: "Cover" is a more precise term than "bear," which is less commonly used in this context.
"The Olympic Games; however," -> "However, the Olympic Games"
Explanation: Correcting the punctuation to a comma after "However" improves the sentence structure and readability.
"set aside their differences and conflicts" -> "put aside their differences and conflicts"
Explanation: "Put aside" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "set aside" in this context.
"North and South Korea for instance, they both take part" -> "For example, North and South Korea both participate"
Explanation: "For example" is more formal than "for instance," and "participate" is more formal than "take part."
"being in contest with one another" -> "being in competition with each other"
Explanation: "In competition with each other" is a more formal and precise phrase than "in contest with one another."
"despite their being at war with each other" -> "despite being at war with each other"
Explanation: Removing "their" before "being" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.
"the Olympics Games" -> "the Olympic Games"
Explanation: "Olympic" should not be duplicated; "Olympic Games" is the correct form.
"despite the Olympics Games impact" -> "despite the impact of the Olympic Games"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase improves clarity and formality by placing the prepositional phrase correctly.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the Olympic Games. The first part discusses the financial burden associated with hosting the Olympics, citing the example of the 2004 Athens Olympics to illustrate the point. The second part highlights the unifying aspect of the Games, particularly how they can bring together nations in conflict, using North and South Korea as a pertinent example. However, while both perspectives are acknowledged, the discussion could be more balanced, as the argument for the benefits of the Olympics is less developed than the argument against it.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more equal exploration of both views. This could involve adding more examples or elaborating further on the positive impacts of the Olympics, such as economic benefits from tourism or the promotion of cultural exchange.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their opinion in the introduction, indicating that they believe the Olympics foster global unity. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. While the conclusion reiterates the writer’s stance, the body paragraphs could better reflect this position by explicitly linking the arguments back to the central thesis.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph ties back to their opinion. This can be achieved by starting each body paragraph with a topic sentence that reflects the writer’s viewpoint and concludes with a statement that reinforces their stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the financial burden of the Olympics and the potential for fostering international unity. However, some ideas are not fully extended or supported. For instance, the discussion on the financial implications could benefit from more statistical data or additional examples of other cities that faced similar issues. The benefits of the Olympics are also somewhat underexplored.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could include discussing the positive economic impact on host cities or citing studies that show the long-term benefits of hosting the Olympics.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the mention of "politically-neutral subjects" could be elaborated on to clarify its relevance to the argument about unity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by regularly referencing the specific aspects of the question throughout the essay and avoiding tangential points that do not directly support the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument. With some refinements in balance, clarity, and depth of support, the writer could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The arguments are generally well-organized, with the first body paragraph addressing the financial burdens of the Olympics and the second focusing on the unifying aspect of the Games. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing financial concerns to the benefits of the Olympics feels abrupt, lacking a transitional phrase that would guide the reader more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," to signal the shift in focus. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, with the first discussing the financial implications and the second addressing the potential for unity. However, the second body paragraph could be improved by breaking it into smaller sections to enhance readability. The current paragraph is somewhat lengthy and covers multiple ideas, which can overwhelm the reader.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the unifying aspect of the Olympics and another discussing specific examples, such as the North and South Korea case. This will not only improve clarity but also allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "however," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where more varied devices could enhance the flow. For example, the use of "for example" is effective, but additional phrases like "in addition," "furthermore," or "consequently" could provide more depth and connection between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For instance, when introducing examples or contrasting ideas, use phrases like "Moreover," "In contrast," or "This illustrates that." This will create a more sophisticated and fluid reading experience, contributing to a higher band score in coherence and cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments in a coherent manner. By focusing on improving transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "fierce debate," "financial burden," and "global unity." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "essential demands" could be replaced with "essential needs" or "critical priorities" for greater impact. Additionally, the use of "gathering" to describe the Olympics is somewhat simplistic and could be enhanced with a more sophisticated term like "celebration" or "showcase."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. Reading a variety of texts on similar topics can expose the writer to diverse vocabulary. Practicing with vocabulary exercises that focus on synonyms and antonyms could also be beneficial.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For instance, the phrase "the Olympic Games is also an inspiring gathering" should use "are" instead of "is," as "Olympic Games" is plural. Additionally, the term "sportsmanships" is incorrectly pluralized; the correct term is "sportsmanship." The phrase "the main country" is vague and could be more accurately expressed as "the host country."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct forms of nouns. Reviewing grammar rules related to plurality and agreement can help. Furthermore, using a thesaurus to find the most appropriate word for the context can enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good level of spelling accuracy, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "sportsmanships" is a misspelling of the correct term "sportsmanship." Additionally, "the Olympics Games" should be corrected to "the Olympic Games" to maintain consistency in terminology.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices, focusing specifically on commonly misspelled words and terms relevant to the topic. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help identify errors that may be overlooked during silent reading.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For instance, the use of "While some argue that these events engender financial burden…" showcases a complex structure that effectively contrasts two viewpoints. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "The Olympic Games" at the beginning of sentences, which can detract from the overall variety. Additionally, phrases like "may strengthen the bonds among participant countries" could be rephrased to introduce more variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more introductory phrases, relative clauses, and varied sentence beginnings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The Olympic Games," the writer could use alternatives like "These events" or "Such competitions." Additionally, integrating more conditional clauses (e.g., "If nations prioritize sports, they may…") could enhance complexity and variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that affect clarity. For instance, "the Olympic Games is also an inspiring gathering" should be "the Olympic Games are also an inspiring gathering" to agree in number. The phrase "the main country to own an extreme number of large-scale infrastructures" is awkward and could be clearer as "the host country must invest in a significant amount of large-scale infrastructure." Furthermore, the semicolon in "The Olympic Games; however, may strengthen the bonds among participant countries" is incorrectly used; a comma would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and clarity in phrasing. Proofreading for common errors, such as singular/plural forms and punctuation usage, is essential. Additionally, practicing sentence restructuring and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can help identify and correct grammatical mistakes before submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence variety will enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There has been a contentious debate about the impact and value of the Olympics. While some argue that these events impose a financial burden and that resources should be allocated to other essential demands, I believe that the Olympic Games are also an inspiring gathering that fosters global unity and sportsmanship.

To begin with, there are various rationales for reducing the Olympics budget. Firstly, the Olympic Games require the host country to possess a large number of extensive infrastructures, such as football stadiums, running tracks, and swimming pools. As the pre-existing athletic facilities are often insufficient for these events, hosts must construct new ones. Secondly, income from tourism and advertising does not cover the Games’ expenses. For example, the 2004 Athens Olympics proved disastrous as the organizers ran over budget and failed to repay their debts.

However, the Olympic Games may strengthen the bonds among participating countries. Nations can put aside their differences and conflicts to engage in sports, a politically neutral subject. Countries involved in conflicts may join the Olympics, despite being at war with each other. For instance, North and South Korea both participate in the Games while also being in competition with one another, even competing under the same flag in the 2018 Olympics. This demonstrates that sporting competitions, such as the Olympics, can unite countries notwithstanding their differences, whether political or ethnic.

In conclusion, despite the financial implications of the Olympic Games, these events offer a valuable opportunity to foster diplomatic relationships and promote sportsmanship around the world.