some people think that there should be a complete ban on all forms of advertising. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Opinions are divided on whether all forms of advertisements should be banned. I believe that the answer depends on the type of this kinds of marketing.
I think that most advertising contents should continue to operate for several reasons. To begin with , advertisements play a crucial role of marketing management in recent years which brings many brand information to individuals so that this not only helps them stayed update a new products of their favorite brands quickly but also can save more time to choose essential things to buy . For instance , there are many cosmetics companies today that compete with each other through sales pitches. Therefore , this expand buyers' choice by comparing about feature , prices and benefits in order to find the most suitable for their budget and needs . And another reason is that this type of commercials also help broaden profitable for business because when effective marketing strategies are successful , this can significantly boost brand visibility and affect new consumers. For example , Coca Cola – one of the well-known brands among different ages has campaign that called " Share a Coke " , which was about encouraging people to find a bottle with their name on it . After this advertising was announced to public , this had caused a boom in the market because of attractive a large number of citizens due to unique personalized bottles , resulting in increasing revenue .
However , i contend that some advertisements which are about harmful products and source should be banned. One example is that many web pages often contain toxic contents such as gambling advertisements which is often glamorized in many ways so that so that can make these things trivializing the risks, Therefore , in the long term , this may lead to many bad behaviors such as misleading awareness in viewers , especially teenagers.
In conclusion , there are no one-size-fits-all answer to whether prohibition of all advertising activities . While this could be bad in some types , but i believe that the advantages certainly outweigh the disadvantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divided on whether all forms of advertisements should be banned." -> "Opinions are divided regarding the prohibition of all forms of advertising."
Explanation: The revised phrase "regarding the prohibition of all forms of advertising" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic style by specifying the topic of the debate.
"I believe that the answer depends on the type of this kinds of marketing." -> "I contend that the response hinges on the type of marketing."
Explanation: "I contend" is a more formal alternative to "I believe," and "hinges on" is a more precise term than "depends on," enhancing the academic tone.
"advertisements play a crucial role of marketing management" -> "advertisements play a crucial role in marketing management"
Explanation: The preposition "in" is the correct choice here, as "role" is a noun that requires the preposition "in" to indicate the field or area in which the role is played.
"this not only helps them stayed update a new products" -> "this not only helps them stay updated on new products"
Explanation: "stay updated" is the correct phrase, and "on" is the correct preposition to use with "updated" in this context.
"can save more time to choose essential things to buy" -> "can save time by selecting essential items"
Explanation: "by selecting essential items" is more concise and formal, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.
"this expand buyers’ choice" -> "this expands buyers’ choices"
Explanation: "expands" is the correct verb form, and "choices" is the plural form needed to match the plural subject "buyers."
"this type of commercials" -> "this type of advertising"
Explanation: "advertising" is the correct noun form, as "commercials" is a less formal and less precise term.
"help broaden profitable for business" -> "help broaden profitability for businesses"
Explanation: "profitability" is the correct noun form, and "businesses" is the plural form needed to match the context.
"when effective marketing strategies are successful" -> "when effective marketing strategies succeed"
Explanation: "succeed" is a more concise and formal alternative to "are successful," improving the academic tone.
"Coca Cola – one of the well-known brands among different ages" -> "Coca Cola, a well-known brand across various age groups"
Explanation: "across various age groups" is more precise and formal than "among different ages," which is vague and informal.
"attracting a large number of citizens" -> "attracting a large number of consumers"
Explanation: "consumers" is the correct term in the context of marketing and advertising, replacing the less specific "citizens."
"so that so that" -> "so that"
Explanation: The double "so that" is a typographical error and should be corrected to maintain clarity and professionalism.
"toxic contents such as gambling advertisements" -> "toxic content such as gambling advertisements"
Explanation: "content" is the singular form when referring to a general category, making it grammatically correct in this context.
"so that so that" -> "so that"
Explanation: This is a typographical error and should be corrected to maintain clarity and professionalism.
"there are no one-size-fits-all answer" -> "there is no one-size-fits-all answer"
Explanation: "is" is the correct form of the verb to use with the singular subject "answer."
"but i believe" -> "but I believe"
Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a nuanced view on advertising, indicating that the author believes a complete ban is not necessary but recognizes that certain types of advertisements should be restricted. The introduction sets the stage for this discussion, although the phrasing could be clearer. The body paragraphs provide arguments for both sides, discussing the benefits of advertising for businesses and consumers, as well as the potential harms of certain advertisements, particularly those related to harmful products.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could explicitly state their position in the introduction, clarifying whether they agree or disagree with a complete ban on advertising. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly links back to the question will strengthen the overall argument. For example, the conclusion could restate the position more definitively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, suggesting that while some advertising is beneficial, harmful advertisements should be banned. However, the position is not consistently articulated throughout the essay. Phrases like "the answer depends on the type of this kinds of marketing" introduce ambiguity about the author’s stance.
- How to improve: The writer should aim for a more definitive statement of their position in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph reinforces this stance. Using clear transitional phrases can help maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout the essay. For instance, reiterating the main argument at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the role of advertising in consumer choice and its impact on business profitability. Examples like Coca-Cola’s "Share a Coke" campaign effectively illustrate these points. However, some arguments lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the discussion on harmful advertisements could include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. Each point made should be followed by an elaboration that connects back to the overall argument. For example, when discussing the negative effects of gambling advertisements, the writer could include data on the increase in gambling-related issues among teenagers.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of advertising and the potential need for regulation. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the phrase "this expand buyers’ choice by comparing about feature, prices and benefits" could be more directly tied to the question of whether advertising should be banned.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates to the question. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that clearly relate back to the prompt can help keep the discussion on track. Additionally, avoiding overly complex sentences can help clarify the main points being made.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, there are opportunities for improvement in clarity, depth of argumentation, and consistency in presenting the author’s position.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the varying perspectives on advertising. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to present both sides of the argument. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of advertising to the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph discusses the positive aspects of advertising, while the second body paragraph shifts to the negative without a clear transition or summary of the previous points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that summarize the previous point before introducing the next. For example, after discussing the benefits of advertising, a sentence like "Despite these advantages, it is important to recognize the potential harms associated with certain types of advertisements" could provide a smoother transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, with a clear distinction between the positive and negative aspects of advertising. However, the structure within the paragraphs could be more refined. For example, the first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be broken down into separate sentences for clarity. Additionally, the conclusion lacks a clear summary of the main points discussed in the essay.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples. In the conclusion, summarize the key arguments made in the essay to reinforce the overall message. A clearer conclusion might state, "In summary, while advertising has its benefits in terms of consumer choice and business growth, it is essential to regulate harmful advertisements to protect vulnerable audiences."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "To begin with," "For instance," and "However." These devices help guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is repetitive or awkward, such as the phrase "so that" appearing multiple times in a short span. Additionally, some sentences lack clear connections, which can disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely." This will help create a more sophisticated and varied writing style. Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically connects to the next by using cohesive devices that reflect the relationship between ideas, such as cause and effect or contrast.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "advertisements," "marketing management," "brand visibility," and "harmful products." However, there are instances where the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety. For example, the phrase "this type of commercials" could be varied with alternatives such as "these advertisements" or "such marketing strategies." Additionally, phrases like "essential things to buy" could be more precisely articulated as "necessary purchases" or "essential items."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "advertisements," they could use "promotional content," "marketing campaigns," or "advertising strategies." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can aid in expanding lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, there are several instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "this kinds of marketing" should be corrected to "these kinds of marketing." Additionally, the expression "this expand buyers’ choice" should be revised to "this expands buyers’ choices." Such errors can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and pluralization. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and ensuring that vocabulary aligns correctly with the intended meaning will enhance clarity. Reading academic texts can also provide insights into precise language usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "advertisements" (spelled correctly), "this kinds" (should be "these kinds"), "i" (should be capitalized as "I"), and "toxic contents" (should be "toxic content"). These errors can disrupt the flow of reading and undermine the overall professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words. Regularly reviewing common spelling rules and exceptions will also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and correcting spelling errors, the writer can enhance their overall score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "To begin with," and "For example," indicates an attempt to structure arguments clearly. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar pattern, which can make the writing feel monotonous. For example, the sentence "I think that most advertising contents should continue to operate for several reasons" is straightforward but lacks complexity. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "this kinds of marketing," which detracts from the overall fluency.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences and varying sentence openings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "I think that," the writer could use phrases like "It is important to note that," or "One significant aspect is that." Additionally, using relative clauses (e.g., "which brings many brand information") can add depth to the writing. Engaging with different sentence types, such as conditional sentences or using passive voice where appropriate, can also diversify the structure.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, phrases like "this not only helps them stayed update a new products" contain grammatical inaccuracies; "stayed" should be "stay," and "a new products" should be "new products." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, such as in "To begin with , advertisements play a crucial role," where there is an unnecessary space before the comma. The misuse of "i" instead of "I" is another notable error. Furthermore, the phrase "this expand buyers’ choice" should be "this expands buyers’ choices," indicating a subject-verb agreement error.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that verb tenses are consistent throughout the essay. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these rules. For punctuation, it is essential to proofread the essay to catch misplaced commas and ensure proper spacing. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrases and grammatical errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools may provide additional support in identifying and correcting mistakes.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on whether all forms of advertisements should be banned. I believe that the answer depends on the type of these kinds of marketing.

I think that most advertising content should continue to operate for several reasons. To begin with, advertisements play a crucial role in marketing management in recent years, bringing much brand information to individuals so that this not only helps them stay updated on new products from their favorite brands quickly but also can save more time in choosing essential things to buy. For instance, there are many cosmetics companies today that compete with each other through sales pitches. Therefore, this expands buyers’ choices by allowing them to compare features, prices, and benefits in order to find the most suitable options for their budget and needs. Another reason is that this type of advertising also helps broaden profitability for businesses because when effective marketing strategies succeed, this can significantly boost brand visibility and attract new consumers. For example, Coca Cola, a well-known brand among different age groups, has a campaign called “Share a Coke,” which encourages people to find a bottle with their name on it. After this advertising was announced to the public, it caused a boom in the market by attracting a large number of consumers due to the unique personalized bottles, resulting in increased revenue.

However, I contend that some advertisements related to harmful products should be banned. One example is that many web pages often contain toxic content such as gambling advertisements, which are often glamorized in many ways so that they can trivialize the risks. Therefore, in the long term, this may lead to many bad behaviors, such as misleading awareness among viewers, especially teenagers.

In conclusion, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to whether there should be a prohibition on all advertising activities. While this could be detrimental in some cases, I believe that the advantages certainly outweigh the disadvantages.