Some people think that there should be strict laws to control the amount of noise a person makes because of the disturbance it causes to people. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. You should write at least 250 words.

Some people think that there should be strict laws to control the amount of noise a person makes because of the disturbance it causes to people. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. You should write at least 250 words.

Some individuals are of the opinion that regulations regarding noise control should be implemented as to prevent irritation in the public. The following essay will explore the pros and cons of this issue.

I suppose it is clear that people who are in favor of tranquility will benefit from this policy. As a matter of fact, noise can be a detrimental factor in causing slip of concentration when one are participating in highly demanding activities, such as work and study. Furthermore, it can worsen some specific mental condition such as ADHD, since people exposed to this illness have a relatively short span of attention. Thus, by implementing this law on a large scale, more people will find it easier to make progress in their profession, as their productivity is boosted. On top of that, patients with serious mental sickness may rely on less medical prescription to exacerbate the side effects causing by screeching noises.

On the other hand, despite being an ideal proposal which brings about social and professional benefits, I suppose it may be challenged considered some of these factors. In several occasions such as in workplaces or schools, it is necessary for the volume of the speakers to be edible enough for information assimilation and communication engagement. For instance, a lot of teachers working with children and adolescents might find it challenging to conform with this rules, as these groups of the young tend to be talkative and even disobedient. On account of this, verbal language complemented with a loud volume have to be used as for instructors to control classroom atmosphere. Additionally, under special circumstances like burglary or emergency, outcry can be useful for drawing attention to anyone who is in need of help. Henceforth, booming sounds can serve as an indication of danger in critical situations.

In conclusion, I hold a strong belief that this proposed suggestion seems relatively far-fetched when put into practice because of the crucial role of loud sounds in people's lives.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some individuals are of the opinion that" -> "Some individuals believe that"
   Explanation: "Believe" is more direct and academically appropriate than "are of the opinion that," which can sound overly formal and less natural in this context.

2. "regulations regarding noise control should be implemented as to prevent irritation in the public" -> "regulations regarding noise control should be implemented to prevent public irritation"
   Explanation: Removing "as to" and rephrasing to "to prevent public irritation" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, making it more direct and formal.

3. "I suppose it is clear" -> "It is evident"
   Explanation: "It is evident" is a more formal and precise term than "I suppose it is clear," which can sound tentative and informal.

4. "people who are in favor of tranquility" -> "those who advocate for tranquility"
   Explanation: "Advocate for" is more specific and formal than "are in favor of," which is somewhat vague and informal.

5. "noise can be a detrimental factor in causing slip of concentration" -> "noise can be a significant factor in impairing concentration"
   Explanation: "Impairing" is a more precise term than "causing slip of," which is awkward and unclear.

6. "since people exposed to this illness have a relatively short span of attention" -> "since individuals with this condition typically have a shorter attention span"
   Explanation: "Individuals with this condition" is more precise and formal than "people exposed to this illness," and "shorter attention span" is a more standard phrase.

7. "by implementing this law on a large scale" -> "through widespread implementation of this law"
   Explanation: "Through widespread implementation" is more formal and precise than "by implementing on a large scale."

8. "patients with serious mental sickness" -> "individuals with severe mental health conditions"
   Explanation: "Individuals with severe mental health conditions" is more respectful and medically accurate than "patients with serious mental sickness."

9. "rely on less medical prescription to exacerbate the side effects causing by screeching noises" -> "require fewer medical prescriptions to mitigate the effects of screeching noises"
   Explanation: "Require fewer medical prescriptions to mitigate the effects" is clearer and more formal than "rely on less medical prescription to exacerbate the side effects causing by."

10. "being an ideal proposal which brings about social and professional benefits" -> "being an ideal proposal that yields social and professional benefits"
    Explanation: "That yields" is more formal and grammatically correct than "which brings about."

11. "I suppose it may be challenged considered some of these factors" -> "I suggest it may be challenged by some of these factors"
    Explanation: "I suggest" is more appropriate than "I suppose," and "by" is the correct preposition for indicating the means by which something is challenged.

12. "in several occasions such as in workplaces or schools" -> "in various settings such as workplaces and schools"
    Explanation: "In various settings" is more formal and precise than "in several occasions such as."

13. "verbal language complemented with a loud volume have to be used" -> "verbal communication at a louder volume must be employed"
    Explanation: "Verbal communication at a louder volume must be employed" is more formal and precise than "verbal language complemented with a loud volume have to be used."

14. "booming sounds can serve as an indication of danger" -> "loud sounds can serve as a warning of danger"
    Explanation: "Loud sounds" is more specific than "booming sounds," and "a warning of danger" is a more formal and clear expression than "an indication of danger."

15. "booming sounds can serve as an indication of danger in critical situations" -> "loud sounds can serve as a warning in critical situations"
    Explanation: "Loud sounds can serve as a warning" is more direct and formal than "booming sounds can serve as an indication of danger."

These changes enhance the formality, clarity, and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of implementing strict noise control laws. The first paragraph presents the benefits, such as improved concentration and mental health, while the second paragraph outlines potential drawbacks, including challenges in communication in educational settings and the necessity of loud sounds in emergencies. However, the exploration of these points lacks depth, particularly in the disadvantages section, which could benefit from more concrete examples or elaboration.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each point is thoroughly developed. For instance, when discussing the disadvantages, they could provide specific examples of situations where noise is necessary, or cite studies that illustrate the impact of noise on productivity and mental health. Additionally, a more balanced approach with equal weight given to both sides would strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the necessity of noise control laws, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, the phrasing in the body paragraphs occasionally undermines this clarity. Phrases like "I suppose it may be challenged considered some of these factors" introduce ambiguity, which can confuse the reader about the author’s stance.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim for more decisive language to express their opinions. Instead of using tentative phrases, they could assert their views more confidently. For instance, using "It is essential to recognize that…" instead of "I suppose it may be challenged" would strengthen the position. Consistently reinforcing the main argument throughout the essay will also help maintain clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of noise control for concentration and mental health, and the necessity of noise in certain contexts. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions ADHD and productivity, it does not provide specific studies or data to substantiate these claims, which weakens the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should include more detailed examples or evidence to support their claims. This could involve referencing studies on noise pollution’s effects on work performance or citing real-life scenarios where noise control has had a significant impact. Additionally, expanding on each point with further explanation would enhance the depth of the discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of noise control laws. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion of teachers and students could be more directly tied back to the main argument about noise control laws.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each example directly relates back to the main argument. They could introduce each point with a clear topic sentence that ties it back to the overall discussion of noise control laws. Additionally, summarizing how each point contributes to the overall argument at the end of each paragraph would reinforce the relevance of the discussion.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score, demonstrating a more comprehensive and nuanced understanding of the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of noise control to the challenges is somewhat abrupt. The advantages are well articulated, but the discussion of disadvantages lacks depth and could benefit from clearer connections to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transition phrases such as "Conversely," or "On the contrary," can help signal shifts in argument more effectively. This will guide the reader through the essay’s progression and strengthen the overall coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion. However, the second body paragraph could be more balanced; it primarily discusses disadvantages but could benefit from a clearer structure that mirrors the advantages discussed in the first paragraph.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph maintains a consistent structure, ideally starting with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. This will not only enhance readability but also reinforce the argument being made. For instance, after stating a disadvantage, consider providing a counterpoint or an example that illustrates the complexity of the issue.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand," and "For instance," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "As a matter of fact" could be replaced with a more precise cohesive device that ties the statement more directly to the previous sentence.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition," and "Consequently." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, consider using referencing (e.g., "this policy," "these factors") to maintain coherence throughout the text.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "regulations," "tranquility," and "detrimental." However, it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks more sophisticated vocabulary that could enhance the argument. For instance, the phrase "irritation in the public" could be more effectively expressed as "public disturbance" or "nuisance."
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate more advanced vocabulary and synonyms. Instead of repeating simpler terms, they could explore alternatives that convey more nuance. For example, using "legislation" instead of "regulations" or "disruption" instead of "irritation" would elevate the language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that may confuse the reader. For example, the phrase "patients with serious mental sickness" could be more accurately stated as "individuals with severe mental health conditions." Additionally, "edible enough" is a misapplication of the term, which typically refers to food. The intended meaning seems to be "audible enough."
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that words are used appropriately. A good practice is to consult a thesaurus or dictionary to verify meanings before using them in writing.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. For example, "slip of concentration" should be "slip in concentration," and "exacerbate the side effects causing by screeching noises" should be "exacerbate the side effects caused by screeching noises."
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, perhaps reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools can also be beneficial, but manual checking is essential to catch context-specific mistakes. Regular practice with spelling exercises or vocabulary quizzes can further enhance spelling skills.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("As a matter of fact, noise can be a detrimental factor in causing slip of concentration when one are participating in highly demanding activities"). However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the volume of the speakers to be edible enough" is both incorrect and confusing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound and complex sentences, ensuring that clauses are clearly linked. For instance, using relative clauses (e.g., "which can lead to…") or conditional sentences (e.g., "If noise levels are controlled, then…") would add complexity. Additionally, varying the sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or dependent clauses) can create a more engaging flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies, such as subject-verb agreement errors ("one are participating" should be "one is participating") and incorrect word forms ("exacerbate the side effects causing by screeching noises" should be "caused by screeching noises"). Punctuation is generally adequate, but there are instances where commas could improve clarity, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, could be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly in complex sentences will enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are notable weaknesses that need addressing. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals believe that regulations regarding noise control should be implemented to prevent public irritation. The following essay will explore the advantages and disadvantages of this issue.

It is evident that those who advocate for tranquility will benefit from this policy. Noise can be a significant factor in impairing concentration when one is engaged in highly demanding activities, such as work and study. Furthermore, it can exacerbate specific mental conditions such as ADHD, since individuals with this condition typically have a shorter attention span. Thus, through widespread implementation of this law, more people will find it easier to make progress in their professions, as their productivity is boosted. On top of that, individuals with severe mental health conditions may require fewer medical prescriptions to mitigate the effects of screeching noises.

On the other hand, despite being an ideal proposal that yields social and professional benefits, I suggest it may be challenged by some of these factors. In various settings such as workplaces and schools, it is necessary for the volume of communication to be adequate for information assimilation and engagement. For instance, many teachers working with children and adolescents might find it challenging to conform to these rules, as these groups tend to be talkative and even disobedient. On account of this, verbal communication at a louder volume must be employed for instructors to maintain control of the classroom atmosphere. Additionally, under special circumstances like burglary or emergencies, loud sounds can serve as a warning of danger, drawing attention to anyone who is in need of help. Henceforth, booming sounds can serve as an indication of danger in critical situations.

In conclusion, I hold a strong belief that this proposed suggestion seems relatively far-fetched when put into practice because of the crucial role of loud sounds in people’s lives.