Some people think that too much parental pressure over children's academic performance has negative impacts on their development. Others think otherwise, saying that parental pressure can bring children more success at school. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, many believe that excessive parental pressure on children's academic achievement can hinder their development. However, some argue that this pressure can lead to greater success in school for children. In my essay today, I will explore this issue.
On the one hand, the pressure from parents on the children achivement has a bad significant impact on their development. This can make the student's study become increasingly go down as they afraid that their parents with scold them. I believe that perental people shouldn't put a big responsibility on the young people. For example, if the students have a bad point which is able to make them to feel sad, the parents can encourage them to have a higher mark in learning.
On the other hand, some researchers argue that negative parental influence, such as constant criticism or pressure, can inadvertently push children to strive for more success at school as a way to gain parental approval or validation. This may lead to higher motivation and academic achievement in the short term. However, it's important to consider the potential emotional impact and strain on the parent-child relationship that can result from this dynamic. Children may experience increased stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy, while the parent-child relationship may suffer from decreased trust and communication. It's essential to address these potential consequences when considering the impact of parental influence on a child's academic performance.
Ultimately, I think that parental pressure can bring children more success at school because parents can remind the children to study every day, and we shouldn't make the students feel stressed.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"many believe" -> "it is widely believed"
Explanation: "It is widely believed" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express a general opinion or belief, enhancing the formality of the statement.
"On the one hand, the pressure from parents on the children achivement" -> "On the one hand, the pressure exerted by parents on children’s academic achievement"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error "achivement" to "academic achievement" and clarifies the phrase to "exerted by parents on children’s academic achievement" for better readability and formality.
"has a bad significant impact" -> "has a significant negative impact"
Explanation: "Significant negative" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "bad significant."
"the student’s study become increasingly go down" -> "the students’ studies become increasingly deteriorate"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error "go down" to "deteriorate," which is the correct term for describing a decline in quality or performance.
"as they afraid that their parents with scold them" -> "as they fear being scolded by their parents"
Explanation: "Fear being scolded by their parents" is a more precise and grammatically correct expression, replacing the awkward and informal "afraid that their parents with scold them."
"perental people shouldn’t put a big responsibility on the young people" -> "parents should not place excessive responsibility on young individuals"
Explanation: "Parents should not place excessive responsibility on young individuals" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "perental people" and "young people."
"have a bad point which is able to make them to feel sad" -> "have a negative aspect that causes them to feel sad"
Explanation: "Have a negative aspect that causes them to feel sad" is more formal and clearer than the awkward and informal "have a bad point which is able to make them to feel sad."
"the parents can encourage them to have a higher mark in learning" -> "parents can encourage them to achieve higher academic marks"
Explanation: "Achieve higher academic marks" is more specific and formal than "have a higher mark in learning," which is vague and informal.
"negative parental influence, such as constant criticism or pressure" -> "negative parental influences, such as persistent criticism or pressure"
Explanation: "Influences" is plural to match the plural context, and "persistent" is a more formal synonym for "constant."
"can inadvertently push children to strive for more success at school" -> "can inadvertently motivate children to strive for greater academic success"
Explanation: "Motivate children to strive for greater academic success" is more specific and academically appropriate than "push children to strive for more success at school."
"It’s essential to address these potential consequences" -> "It is essential to address these potential consequences"
Explanation: Corrects the contraction "It’s" to "It is" for formal writing standards.
"we shouldn’t make the students feel stressed" -> "we should avoid making students feel stressed"
Explanation: "We should avoid making students feel stressed" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea, replacing the informal "we shouldn’t make."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding parental pressure on children’s academic performance. The first paragraph discusses the negative impacts of excessive pressure, while the second paragraph presents the opposing view that such pressure can lead to greater success. However, the exploration of both sides lacks depth, particularly in the second view, which is only briefly mentioned and not fully developed. The conclusion leans towards one side without adequately summarizing both perspectives.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more balanced coverage of both views. Each perspective should be elaborated with specific examples or research findings to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the conclusion should reflect a more nuanced understanding of both sides before stating a personal opinion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of the idea that parental pressure can lead to success. However, this position is somewhat undermined by the lack of a strong, consistent argument throughout the essay. The initial discussion of negative impacts is somewhat contradictory to the final opinion, which states that parental pressure is beneficial.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that the arguments presented in favor of their opinion are consistently supported throughout the essay. This could involve reinforcing the positive aspects of parental pressure with examples and addressing potential counterarguments more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but does not extend or support them sufficiently. For instance, the claim that parental pressure can lead to success is mentioned but not backed up with detailed examples or evidence. The discussion of negative impacts is more developed but lacks specific instances to illustrate the points made.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the effects of parental pressure. Each point made should be followed by an explanation or elaboration that connects back to the main argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing parental pressure and its effects on children’s academic performance. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing emotional impacts without tying them back to the main argument about academic success or failure.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the main topic of parental pressure and its impact on academic performance. Avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring that each paragraph clearly connects back to the central thesis will help maintain relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion, it requires more depth, balance, and support for ideas to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the negative impacts of parental pressure to the positive effects is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph discusses the negative impacts but lacks a clear connection to the second paragraph, which discusses the potential benefits. This could confuse readers regarding the relationship between the two viewpoints.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the negative impacts, a sentence like "Conversely, some argue that this pressure can lead to increased motivation and success" would provide a smoother transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph addressing a distinct viewpoint. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more structured development. The ideas presented are somewhat jumbled, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For instance, the mention of "bad point" and "higher mark" lacks clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, in the first body paragraph, a clearer topic sentence could be: "Excessive parental pressure can negatively affect children’s emotional and academic development." This would set the stage for a more coherent discussion. Additionally, ensure that supporting details are logically ordered and directly related to the topic sentence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," to introduce contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections. For instance, phrases like "this can make the student’s study become increasingly go down" could be better linked to previous ideas for clarity. The use of pronouns and synonyms is also inconsistent, leading to potential confusion about what is being referenced.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Consequently." These can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that pronouns clearly refer back to their antecedents to avoid ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "this can make the student’s study become increasingly go down," clarify what "this" refers to by rephrasing it to something like "This pressure can lead to a decline in the student’s academic performance."

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Phrases such as "excessive parental pressure," "academic achievement," and "emotional impact" are appropriate and contextually relevant. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the use of "pressure" and "success," which detracts from the overall richness of the language. For instance, the phrase "the pressure from parents on the children achievement" could have been expressed with more variety, such as "the burden of parental expectations on children’s academic performance."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "pressure," alternatives like "expectations," "demands," or "influence" could be employed. Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs would enrich the essay. For instance, instead of "bad significant impact," you might say "detrimental impact" or "adverse effects."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the student’s study become increasingly go down" is awkward and unclear. It would be clearer to say, "the student’s academic performance may decline." Additionally, the term "perental people" is incorrect; the correct term is "parents." Such inaccuracies can undermine the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Review the essay for phrases that could be misinterpreted or are grammatically incorrect. For example, instead of "students have a bad point," consider "students receive poor grades." Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and precision will help in this area.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "achivement" (achievement), "perental" (parental), and "scold" (should be "scolded"). These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then read through the essay carefully to catch spelling mistakes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing software can help identify errors before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises, especially focusing on commonly misspelled words, can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly improved.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, phrases like "the pressure from parents on the children achievement has a bad significant impact" and "this can make the student’s study become increasingly go down" illustrate a reliance on straightforward constructions. The use of more complex structures, such as subordinate clauses or varied sentence beginnings, is minimal.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences. For instance, instead of saying "the pressure from parents on the children achievement has a bad significant impact," the writer could say, "Although parental pressure can sometimes motivate children, it often has a significantly negative impact on their overall development." Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using different grammatical forms will create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "achivement" is a misspelling of "achievement," and "perental people" should be corrected to "parents." The phrase "the student’s study become increasingly go down" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "the student’s studies may decline." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, detract from the clarity of the writing. For instance, the sentence "However, some argue that this pressure can lead to greater success in school for children" could benefit from a comma before "however" to improve readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and spelling mistakes. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify issues before finalizing the essay. Additionally, practicing sentence restructuring and reviewing punctuation rules will enhance clarity and coherence. For example, the writer could revise sentences for clarity, ensuring that each idea is expressed correctly and effectively.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant discussion on the topic, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, it is widely believed that excessive parental pressure on children’s academic achievement can hinder their development. However, some argue that this pressure can lead to greater success in school for children. In my essay today, I will explore this issue.

On the one hand, the pressure exerted by parents on children’s academic achievement has a significant negative impact on their development. This can cause students’ studies to deteriorate as they fear being scolded by their parents. I believe that parents should not place excessive responsibility on young individuals. For example, if students receive poor grades, which can make them feel sad, parents can encourage them to achieve higher academic marks instead of criticizing them.

On the other hand, some researchers argue that negative parental influences, such as persistent criticism or pressure, can inadvertently motivate children to strive for greater academic success as a way to gain parental approval or validation. This may lead to higher motivation and academic achievement in the short term. However, it is essential to address these potential consequences when considering the impact of parental influence on a child’s academic performance. Children may experience increased stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy, while the parent-child relationship may suffer from decreased trust and communication.

Ultimately, I think that parental pressure can bring children more success at school, as parents can remind them to study every day. However, we should avoid making students feel stressed, as this can have detrimental effects on their overall well-being.