Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

Several individuals believe that zoological gardens are inhumane to animals and should be closed worldwide. From my perspective, I completely agree with this idea.
The first reason is that the living conditions of animals at zoos are not guaranteed. Some zoos are opened just for commercial purposes with performance activities to sell tickets and collect fees instead of conserving and taking care of animals. Some other zoos do not have sufficient economic conditions to cause animals to live in dirty and cramped conditions without full feeding and proper care. Therefore, the lifespan of animals kept in captivity at zoos is shorter than that in the wild.
Another reason is that confined animals suffer not only physically but also mentally because keeping animals in captivity at zoos negatively affects their natural behavior. The fact is that most zoos keep animals in narrow, unpleasant, and even smelly cages. All the daily activities of animals occur in these coops. The difference between artificial environments and natural habitats in terms of space, diversity, and freedom makes them feel stressed and lose their instinct. In other words, confined animals at zoos in small cages which are fed by humans for a long time usually lose their hunting ability and cannot escape or defend themselves against enemies such as predators and poachers. Consequently, they are unable to survive when released back into the wild.
In conclusion, I personally side with the view that closing down zoos in the world is a humane action toward animals. We need to give animals the chance to live in their natural habitats.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Several individuals believe that zoological gardens are inhumane to animals and should be closed worldwide." -> "Many experts assert that zoological gardens are detrimental to animal welfare and advocate for their global closure."
Explanation: Replacing "Several individuals believe" with "Many experts assert" enhances the credibility of the statement in an academic context, signaling a more authoritative source of the claim.
"From my perspective, I completely agree with this idea." -> "Personally, I wholeheartedly support this notion."
Explanation: The phrase "From my perspective" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "Personally" is a more concise alternative. "Completely agree" is also slightly informal; "wholeheartedly support" maintains the enthusiasm while adhering to formal language standards.
"The first reason is that the living conditions of animals at zoos are not guaranteed." -> "Firstly, the living conditions of animals in zoos are not assured."
Explanation: "The first reason is" can be replaced with "Firstly" for a smoother transition. "Guaranteed" can be replaced with "assured" for a more formal tone.
"Some zoos are opened just for commercial purposes with performance activities to sell tickets and collect fees instead of conserving and taking care of animals." -> "Certain zoos prioritize commercial activities, such as performances aimed at ticket sales and revenue generation, over the welfare and conservation of animals."
Explanation: "Opened" can be replaced with "established" for a more formal tone. Replacing "conserving and taking care of" with "the welfare and conservation of" makes the sentence more precise and academically appropriate.
"Some other zoos do not have sufficient economic conditions to cause animals to live in dirty and cramped conditions without full feeding and proper care." -> "Additionally, some zoos lack the necessary financial resources, leading to inadequate living conditions characterized by filth, confinement, and insufficient nourishment and care for the animals."
Explanation: "Some other" can be replaced with "Additionally" for smoother flow. "Economic conditions to cause animals to live" can be replaced with "financial resources, leading to inadequate living conditions" for clarity and conciseness.
"Therefore, the lifespan of animals kept in captivity at zoos is shorter than that in the wild." -> "Consequently, animals in captivity have shorter lifespans compared to their counterparts in the wild."
Explanation: "Therefore" can be replaced with "Consequently" for a more formal tone. Simplifying the comparison to "animals in captivity" and "their counterparts in the wild" maintains clarity.
"Another reason is that confined animals suffer not only physically but also mentally because keeping animals in captivity at zoos negatively affects their natural behavior." -> "Furthermore, animals in captivity endure physical and psychological suffering due to the detrimental impact of zoo confinement on their natural behavior."
Explanation: "Another reason is that" can be replaced with "Furthermore" for a smoother transition. Simplifying "not only physically but also mentally" to "endure physical and psychological suffering" maintains clarity and conciseness.
"All the daily activities of animals occur in these coops." -> "The daily activities of animals are confined to these enclosures."
Explanation: "Coops" is too informal; "enclosures" is a more formal term.
"In other words, confined animals at zoos in small cages which are fed by humans for a long time usually lose their hunting ability and cannot escape or defend themselves against enemies such as predators and poachers." -> "Put differently, animals confined in small cages in zoos, reliant on human feeding for prolonged periods, often lose their ability to hunt and become incapable of evading or defending against threats, including predators and poachers."
Explanation: "In other words" can be replaced with "Put differently" for a more formal transition. Simplifying and rephrasing the sentence enhances clarity and maintains academic tone.
"We need to give animals the chance to live in their natural habitats." -> "It is imperative to provide animals with the opportunity to inhabit their natural habitats."
Explanation: "We need to" can be replaced with "It is imperative to" for a stronger, more formal statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt by presenting a clear opinion on whether zoos should be closed down. It acknowledges the argument that zoos are cruel and should be shut down and provides reasons to support this viewpoint.
- How to improve: While the essay presents a clear stance, it could enhance its response by considering potential counterarguments and addressing them to provide a more comprehensive analysis. Including a brief acknowledgment of opposing views followed by a rebuttal can strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position throughout, clearly stating agreement with the idea that zoos should be closed due to their perceived cruelty.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could use stronger transitions between paragraphs to reinforce the central argument and maintain coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and develops ideas regarding the negative impact of zoos on animal welfare. It provides examples and explanations to support the argument, such as discussing the living conditions of animals and their psychological well-being.
- How to improve: To extend the depth of analysis, the essay could incorporate additional evidence, such as statistics or expert opinions, to further substantiate claims and strengthen the argument’s credibility.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of whether zoos should be closed down due to concerns about animal welfare. It does not deviate from this central theme.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains relevance to the topic, it could benefit from refining its focus on specific aspects of zoo cruelty and its implications, avoiding tangential discussions that may distract from the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively articulates arguments supporting the closure of zoos. To improve further, it could consider incorporating counterarguments, strengthening transitions for clarity, providing additional evidence, and refining focus for enhanced coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It begins with an introductory paragraph stating the author’s position and reasons, followed by two body paragraphs elaborating on these reasons. The points are presented in a logical sequence, starting with the general concept of zoos being inhumane, then moving into specific reasons such as poor living conditions and the negative impact on animal behavior. The conclusion effectively summarizes the author’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the structure further. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the thesis statement. Additionally, use transitions more consistently to guide the reader through the flow of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs—a standard introduction, followed by two body paragraphs. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, but there could be more effective use of paragraphing for clarity and emphasis. The second body paragraph, discussing the negative impact on animal behavior, could have been broken down into smaller paragraphs for clearer presentation of ideas.
- How to improve: Improve paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or aspect of the argument. This will make the essay easier to read and follow. Consider using additional paragraphs to break down complex points into smaller, more digestible segments.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as transitions (e.g., "The first reason is that…," "Another reason is that…," "In conclusion…") and pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned concepts (e.g., "this idea," "these coops"). However, there is potential for more diversity and sophistication in the use of cohesive devices. Some transitions could be more varied to avoid repetition.
- How to improve: Diversify cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases. Consider using cohesive devices like conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "consequently") and pronouns (e.g., "such conditions," "these environments") more consistently to strengthen the essay’s coherence.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents a coherent argument with logical organization and adequate use of cohesive devices, further improvements in paragraphing and diversity of transitions would enhance clarity and coherence. Ensure each paragraph is tightly focused on a single idea, and experiment with a wider range of transition words to create a smoother flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, employing terms such as "zoological gardens," "commercial purposes," "cramped conditions," "natural behavior," "artificial environments," and "natural habitats." These varied lexical choices contribute to the essay’s overall coherence and effectiveness in presenting arguments.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a broad vocabulary, incorporating more nuanced or sophisticated terminology related to animal welfare, conservation efforts, or ethical considerations could enhance the depth of analysis. For instance, using words like "ethological needs" instead of "natural behavior" or "biodiversity conservation" instead of "taking care of animals" can elevate the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision. For instance, the phrases "commercial purposes" and "artificial environments" effectively convey the context of exploitation and confinement. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the term "performance activities" might be clarified to specify behaviors like animal shows or entertainment events.
- How to improve: To ensure precise vocabulary usage, consider consulting a thesaurus or specialized sources to find more accurate terms that precisely convey the intended meaning. Additionally, paying attention to context and ensuring that chosen words align closely with the essay’s arguments can enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "coops" instead of "cages" and "poachers" instead of "predators." These errors do not significantly impede comprehension but could be improved for greater clarity and professionalism.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing spelling and grammar checkers, proofreading meticulously, and expanding vocabulary through consistent reading and writing practice. Additionally, double-checking specific terms or consulting dictionaries when in doubt can help minimize spelling errors and ensure greater precision in written expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and simple sentences. For instance, the writer effectively uses compound sentences to present multiple points within a single sentence, such as "Some zoos are opened just for commercial purposes with performance activities to sell tickets and collect fees instead of conserving and taking care of animals." Additionally, complex sentences are utilized to provide elaboration and detail, as seen in the sentence: "The difference between artificial environments and natural habitats in terms of space, diversity, and freedom makes them feel stressed and lose their instinct."
- How to improve: To further enhance the richness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence types, such as conditional sentences, interrogative sentences, or exclamatory sentences. This can elevate the sophistication of the writing and engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates strong grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical errors occur, such as the lack of subject-verb agreement in the sentence: "Some zoos are opened just for commercial purposes with performance activities…" ("are opened" should be "are opened"). Additionally, there are some punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, as seen in: "The difference between artificial environments and natural habitats in terms of space, diversity, and freedom makes them feel stressed and lose their instinct." (should be: "…space, diversity, and freedom, makes them feel stressed…")
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper punctuation usage. Proofreading the essay carefully after writing can help identify and correct these errors. Additionally, consulting grammar resources or seeking feedback from peers can further improve grammatical proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Several individuals believe that zoological gardens are inhumane to animals and should be closed worldwide. From my perspective, I completely agree with this idea.

The first reason is that the living conditions of animals at zoos are not guaranteed. Some zoos are opened just for commercial purposes with performance activities to sell tickets and collect fees instead of conserving and taking care of animals. Some other zoos do not have sufficient economic conditions to cause animals to live in dirty and cramped conditions without full feeding and proper care. Therefore, the lifespan of animals kept in captivity at zoos is shorter than that in the wild.

Another reason is that confined animals suffer not only physically but also mentally because keeping animals in captivity at zoos negatively affects their natural behavior. The fact is that most zoos keep animals in narrow, unpleasant, and even smelly cages. All the daily activities of animals occur in these coops. The difference between artificial environments and natural habitats in terms of space, diversity, and freedom makes them feel stressed and lose their instinct. In other words, confined animals at zoos in small cages which are fed by humans for a long time usually lose their hunting ability and cannot escape or defend themselves against enemies such as predators and poachers. Consequently, they are unable to survive when released back into the wild.

In conclusion, I personally side with the view that closing down zoos in the world is a humane action toward animals. We need to give animals the chance to live in their natural habitats.