Some people think the government should pay for healthcare and education, but others believe it’s not government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Write at least 250 words.

Some people think the government should pay for healthcare and education, but others believe it’s not government’s responsibility.
Discuss both views and give your opinion. Write at least 250 words.

Nowadays our society is gradually developing along with the demand of education and healthcare are getting higher and higher. Therefore, it's not unreasonable to think that the government should takes responsibility to pay these fees for a better community. However, some people belives that's not their problems. In my perspective, i strongly agree that the government should share their citizens' financial burdens.
First of all, everthing can't be fully free but the government should brings the cost to the lowest as possible like not collecting taxes from these two industries because we all know that it is fundamental human right to access education and healthcare. However, tuitions and medical bills can be a huge problem to a family due to their financial situation. This can easily leads them to the worst scenarios like quitting school or their treatment.
Additionally, you can imagine this is an investment for our future. Education drives economic growth, bringings its potential to dozens of fields that can significantly strengthen a society. Meanwhile, healthcare giving us a stable and equal community by preventing spreads of pandemic diseases and lengthening our life expectancy.
In conclusion, the developing of education and healthcare are crucial factors for building our community. So it's essential for the burden to be shared between people and their government for financial and stable benefits in a long run.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Nowadays our society is gradually developing" -> "In recent years, our society has been evolving"
   Explanation: The phrase "In recent years, our society has been evolving" uses a more precise and formal temporal reference, enhancing the academic tone and clarity of the statement.

2. "demand of education and healthcare are getting higher and higher" -> "demand for education and healthcare is increasing"
   Explanation: "Demand for" is the correct prepositional phrase, and "is increasing" is a more precise and formal way to describe the ongoing trend.

3. "it’s not unreasonable to think" -> "it is not unreasonable to assume"
   Explanation: Replacing "it’s" with "it is" corrects the contraction to a full form, aligning with formal academic writing standards.

4. "takes responsibility to pay these fees" -> "should assume the responsibility of paying these fees"
   Explanation: "Assume the responsibility of paying" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than the simpler "takes responsibility to pay."

5. "some people belives" -> "some people believe"
   Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "belives" to "believe."

6. "i strongly agree" -> "I strongly agree"
   Explanation: Capitalizes "I" to maintain proper grammatical structure and formality.

7. "everthing can’t be fully free" -> "nothing can be fully free"
   Explanation: Corrects the incorrect use of "everthing" to "nothing," which is the correct antecedent for the negation "can’t."

8. "brings the cost to the lowest as possible" -> "minimizes costs as much as possible"
   Explanation: "Minimizes costs as much as possible" is a more precise and formal way to express reducing costs to the lowest level.

9. "not collecting taxes from these two industries" -> "exempting these two industries from taxation"
   Explanation: "Exempting these two industries from taxation" is a more formal and precise way to describe the exemption from taxes.

10. "it is fundamental human right" -> "it is a fundamental human right"
    Explanation: Adds the article "a" to correct the grammatical structure.

11. "tuitions and medical bills can be a huge problem" -> "tuition fees and medical expenses can pose significant challenges"
    Explanation: "Tuition fees and medical expenses" are more precise terms, and "pose significant challenges" is a more formal expression than "can be a huge problem."

12. "This can easily leads them to the worst scenarios" -> "This can easily lead them to the worst-case scenarios"
    Explanation: Corrects the verb tense to "lead" and adds "case" to "worst-case scenarios" for grammatical accuracy and formality.

13. "bringings" -> "bringing"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "bringings" to "bringing."

14. "giving us a stable and equal community" -> "ensuring a stable and equitable community"
    Explanation: "Ensuring" is more precise and formal than "giving," and "equitable" is preferred over "equal" in formal writing to imply fairness and justice.

15. "the developing of education and healthcare" -> "the development of education and healthcare"
    Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error "developing" to "development," which is the correct noun form.

16. "the burden to be shared" -> "the burden to be shared"
    Explanation: Removes the unnecessary "to" after "shared" to correct the grammatical structure.

17. "for financial and stable benefits in a long run" -> "for long-term financial and stability benefits"
    Explanation: "Long-term" is more precise and formal than "in a long run," and "stability benefits" is a more formal expression than "stable benefits."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding government responsibility for healthcare and education, but it does so inadequately. The first paragraph suggests that the government should take responsibility, while the second paragraph briefly mentions the opposing view but lacks depth. For instance, the phrase "some people belives that’s not their problems" is vague and does not explain the rationale behind this perspective. The essay does not sufficiently explore the implications of both viewpoints, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should clearly outline the arguments for and against government funding in separate paragraphs. Each viewpoint should be supported with specific examples or reasoning. For instance, discussing the potential drawbacks of government-funded services, such as increased taxes or reduced quality, would provide a more balanced perspective.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring government responsibility, particularly in the first and last paragraphs. However, the position is somewhat undermined by the lack of a thorough exploration of the opposing view. The phrase "i strongly agree" is a clear assertion, but the lack of consistent reinforcement throughout the essay weakens the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, integrating counterarguments in a way that acknowledges them while reinforcing the main stance can strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the importance of education and healthcare as fundamental human rights and investments in the future. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the claim that education drives economic growth is mentioned but not elaborated upon with specific evidence or examples.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the benefits of government-funded education and healthcare. Additionally, expanding on the consequences of not providing these services would provide a more compelling argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the roles of government in education and healthcare. However, some sentences, such as "this can easily leads them to the worst scenarios like quitting school or their treatment," while relevant, could be more directly tied back to the central argument of government responsibility. The phrasing is also somewhat unclear, which can distract from the main point.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each point made directly supports the main argument. Clear transitions between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the central thesis will help keep the essay on topic.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of both viewpoints, provide clearer and more consistent arguments, support ideas with specific examples, and maintain a strong focus on the topic throughout the essay. Additionally, ensuring the essay meets the minimum word count requirement is essential for achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of government responsibility for healthcare and education, but the organization of ideas could be improved. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, but the transition between the viewpoints is somewhat abrupt. For instance, the shift from discussing the government’s role to the consequences of financial burdens lacks a smooth transition, making it slightly challenging for the reader to follow the argument’s progression. The conclusion reiterates the main points but does not effectively summarize the opposing view, which weakens the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas more clearly. For example, after presenting the opposing viewpoint, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help signal a shift in perspective. Additionally, structuring the essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph will guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it dense and difficult to digest. The second paragraph introduces two distinct ideas (economic growth and healthcare benefits) but lacks clear delineation between them, which can confuse the reader about the main point of each section.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the paragraph’s focus. For example, one paragraph could focus solely on the economic benefits of education, while another could address the social benefits of healthcare. This will not only improve clarity but also strengthen the overall argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all" and "additionally," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow. For example, "this can easily leads them to the worst scenarios" contains a grammatical error and lacks clarity. Furthermore, the use of cohesive devices like "for example" or "in addition" could be more varied to enhance the essay’s fluidity.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "in contrast," and "as a result." Additionally, ensure grammatical accuracy in phrases to maintain professionalism and clarity. For instance, revise "this can easily leads" to "this can easily lead," which will improve both grammatical accuracy and coherence.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall effectiveness in conveying the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "financial burdens," "economic growth," and "pandemic diseases." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetitive phrases, such as "higher and higher" and "financial situation." This suggests a reliance on familiar vocabulary rather than exploring more sophisticated or varied language.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider incorporating synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of "higher and higher," phrases like "increasingly" or "escalating" could be used. Additionally, exploring academic or formal vocabulary related to the topic, such as "fundamental rights" or "public investment," would enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the government should takes responsibility" (should take) and "belives" (believes). Additionally, the phrase "the worst scenarios" could be more effectively expressed as "adverse outcomes" or "detrimental situations." These inaccuracies detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring that verbs agree in number and tense. Furthermore, using more specific terms can enhance clarity; for example, instead of "the cost to the lowest as possible," one might say "minimize costs to the greatest extent possible."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, including "belives" (should be "believes"), "i" (should be capitalized as "I"), and "everthing" (should be "everything"). These errors can undermine the credibility of the writing and distract the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should develop a habit of proofreading their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and maintaining a personal list of challenging vocabulary could be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with it, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will be essential for achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("This can easily leads them to the worst scenarios") and compound sentences ("Education drives economic growth, bringings its potential to dozens of fields"). However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure. For instance, the use of "should" is prevalent, which makes the argument sound repetitive. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect verb forms that detract from the overall effectiveness of the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences, such as those that use subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although some argue that the government should not be responsible, I believe that…"). Varying the beginnings of sentences and using transitional phrases can also enhance the flow and coherence of the essay. Practicing different sentence types, such as conditional sentences or using participial phrases, would further enrich the grammatical range.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "the demand of education and healthcare are getting higher and higher" should be "the demand for education and healthcare is increasing." Additionally, "the government should takes responsibility" contains a subject-verb agreement error, as "takes" should be "take." Punctuation errors include the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences, such as "This can easily leads them to the worst scenarios like quitting school or their treatment," where a comma is needed before "like."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that sentences are not overly long or complex will improve clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into proper grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, improving the variety of sentence structures and focusing on grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the quality of writing and potentially raise the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, our society has been evolving, and the demand for education and healthcare is increasing. Therefore, it is not unreasonable to assume that the government should take responsibility for covering these costs to foster a better community. However, some people believe that this is not the government’s responsibility. In my perspective, I strongly agree that the government should assume the responsibility of paying these fees to alleviate their citizens’ financial burdens.

First of all, while nothing can be fully free, the government should minimize costs as much as possible by exempting these two industries from taxation. Access to education and healthcare is a fundamental human right, and tuition fees and medical expenses can pose significant challenges for families, particularly those facing financial difficulties. This can easily lead them to the worst-case scenarios, such as having to withdraw from school or forgoing necessary medical treatment.

Additionally, one can view this as an investment in our future. Education drives economic growth, bringing its potential to various fields that can significantly strengthen society. Meanwhile, healthcare ensures a stable and equitable community by preventing the spread of pandemic diseases and increasing life expectancy.

In conclusion, the development of education and healthcare is crucial for building a thriving community. Therefore, it is essential for the burden to be shared between individuals and their government for long-term financial stability and benefits.