Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects . Others say it causes the loss of national identities.Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects . Others say it causes the loss of national identities.Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Exchanging increments of business and culture between nations has been a heavily debated topic that has sparked numerous arguments in society. Some Individuals believe it has positive impacts, while others have the opposite viewpoint. This essay will discuss this matter from both sides and present my own point of view.
On the one hand, there are a lot of disadvantages in business and cultural exchange. Loss of identity would be the first reason, with the dominance of Western media and consumer products can overshadow local traditions. For example, fast food will become popular and it might replace the traditional cuisines. Moreover, economic globalization can lead to serious consequences such as outsourcing of jobs, which make the local industries become weaker and erode cultural identity.
On the other hand, through business and cultural exchange, it will have a significant impact on economic growth, due to the fact that there will be more job opportunities and citizens' living standards would be improved. For instance, after Vietnam’s entry into the WTO , there was a remarkable rise in foreign investment and exports. Furthermore, by increasing exchanging business and culture, people will get a chance to learn about another new culture, customs,etc.. Not only it helps narrow the language barrier but business and culture exchange also create more international cooperation. For example, tourism allows people to experience a variety of cultures, which builds bridges between countries or celebrities can collaborate together to produce videos for recreation purposes.
In conclusion, despite those challenges, the benefits of globalizing exceed the drawbacks. the government should develop policies that are needed to balance integration and preservation of national identity for the future generations.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Exchanging increments of business and culture" -> "Exchanging increments of business and cultural practices"
Explanation: "Exchanging increments of business and culture" is unclear and awkward. "Exchanging increments of business and cultural practices" clarifies the meaning and uses more precise language suitable for an academic context. -
"heavily debated topic" -> "highly debated topic"
Explanation: "Heavily" is less formal and can be replaced with "highly" to maintain a more academic tone. -
"Some Individuals believe" -> "Some individuals believe"
Explanation: Capitalization of "Individuals" is incorrect in this context; it should be lowercase as it refers to a general group, not a proper noun. -
"there are a lot of disadvantages" -> "there are numerous disadvantages"
Explanation: "A lot of" is informal and vague; "numerous" is more precise and formal. -
"Loss of identity would be the first reason" -> "Loss of identity is a primary reason"
Explanation: "Would be" is less definitive and less formal; "is" provides a more assertive and academic tone. -
"with the dominance of Western media and consumer products can overshadow local traditions" -> "as the dominance of Western media and consumer products overshadows local traditions"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed; rephrasing it improves readability and formality. -
"fast food will become popular and it might replace the traditional cuisines" -> "fast food may become popular, potentially replacing traditional cuisines"
Explanation: "Will" is too absolute and less formal; "may" is more appropriate for speculative statements in academic writing. Also, the comma after "popular" improves the flow of the sentence. -
"outsourcing of jobs, which make the local industries become weaker" -> "outsourcing of jobs, which weakens local industries"
Explanation: "Make the local industries become weaker" is verbose and awkward; "weakens local industries" is more concise and direct. -
"it will have a significant impact on economic growth" -> "this will significantly impact economic growth"
Explanation: "It" is vague; specifying "this" clarifies the subject of the sentence, and "significantly" is more formal than "a significant." -
"there was a remarkable rise in foreign investment and exports" -> "there was a significant increase in foreign investment and exports"
Explanation: "Remarkable" is somewhat informal and subjective; "significant" is more objective and suitable for academic writing. -
"by increasing exchanging business and culture" -> "through increased business and cultural exchange"
Explanation: "Increasing exchanging" is grammatically incorrect and awkward; "through increased business and cultural exchange" corrects these issues and is more formal. -
"people will get a chance to learn about another new culture" -> "people will have the opportunity to learn about another culture"
Explanation: "Get a chance" is informal; "have the opportunity" is more formal and precise. -
"Not only it helps narrow the language barrier but business and culture exchange also create more international cooperation" -> "Not only does it help narrow the language barrier but also facilitates more international cooperation"
Explanation: "Not only it helps" is grammatically incorrect; "Not only does it help" corrects this. "Also" is more formal than "but," and "facilitates" is more precise than "create." -
"celebrities can collaborate together" -> "celebrities can collaborate"
Explanation: "Together" is redundant after "collaborate," as it is implied in the verb itself. -
"the government should develop policies that are needed" -> "the government should develop policies that are necessary"
Explanation: "Needed" is less formal and slightly vague; "necessary" is more precise and formal.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the impact of increasing business and cultural contact between countries. It discusses the positive effects such as economic growth and improved international cooperation, as well as the negative effects like loss of cultural identity and job outsourcing.
- How to improve: To enhance, ensure that each viewpoint is supported with specific examples and further explore how these impacts manifest in different cultural contexts.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout by acknowledging both perspectives but ultimately favoring the benefits of global integration over the concerns about cultural identity loss. This position is consistently reinforced in the conclusion.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity by explicitly linking each body paragraph to the overall thesis and reinforcing the stance with deeper analysis or counterarguments.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas are generally well-developed with examples like Vietnam’s experience post-WTO entry and the impact of globalization on local industries. However, some examples could be more elaborated to deepen the argument’s impact.
- How to improve: Extend the analysis of examples provided, emphasizing their broader implications and ensuring each example is directly tied to the main argument of the paragraph.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the effects of increasing business and cultural contact between countries as per the prompt. However, there are moments where the connection to the central theme could be strengthened, particularly in ensuring that all examples directly tie back to the prompt.
- How to improve: Maintain a tight focus on the prompt throughout the essay, ensuring that every paragraph and example directly supports the discussion of business and cultural exchange’s impacts on national identities.
Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a coherent structure, there are opportunities for improvement in enhancing the depth of analysis and ensuring a consistent focus on the central theme throughout. By further developing examples and strengthening the link between each point and the overall thesis, the essay could achieve an even higher score in Task Response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines both viewpoints clearly. Each body paragraph addresses one side of the argument in turn, providing examples to support the points made. The conclusion briefly summarizes the main points and presents a clear opinion. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, particularly between paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases more effectively between paragraphs (e.g., "On the other hand," "Furthermore," "In conclusion"). Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the essay prompt and the overall argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to structure the argument. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as the positive impacts of business and cultural exchange or the drawbacks related to national identity. However, some paragraphs could be more tightly structured, with stronger topic sentences and clearer development of ideas.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly addresses the essay prompt. Develop each idea fully within the paragraph, providing specific examples and explanations to support the argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes use of cohesive devices such as linking words ("however," "for example," "furthermore") to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. While these devices are generally used appropriately, there is a need for more variety and precision in their application.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used (e.g., conjunctions, adverbs, pronouns) to create more sophisticated connections between ideas. Ensure that each cohesive device enhances the clarity and coherence of the argument without overusing repetitive phrases.
Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a clear opinion, there is room for improvement in enhancing the logical organization, strengthening paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. These adjustments can elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay to a higher band score level.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, covering terms related to business and culture (e.g., economic globalization, outsourcing, foreign investment) and broader concepts (e.g., dominance, integration). However, there is some repetition and basic vocabulary use that limits the variety and depth of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more specific and sophisticated vocabulary. For instance, instead of using general terms like "impact," opt for more precise alternatives such as "profound influence" or "significant ramifications." Additionally, introduce specialized vocabulary where relevant, such as terms specific to cultural phenomena or economic theories.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of precise vocabulary use, such as "economic globalization" and "cultural identity." However, some terms are used imprecisely or could be more effectively chosen to convey exact meanings. For example, phrases like "remarkable rise" could be substituted with more precise terms like "exponential growth" or "dramatic increase."
- How to improve: Focus on selecting vocabulary that precisely fits the context and meaning intended. Consider the nuances of words and how they contribute to the clarity and accuracy of your arguments. Use a thesaurus to explore alternative words that convey your ideas with greater precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay, with few errors noted (e.g., "exchanging" should be "exchange" in one instance). However, there are some minor mistakes like missing apostrophes (e.g., "citizens’").
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, proofread carefully for common errors and utilize spell-check tools. Pay close attention to apostrophes in possessive forms and ensure consistency in spelling complex words related to business and cultural terms.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary relevant to the topic and effectively communicates ideas despite some minor issues with precision and spelling. To achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource, focus on diversifying and refining your vocabulary choices to better match the nuances of your arguments and proofread meticulously to eliminate any spelling errors.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a varied use of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, it effectively uses complex sentences to elaborate on ideas (e.g., "Loss of identity would be the first reason, with the dominance of Western media and consumer products can overshadow local traditions."). However, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence types, particularly in the complexity and sophistication of compound-complex sentences and the use of conditional or subjunctive forms.
- How to improve: To enhance sentence structure variety, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences to express complex relationships between ideas (e.g., combining independent and dependent clauses). Introduce conditional forms to speculate or hypothesize about outcomes related to cultural exchange. This will add depth and clarity to your arguments, making them more persuasive and nuanced.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with a few notable errors. For example, there are instances of subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "the dominance of Western media and consumer products can overshadow…") and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas before coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences). Despite these issues, the overall control of grammar and punctuation contributes to clarity and coherence in communication.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement, especially when dealing with compound subjects or complex sentence structures. Review the use of commas to ensure consistency in separating clauses and items in a series. Additionally, consider revising sentences for clarity, particularly those that may be ambiguous due to grammatical errors. Practicing sentence structure variations in your writing will also help reinforce correct grammar usage.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, continued practice in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will elevate the clarity and effectiveness of your writing, potentially pushing it towards a higher band score in future assessments.
Bài sửa mẫu
Exchanging increments of business and cultural practices between nations is a highly debated topic that has sparked numerous arguments in society. Some individuals believe it has positive impacts, while others have the opposite viewpoint. This essay will discuss this matter from both sides and present my own point of view.
On the one hand, there are numerous disadvantages to business and cultural exchange. Loss of identity is a primary concern, as the dominance of Western media and consumer products overshadows local traditions. For instance, fast food may become popular, potentially replacing traditional cuisines. Moreover, economic globalization can lead to outsourcing of jobs, which weakens local industries and erodes cultural identity.
On the other hand, through increased business and cultural exchange, there will be significant impacts on economic growth. For example, after Vietnam’s entry into the WTO, there was a significant increase in foreign investment and exports. Furthermore, people will have the opportunity to learn about another culture, customs, and traditions. Not only does it help narrow the language barrier, but it also facilitates more international cooperation. For instance, celebrities can collaborate on global projects, enhancing cultural exchange and understanding.
In conclusion, despite these challenges, the benefits of global integration outweigh the drawbacks. It is important that governments develop policies that balance integration with the preservation of national identity for future generations.