Some people think the main purpose of education is to make individuals useful to society; others say education helps them to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In contemporary society, opinions diverge on whether the most important purpose of education helps individuals bring several benefits for society or attain their own purposes. This essay attempts to shed light on both viewpoints and explain why I agree with the latter statement.
On the one hand, it is understandable why people believe that benefiting society by educating each person plays a pivotal role.This view is rooted in the belief that younger generations need to equip themselves with a considerable amount of knowledge as well as practical skills to contribute to the country’s development. For example, due to the advancement of technological devices, the multitude of industries hire workforce, requiring basic skills needed to grow economically and innovation. More particularly, education should focus on giving necessary knowledge and skills, which means the government has access to educational resources and expertise to nurture individuals' potential. Additionally, if ensuring that children can receive quality education and attain adequate qualifications to find employment after graduation, the likelihood of juvenile delinquency can be eliminated.
However, others, and I, firmly hold the view that achieving personal goals is the major purpose of education. The main reason is that each person aspires to pursue their passions, have comprehensive growth and acquire the vitality of knowledge for self-fulfillment. Therefore, the education process should offer the vast array of opportunities for students to broaden their horizons by providing free additional classes for children and facilitating school facilities to cater for teaching and studying. Furthermore, governments should encourage and expand many outdoor activities for students at school. For instance, there are several activities such as hiking, camping and cycling with real experiences that not only bring significant benefits for physical and mental well-being but also help individuals discover their personal interests and unlock their potential. Consequently, by a deeper understanding in a specific field, individuals can contribute to addressing societal challenges rather than relying on other countries.
In conclusion, while making individuals useful to society serves a crucial function, I would assert that pursuing personal ambition is the primary purpose of education for younger generations.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In contemporary society" -> "In the contemporary society"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "contemporary society" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formal tone of the sentence.
"helps individuals bring several benefits for society" -> "benefits society"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "benefits society" removes redundancy and enhances clarity, as "helps individuals bring" is redundant when "benefits" is used in this context.
"attain their own purposes" -> "achieve their personal goals"
Explanation: Replacing "attain their own purposes" with "achieve their personal goals" uses more precise and formal language that is better suited for academic writing.
"This view is rooted in the belief" -> "This perspective is grounded in the belief"
Explanation: Replacing "view" with "perspective" and "rooted" with "grounded" elevates the formality and specificity of the language.
"considerable amount of knowledge" -> "substantial amount of knowledge"
Explanation: "Substantial" is more precise and academically appropriate than "considerable" in this context, emphasizing the quantity of knowledge.
"the multitude of industries hire workforce" -> "the numerous industries require a workforce"
Explanation: "Require a workforce" is more accurate and formal than "hire workforce," which is awkwardly phrased.
"More particularly" -> "Specifically"
Explanation: "Specifically" is more direct and formal than "more particularly," which can sound redundant.
"nurture individuals’ potential" -> "develop individuals’ potential"
Explanation: "Develop" is more precise and appropriate in the context of education, emphasizing the growth and improvement of individuals.
"the likelihood of juvenile delinquency can be eliminated" -> "the incidence of juvenile delinquency can be reduced"
Explanation: "Incidence" is more specific and appropriate in the context of statistics and trends, and "reduced" is more realistic than "eliminated," which implies complete eradication.
"achieving personal goals" -> "pursuing personal objectives"
Explanation: "Pursuing personal objectives" is more formal and precise than "achieving personal goals," aligning better with academic style.
"each person aspires to pursue their passions" -> "each individual strives to pursue their passions"
Explanation: "Strives" is more formal and precise than "aspires," and "individual" is preferred over "person" in academic writing for its neutrality.
"have comprehensive growth" -> "experience comprehensive growth"
Explanation: "Experience" is more appropriate than "have" in this context, as it directly relates to the process of personal development.
"acquire the vitality of knowledge" -> "gain a deeper understanding of knowledge"
Explanation: "Gain a deeper understanding of knowledge" is more specific and academically appropriate than "acquire the vitality of knowledge," which is vague and awkward.
"free additional classes for children" -> "additional classes for children at no cost"
Explanation: "At no cost" is clearer and more formal than "free," which can be seen as informal in academic writing.
"facilitating school facilities" -> "enhancing school facilities"
Explanation: "Enhancing" is more specific and formal than "facilitating," which is somewhat vague in this context.
"there are several activities such as hiking, camping and cycling" -> "activities such as hiking, camping, and cycling"
Explanation: Removing "there are" simplifies the sentence and maintains a more formal tone.
"bring significant benefits for physical and mental well-being" -> "yield significant benefits for physical and mental well-being"
Explanation: "Yield" is more formal and precise than "bring," which is less specific in this context.
"by a deeper understanding in a specific field" -> "through a deeper understanding of a specific field"
Explanation: "Through" is more appropriate than "by" in this context, and "of" is grammatically correct instead of "in" for the prepositional phrase.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the purpose of education. The first viewpoint is presented in the first paragraph, where the author discusses the societal benefits of education, emphasizing the need for knowledge and skills to contribute to economic development. The second viewpoint, which aligns with the author’s opinion, is articulated in the subsequent paragraphs, focusing on personal ambitions and self-fulfillment. The essay successfully balances both perspectives, which is crucial for a comprehensive response to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the author could provide more explicit comparisons between the two views. For example, after discussing each perspective, a brief analysis of how they might intersect or conflict could deepen the discussion. Additionally, including more specific examples or statistics to support each viewpoint would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author clearly states their position in favor of personal ambition as the primary purpose of education. This stance is consistently maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the second half where the author elaborates on the benefits of pursuing personal goals. The use of phrases like "I firmly hold the view" reinforces the clarity of the position.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the author could enhance the strength of their argument by addressing potential counterarguments more directly. Acknowledging and refuting opposing views can demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and strengthen the overall position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both societal benefits and personal ambitions. For instance, the discussion about the necessity of equipping individuals with skills for economic growth is well-articulated. However, the support for personal ambition could be expanded. The author mentions outdoor activities and their benefits but could further elaborate on how these experiences contribute to personal development and societal contributions.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing outdoor activities, the author could include specific outcomes or testimonials that illustrate how these experiences foster personal growth. Additionally, integrating research or expert opinions could lend credibility to the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of education’s purpose, addressing both societal and personal perspectives. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the mention of "juvenile delinquency" feels somewhat tangential and could be better connected to the main argument about education’s purpose.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central question of education’s purpose. This can be achieved by consistently linking examples and arguments back to the prompt, ensuring that every point made contributes to the overall discussion of societal versus personal benefits of education.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in the areas of example specificity, counterargument engagement, and tighter focus on the prompt, the essay could reach an even higher level of excellence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of ideas. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting both viewpoints and stating the author’s opinion. The body paragraphs are structured to first present the societal benefit perspective and then the personal ambition perspective. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the societal benefits of education, while the second focuses on personal ambitions. This logical progression aids in reader comprehension.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transitions between paragraphs. For example, explicitly linking the end of the first body paragraph to the beginning of the second could strengthen the connection between the two viewpoints. Phrases like "In contrast" or "On the other hand" can help signal shifts in perspective more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which contributes to clarity. Each paragraph is focused on a single aspect of the argument, making it easy for the reader to follow the discussion. The introduction and conclusion are also well-defined, framing the essay appropriately. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from more distinct internal structure, as it presents multiple ideas without clear separation.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider breaking down the second body paragraph into smaller sections. Each section could focus on a specific aspect of personal ambition, such as the importance of pursuing passions and the role of education in personal growth. This would provide clearer focus and enhance readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "however," and "consequently," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. These devices effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance sophistication. For instance, the phrase "the main reason is that" appears multiple times, which could be replaced with alternatives to improve the overall quality of cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking phrases and connectors. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "the main reason is that," consider alternatives like "one significant factor is" or "a key aspect to consider is." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also" or "in addition to," can enhance the sophistication of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using cohesive devices. By focusing on improving transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "diverge on whether," "pivotal role," and "comprehensive growth." The use of terms like "juvenile delinquency," "nurture individuals’ potential," and "self-fulfillment" indicates an ability to express complex ideas. However, some vocabulary choices could be more varied or sophisticated. For instance, the phrase "bring several benefits for society" could be enhanced to "yield numerous advantages for society" to elevate the language.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "education" multiple times, consider using "learning," "academic development," or "educational systems" to avoid redundancy and enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to ambiguity. For example, the phrase "the multitude of industries hire workforce" could be more accurately stated as "the multitude of industries hire a skilled workforce." Additionally, "the likelihood of juvenile delinquency can be eliminated" is overly strong; it would be more precise to say "can be reduced" as complete elimination is unlikely.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context and specificity. When discussing concepts, ensure that terms accurately reflect the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "the education process should offer the vast array of opportunities," it could be refined to "the educational framework should provide diverse opportunities." This not only clarifies the statement but also enhances the overall quality of the writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors that impede understanding. Words such as "contemporary," "aspire," and "facilitating" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a solid grasp of English orthography. However, there are minor issues, such as "workforce" being used without an article, which could be confusing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy and overall clarity, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch any minor errors or awkward phrasing. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or grammar checkers can also help identify potential mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or vocabulary quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary with a band score of 7, there is room for improvement in terms of lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining high spelling standards, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "this view is rooted in the belief that younger generations need to equip themselves with a considerable amount of knowledge" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "the multitude of industries hire workforce, requiring basic skills needed to grow economically and innovation" could be restructured for clarity and fluidity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more conditional sentences and participial phrases. For example, instead of saying, "the education process should offer the vast array of opportunities," you could say, "by offering a vast array of opportunities, the education process can significantly enhance students’ learning experiences." Additionally, using more varied transitional phrases can help improve the flow between ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "the multitude of industries hire workforce" should be "the multitude of industries hires a workforce" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the sentence "if ensuring that children can receive quality education and attain adequate qualifications to find employment after graduation" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few missing commas, such as after "role" in the first paragraph, which would improve readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and sentence clarity. Practicing sentence restructuring can help clarify complex ideas. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance the overall clarity of the writing. For instance, breaking down long sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help avoid confusion and improve comprehension.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on the variety of sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, opinions diverge on whether the most important purpose of education is to help individuals bring several benefits to society or to attain their own purposes. This essay attempts to shed light on both viewpoints and explain why I agree with the latter statement.

On the one hand, it is understandable why people believe that benefiting society by educating each person plays a pivotal role. This view is grounded in the belief that younger generations need to equip themselves with a substantial amount of knowledge as well as practical skills to contribute to the country’s development. For example, due to the advancement of technological devices, the multitude of industries requires a workforce, necessitating basic skills needed to grow economically and innovate. More specifically, education should focus on providing the necessary knowledge and skills, which means the government has access to educational resources and expertise to develop individuals’ potential. Additionally, by ensuring that children can receive quality education and attain adequate qualifications to find employment after graduation, the likelihood of juvenile delinquency can be reduced.

However, others, including myself, firmly hold the view that achieving personal goals is the major purpose of education. The main reason is that each person aspires to pursue their passions, experience comprehensive growth, and acquire a deeper understanding of knowledge for self-fulfillment. Therefore, the education process should offer a vast array of opportunities for students to broaden their horizons by providing additional classes for children at no cost and enhancing school facilities to cater to teaching and studying. Furthermore, governments should encourage and expand many outdoor activities for students at school. For instance, there are several activities such as hiking, camping, and cycling that not only yield significant benefits for physical and mental well-being but also help individuals discover their personal interests and unlock their potential. Consequently, through a deeper understanding of a specific field, individuals can contribute to addressing societal challenges rather than relying on other countries.

In conclusion, while making individuals useful to society serves a crucial function, I would assert that pursuing personal ambitions is the primary purpose of education for younger generations.