Some people think watching television is bad for children in every way. Others believe it is good for children to get knowledge. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Opinions are divided on whether children should be watching television. While some argue that watching TV has detrimental impacts on children, many believe it is beneficial regarding knowledge acquisition. This essay will delve into both notions and strongly agree with the latter.

On the one hand, many kids have suffered various severe mental and physical health issues by using TV. Firstly, when watching TV, our eyes are greatly exposed to various light rays including blue light – a ray that damages our vision; therefore, many children have suffered from eye strain and other eye problems that cannot be easily cured. Another point that can be added is that many children may be addicted to TV, which takes up an astronomical amount of time for other social and recreational activities. As a result, they tend to avoid exercise or communication, leading to both sedentary and isolated childhood. These are two primary rationales why I believe watching TV will lead to many health and social repercussions.

On the other hand, TV is the main means of conveying information and it plays a vital role in helping kids acquire knowledge. Specifically, news and programs on TV are constantly updated with the latest information that goes through multiple censors; therefore, children can attain appropriate and up-to-date pieces of knowledge instead of various uncertified news sources on the Internet.
BBC and CNN, the two biggest broadcast corporations in the world, serve as prime examples of updating ongoing affairs globally within seconds, which significantly contributes to the proliferation of society by keeping individuals well-informed. Despite this merit, the negative impacts of watching TV are far more noteworthy.

To recapitulate, while TV can be a useful source of information for children, I firmly think that such mental and health issues caused by watching TV outweigh the advantages. From my perspective, the government and parents should impose some policies to regulate the limited TV watching hours for kids to maintain the well-being of our younger generations.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divided on whether" -> "There is a divergence of opinion regarding"
Explanation: "There is a divergence of opinion regarding" is a more formal and precise way to introduce the topic, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"watching TV has detrimental impacts" -> "watching television has adverse effects"
Explanation: "Adverse effects" is a more precise and formal term than "detrimental impacts," which is slightly vague and less commonly used in academic writing.
"many kids have suffered" -> "many children have experienced"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more appropriate in formal writing than "suffered," which can imply a more severe or negative outcome than intended here.
"using TV" -> "viewing television"
Explanation: "Viewing television" is more specific and formal than "using TV," which is colloquial and imprecise.
"our eyes are greatly exposed to various light rays" -> "our eyes are significantly exposed to various light rays"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more precise and academically appropriate than "greatly," which can be seen as overly emphatic.
"a ray that damages our vision" -> "a ray that can damage our vision"
Explanation: Adding "can" makes the statement more cautious and academically appropriate, as it acknowledges the possibility rather than stating it as a certainty.
"many children may be addicted to TV" -> "many children may develop an addiction to television"
Explanation: "Develop an addiction" is a more precise and formal way to describe the process of becoming addicted, enhancing the academic tone.
"an astronomical amount of time" -> "a considerable amount of time"
Explanation: "A considerable amount" is more formal and less colloquial than "an astronomical amount," which is typically used in informal contexts.
"leading to both sedentary and isolated childhood" -> "resulting in both sedentary and isolated childhoods"
Explanation: "Resulting in" is more formal and precise than "leading to," and "childhoods" is the correct plural form to match the plural subject "children."
"TV is the main means of conveying information" -> "television is the primary medium for disseminating information"
Explanation: "Primary medium for disseminating information" is more formal and specific than "main means of conveying information," aligning better with academic style.
"goes through multiple censors" -> "is reviewed by multiple censors"
Explanation: "Is reviewed by" is more accurate and formal than "goes through," which is vague and less precise in this context.
"uncertified news sources on the Internet" -> "unverified news sources on the Internet"
Explanation: "Unverified" is the correct term for news sources that have not been checked or confirmed, whereas "uncertified" is not typically used in this context.
"the negative impacts of watching TV are far more noteworthy" -> "the negative effects of television viewing are significantly more pronounced"
Explanation: "Significantly more pronounced" is a more formal and precise way to describe the severity of the negative effects, replacing the less formal "far more noteworthy."
"I firmly think" -> "I firmly believe"
Explanation: "Believe" is more appropriate in formal writing than "think," which can be seen as less definitive and less formal.
"impose some policies" -> "implement certain regulations"
Explanation: "Implement certain regulations" is more specific and formal than "impose some policies," which is somewhat vague and less precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the impact of television on children. It presents the negative aspects, such as health issues and addiction, and the positive aspects, specifically the acquisition of knowledge. However, the discussion of the positive side is somewhat less developed compared to the negative side, which could lead to an imbalance in the argument. The essay mentions the benefits of news programs but does not explore other educational content available on television, which could provide a more rounded view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a broader range of examples of educational programs or documentaries that contribute positively to children’s learning. Additionally, discussing how parents can mediate and select appropriate content could further enrich the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that aligns with the writer’s opinion, stating a strong agreement with the idea that television has negative impacts on children. This position is reiterated in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing both views and the final opinion could be smoother, as the essay tends to lean heavily on the negative aspects without adequately balancing the discussion.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases to better connect the discussion of both viewpoints to their own opinion. For instance, after presenting the positive aspects, explicitly stating how these do not outweigh the negatives could reinforce the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, particularly in the discussion of the negative impacts of television. The points about eye strain and social isolation are relevant and well-supported. However, the support for the positive aspects is less robust, with only a brief mention of news programs. The argument could benefit from more detailed examples or statistics to substantiate claims.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer could include specific examples of educational programs that have been shown to benefit children, or cite studies that demonstrate the positive effects of informative television. This would provide a more balanced and convincing argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the impacts of television on children. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the mention of "various uncertified news sources on the Internet" could distract from the main argument about television, as it introduces a new topic without sufficient context.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the impact of television. Avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring that each point ties back to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear argument. With some adjustments to balance the discussion of both views and enhance the support for ideas, it could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, introducing the topic and outlining both perspectives before stating the author’s opinion. The first paragraph effectively sets the stage for the discussion, while the subsequent paragraphs address the negative and positive aspects of television viewing for children. However, the transition between the two views could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" is used to introduce the positive side, but a more explicit connection to the previous paragraph would enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that not only signal a shift in perspective but also summarize the previous point. For example, after discussing the negative impacts, a sentence like "Despite these significant concerns, there are arguments in favor of television viewing" would create a clearer link between the two sides.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the negative impacts, the second presents the positive aspects, and the conclusion summarizes the arguments while stating the author’s opinion. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from further development, as it feels less robust compared to the first.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph is balanced in terms of length and depth. The second paragraph could include more examples or elaboration on how television can provide educational content, perhaps by mentioning specific programs or types of content that are particularly beneficial for children.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Another point," and "On the one hand." However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. The use of "therefore" and "despite this merit" shows some variety, but the overall cohesion could be improved.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "firstly" and "another point," consider alternatives like "in addition," "furthermore," or "conversely." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help avoid repetition and improve the flow of ideas. For instance, instead of repeating "TV," you could use "it" or "this medium" in subsequent references.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid score for coherence and cohesion, addressing these areas of improvement will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "detrimental impacts," "knowledge acquisition," and "sedentary and isolated childhood." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "many children" is repeated multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms or alternative expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "many children," you could use "numerous youngsters," "a significant number of kids," or "a large portion of the youth." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "cognitive development," "media literacy," or "screen time," could elevate the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "eye strain" and "knowledge acquisition." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "an astronomical amount of time," which may sound exaggerated and could be replaced with "a significant amount of time" for clarity. Additionally, the phrase "various light rays including blue light" could be more succinctly expressed as "including harmful blue light."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. For example, instead of "many kids have suffered various severe mental and physical health issues," you could say, "many children experience significant mental and physical health challenges." This not only clarifies the statement but also makes it more impactful. Regularly reviewing and practicing with a thesaurus can help you find more precise words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling, with no major errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "the proliferation of society," which could be misinterpreted. While not a spelling error per se, it reflects a potential misunderstanding of word usage in context.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy and overall word choice, consider proofreading your work or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or vocabulary quizzes can help reinforce correct spelling and usage. Familiarizing yourself with common academic vocabulary and their correct spellings will also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs a reasonable range of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and focusing on spelling practices, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the argument. Additionally, the sentence "This essay will delve into both notions and strongly agree with the latter" showcases a clear and direct approach. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "many kids have suffered various severe mental and physical health issues by using TV" could be rephrased to enhance complexity and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "many kids have suffered various severe mental and physical health issues by using TV," you could say, "Many kids, who spend excessive time watching TV, have been reported to suffer from severe mental and physical health issues." This not only adds variety but also enhances clarity and depth.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "which takes up an astronomical amount of time for other social and recreational activities" is grammatically correct but could be clearer. Additionally, the use of punctuation is mostly effective; however, there are some areas where commas could enhance readability, such as before "which takes up" in the previous example. Moreover, the phrase "the negative impacts of watching TV are far more noteworthy" could be misinterpreted due to the lack of a clear comparative structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to the use of commas, particularly in complex sentences. For example, consider breaking up longer sentences or adding commas to clarify meaning. Additionally, ensure that comparative statements are clearly articulated. Instead of saying "the negative impacts of watching TV are far more noteworthy," you could say, "the negative impacts of watching TV are significantly more noteworthy than its benefits." This adjustment clarifies the comparison and enhances the overall coherence of the argument.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on whether children should be watching television. While some argue that watching TV has detrimental effects on children, many believe it is beneficial for knowledge acquisition. This essay will delve into both views and strongly agree with the latter.

On the one hand, many children have experienced various severe mental and physical health issues due to television viewing. Firstly, when watching TV, our eyes are significantly exposed to various light rays, including blue light—a ray that can damage our vision. Therefore, many children have suffered from eye strain and other eye problems that cannot be easily cured. Another point to consider is that many children may develop an addiction to television, which takes up a considerable amount of time for other social and recreational activities. As a result, they tend to avoid exercise or communication, leading to both sedentary and isolated childhoods. These are two primary reasons why I believe watching TV can lead to many health and social repercussions.

On the other hand, television is the primary medium for disseminating information, and it plays a vital role in helping children acquire knowledge. Specifically, news and programs on TV are constantly updated with the latest information that is reviewed by multiple censors. Therefore, children can attain appropriate and up-to-date pieces of knowledge instead of relying on various unverified news sources on the Internet. BBC and CNN, the two biggest broadcast corporations in the world, serve as prime examples of updating ongoing affairs globally within seconds, which significantly contributes to the proliferation of society by keeping individuals well-informed. Despite this merit, the negative effects of television viewing are significantly more pronounced.

To recapitulate, while television can be a useful source of information for children, I firmly believe that the mental and health issues caused by watching TV outweigh the advantages. From my perspective, the government and parents should implement certain regulations to limit TV watching hours for kids to maintain the well-being of our younger generations.