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Some people want goverments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people want goverments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

There is a divergence of views on whether national authorities are supposed to budget public money for exploring new life on other planets or for counteracting miscellaneous problems on Earth. I concur with the latter.
Arguably, there are several rationales for the search for extraterrestrial life, chief among them being the emergency preparedness for doomsday. Naturally, there is an array of threats that may exterminate human beings on Earth, most alarmingly climate change and pandemics. These acute problems would likely be unmanageable; thus the search for alien life should be pursued promptly to protect humans against extermination. Moreover, were extraterrestrial life to be uncovered, it would facilitate the conquest of space which humans have been aiming for centuries. Hence, governments are required to invest public money in the pursuit of life on other planets.
But then, undoubtedly, it is billions of dollars that have been allocated to space research, yet tangible outcomes are elusive. For instance, the Mars Rover missions, while technologically impressive, did not conclusively prove the existence of extraterrestrial life. This begs the question about the efficacy of pouring billions into such endeavors when there are pressing issues on Earth that demand immediate attention. Contrary to the results of findings on alien life, numerous issues have been addressed fruitfully. Eloquent examples can be seen in Covid-19 and the prevention of World War III. Furthermore, if a civilization exists beyond Earth, reaching there would pose another significant challenge to deal with since leaving the solar system is widely considered to be currently unattainable for humans.
In conclusion, spending public money on finding new life in the cosmos is somewhat acceptable. Having said that, I hold a belief that it is not an appropriate time to do so when there is a host of problems on Earth that should be prioritized to face.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "There is a divergence of views" -> "Divergent opinions exist"
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces the common phrase "there is a divergence of views" with a more formal expression, "divergent opinions exist," contributing to a more academic tone.

  2. "I concur with the latter" -> "I agree with the latter perspective"
    Explanation: Substituting the informal "concur" with "agree" and expanding it to "I agree with the latter perspective" enhances formality and clarity in expressing the author’s stance.

  3. "chief among them being" -> "primarily among them"
    Explanation: Replacing "chief among them being" with "primarily among them" maintains the formality of the sentence while offering a more precise alternative.

  4. "may exterminate human beings" -> "pose existential threats to humanity"
    Explanation: The phrase "may exterminate human beings" is replaced with "pose existential threats to humanity" for a more academic and nuanced expression of the potential dangers.

  5. "unmanageable; thus" -> "unmanageable. Therefore"
    Explanation: Dividing the semi-colon into two sentences with "unmanageable. Therefore" contributes to a clearer structure and conforms to a more formal writing style.

  6. "governments are required to invest" -> "governments should allocate resources"
    Explanation: Replacing "governments are required to invest" with "governments should allocate resources" maintains formality while offering a more precise expression of the action governments should take.

  7. "but then, undoubtedly, it is billions of dollars" -> "However, undoubtedly, billions of dollars"
    Explanation: The suggested change modifies the transition to "However" and streamlines the phrase to "undoubtedly, billions of dollars," improving overall coherence and formality.

  8. "conclusively prove the existence" -> "definitively establish the presence"
    Explanation: Substituting "conclusively prove the existence" with "definitively establish the presence" maintains formality and introduces a more precise phrase.

  9. "This begs the question about the efficacy" -> "This raises questions about the effectiveness"
    Explanation: Replacing "This begs the question about the efficacy" with "This raises questions about the effectiveness" offers a more appropriate and formal phrasing.

  10. "fruitfully. Eloquent examples" -> "effectively. Illustrative instances"
    Explanation: Changing "fruitfully. Eloquent examples" to "effectively. Illustrative instances" maintains formality and introduces a more sophisticated alternative.

  11. "widely considered to be currently unattainable" -> "commonly perceived as presently unachievable"
    Explanation: Substituting "widely considered to be currently unattainable" with "commonly perceived as presently unachievable" maintains formality and provides a more detailed expression.

  12. "spending public money on finding new life" -> "allocating public funds to the search for extraterrestrial life"
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces "spending public money on finding new life" with "allocating public funds to the search for extraterrestrial life" for a more formal and precise description of the financial investment.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives outlined in the prompt. The introduction presents the two views clearly, and the body paragraphs discuss the rationales for exploring extraterrestrial life and the opposing argument that questions the effectiveness of such spending. The conclusion provides a succinct summary of the author’s opinion.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing more specific examples of problems on Earth that need attention. This would add depth to your argument and further demonstrate your understanding of the complexities involved.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The author maintains a consistent position throughout the essay, expressing agreement with the viewpoint that opposes spending public money on exploring extraterrestrial life.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of your stance, explicitly state your position in the introduction. While your position becomes evident through the essay, an explicit statement at the beginning can enhance coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. However, some points lack elaboration, such as the statement about the Mars Rover missions. Further elaboration and examples would strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: Expand on specific examples, provide more detailed explanations, and consider exploring the potential benefits of allocating funds to address Earthly problems.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but there is a slight deviation when discussing the challenges of reaching a civilization beyond Earth. While related, it may distract from the main argument.
    • How to improve: Ensure that every point made directly contributes to the discussion of spending public money on exploring life on other planets. If a point is not directly relevant, consider omitting or connecting it more explicitly to the main argument.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt with a clear structure and coherent arguments. To improve, focus on providing specific examples, explicitly stating your position in the introduction, and ensuring every point contributes directly to the main argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly presents both perspectives, and the body paragraphs follow a structured argument. However, there is room for improvement in the development of ideas, especially in the second paragraph, where the connection between the threat of doomsday and the search for alien life could be more explicitly articulated.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one. Explicitly connect ideas and transitions, making the progression of thought more seamless. For example, clarify the link between doomsday preparedness and the necessity of exploring other planets for protection.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is generally effective. Each paragraph covers a distinct aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the second paragraph is lengthy and could benefit from further subdivision to maintain a smoother flow.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down the second paragraph into smaller units, each focusing on a specific point related to the search for extraterrestrial life. This will enhance readability and help readers grasp the nuances of each argument more easily.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices reasonably well. There is evident use of linking words and phrases (e.g., "arguably," "moreover," "but then," "furthermore"), contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for diversification and more varied use of cohesive devices to create a richer texture.
    • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices. Introduce synonyms for commonly used transition words and experiment with a variety of sentence structures. This will not only enhance coherence but also add sophistication to the essay’s overall presentation.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, paragraphing, and diversifying cohesive devices can elevate the essay to a higher band score. Ensure that the progression of ideas is explicit, paragraphs are appropriately divided, and a wider range of cohesive devices is employed for a more nuanced and engaging presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderately wide range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use diverse and sophisticated language, such as "divergence of views," "rationales," "conquest of space," and "efficacy." However, there is room for improvement as some ideas are expressed using relatively common phrases like "emergency preparedness for doomsday" and "host of problems on Earth."
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider incorporating more precise and nuanced terms. Explore synonyms and use contextually appropriate words to express ideas. For instance, instead of "host of problems," specific issues like "poverty," "inequality," or "environmental degradation" could be employed for a more nuanced expression.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision. Examples include "emergency preparedness," "conclusively prove," and "technologically impressive." However, there are instances where the language could be more specific, such as using "miscellaneous problems" instead of specifying concrete issues on Earth.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by avoiding broad terms like "miscellaneous problems" and instead identify and articulate specific challenges facing humanity. For instance, mention concrete problems like "economic inequality," "environmental degradation," or "public health crises." This will enhance the clarity and specificity of your arguments.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a high level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as "goverments" (governments) and "attainable for humans" (attainable by humans).
    • How to improve: While the spelling errors are minimal, proofreading the essay more carefully can help catch and correct such minor mistakes. Additionally, consider using writing tools with spell-check features to further enhance spelling accuracy. Developing a habit of revisiting and reviewing written work can contribute to minimizing these minor errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and spelling, with areas for improvement identified. To enhance the lexical resource, focus on employing a wider range of vocabulary, using terms with greater precision, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. There is effective use of complex sentences, such as the introductory sentence with a conditional clause ("There is a divergence of views…") and the compound sentence in the first body paragraph ("Naturally, there is an array of threats…"). The variety in sentence structures enhances the overall flow and engagement of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the essay already exhibits a good range of structures, consider incorporating more complex compound and compound-complex sentences to further elevate the sophistication of the writing. Experiment with different sentence beginnings and lengths to add even more variety.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. The use of complex grammatical structures, such as the conditional ("were extraterrestrial life to be uncovered") and the past participle phrase ("considered to be currently unattainable for humans"), showcases a strong command of grammar. Punctuation is generally accurate, with proper use of commas, semicolons, and periods.
    • How to improve: While the grammatical accuracy is strong, be cautious with sentence fragments. In the second paragraph, the phrase "But then, undoubtedly, it is billions of dollars that have been allocated to space research, yet tangible outcomes are elusive" could be revised for clarity and completeness. Additionally, consider using dashes or parentheses for emphasis sparingly to avoid disrupting the flow.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical range and accuracy. To enhance further, focus on incorporating even more diverse sentence structures and carefully review sentence fragments for improved clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are divergent opinions regarding whether governments should allocate public funds to explore new life on other planets or address various issues on Earth. I agree with the latter perspective.

Primarily, among the reasons for searching for extraterrestrial life is the idea of being prepared for emergencies. There are various threats that could pose existential threats to humanity on Earth, such as climate change and pandemics. These problems may be unmanageable, making the pursuit of alien life a proactive measure to safeguard against potential extinction. Additionally, the discovery of extraterrestrial life could contribute to humanity’s longstanding goal of space exploration. Therefore, it is reasonable for governments to invest public money in exploring life on other planets.

However, undoubtedly, there have been billions of dollars allocated to space research, yet tangible outcomes remain elusive. For example, the Mars Rover missions, while technologically impressive, did not definitively establish the presence of extraterrestrial life. This raises questions about the effectiveness of allocating significant resources to such endeavors, especially when there are pressing issues on Earth demanding immediate attention. In contrast, substantial progress has been made in addressing issues like Covid-19 and preventing global conflicts.

Moreover, if extraterrestrial civilizations do exist, reaching them would present another significant challenge, as leaving the solar system is commonly perceived as presently unachievable for humans.

In conclusion, while spending public money on exploring new life in the cosmos is somewhat acceptable, I believe it is not the appropriate time to do so. Earth faces a host of problems that should be prioritized and addressed effectively. Illustrative instances include addressing immediate challenges like pandemics and environmental threats, which are crucial for the well-being of humanity.

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