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Some people want goverments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people want goverments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

There is a divergence of opinions on whether national authorities are supposed to budget public money for exploring new life on other planets or for counteracting miscellaneous problems on Earth. I concur with the latter.
Arguably, there is an array of rationales for the scour of extraterrestrial life, chief of which might be the emergency preparedness for doomsday. Axiomatically, there is a plethora of threats which is liable to exterminate human beings on Earth, most alarmingly climate change and pandemics. These acute problems would likely be unmanageable and thus the search for alien life should be implemented instantaneously to protect humans against extermination. Moreover, were extraterrestrial life to be uncovered, it would pave the way for the conquest of space which humans have been aiming for centuries. Hence, governments are required to invest public money in the pursuit of life on other planets.
But then, irrefutably, it is billions of dollars that have been poured into space research, yet tangible results remain elusive – and therein lies the notion that this is a waste of the national budget when countless problems need to be aided to confront. Contrary to the results of findings on alien life, numerous issues have been addressed fruitfully. Eloquent examples can be seen in Covid-19 and the prevention of World War III. Furthermore, supposing there exists a civilization outside the Earth, getting there would be another tough challenge to deal with since leaving the solar system is acknowledged to be comprehensively impossible for humans until now.
In conclusion, it is acceptable to spend public money on finding new life in the cosmos. Having said that, I hold a belief that it is not high time to do this when there is a host of problems on Earth that should be prioritized to face.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "divergence of opinions" -> "divergence of views"
    Explanation: Replacing "opinions" with "views" enhances formality, as "views" is a more academic term in this context.

  2. "scour of extraterrestrial life" -> "search for extraterrestrial life"
    Explanation: "Scour" is an informal term; replacing it with "search" maintains formality and clarity.

  3. "chief of which might be" -> "chief among them being"
    Explanation: The phrase "chief of which might be" is less formal; substituting it with "chief among them being" adds formality and precision.

  4. "Axiomatically" -> "Naturally" or "By necessity"
    Explanation: "Axiomatically" is a more technical term; using "Naturally" or "By necessity" maintains formality while simplifying the expression.

  5. "plethora of threats which is liable to" -> "array of threats that may"
    Explanation: "Plethora" and "liable to" are less formal; changing them to "array" and "may" respectively improves the academic tone.

  6. "unmanageable and thus" -> "unmanageable; thus"
    Explanation: The semicolon enhances the formal structure of the sentence.

  7. "should be implemented instantaneously" -> "should be pursued promptly"
    Explanation: "Implemented instantaneously" is less formal; replacing it with "pursued promptly" maintains formality.

  8. "pave the way for" -> "facilitate"
    Explanation: "Pave the way for" is a more colloquial expression; using "facilitate" is more formal.

  9. "irrefutably" -> "undoubtedly"
    Explanation: "Irrefutably" is a strong term; "undoubtedly" maintains formality while conveying a similar meaning.

  10. "billions of dollars that have been poured" -> "billions of dollars allocated"
    Explanation: "Poured" is informal; replacing it with "allocated" is more suitable in an academic context.

  11. "results remain elusive" -> "outcomes are elusive"
    Explanation: "Results" is a common term; using "outcomes" adds variety and formality.

  12. "waste of the national budget" -> "misallocation of public funds"
    Explanation: "Waste" is more informal; "misallocation of public funds" is a more precise and formal expression.

  13. "problems need to be aided to confront" -> "issues need to be addressed"
    Explanation: "Problems need to be aided to confront" is awkward; "issues need to be addressed" is clearer and more formal.

  14. "supposing there exists a civilization outside the Earth" -> "if a civilization exists beyond Earth"
    Explanation: "Supposing" is less formal; "if" and rephrasing enhance the formality of the expression.

  15. "getting there would be another tough challenge" -> "reaching there would pose another significant challenge"
    Explanation: "Getting there" is informal; "reaching there would pose another significant challenge" is more formal and precise.

  16. "acknowledged to be comprehensively impossible" -> "widely considered to be currently unattainable"
    Explanation: "Acknowledged" is less formal; "widely considered to be currently unattainable" is more precise and formal.

  17. "high time to do this" -> "appropriate time to do so"
    Explanation: "High time" is somewhat informal; "appropriate time to do so" is a more formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives—spending money on exploring life on other planets and addressing problems on Earth. The introduction sets up the two views, and the body paragraphs elaborate on each perspective. However, the final paragraph seems to slightly favor the idea of spending money on Earth’s problems, creating a subtle imbalance in the treatment of both views.
    • How to improve: Ensure a more balanced treatment of both perspectives throughout the essay. The conclusion should reiterate the importance of addressing Earth’s problems without appearing to favor one side.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of addressing problems on Earth, but there is a slight shift in tone in the final paragraph. While the overall stance is discernible, it could be more consistent in emphasizing the prioritization of Earth’s issues.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the consistency of the essay’s stance by reinforcing the prioritization of Earth’s problems in the conclusion. Avoid nuances that might suggest equivocation.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, with the first paragraph introducing the perspectives and subsequent paragraphs providing reasoning for each. However, the examples provided to support the idea of spending on Earth’s problems are somewhat generic, lacking specificity.
    • How to improve: Enhance the essay’s depth by incorporating more concrete examples and details to support the argument. Specific instances related to climate change or pandemics would strengthen the essay’s overall persuasiveness.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s key elements. However, the mention of preventing World War III seems slightly tangential and could be connected more directly to the overall argument.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all examples provided are directly tied to the main argument. If mentioning World War III, explicitly connect it to the idea that addressing Earth’s problems can prevent potential global conflicts.

Overall Comments:

This essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs presenting both perspectives, and a conclusive opinion. To enhance the response, focus on maintaining a more balanced treatment of both views, reinforcing the consistency of the preferred stance, providing specific and relevant examples, and ensuring that all examples directly support the central argument. Additionally, avoid introducing elements that may distract from the main topic, ensuring that every point contributes directly to the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction sets up the topic clearly, presenting both views. Each body paragraph explores a distinct viewpoint, with a clear transition between them. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a personal opinion. However, some minor inconsistencies in the organization may impact overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure a consistent structure throughout the essay. The second paragraph introduces arguments in favor of space exploration, but the third paragraph begins with a contrasting idea. Reorganize the content to maintain a seamless flow, perhaps by addressing opposing views immediately after presenting supporting arguments.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs adequately, providing a clear separation of ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the third paragraph contains a complex sentence that could be broken down for improved clarity.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones, ensuring each conveys a single idea. This not only aids comprehension but also contributes to a more cohesive structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. Transition words like "arguably," "moreover," and "furthermore" guide the reader through the argumentative flow. However, there is room to diversify the range of cohesive devices for a more nuanced connection between ideas.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, parallel structures, or synonyms, to create a more sophisticated and varied connection between sentences and paragraphs. This enhances the overall coherence and makes the essay more engaging.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion. To elevate the score, refine the logical organization by addressing minor inconsistencies, break down complex sentences for clarity, and diversify the range of cohesive devices to create a more nuanced connection between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, incorporating terms like "divergence," "counteracting," "axiomatically," "plethora," and "extermination." However, there is room for improvement as some of the vocabulary choices appear forced or inaccurate, impacting the overall richness. For instance, the phrase "scour of extraterrestrial life" could be more appropriately expressed.

    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, strive for more organic integration of advanced vocabulary. Avoid forcing complex terms where simpler language suffices. Aim for precision in word choice to convey ideas effectively. For instance, consider refining phrases like "scour of extraterrestrial life" to a more natural expression.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, affecting the clarity of expression. For example, the phrase "there is an array of rationales for the scour of extraterrestrial life" lacks precision and clarity. Precision is crucial to ensure the reader fully comprehends the intended meaning.

    • How to improve: Prioritize clarity over complexity. Choose words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of "scour," consider alternatives like "exploration" or "study" for more accurate expression. Review sentences for instances where more precise vocabulary can be employed to enhance the overall clarity of the message.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling in the essay is generally accurate. However, there are some notable exceptions, such as "goverments" (government) and "comprehensively" (completely). These errors, while few, impact the professionalism of the writing.

    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to spelling. Utilize tools like spell-check and proofreading to catch and rectify such errors. Additionally, make a conscious effort to review and revise work for spelling accuracy, ensuring that even minor errors are eliminated to maintain a high standard of written English.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable vocabulary range, improvements can be made in the precision of vocabulary usage and the elimination of occasional spelling errors. Focus on clarity and natural integration of advanced vocabulary to elevate the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. The use of advanced vocabulary such as "divergence," "axiomatically," and "plethora" enhances the lexical variety. However, there is a tendency towards overusing certain phrases, like "there is," which, while grammatically correct, may impact overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To further enrich sentence variety, consider incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex structures. Additionally, be mindful of repetitive phrases to enhance the essay’s flow and overall readability.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of grammatical accuracy, with well-constructed sentences. However, there are instances of minor grammatical errors, such as the phrase "liable to exterminate" which might be better expressed as "capable of exterminating." Punctuation is generally correct, but attention is needed in instances like "countless problems need to be aided to confront," where the structure is awkward and could be improved for clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to minor grammatical nuances, aiming for precision in expressions. Review sentences for clarity and coherence, ensuring that complex structures do not compromise understanding. Consider revising awkward phrases for smoother transitions and clearer communication.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and vocabulary, contributing to a band score of 7. To elevate the score, focus on refining sentence structures for enhanced coherence and clarity, while maintaining the sophisticated language employed throughout.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a divergence of views regarding whether governments should allocate public funds to explore new life on other planets or address various problems on Earth. I agree with the latter perspective.

Naturally, there are various reasons to support the quest for extraterrestrial life, chief among them being the need for emergency preparedness in the face of potential threats. Undoubtedly, Earth faces a range of threats that may pose a significant risk to human survival, with climate change and pandemics being chief among them. These pressing issues could become unmanageable; thus, the search for alien life should be pursued promptly to safeguard humanity from potential extinction. Additionally, the discovery of extraterrestrial life could facilitate advancements in space exploration, a goal humans have pursued for centuries. Therefore, investing public money in the exploration of life on other planets is undoubtedly warranted.

However, it should be acknowledged that billions of dollars allocated to space research have not yielded tangible outcomes; thus, some argue that this is a misallocation of public funds, especially when numerous problems on Earth need immediate attention. Outcomes are elusive, and the misallocation of resources becomes evident when compared to successfully addressed issues such as the handling of Covid-19 and the prevention of World War III. Moreover, reaching a civilization beyond Earth, if it exists, would pose another significant challenge, as leaving the solar system is widely considered to be currently unattainable for humans.

In conclusion, while it is reasonable to allocate public money to explore new life in the cosmos, it is essential to consider the appropriate time to do so. Issues on Earth that need addressing should take precedence, and I believe that, at present, the focus should be on prioritizing and confronting the myriad problems we face on our own planet.

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