"Some people want government to spend money on life on other planets, however, others think it is a waste of public money when the earth has so many problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

A criticism often heard these days is that investing more in space should be proliferated by government funds. Others, nevertheless, consider such an investment as wasteful and oppose it. Although, both schools of thought hold merit, I agree more with the latter perspective.

On the one hand, there are some major reasons that explain why some people endorse the investment on life on other planets. While the population sizes has become surged consistently at an uncontrollable rate, the consciousness of people about protecting the environment and restoring the ecosystem declining. In fact, people tend to prioritize their personal advantage without considering the long-term sustainability which can exacerbate the detrimental effects on Earth. For example, private vehicles, factories are become more prevalent by developing human quality life but no one can deny the harmful influences on Earth such as damaging the ozone layer due to climate change, more natural disasters and global warming. Thus, some individuals are of the claim that our planet condition will no longer serve the demand and withstand the destruction from human so we need to migrate to other livable planets.

On the other hand, opponents of the previous view claim that searching for life on other planets would not be cost-effective solution and could induce unnecessary waste of resources. Indeed, travelling to cosmos involves the work of scientists using highly advanced machines along with the intensive contribution of labor. Thus, it is undeniable that finding life in space can be extremely costly, causing the financial strains for any involve party. While we can use these budgets to preserving our mother planet by implementing more strict laws about the environment, organize more campaigns in order to raise people’s awareness about our urged circumstance and solve our pollution problems. By this way, we can reduce the chance of pollution in the environment and save our planet as well as our life.

From what has been discussed above it can be concluded that although there are mixed opinions on determining whether investment on space or concentrating on our planet’s problems are cost-effective result. I believe that our Earth’s health should be advocated

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A criticism often heard these days" -> "A common criticism"
Explanation: Simplifying "often heard these days" to "common" streamlines the phrase and enhances the formal tone.
"should be proliferated by government funds" -> "should be funded by government resources"
Explanation: "Proliferated" is not the correct term here; "funded" is more precise and appropriate for discussing financial support.
"consider such an investment as wasteful" -> "view such an investment as wasteful"
Explanation: "Consider" is too vague; "view" is more direct and suitable for academic writing.
"both schools of thought hold merit" -> "both perspectives have merit"
Explanation: "Schools of thought" can be replaced with "perspectives" for a more straightforward and formal expression.
"the population sizes has become surged" -> "population sizes have surged"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error from "has" to "have" to agree with the plural subject "sizes."
"the consciousness of people about protecting" -> "public awareness of environmental protection"
Explanation: "The consciousness of people about" is awkward and vague; "public awareness of environmental protection" is clearer and more specific.
"restoring the ecosystem declining" -> "declining ecosystems"
Explanation: "Declining" should be used as an adjective to describe the ecosystems, not as a verb.
"people tend to prioritize their personal advantage" -> "individuals often prioritize personal interests"
Explanation: "Advantage" is too vague; "interests" is more precise and appropriate in this context.
"private vehicles, factories are become more prevalent" -> "private vehicles and factories have become more prevalent"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the list of items.
"no one can deny the harmful influences on Earth" -> "it is undeniable that these activities harm the Earth"
Explanation: "No one can deny" is informal and vague; "it is undeniable" is more formal and direct.
"some individuals are of the claim" -> "some individuals claim"
Explanation: "Of the claim" is incorrect; "claim" is the correct form.
"our planet condition will no longer serve the demand" -> "Earth’s condition will no longer support human needs"
Explanation: "Serve the demand" is awkward and unclear; "support human needs" is more precise and natural.
"could induce unnecessary waste of resources" -> "could result in unnecessary waste of resources"
Explanation: "Induce" is not the correct term here; "result in" is more appropriate for describing the outcome of actions.
"travelling to cosmos" -> "traveling to space"
Explanation: "Cosmos" is too broad and informal; "space" is the correct term in this context.
"involves the work of scientists using highly advanced machines" -> "requires the expertise of scientists utilizing advanced technology"
Explanation: "Involves the work of" is too vague; "requires the expertise of" is more precise and formal.
"any involve party" -> "any involved party"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error from "involve" to "involved."
"By this way" -> "By this approach"
Explanation: "By this way" is informal and incorrect; "By this approach" is the correct phrase.
"our Earth’s health should be advocated" -> "the health of our planet should be prioritized"
Explanation: "Advocated" is incorrect in this context; "prioritized" is the correct term for emphasizing importance.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views – investing in life on other planets and focusing on Earth’s problems. It discusses reasons for both perspectives and provides a personal opinion.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each viewpoint is explored in more depth with specific examples or evidence to support the arguments.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of focusing on Earth’s problems. The stance is consistent throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, explicitly state the position in the introduction and conclusion, and reinforce it with stronger reasoning and examples.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides of the argument but lacks depth in the development and support of these ideas. Examples provided are somewhat vague and need more elaboration.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay by providing more specific examples, statistics, or real-world scenarios to support the arguments and extend the ideas further.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the two perspectives of investing in space exploration and focusing on Earth’s issues. However, some parts could be more focused and directly related to the prompt.
- How to improve: To stay more on topic, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt and avoid tangential discussions that do not contribute to the main argument.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially increase the band score, focus on providing more detailed examples, strengthening the arguments with solid evidence, and ensuring that all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. Additionally, maintaining a clear and consistent position throughout the essay will help enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically by presenting both sides of the argument in separate paragraphs. The introduction sets up the discussion effectively, and each body paragraph focuses on one viewpoint. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transition words or phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs more effectively. For example, using phrases like "On the other hand" or "However" can help guide the reader through the different viewpoints more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different arguments, which is a good practice for clarity and organization. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, but there are instances where the ideas within a paragraph could be further developed or expanded to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Additionally, provide more detailed explanations and examples to support the arguments within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "although," "on the one hand," and "on the other hand," to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used to create stronger links between sentences and ideas.
- How to improve: Consider incorporating a variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns (it, they, this), conjunctions (and, but, or), and referencing words (this, these, those), to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some variety in word choice. For instance, words like "proliferated," "endorse," "sustainability," and "livable" show an attempt to use diverse vocabulary. However, there are instances where repetitive words like "planet" and "Earth" could be substituted with synonyms to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, try incorporating synonyms for commonly used words to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "planet," consider using terms like "celestial body," "world," or "globe" to add richness to your vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. While some terms like "detrimental effects," "cost-effective solution," and "financial strains" are used accurately, there are instances of imprecise word choices like "consciousness of people" and "developing human quality life." These phrases could be refined for clearer communication.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. For example, instead of "consciousness of people," consider using "public awareness" or "environmental consciousness." Similarly, replace "developing human quality life" with "improving human well-being" for greater clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy with minor errors observed. For instance, "surged" should be "surging," "become" should be "becoming," and "involve" should be "involved." While these errors do not significantly impact comprehension, enhancing spelling accuracy can elevate the overall quality of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully to identify and correct spelling errors. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers can help in identifying and rectifying spelling mistakes effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in terms of sentence variety. For instance, the essay could benefit from incorporating more complex compound sentences or using rhetorical devices like parallelism to enhance the overall structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, try incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses or participial phrases. Additionally, consider using rhetorical devices like parallelism or antithesis to create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of grammatical accuracy overall. However, there are some instances of errors in subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. For example, "the population sizes has become surged" should be corrected to "the population sizes have surged." Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas before coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Review the rules for using commas in compound sentences to ensure proper punctuation. Consider using grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors in your writing. Additionally, proofreading your work carefully before submission can help eliminate common mistakes.

Bài sửa mẫu

A common criticism these days is that government funds should be allocated towards investing more in space exploration. However, others view such an investment as wasteful and oppose it. Both perspectives have merit, but I tend to agree more with the latter view.

On one hand, some individuals support the idea of investing in life on other planets for several reasons. With the surge in population sizes at an uncontrollable rate, public awareness of environmental protection and the restoration of declining ecosystems has decreased. Individuals often prioritize personal interests without considering the long-term sustainability, leading to harmful activities such as the increasing use of private vehicles and factories. While these developments aim to improve human quality of life, it is undeniable that these activities harm the Earth, contributing to issues like climate change, natural disasters, and global warming. Consequently, some individuals argue that the Earth’s condition may no longer support human needs, necessitating the exploration of other habitable planets.

On the other hand, critics of the aforementioned view argue that searching for life on other planets may not be a cost-effective solution and could result in unnecessary waste of resources. Traveling to space requires the expertise of scientists utilizing advanced technology, which incurs significant costs and labor-intensive efforts. Therefore, finding life in space can be financially burdensome for any involved party. Alternatively, these resources could be utilized to preserve our planet by implementing stricter environmental laws, increasing public awareness through campaigns, and addressing pollution issues. By prioritizing the health of our planet in this manner, we can mitigate environmental pollution and safeguard our Earth and our future.

In conclusion, while there are differing opinions on whether investing in space exploration or focusing on Earth’s problems is more beneficial, I believe that the health of our planet should be prioritized.