Some people work for the same organisation al their working life. Others think that it is better ot work for diferent organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people work for the same organisation al their working life. Others think that it is better ot work for diferent organisations.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Stability or job security is the top-tier priority of some people. Therefore, many choose to work for merely a company throughout their working life However, I believe that working for various organizations can lead to better competence and career growth.

Admittedly, there are justifiable reasons for those opting for only one organization. Chief of these is that they prioritize financial stability and a clear promotion path. Referring to the former, it is very fact that long-term employees may benefit from pension plans, stock options, and retirement benefits that are typically unavailable to their short-term counterparts. Furthermore, if one works for an organization for an extended period, they will often be seen as reliable and trustworthy as they develop a deep understanding of the company's culture, goals, and processes, which leads to career advancements, and promotions.

However, there are more compelling reasons to say that it is better to change the job after a certain serving period. The key is that workers who move between companies are often exposed to or able to broaden their skill set. This diversity of experience and skills makes individuals more adaptable and competitive in the job market which is changing at a fast pace. Additionally, people who do not stick to one organization can have higher salaries when switching to a new position because of the valuable experience gained from the former job which makes them more attractive to employers. In many cases, trying different job titles helps one find a position that aligns with their evolving career goals and personal interests.

In conclusion, while both choices have their advantages, I believe that working for multiple organizations can be more beneficial in the long term due to the fast-changing economy today which requires various skills and competitive competence.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "top-tier priority" -> "primary concern"
   Explanation: The term "top-tier priority" is somewhat informal and colloquial. "Primary concern" is more formal and suitable for academic writing, emphasizing the importance of the issue without the colloquial tone.

2. "merely a company" -> "a single company"
   Explanation: "Merely" can imply a negative connotation and is somewhat informal. "A single company" is more neutral and maintains a formal tone.

3. "better competence" -> "enhanced competence"
   Explanation: "Better" is vague and informal. "Enhanced" is more precise and academically appropriate, suggesting a clear improvement in skills.

4. "Chief of these is that" -> "The primary reason is that"
   Explanation: "Chief of these" is an awkward and informal construction. "The primary reason" is clearer and more formal, improving the flow of the sentence.

5. "it is very fact that" -> "it is a fact that"
   Explanation: "Very fact" is grammatically incorrect. "It is a fact that" corrects this error and maintains the formal tone.

6. "long-term employees" -> "long-term employees"
   Explanation: No change needed here, as "long-term employees" is correct and clear.

7. "often be seen as" -> "are often regarded as"
   Explanation: "Often be seen as" is less formal and slightly awkward. "Are often regarded as" is more formal and precise.

8. "able to broaden their skill set" -> "able to expand their skill set"
   Explanation: "Broaden" can be less specific in this context. "Expand" is more precise and commonly used in academic discussions about professional development.

9. "changing at a fast pace" -> "rapidly changing"
   Explanation: "Changing at a fast pace" is a bit informal and redundant. "Rapidly changing" is concise and maintains a formal tone.

10. "people who do not stick to one organization" -> "individuals who do not remain with a single organization"
    Explanation: "People" is somewhat informal and general. "Individuals" is more formal and specific. "Remain with" is also more formal than "stick to."

11. "have higher salaries" -> "command higher salaries"
    Explanation: "Have higher salaries" is straightforward but informal. "Command higher salaries" suggests a stronger, more authoritative position, which is more suitable for academic writing.

12. "valuable experience gained" -> "valuable experience acquired"
    Explanation: "Gained" is correct but "acquired" is more formal and precise in this context, emphasizing the process of obtaining experience.

13. "trying different job titles" -> "exploring various job roles"
    Explanation: "Trying different job titles" is informal and vague. "Exploring various job roles" is more formal and specific, fitting the academic style better.

14. "due to the fast-changing economy today" -> "owing to the rapidly evolving contemporary economy"
    Explanation: "Due to the fast-changing economy today" is informal and slightly awkward. "Owing to the rapidly evolving contemporary economy" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views presented in the prompt. The first paragraph discusses the perspective of those who prefer job stability and long-term employment, highlighting financial security and career advancement as key reasons. The second paragraph counters this by presenting the advantages of working for multiple organizations, such as skill diversification and adaptability in a changing job market. The essay clearly outlines both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about job stability and the benefits of changing jobs. Additionally, a more explicit acknowledgment of the potential downsides of each option could provide a more balanced view.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position favoring the idea of working for multiple organizations. This stance is evident in the concluding paragraph, which reiterates the belief that diverse experiences are more beneficial in today’s economy. However, the transition between discussing both views and the personal opinion could be smoother to reinforce the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly signal the shift from discussing both perspectives to stating their own opinion. For example, phrases like "In my view" or "Ultimately, I believe" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of the benefits of changing jobs. The mention of adaptability, competitive salaries, and alignment with personal goals are all well-articulated points. However, the support for the argument in favor of long-term employment could be further extended with more detailed examples or anecdotes.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more depth in the supporting arguments for both sides. This could include specific examples of individuals who have benefited from long-term employment versus those who have thrived by changing jobs. Incorporating real-world scenarios can make the arguments more relatable and convincing.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the merits of both working for the same organization and changing jobs. There are no significant deviations from the prompt, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points while reiterating the writer’s opinion.
  • How to improve: To further ensure that the essay stays on topic, the writer should review each paragraph to confirm that all sentences contribute directly to the main argument. Avoiding overly complex sentences that could lead to ambiguity will help maintain clarity and focus.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more detailed examples and enhancing transitions, the writer could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives on job stability versus job diversity. The body paragraphs effectively delineate the arguments for each viewpoint. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of long-term employment, such as financial stability and career advancement, while the second body paragraph highlights the advantages of changing jobs, including skill diversification and adaptability. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be smoother, as the shift from discussing stability to advocating for change feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits of long-term employment, a sentence like "On the other hand, there are also significant advantages to exploring opportunities beyond a single organization" could provide a clearer transition to the contrasting viewpoint.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the discussion, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from further subdivision, as it covers multiple points regarding the advantages of changing jobs, which may overwhelm the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider breaking the second body paragraph into two smaller paragraphs. One could focus on skill diversification and adaptability, while the other could address salary benefits and alignment with personal interests. This would allow for more in-depth exploration of each point and improve clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Admittedly," "However," and "Additionally," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied; for example, the repeated use of "However" at the beginning of consecutive sentences may detract from the essay’s fluidity.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. Instead of starting multiple sentences with "However," you could use phrases like "On the contrary," "Conversely," or "In contrast" to introduce opposing ideas. Additionally, using conjunctions such as "Furthermore" or "Moreover" can help to link related ideas more effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions could elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the arguments presented, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "stability," "financial stability," "career growth," "adaptable," and "competitive." These words effectively convey the writer’s ideas and contribute to the clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "working for merely a company" could be enhanced by using synonyms like "solely" or "exclusively" to avoid repetition and enrich the text.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "organization," alternatives like "firm," "enterprise," or "corporation" could be used. Additionally, the use of idiomatic expressions or collocations related to career development could further elevate the lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "it is very fact that long-term employees may benefit" could be more precisely stated as "it is a well-established fact that long-term employees may benefit." This small adjustment enhances clarity and precision. Additionally, the term "serving period" is somewhat awkward; "tenure" or "employment period" would be more suitable.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on refining word choices and ensuring that phrases are idiomatic. Reading more academic or professional texts can help in identifying precise vocabulary usage. Furthermore, using a thesaurus to explore synonyms can aid in selecting the most appropriate words for the context.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "al" instead of "all," "ot" instead of "or," and "diferent" instead of "different." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings. While the majority of the spelling is accurate, these mistakes are significant enough to impact the reader’s perception of the writer’s language proficiency.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or apps focused on commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing it regularly can also help in reducing errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, refining word choices for precision, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "Admittedly" and "However" effectively transitions between ideas. Additionally, the essay employs relative clauses (e.g., "which leads to career advancements, and promotions") and conditional structures (e.g., "if one works for an organization for an extended period"). This variety enhances the overall readability and engagement of the text.
  • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using different conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, instead of starting several sentences with "The key is that," you could use phrases like "One significant advantage is that" or "Another important factor is." Additionally, experimenting with more complex structures, such as participial phrases or inversion for emphasis, could elevate the sophistication of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "However, I believe that working for various organizations can lead to better competence and career growth" is correctly punctuated. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies, such as "it is very fact that long-term employees may benefit," which should be "it is a fact that long-term employees may benefit." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the missing comma before "However" in the first sentence and the unnecessary comma before "and promotions" in the phrase "which leads to career advancements, and promotions."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch such errors. Focus on ensuring that articles are used correctly (e.g., "it is a fact" instead of "it is very fact") and that commas are placed appropriately, particularly in complex sentences. Practicing with grammar exercises that focus on common errors can also help solidify understanding. Additionally, reading more academic texts can provide insight into proper punctuation usage and grammatical structures.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument, but attention to minor grammatical details and further diversification of sentence structures will help achieve an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Stability or job security is the primary concern for some individuals. Therefore, many choose to work for a single company throughout their working life. However, I believe that working for various organizations can lead to enhanced competence and career growth.

Admittedly, there are justifiable reasons for those opting to remain with only one organization. The primary reason is that they prioritize financial stability and a clear promotion path. Referring to the former, it is a fact that long-term employees may benefit from pension plans, stock options, and retirement benefits that are typically unavailable to their short-term counterparts. Furthermore, if one works for an organization for an extended period, they are often regarded as reliable and trustworthy as they develop a deep understanding of the company’s culture, goals, and processes. This familiarity can lead to career advancements and promotions.

However, there are more compelling reasons to argue that it is better to change jobs after a certain period. The key is that workers who move between companies are often able to expand their skill set. This diversity of experience and skills makes individuals more adaptable and competitive in the rapidly changing job market. Additionally, individuals who do not remain with a single organization can command higher salaries when switching to a new position, owing to the valuable experience acquired from their previous roles, which makes them more attractive to employers. In many cases, exploring various job roles helps one find a position that aligns with their evolving career goals and personal interests.

In conclusion, while both choices have their advantages, I believe that working for multiple organizations can be more beneficial in the long term, owing to the rapidly evolving contemporary economy that requires various skills and enhanced competence.