Some say that economic growth is the only way to eliminate world poverty and hunger, while others say that economic growth is destroying the environment and must stop. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The only method which is believed to prevent world poverty and starvation is economic growth, whereas the counterparts are in the opinion it have destroyed the environment and must be ignored. Although both views hold merit, I agree more with the later perspective.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why growing economy can minimize the poor and starved conditions over the world in this contemporary era. Modern poverty’s definition is the situation that individuals are not in an available status, which involves not only new and creative but also a little bit of dangerous stuffs satisfying people’s pleasure such as delicious dishes, risky entertainments and powerful feelings. This can be explained by the fact that those fulfillment is too difficult to be achieved without an unlimited fortune. However, economic growth would create more and more job opportunities and well-paid careers which can provide a generous income if worldwide residents take place it as the only way to reach the fulfillment. As a result, the more people play a crucial role in growing economy, the more chance they get to escape from poverty and hunger.

On the other hand, opponents of previous view think that increasing economy not only can not works but also contribute to environmental destruction. In the ancient era, relying on taking fruits and sheltering in stone cave, ancient people expent their potential on survival instead of creating chemicals or modern machines to increase their quality of life. Therefore, lakes not being polluted, air not being exhausted, trees not being cut down on were the visual evidence of not having economic growth. In this day and age, despite factories releasing chemicals, companies exhausting harmful gases, people carrying out deforestation, which are all for the purpose of growing economy, the unemployment rate still increase day by day, the percent of homelessness still occur over the world as well as hunger. Thus, people should stop growing the economy in order to create lively environment for animals and prevent them from verging on the extinction.

In conclusion, although people are on different views about whether economic growth should be stopped or not, I am in the counterpart due to the increasing rate of poor and staved condition in spite of growing economy.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The only method which is believed to prevent world poverty and starvation" -> "The sole method believed to prevent global poverty and starvation"
Explanation: Replacing "The only method which is believed" with "The sole method believed" simplifies and clarifies the sentence structure, making it more direct and formal. "Global" is preferred over "world" for a more precise geographical reference in academic writing.
"the counterparts are in the opinion it have destroyed" -> "the opposing viewpoint holds that it has destroyed"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors ("the counterparts" to "the opposing viewpoint") and changes "it have" to "it has" for subject-verb agreement. This revision enhances clarity and correctness.
"growing economy can minimize the poor and starved conditions" -> "economic growth can alleviate poverty and starvation"
Explanation: Replacing "growing economy" with "economic growth" uses a more precise term, and "alleviate" is more academically appropriate than "minimize" in this context, which typically refers to reducing the severity of a condition.
"Modern poverty’s definition is the situation that individuals are not in an available status" -> "The modern definition of poverty is the condition where individuals lack access to basic necessities"
Explanation: Clarifies and corrects the awkward and vague original phrase, providing a more precise and formal definition of poverty.
"not only new and creative but also a little bit of dangerous stuffs satisfying people’s pleasure" -> "not only innovative and creative but also potentially hazardous activities that satisfy people’s desires"
Explanation: Replaces informal "stuffs" with "activities" and "pleasure" with "desires" to enhance formality and specificity. "Potentially hazardous" is more precise than "a little bit of dangerous."
"those fulfillment is too difficult to be achieved" -> "achieving such fulfillment is too challenging"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error ("those fulfillment" to "such fulfillment") and replaces "difficult" with "challenging" for a more formal tone.
"if worldwide residents take place it as the only way" -> "if residents worldwide consider it the sole means"
Explanation: Corrects the awkward and unclear original phrase, replacing it with a more formal and clear structure.
"not only can not works but also contribute to environmental destruction" -> "not only fails to work but also contributes to environmental destruction"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error ("can not works" to "fails to work") and replaces "contribute to" with "contributes to" for subject-verb agreement.
"ancient people expent their potential" -> "ancient people expended their potential"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "expent" to "expended" for grammatical accuracy.
"lakes not being polluted, air not being exhausted, trees not being cut down on were the visual evidence" -> "the absence of pollution, lack of exhaustion, and preservation of trees were the visual evidence"
Explanation: Replaces the informal and awkward original phrase with a more formal and precise description.
"despite factories releasing chemicals, companies exhausting harmful gases, people carrying out deforestation" -> "despite the release of chemicals by factories, the exhaustion of harmful gases by companies, and deforestation by people"
Explanation: Clarifies and formalizes the list of actions, improving readability and precision.
"the unemployment rate still increase day by day" -> "the unemployment rate continues to rise daily"
Explanation: Replaces the informal "increase day by day" with "continues to rise daily" for a more formal and precise expression.
"the percent of homelessness still occur over the world" -> "the incidence of homelessness continues globally"
Explanation: Replaces the informal "percent of homelessness still occur" with "incidence of homelessness continues globally," which is more precise and formal.
"stop growing the economy" -> "cease economic growth"
Explanation: Replaces the informal "stop growing the economy" with "cease economic growth," which is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"in the counterpart due to the increasing rate of poor and staved condition" -> "in the opposing view due to the rising incidence of poverty and starvation"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error ("in the counterpart" to "in the opposing view") and replaces "poor and staved condition" with "poverty and starvation" for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument regarding economic growth and its impact on poverty and the environment. The first paragraph outlines the perspective that economic growth can alleviate poverty, while the second paragraph presents the opposing view that it harms the environment. However, the treatment of these points lacks depth and clarity. For instance, the definition of modern poverty is convoluted and does not directly relate to the argument about economic growth. Additionally, the conclusion does not clearly summarize the discussion or reinforce the points made in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly explored. Provide clear definitions and examples that directly relate to the arguments presented. Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the essay and clearly stating your opinion in relation to the arguments discussed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a position in favor of the environmental perspective, but this stance is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The introduction mentions agreement with the latter perspective but does not clearly articulate this position in the body paragraphs. The discussion of economic growth’s benefits is somewhat overshadowed by the environmental arguments, leading to confusion about the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, explicitly state your opinion in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument and ensure that each paragraph supports your overall stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both economic growth and environmental concerns, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For example, the claim that economic growth creates job opportunities is mentioned but not elaborated upon with specific examples or data. Similarly, the environmental arguments lack concrete evidence or examples that would strengthen the claims made.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, include specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate your points. This could involve discussing real-world instances where economic growth has successfully reduced poverty or where environmental degradation has occurred as a result of economic activities. This will provide a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing economic growth and its implications for poverty and the environment. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the first body paragraph, where the definition of modern poverty becomes overly complicated and strays from the main argument. Additionally, the historical reference to ancient people feels disconnected from the contemporary discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point made directly relates to the prompt. Avoid introducing overly complex definitions or historical references that do not clearly tie back to the main argument. Stick to contemporary examples and discussions that are relevant to the current debate on economic growth and its impacts.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score by presenting a more coherent, well-supported, and focused argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition from the first body paragraph to the second is somewhat abrupt, and the ideas in the first paragraph could be better linked to the conclusion. The introduction states that both views hold merit, but the argument in the body does not sufficiently explore the merits of economic growth before critiquing it.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one by using transitional phrases that connect the ideas. For instance, after discussing the benefits of economic growth, explicitly state how these benefits might lead to environmental degradation in the following paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct viewpoint, which is a strength. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be more coherent. For example, the first body paragraph contains several ideas that could be more clearly delineated, such as the definition of poverty and the role of economic growth in alleviating it.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic, ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the one before. This will create a more cohesive argument within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal the contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that hinder clarity, such as "the counterparts are in the opinion it have destroyed the environment."
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "however." Additionally, ensure grammatical accuracy in phrases to enhance clarity. For example, revise "the counterparts are in the opinion it have destroyed" to "the opponents believe that it has destroyed." This will improve both the flow and clarity of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in vocabulary, with terms like "economic growth," "poverty," "starvation," and "environmental destruction" being appropriately used. However, there are instances where the vocabulary choices are either repetitive or overly simplistic. For example, phrases like "growing economy" and "poor and starved conditions" appear multiple times without variation, which limits the lexical range. Additionally, the term "stuffs" is informal and vague, which detracts from the overall quality.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to use synonyms or more specific terms. For instance, instead of repeating "economic growth," alternatives like "economic development" or "financial expansion" could be employed. Furthermore, replacing "stuffs" with more precise nouns (e.g., "goods," "products," or "services") would improve clarity and sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "not in an available status" is awkward and unclear; it would be more effective to say "not in a position to access basic needs." Additionally, the expression "the counterparts are in the opinion" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "opponents believe." The phrase "the later perspective" is also misleading as it incorrectly refers to the previous viewpoint instead of the latter one.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy. Using phrases like "opponents of this view argue" instead of "the counterparts are in the opinion" would enhance readability. Furthermore, ensuring that terms are used in their correct context will help convey the intended meaning more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "expent" should be "expend," and "staved" should be "starved." Additionally, "percent" is used incorrectly; it should be "percentage" in the context provided. Such errors can lead to confusion and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and reviewing frequently misspelled words can help improve overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with complex ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences (e.g., "Although both views hold merit, I agree more with the later perspective.") and conditional phrases (e.g., "if worldwide residents take place it as the only way to reach the fulfillment."). However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and repetitive structures that detract from the overall effectiveness. For example, phrases like "the more people play a crucial role in growing economy, the more chance they get" could be restructured for clarity and impact. Additionally, the use of passive voice is limited, which could enhance the variety of sentence forms.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound sentences, as well as varying the use of passive and active voice. Practice using introductory clauses and phrases to create more sophisticated sentence openings. For instance, instead of starting sentences with the subject, try beginning with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Despite the challenges posed by economic growth, many argue that…"). This will not only enhance the grammatical range but also improve the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For example, "it have destroyed" should be "it has destroyed," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. Additionally, phrases like "the percent of homelessness still occur" should be corrected to "the percentage of homelessness still occurs." Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas that could clarify meaning (e.g., "the unemployment rate still increase day by day" should have a comma before "which are all for the purpose of growing economy" to separate the clauses properly).
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to review basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and verb tenses. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, consider studying the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Reading essays or articles can also provide insight into proper punctuation and sentence structure. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch these errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at using varied structures and grammatical forms, there are notable weaknesses in both areas. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The sole method believed to prevent global poverty and starvation is economic growth, whereas the opposing viewpoint holds that it has destroyed the environment and must cease. Although both views hold merit, I agree more with the latter perspective.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why economic growth can alleviate poverty and starvation worldwide in this contemporary era. The modern definition of poverty is the condition where individuals lack access to basic necessities, which involves not only innovative and creative but also potentially hazardous activities that satisfy people’s desires, such as delicious dishes, risky entertainments, and powerful feelings. This can be explained by the fact that achieving such fulfillment is too challenging without substantial financial resources. However, economic growth would create more and more job opportunities and well-paid careers, which can provide a generous income if residents worldwide consider it the sole means to reach fulfillment. As a result, the more people play a crucial role in the growing economy, the greater their chances of escaping poverty and hunger.

On the other hand, opponents of this view argue that increasing the economy not only fails to work but also contributes to environmental destruction. In ancient times, relying on gathering fruits and sheltering in caves, ancient people expended their potential on survival instead of creating chemicals or modern machines to enhance their quality of life. Therefore, the absence of pollution, lack of exhaustion, and preservation of trees were the visual evidence of not having economic growth. In this day and age, despite the release of chemicals by factories, the exhaustion of harmful gases by companies, and deforestation by people—all for the purpose of growing the economy—the unemployment rate continues to rise daily, and the incidence of homelessness continues globally, as well as hunger. Thus, people should cease economic growth in order to create a livable environment for all species and prevent them from edging toward extinction.

In conclusion, although people hold different views about whether economic growth should be stopped or not, I align with the opposing view due to the rising incidence of poverty and starvation despite ongoing economic growth.