Some say that sports play an important in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Although some people believe that sport contributes numerous crucial benefits for our community, others assert that it is just an entertaining activity. To me, sport is not just a leisure activity, but it is also an essential role of our life.
On the one hand, sports are one of the ways to give players a sense of fun, enjoyment. Sports are often associated with entertainment and recreation, so i strongly believe that it is a way to unwind from our daily routine. Moreover, Engaging in sports can definitely help many people make friends. Whether it's joining a local sports team, participating in a fitness class, or attending sports events, sports provide a great opportunity for people to come together and bond over a shared interest.
On the other hand, sports have always been an essential part of human society. Participating in physical activity through sports can improve some health and physique problems, it can also have positive effects on mental well-being, including reducing stress, and improving mood. And always keeping yourself in good health will help reduce the financial stress of family expenses. Besides, sport is a wonderful tool in bringing people together and creating a close-knit community. It is proved by football, which has a unique ability to bring people together from different backgrounds and unite them under a common cause – supporting their team. Sports can play a significant role in helping people develop important life skills. Participation in sports teach individuals valuable lessons such as teamwork, communication, perseverance, discipline and so on.
In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that whether sports are a pastime or a key activity in society, it is up to us, up to our opinion, to the reason why we choose to play sport. And as far as i am concerned that it could be both.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"sport contributes numerous crucial benefits" -> "sports provide numerous significant benefits"
Explanation: Replacing "contributes" with "provide" aligns better with the context of discussing the overall impact of sports, and "significant" is a more precise adjective than "crucial" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"it is just an entertaining activity" -> "it is merely an entertainment activity"
Explanation: "Merely" is more formal and precise than "just," and "entertainment activity" is a more appropriate term than "entertaining activity," which is awkward and unclear.
"not just a leisure activity, but it is also an essential role of our life" -> "not only a leisure activity but also a vital aspect of our lives"
Explanation: "Not only… but also" is a more formal and grammatically correct way to introduce a contrast. "Vital aspect of our lives" is more precise and formal than "essential role of our life."
"so i strongly believe" -> "I strongly believe"
Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone of the essay.
"Engaging in sports can definitely help many people make friends" -> "Participating in sports can undoubtedly help many individuals form friendships"
Explanation: "Undoubtedly" is more formal than "definitely," and "individuals" and "form friendships" are more precise and formal than "people" and "make friends."
"it can also have positive effects on mental well-being, including reducing stress, and improving mood" -> "it can also have positive effects on mental well-being, including reducing stress and improving mood"
Explanation: Removing the comma after "stress" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence flow smoothly and correctly.
"always keeping yourself in good health will help reduce the financial stress of family expenses" -> "maintaining good health can reduce the financial burden of family expenses"
Explanation: "Maintaining good health" is a more formal expression than "always keeping yourself in good health," and "financial burden" is a more precise term than "financial stress."
"sport is a wonderful tool in bringing people together" -> "sports serve as a powerful tool for bringing people together"
Explanation: "Serve as a powerful tool" is more formal and precise than "is a wonderful tool," and "for bringing people together" is grammatically correct.
"It is proved by football" -> "This is evident in football"
Explanation: "This is evident in" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce evidence, compared to the less formal "It is proved by."
"Sports can play a significant role in helping people develop important life skills" -> "Sports can significantly contribute to the development of essential life skills"
Explanation: "Significantly contribute" is more formal and precise than "play a significant role," and "essential life skills" is a more formal expression than "important life skills."
"Participation in sports teach individuals" -> "Participation in sports teaches individuals"
Explanation: Correcting "teach" to "teaches" fixes the subject-verb agreement error, aligning with the singular subject "sports."
"And as far as i am concerned that it could be both" -> "From my perspective, it can serve both purposes"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is a more formal expression than "As far as I am concerned," and "can serve both purposes" is clearer and more formal than "could be both."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the role of sports in society. The first paragraph outlines the perspective that sports are primarily a leisure activity, while the second paragraph presents the argument that sports have significant societal benefits. However, the conclusion lacks a clear synthesis of these views, which could strengthen the response. The essay does mention the importance of sports in society but does not fully explore the implications of both perspectives in depth.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is explored more thoroughly. This could involve providing specific examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of sports as a leisure activity versus their societal importance. Additionally, a more definitive conclusion that clearly states the writer’s stance while summarizing both views would provide a stronger closure.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer expresses a clear opinion that sports are more than just a leisure activity, stating, "to me, sport is not just a leisure activity, but it is also an essential role of our life." However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The phrase "it is up to us, up to our opinion" in the conclusion introduces ambiguity, suggesting a lack of confidence in the stated position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently link back to their main argument throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" at strategic points can help reinforce their stance. Additionally, avoiding phrases that introduce uncertainty will strengthen the clarity of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of sports, such as social bonding, health improvements, and community building. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, the mention of "reducing financial stress of family expenses" is not clearly connected to the discussion on sports, which could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve this criterion, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or anecdotes. For instance, when discussing how sports can improve mental well-being, the writer could include studies or personal experiences that illustrate this benefit. This would not only strengthen the argument but also engage the reader more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the role of sports in society. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly with the mention of financial stress, which feels somewhat tangential to the main argument about sports. Additionally, the conclusion introduces a somewhat vague notion of personal opinion rather than a definitive stance.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central theme of the essay. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. The conclusion should also succinctly summarize the key points discussed without introducing new ideas or ambiguities.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, there are opportunities for improvement in depth, clarity, and coherence. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views and the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs are organized into two distinct sections: one discussing the leisure aspect of sports and the other addressing its societal importance. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing sports as a leisure activity to its societal benefits feels abrupt. The ideas within the paragraphs are generally well-developed, but some points could be more clearly linked to enhance the overall logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal shifts in focus. For example, phrases like "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help clarify the contrast between the two views. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will guide the reader more effectively through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph addresses the leisure aspect, while the second discusses the societal benefits of sports. However, the conclusion lacks a clear summary of the main points discussed, which could help reinforce the argument and provide closure.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key arguments made in the body paragraphs. This could involve restating the main points about the leisure and societal roles of sports, thereby reinforcing the overall argument. Additionally, consider breaking up longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas to enhance readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "Besides," and "In conclusion," which help to connect ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "And always keeping yourself in good health will help reduce the financial stress of family expenses" could benefit from a clearer link to the previous sentence discussing mental well-being.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one by using phrases that clarify relationships between ideas. For example, instead of starting a sentence with "And," try rephrasing it to create a more formal transition, such as "Furthermore, maintaining good health can also alleviate financial burdens."

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and persuasiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "essential," "entertaining," "recreation," and "bond." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the word "sport," which appears frequently without variation. For example, the phrase "sports provide a great opportunity" could have been enhanced with synonyms or related terms to demonstrate a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "sports," you could use "athletics," "physical activities," or "games." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the themes discussed, such as "camaraderie," "well-being," or "community cohesion," would elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its message, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary. For example, the phrase "essential role of our life" is vague and could be more specific. The term "physique problems" is also unclear; it would be better to specify "physical health issues" or "fitness challenges." Furthermore, the phrase "it is proved by football" lacks clarity and could be rephrased to enhance precision.
- How to improve: Focus on using more precise language to convey your ideas clearly. Instead of saying "essential role of our life," you might say "integral to our daily lives." Replacing "physique problems" with "physical health challenges" would clarify your point. Always aim for clarity and specificity in your word choices to improve the overall quality of your writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "i" instead of "I" and "Engaging" should not be capitalized. These errors detract from the professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings. The phrase "it is just an entertaining activity" is also somewhat awkward and could be more fluid.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is essential to proofread your work carefully. Consider reading your essay aloud to catch errors or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling rules and exceptions in English to reduce mistakes. Regular practice with writing and revising will also help solidify your spelling skills over time.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy—you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria of the IELTS writing task.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex structures is evident in sentences like, "Participating in physical activity through sports can improve some health and physique problems, it can also have positive effects on mental well-being." However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures that could enhance the overall flow and coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Sports," try beginning with phrases like "In addition to providing entertainment, sports…" or "While some view sports merely as leisure, others recognize their broader societal impact." Incorporating a mix of relative clauses and conditional sentences could also enhance complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "i strongly believe" should be "I strongly believe," and "it is proved by football" would be clearer as "This is evidenced by football." Additionally, the sentence "Participating in physical activity through sports can improve some health and physique problems, it can also have positive effects on mental well-being," is a comma splice and should be separated into two sentences or connected with a conjunction.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for capitalization errors and punctuation mistakes. Practicing the correct use of commas, particularly in complex sentences, can help avoid run-on sentences and comma splices. Additionally, consider reviewing subject-verb agreement and ensuring that plural forms are used correctly (e.g., "sports teach individuals" instead of "sports teaches individuals"). Engaging in grammar exercises that target these specific areas can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Although some people believe that sports provide numerous significant benefits for our community, others assert that it is merely an entertainment activity. I strongly believe that sports are not only a leisure activity but also a vital aspect of our lives.

On the one hand, sports offer players a sense of fun and enjoyment. They are often associated with entertainment and recreation, so I strongly believe that engaging in sports is a way to unwind from our daily routines. Moreover, participating in sports can undoubtedly help many individuals form friendships. Whether it’s joining a local sports team, participating in a fitness class, or attending sports events, sports provide a great opportunity for people to come together and bond over a shared interest.

On the other hand, sports have always played an essential role in human society. Participating in physical activities through sports can improve various health and fitness issues; it can also have positive effects on mental well-being, including reducing stress and improving mood. Maintaining good health can reduce the financial burden of family expenses. Additionally, sports serve as a powerful tool for bringing people together and creating a close-knit community. This is evident in football, which has a unique ability to unite people from different backgrounds under a common cause—supporting their team. Sports can significantly contribute to the development of essential life skills. Participation in sports teaches individuals valuable lessons such as teamwork, communication, perseverance, and discipline.

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that whether sports are a pastime or a key activity in society, it ultimately depends on our perspective and the reasons we choose to engage in sports. From my perspective, it can serve both purposes.