Some schools are teaching subjects such as mathematics and philosophy as core subjects. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

Many schools are now focusing on teaching mathematics and philosophy as main subjects. This essay is going to argue for why this movement is associated with more upsides than its detrimental consequences.

On the one hand, mathematics and philosophy are disadvantageous to an extent. To begin with, mathematics is a complex subject requiring lots of formulas and datas in order to solve the problems. This subject is considered as a dull subject and lack of applicability as it places excessive emphasis on numerical formulas, which demand students to learn by heart and spend the amount of time on researching. With that, the abstract nature of philosophy is quite difficult for students to understand. Although philosophy seems like a mandatory discipline, the result of students at the end of a semester is underestimated since this subject delves into social theories and ideologies at a macro-level that hardly any student can understand it thoroughly. Additionally, these two subjects give a certain level of occupation, usually related to politics or architecture, the jobs which are political and require calculation.

On the other hand, the advantages of integrating mathematics and philosophy into schools’ curriculum are far more significant than the drawbacks. Primarily, mathematics promotes students with logical thinking and a quick-witted sense of calculating. This subject plays a significant role as a fundamental to help them make wise decisions that can evolve in the future. Philosophy not only improves critical thinking but also gives people faith in life, guides them to distinguish the differences between cultures in order to evoke empathy with a variety of society and traditional religion. Therefore, they will be aware of the outside world properly and precisely.

In conclusion, despite the lack of practicality and applying many theories in mathematics and philosophy, students still need it in life to improve their skills and consciousness, which provide them a good basis in life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"datas" -> "data"
Explanation: "Datas" is a non-standard plural form of "data." "Data" is already plural, so there’s no need to pluralize it further.
"a quick-witted sense of calculating" -> "a sharp ability to calculate"
Explanation: "Quick-witted" refers to the ability to think quickly and cleverly in response to situations, which isn’t quite fitting in the context of mathematical calculation. "Sharp" conveys the idea of precision and accuracy, which is more appropriate in describing mathematical skills.
"Philosophy not only improves critical thinking but also gives people faith in life, guides them to distinguish the differences between cultures in order to evoke empathy with a variety of society and traditional religion." -> "Philosophy not only enhances critical thinking but also fosters a sense of existential inquiry, enabling individuals to discern cultural disparities and cultivate empathy towards diverse societal norms and traditional religions."
Explanation: The revised sentence maintains the original meaning while refining the language to better align with academic tone and formality. "Faith in life" is replaced with "a sense of existential inquiry," which captures the essence of philosophical exploration. Additionally, "distinguish the differences between cultures" is replaced with "discern cultural disparities," offering a more precise and sophisticated expression.
"they will be aware of the outside world properly and precisely" -> "they will develop a nuanced understanding of the external world"
Explanation: "Properly and precisely" is a bit redundant and lacks the specificity needed for academic writing. "Nuanced understanding" conveys a deeper level of comprehension, which is more suitable in this context.
"students still need it in life to improve their skills and consciousness" -> "students still require these subjects to enhance their cognitive abilities and awareness"
Explanation: "It" is vague and does not clearly refer to mathematics and philosophy. Replacing it with "these subjects" clarifies the reference. "Skills and consciousness" is replaced with "cognitive abilities and awareness" for greater precision and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of teaching mathematics and philosophy as core subjects. It discusses the drawbacks, such as the perceived complexity of mathematics and the abstract nature of philosophy, while also acknowledging the benefits, including promoting logical thinking and improving critical analysis.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, provide more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made about the advantages and disadvantages of teaching these subjects. Additionally, ensure that the discussion of both sides is balanced and comprehensive.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing that the advantages of integrating mathematics and philosophy outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is evident from the thesis statement through the supporting paragraphs to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, reinforce the thesis statement by explicitly stating the position in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contributes to reinforcing this position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing the benefits and drawbacks of teaching mathematics and philosophy. However, some ideas could be further extended or supported with additional evidence or examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, provide specific examples or case studies to illustrate the impact of mathematics and philosophy education on students’ skills and awareness. Additionally, consider elaborating on how these subjects are integrated into the curriculum and their real-world applications.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the advantages and disadvantages of teaching mathematics and philosophy as core subjects. However, there are minor instances where the focus could be tighter, such as the brief mention of occupations related to politics or architecture.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and explanations directly relate to the topic of integrating mathematics and philosophy into the school curriculum. Avoid introducing tangential ideas that detract from the central argument.

Overall, the essay effectively discusses the advantages and disadvantages of teaching mathematics and philosophy as core subjects, maintaining a clear position throughout. To improve, provide more specific examples and ensure that all ideas are thoroughly developed and directly related to the topic. Additionally, reinforce clarity by explicitly stating the position in the introduction and conclusion, and avoid introducing tangential ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organization with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of teaching mathematics and philosophy. However, within paragraphs, the progression of ideas could be more logically structured. For instance, the paragraph discussing the disadvantages starts with mathematics and then transitions abruptly to philosophy before returning to the discussion on mathematics. This disrupts the flow of ideas and coherence within the paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph maintains a cohesive flow of ideas by sticking to one topic or argument throughout. Consider using transition words or phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, guiding the reader smoothly through the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs: introduction, body, and conclusion, which adheres to the standard essay structure. However, the body paragraph lacks sub-division to separate the discussion of advantages and disadvantages, resulting in a dense block of text. Additionally, the transition between discussing the disadvantages of mathematics and philosophy is abrupt, which could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Break down the body paragraph into two or more smaller paragraphs to address the advantages and disadvantages separately. This would improve readability and allow for a more focused discussion within each section. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as conjunctions ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") and transitional phrases ("To begin with," "Primarily," "Therefore"). While these devices help to connect ideas within and between sentences, there is room for improvement in diversifying their usage. The repetition of introductory phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand") could be replaced with alternative transitional expressions to enhance variety and sophistication.
- How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of transition words, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Conversely," "Nevertheless," etc. Varying the structure of sentences and paragraphs will make the essay more engaging and cohesive, improving overall coherence and cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates adequate coherence and cohesion to convey the writer’s ideas effectively, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and diversity of cohesive devices would further enhance the clarity and coherence of the response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, encompassing terms related to education ("curriculum," "discipline"), academic subjects ("mathematics," "philosophy"), and abstract concepts ("logical thinking," "critical thinking"). However, the vocabulary lacks variety and sophistication. For instance, the essay repeatedly uses basic terms like "advantages," "disadvantages," "subjects," and "students" without introducing more nuanced or specialized vocabulary. Additionally, some phrases are overly simplistic, such as "difficult for students to understand" or "improves critical thinking."
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should strive for greater diversity and sophistication in vocabulary selection. This can be achieved by incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and domain-specific terminology relevant to the topic. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "advantages" and "disadvantages," the writer could employ alternatives like "benefits" or "drawbacks." Moreover, employing adjectives and adverbs to modify nouns and verbs can add depth to the expression. For example, instead of saying "difficult for students to understand," the writer could use phrases like "conceptually challenging for students" or "poses cognitive hurdles for students."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary adequately, but there are instances of imprecise word choice or awkward phrasing that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "datas" is incorrect; the plural of "data" is "data." Additionally, the use of "occupations" instead of "applications" when discussing the practical relevance of mathematics and philosophy is somewhat imprecise. Furthermore, phrases like "lack of applicability" and "students still need it in life" are somewhat vague and could be refined for clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, the writer should pay close attention to word choice and ensure accuracy in terminology. Proofreading for errors such as incorrect plurals or ambiguous phrasing is essential. Additionally, replacing general terms with more specific and contextually appropriate alternatives can enhance clarity. For example, instead of "lack of applicability," the writer could specify what aspects lack applicability, such as "limited practical relevance" or "insufficient real-world utility." Similarly, instead of "students still need it in life," the writer could specify what "it" refers to, providing clarity and specificity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally acceptable, but there are a few errors that detract from overall fluency. For instance, "datas" should be corrected to "data," and "curriculum" is misspelled as "curiculum." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they indicate a need for greater attention to detail in proofreading.
- How to improve: Improving spelling accuracy requires diligent proofreading and attention to detail. Utilizing spell-checking tools and taking the time to review written work systematically can help identify and correct spelling errors. Additionally, developing familiarity with commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling through targeted exercises can enhance spelling proficiency over time. Incorporating a final review stage in the writing process specifically dedicated to checking spelling and grammar can significantly reduce the occurrence of errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at employing a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of sentence structures. For instance, while the essay effectively utilizes some complex sentences to convey ideas, there is a tendency towards simpler sentence structures, which can impact the essay’s sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions such as subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and parallel structures. These additions can elevate the essay’s coherence and coherence, providing a richer linguistic texture. Additionally, varying the sentence length and employing rhetorical devices such as parallelism and antithesis can further enhance the essay’s effectiveness.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay. For example, "datas" should be "data," "a quick-witted sense of calculating" could be rephrased for clarity, and "evolve in the future" may benefit from a more precise expression. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review and revise sentence structures for clarity and correctness. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the proper use of articles. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, including commas, semicolons, and apostrophes, can significantly enhance the essay’s readability and coherence. Utilizing grammar-checking tools and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can also aid in identifying and correcting errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many schools are now emphasizing mathematics and philosophy as core subjects. This essay will argue why this trend has more benefits than drawbacks.

On one hand, there are some disadvantages to studying mathematics and philosophy. Firstly, mathematics can be challenging due to its reliance on formulas and data. This subject may seem dull and impractical as it focuses heavily on numerical formulas, requiring students to memorize and spend significant time on research. Additionally, philosophy’s abstract nature can be difficult for students to grasp. Although it is considered essential, students often struggle to comprehend social theories and ideologies at a macro-level. Furthermore, careers stemming from these subjects, such as politics or architecture, demand precise calculations.

On the other hand, the advantages of including mathematics and philosophy in the curriculum outweigh the drawbacks. Firstly, mathematics enhances logical thinking and sharpens calculation abilities. It lays a foundation for making informed decisions in the future. Philosophy not only fosters critical thinking but also cultivates existential inquiry, enabling individuals to discern cultural disparities and cultivate empathy towards diverse societal norms and traditional religions. Consequently, students develop a nuanced understanding of the external world.

In conclusion, despite the perception of mathematics and philosophy as impractical, students still require these subjects to enhance their cognitive abilities and awareness. They provide a solid foundation for life skills and consciousness.