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Some think most crime is the result of circumstances e.g. poverty and other social problems. Other believe that most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some think most crime is the result of circumstances e.g. poverty and other social problems. Other believe that most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Presently, an increasing number of individuals are alarmed by the surge in reported crime cases. Some argue that crime is primarily linked to destitution and other forms of social deprivation, such as low income and unemployment, while others contend that one's intrinsic nature is the key contributor to the issue. It is evident that criminal behavior is primarily rooted in poverty, unemployment, and financial distress.

Individuals in dire living situations, marked by a lack of money, basic necessities, and unemployment, may be compelled to resort to unlawful acts as a last means of financial survival. According to a recent survey, economically deprived areas have frequently reported numerous crime incidents, including robbery, prostitution, and rape. Thus, it is imperative for the government to take concrete actions to alleviate these challenges.

Moreover, another significant cause of crime is rooted in illiteracy. Without possessing basic knowledge, individuals, especially the young, are vulnerable to committing crimes. This is partly because they lack critical thinking skills and are not fully aware of the severe consequences and harsh punishments for these offenses.

It is also true that some individuals are predisposed to negative behaviors, such as rebellion, aggression, arrogance, and disobedience. However, these negative attributes only manifest when accompanied by a conducive living environment, such as poverty and lack of education. In other words, their genes are not unequivocally the sole determinant of their illegal activities.

In conclusion, living conditions such as poverty, low income, unemployment, and illiteracy exert detrimental effects on actions that lead to the commission of offenses. I wholeheartedly agree that societal factors are important contributors to crime.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Presently" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: Replacing "Presently" with "Currently" is a more formal and precise choice, aligning with academic writing standards.

  2. "alarmed" -> "concerned"
    Explanation: Substituting "alarmed" with "concerned" maintains the seriousness of the issue while using a more neutral and formal term.

  3. "argue" -> "assert"
    Explanation: Replacing "argue" with "assert" adds a level of formality to the statement, conveying a stronger and more confident stance.

  4. "destitution" -> "poverty"
    Explanation: While "destitution" is not incorrect, "poverty" is a more commonly used term in academic writing, ensuring clarity and accessibility.

  5. "It is evident that" -> "Clearly"
    Explanation: "Clearly" is a concise and direct alternative that enhances the clarity of the statement, adhering to academic style.

  6. "last means" -> "final resort"
    Explanation: Substituting "last means" with "final resort" maintains the meaning while using a more formal and precise expression.

  7. "economically deprived areas" -> "socioeconomically disadvantaged regions"
    Explanation: "Socioeconomically disadvantaged regions" provides a more precise and formal description of areas facing economic challenges.

  8. "numerous crime incidents" -> "a multitude of criminal incidents"
    Explanation: "A multitude of criminal incidents" is a more formal and sophisticated phrase, contributing to the academic tone.

  9. "basic knowledge" -> "fundamental knowledge"
    Explanation: Replacing "basic knowledge" with "fundamental knowledge" adds nuance and formality to the statement.

  10. "severe consequences and harsh punishments" -> "serious consequences and stringent penalties"
    Explanation: Substituting "severe consequences and harsh punishments" with "serious consequences and stringent penalties" maintains the gravity of the statement with more advanced vocabulary.

  11. "predisposed to negative behaviors" -> "inclined toward negative behaviors"
    Explanation: "Inclined toward negative behaviors" is a more formal and precise expression, avoiding potential ambiguity.

  12. "conducive living environment" -> "favorable living conditions"
    Explanation: "Favorable living conditions" is a more direct and academic way to express the idea of a conducive environment.

  13. "unequivocally the sole determinant" -> "solely responsible"
    Explanation: "Solely responsible" is a more concise and straightforward way to convey the idea without redundancy.

  14. "exert detrimental effects on actions" -> "influence actions negatively"
    Explanation: "Influence actions negatively" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact of living conditions on behavior.

  15. "I wholeheartedly agree" -> "I strongly concur"
    Explanation: "I strongly concur" is a more formal and assertive phrase, aligning with academic writing conventions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives—the belief that crime stems from social circumstances like poverty and the contrasting view that attributes crime to innate human nature. It acknowledges the impact of poverty, unemployment, and lack of education on criminal behavior, offering examples and explanations for each. However, it leans more toward the influence of social factors as primary contributors to crime.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider providing a slightly more balanced exploration of both perspectives. While emphasizing the significance of social conditions, allocate a bit more space discussing the argument attributing crime to innate human nature to create a more equitable discussion.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance supporting the idea that societal factors predominantly influence criminal behavior. It presents this position from the outset and consistently reinforces it throughout the essay, tying each argument back to the impact of poverty, unemployment, and lack of education on crime.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity, ensure that the introduction explicitly states the essay’s position on both viewpoints. This can offer a clearer roadmap for the reader and reinforce the essay’s coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, providing examples and explanations to support each argument. It elaborates on the impact of poverty, unemployment, and illiteracy on crime, offering detailed reasoning for each factor.
    • How to improve: To further extend ideas, consider exploring counterarguments briefly. This can add depth by acknowledging the opposing view before reinforcing the essay’s primary perspective.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic, delving into how poverty, lack of education, and unemployment contribute to criminal behavior. However, it briefly touches on innate human nature’s role in negative behaviors, which could slightly deviate from the core argument centered on societal factors.
    • How to improve: Ensure that when discussing the perspective related to innate human nature, it remains connected to the broader context of the prompt. This will prevent any perceived tangential deviations.

Overall, the essay provides a strong argument in support of the influence of social factors on criminal behavior. To improve, consider balancing the discussion between societal factors and innate human nature while maintaining coherence and relevance throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical organization by presenting the two perspectives on the causes of crime and then providing a well-structured argument supporting the view that crime is primarily linked to societal factors like poverty and unemployment. Each paragraph contributes to the overall coherence, and there is a smooth transition between ideas.
    • How to improve: While the overall organization is effective, consider introducing a clear thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly outlines the stance on the issue. This can serve as a roadmap for the reader and enhance the clarity of the essay’s structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to a cohesive flow. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately developed.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This helps guide the reader through the essay and enhances the coherence of individual paragraphs.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "In conclusion") and pronouns, to connect ideas and create a smooth flow. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: Consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, including synonyms and parallel structures, to further diversify the language and enhance the essay’s cohesion. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of pronouns to avoid any potential confusion for the reader.

Overall, this essay effectively organizes information logically, uses paragraphs appropriately, and employs a range of cohesive devices to achieve a band score of 7 for Coherence and Cohesion. To improve, focus on introducing a clear thesis statement, ensuring topic sentences in each paragraph, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable range of vocabulary. Various terms related to poverty and social issues are effectively employed, contributing to a nuanced discussion. For instance, phrases like "destitution," "financial distress," and "conducive living environment" demonstrate a strong vocabulary base.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider incorporating more synonyms and idiomatic expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "crime," alternatives like "criminal activities" or "unlawful behavior" could be employed.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary precisely, enhancing the overall clarity of expression. However, in some instances, the use of phrases like "last means of financial survival" could be considered somewhat imprecise. A more concise term, such as "last resort," would strengthen the expression.
    • How to improve: Focus on pinpointing precise terms for complex ideas, avoiding unnecessary elaboration. In this case, replacing the phrase with "last resort" would streamline the sentence and improve precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of spelling accuracy, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing. There are no significant spelling errors that impede understanding or detract from the quality of the essay.
    • How to improve: To sustain this level of accuracy, continue to proofread meticulously and consider utilizing spell-check tools. Pay attention to potential pitfalls, such as homophones or commonly misspelled words, to ensure flawless spelling throughout the essay.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, contributing to the clarity and sophistication of the discussion. To elevate the lexical resource score, focus on incorporating a wider variety of synonyms and idiomatic expressions, ensuring precision in complex ideas, and maintaining the already commendable spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex sentences, conditional sentences, and varied clause structures. There’s an effective mix of simple and compound sentences along with some complex constructions, contributing to coherence and fluency. For instance, the use of dependent clauses to elaborate on causes of crime ("Individuals in dire living situations…") and complex sentences to express nuanced ideas ("Moreover, another significant cause of crime is rooted in illiteracy…") showcases diversity.
    • How to improve: To further enhance, consider integrating more compound-complex sentences or inverted sentence structures. These additions can elevate the sophistication of the writing and emphasize certain points effectively.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar overall. Most sentences are structured accurately, displaying control over subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and proper use of modifiers. An example includes the use of complex sentence structures without grammatical errors ("This is partly because they lack critical thinking skills…").
    • How to improve: While the grammar is generally proficient, ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. Some parts, especially when discussing causes, might benefit from more deliberate tense choices to maintain clarity and coherence.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used appropriately, aiding in sentence structure and clarity. Commas are effectively used to separate clauses, and periods punctuate sentences accurately. However, there are a few instances where comma splices or missing commas occur, affecting the flow ("Individuals in dire living situations, marked by a lack of money, basic necessities, and unemployment, may be compelled…").
    • How to improve: Pay closer attention to comma usage, especially regarding separating independent clauses or using commas in complex sentences. Review the rules for commas with introductory phrases and compound sentences to refine punctuation skills further.

This essay showcases a strong grasp of grammar and sentence structures while effectively addressing the prompt. To elevate the essay further, focus on refining punctuation use and consider integrating more complex sentence structures for added depth and sophistication. Overall, an impressive demonstration of language skills!

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, there is a growing concern about the escalating number of reported crime cases. Some argue that crime is primarily associated with poverty and other forms of social deprivation, such as low income and unemployment, while others assert that one’s intrinsic nature plays a crucial role. It is clear that criminal behavior is mainly rooted in poverty, unemployment, and financial distress.

Individuals in dire living situations, marked by a lack of money, basic necessities, and unemployment, may be compelled to resort to unlawful acts as a final resort for financial survival. According to a recent survey, economically disadvantaged regions have frequently reported a multitude of criminal incidents, including robbery, prostitution, and rape. Thus, it is imperative for the government to take concrete actions to alleviate these challenges.

Moreover, another significant cause of crime is rooted in illiteracy. Without possessing fundamental knowledge, individuals, especially the young, are vulnerable to committing crimes. This is partly because they lack critical thinking skills and are not fully aware of the serious consequences and stringent penalties for these offenses.

It is also true that some individuals are inclined toward negative behaviors, such as rebellion, aggression, arrogance, and disobedience. However, these negative attributes only manifest when accompanied by a conducive living environment, such as poverty and lack of education. In other words, their genes are not unequivocally solely responsible for their illegal activities.

In conclusion, living conditions such as poverty, low income, unemployment, and illiteracy exert detrimental effects on actions that lead to the commission of offenses. I strongly concur that societal factors are important contributors to crime.

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