Some think that people should not change their jobs while others think they should because it brings advantages for themselves, company and society. Discuss and give opinion

There is an opinion that people are better off experiencing different occupations rather than committing to a stable job. Personally, I believe that this is only relevant to individuals with financial means, who can afford basic needs. For the vast majority of people, it is more rewarding to do a long-term job.
Granted, many people said that changing employment can allow workers to expand their wide-ranging variety of professional skills, broaden their social connections and become adaptable and versatile. In terms of company benefits, employees who make transitions to new workplaces and careers often bring valuable knowledge and innovative problem-solving within the organization. Thus, they can contribute to saving the time and money of companies on training employees by hiring someone with equal and more experience than previous person in the same field. On the societal level, a dynamic job market with frequent changes can encourage healthy competition, potentially leading to higher salaries and improved employee benefits as companies compete to retain the top talent.
However, this option is only available for those who have accrued a large enough amount of wealth to sustain their lives and they find more chances to try new things. Changing jobs, to them, may also risk temporary unemployment and financial insecurity. Switching jobs can hinder a workers' career as companies may be reluctant to hire such job hoppers because they hold a prejudice about their uncertain contributions to long-term and thus it can be counterproductive to commit resources to them. This is reversed with choice being committed to a job in which they have stable income, health and social insurance, plus promotion considering their contributions.
In conclusion, while changing jobs can boost their skills and benefit for the companies to some extent and for the country’s economy, it brings more harm than good such as unemployment and job hopping. I believe that most people benefit more if they have stable work, even though they can not derive much satisfaction from their job.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is an opinion" -> "It is often argued"
Explanation: "It is often argued" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a common viewpoint in academic writing, enhancing the tone and clarity of the statement.
"better off" -> "advantaged"
Explanation: "Advantaged" is a more formal and precise term than "better off," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"committing to a stable job" -> "pursuing a stable career"
Explanation: "Pursuing a stable career" is a more formal and specific phrase that better fits the academic style, focusing on the long-term nature of the commitment.
"who can afford basic needs" -> "who have sufficient financial resources"
Explanation: "Have sufficient financial resources" is a more precise and formal way to describe the ability to meet basic needs, avoiding the colloquial tone of "afford basic needs."
"it is more rewarding" -> "it is more beneficial"
Explanation: "It is more beneficial" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "rewarding," which can be seen as too subjective and informal.
"many people said" -> "it is often claimed"
Explanation: "It is often claimed" is a more formal and objective way to express the idea that many people hold a particular view, aligning better with academic style.
"expanding their wide-ranging variety of professional skills" -> "broadening their diverse professional skill sets"
Explanation: "Broadening their diverse professional skill sets" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "wide-ranging variety of professional skills."
"bring valuable knowledge and innovative problem-solving" -> "contribute valuable knowledge and innovative problem-solving skills"
Explanation: Adding "skills" after "problem-solving" clarifies that it is a skill being contributed, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"saving the time and money of companies" -> "saving companies time and resources"
Explanation: "Saving companies time and resources" is a more direct and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "saving the time and money of companies."
"previous person in the same field" -> "predecessor in the same field"
Explanation: "Predecessor" is a more formal and precise term than "previous person," which is vague and informal.
"a dynamic job market with frequent changes" -> "a dynamic job market characterized by frequent changes"
Explanation: "Characterized by" is a more formal and precise way to describe the nature of the job market, enhancing the academic tone.
"find more chances to try new things" -> "have more opportunities to explore new opportunities"
Explanation: "Have more opportunities to explore new opportunities" is a more formal and precise expression, avoiding the casual tone of "find more chances to try new things."
"Changing jobs, to them, may also risk" -> "Job changes for them may also entail"
Explanation: "Job changes for them may also entail" is a more formal and direct way to introduce the potential risks associated with job changes, avoiding the awkward construction of "Changing jobs, to them, may also risk."
"hinder a workers’ career" -> "impede a worker’s career"
Explanation: "Impede" is a more formal synonym for "hinder," and "worker" is the correct singular form in this context, aligning with the singular subject "a worker."
"it can be counterproductive to commit resources to them" -> "it may be counterproductive to invest resources in them"
Explanation: "Invest resources in them" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of allocating resources to individuals, improving the academic tone.
"benefit for the companies to some extent" -> "benefit companies to some extent"
Explanation: Removing "for the" simplifies and clarifies the phrase, making it more direct and formal.
"it brings more harm than good" -> "it yields more harm than benefits"
Explanation: "Yields more harm than benefits" is a more formal and precise way to express the negative consequences, aligning better with academic style.
"can not derive much satisfaction" -> "cannot derive much satisfaction"
Explanation: Correcting "can not" to "cannot" adheres to standard English grammar rules, enhancing the formality and correctness of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives on job changing, discussing the advantages of changing jobs for individuals, companies, and society. It acknowledges the benefits such as skill expansion, networking, and competitive job markets. However, it also presents a counterargument emphasizing the drawbacks, particularly for those without financial security. The response effectively covers the prompt’s requirements but could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include more specific examples or case studies that illustrate both the benefits and drawbacks of changing jobs. Additionally, explicitly stating the advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs could help clarify the discussion and ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that favors long-term employment for most people, particularly those without financial means. This stance is consistently maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the introduction could be more assertive in stating the writer’s opinion to set a clearer tone from the outset.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Phrases like "I believe that" or "In my opinion" can be used more prominently to guide the reader through the argument and ensure that the position remains evident.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of changing jobs, such as skill enhancement and company advantages. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of "healthy competition" could be elaborated with examples of how this competition manifests in the job market. The support for the drawbacks of job changing is also somewhat generalized and could benefit from more specific evidence or examples.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes. This could involve discussing real-world scenarios where job changing has led to both positive and negative outcomes, thereby providing a more nuanced view of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of changing jobs versus maintaining long-term employment. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the phrase "this option is only available for those who have accrued a large enough amount of wealth" could be more directly linked to the overall argument about job changing versus stability.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the main argument. Using topic sentences that clearly outline the paragraph’s focus can help keep the discussion aligned with the prompt. Additionally, avoiding tangential points that do not directly contribute to the argument will enhance clarity and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the writer’s perspective. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of their argument, potentially raising their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of changing jobs. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by stating the differing opinions. The body paragraphs are organized to first discuss the benefits of job changes, followed by the drawbacks. This logical progression aids the reader in understanding the argument. However, the transition between the benefits and drawbacks could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing societal benefits to individual risks feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits of job changes, a phrase like "Despite these advantages, there are significant risks involved" could help bridge the two sections more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will further improve organization.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, the second elaborates on the benefits, and the third discusses the drawbacks. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and concise, as it currently blends into the final argument rather than summarizing the key points clearly.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is a separate paragraph that succinctly summarizes the main arguments without introducing new ideas. This will reinforce the overall structure and provide a clear closure to the essay. Additionally, consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which will enhance readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Granted," "However," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "This is reversed with choice being committed to a job" lacks clarity and could benefit from a more explicit connection to the previous sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify and enhance the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "On the other hand," and "In addition." These can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving transitions, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the use of cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing, potentially achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, using terms such as "dynamic job market," "valuable knowledge," and "financial insecurity." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "changing jobs" and "long-term job." This limits the overall lexical variety and sophistication expected at higher band scores.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "changing jobs," alternatives like "job transitions," "career shifts," or "employment changes" could be employed. Additionally, introducing more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "career mobility" or "professional development," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the previous person in the same field" could be more clearly articulated as "the previous employee in the same role." Furthermore, the term "job hopping" is used, which may not convey the intended meaning of frequent job changes in a professional context, as it often carries a negative connotation.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that terms are contextually appropriate. For instance, instead of "temporary unemployment," the writer could specify "periods of unemployment between jobs" to clarify the context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with no glaring misspellings that would detract from the reader’s understanding. However, the phrase "workers’ career" contains an unnecessary apostrophe, which could confuse readers regarding possession.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to punctuation and possessive forms. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help catch minor errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling rules and exceptions in English can further improve spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying word choices, ensuring precise usage, and carefully proofreading, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "who can afford basic needs" and "that changing employment can allow workers to expand their wide-ranging variety of professional skills" showcases an ability to incorporate relative clauses and gerunds effectively. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and transitions to enhance flow and coherence. For example, the sentence "Granted, many people said that changing employment can allow workers…" could be restructured for more impact.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences more strategically. Start sentences with introductory phrases or clauses to create variety. For example, instead of starting with "Granted," you could say, "It is often argued that…" or "Many proponents of job change argue that…". Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and transition phrases can help improve the overall flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the previous person in the same field" should be "the previous person in the same field" for grammatical consistency. Additionally, the use of "workers’ career" should be "workers’ careers" to ensure plural agreement. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "and thus" in "because they hold a prejudice about their uncertain contributions to long-term and thus it can be counterproductive."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and pluralization. Regularly reviewing basic grammar rules can help reinforce these concepts. For punctuation, practice using commas to separate clauses and enhance readability. For example, in the sentence "because they hold a prejudice about their uncertain contributions to long-term and thus it can be counterproductive," a comma before "and thus" would clarify the relationship between the clauses. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where sentence structure could be improved for clarity.

By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially leading to an improved band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Granted, many people claim that changing employment can allow workers to expand their diverse professional skill sets, broaden their social connections, and become adaptable and versatile. In terms of company benefits, employees who make transitions to new workplaces and careers often bring valuable knowledge and innovative problem-solving skills within the organization. Thus, they can contribute to saving companies time and resources on training employees by hiring someone with equal or more experience than their predecessor in the same field. On the societal level, a dynamic job market characterized by frequent changes can encourage healthy competition, potentially leading to higher salaries and improved employee benefits as companies compete to retain top talent.

However, this option is only available for those who have accrued a large enough amount of wealth to sustain their lives, and they find more opportunities to try new things. Changing jobs may also entail risks of temporary unemployment and financial insecurity for them. Switching jobs can impede a worker’s career, as companies may be reluctant to hire such job hoppers due to their prejudice about uncertain contributions to long-term projects; thus, it may be counterproductive to invest resources in them. This is reversed when one commits to a job that provides a stable income, health and social insurance, and opportunities for promotion based on their contributions.

In conclusion, while changing jobs can boost skills and benefit companies to some extent and the country’s economy, it yields more harm than benefits, such as unemployment and job hopping. I believe that most people benefit more if they have stable work, even though they cannot derive much satisfaction from their job.