Students must be taught academic knowledge to pass exams, not skills such as cooking and dressing.

A school of thought hold that it should be mandatory for students to study academic subjects to complete exams and skills such as cooking and dressing should not be included. In this essay, I believe that this perspective is inherently unfavourable.

One might argue that the mandate of studying academic knowledge can foster employment among learners. This is predicated on the premise that when compulsory studying is implemented, the number of people having degrees would increase as they are likely to put more effort into gaining academic distinctions. As a result, this could lead to better chances of having high-paying jobs. However, this line of reasoning is not sound to some extent due to the fact that better degrees could not guarantee a lucrative job nowadays owing to the proliferation of degrees without actual ability. Especially in the present days, many schools are just a type of business, which focus more on making profit rather than cultivating students’ core competency. This has given rise to high number of incompetent individuals, yet still possess qualifications, which caused many employers to change the priority in hiring criteria. This could make the advantage of studying compulsory flawed.

To add further credence to my assertion, I note that making soft skills such as cooking and dressing could improve one’s quality of life. For example, if a person is equipped with food-making skills, independence will be fostered as possibly less reliance on other people would be the case. Or in the case of knowing how to dress properly. This helps individuals to develop confidence in many aspects of life namely dating and working. A survey conducted by Halou university suggests that after being reminded about the dress code of events, people experience a dip in anxiety as worries regarding being overdressed or underdressed is disappeared.

In conclusion, I believe it is incontrovertibly beneficial to add life skills to compulsory subject list due to the fact that this could enhance life’s quality.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A school of thought hold" -> "A school of thought holds"
Explanation: Correcting the verb tense from "hold" to "holds" aligns with the singular subject "school of thought," ensuring grammatical accuracy.
"study academic subjects to complete exams and skills such as cooking and dressing" -> "study academic subjects, including exams, as well as skills such as cooking and dressing"
Explanation: Adding "including" and "as well as" clarifies the inclusion of both academic subjects and skills, enhancing the sentence structure and readability.
"this perspective is inherently unfavourable" -> "this perspective is inherently unfavorable"
Explanation: Using "unfavorable" instead of "unfavourable" maintains consistency with American English usage, which is more commonly used in academic writing in international contexts.
"mandate of studying academic knowledge" -> "mandate to study academic subjects"
Explanation: Replacing "mandate of studying academic knowledge" with "mandate to study academic subjects" corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the intended meaning.
"the number of people having degrees would increase" -> "the number of individuals holding degrees would increase"
Explanation: Replacing "people having" with "individuals holding" uses more formal and precise language suitable for academic writing.
"better degrees could not guarantee a lucrative job" -> "better degrees do not guarantee lucrative employment"
Explanation: Changing "could not" to "do not" corrects the tense to match the present context, and "lucrative employment" is a more formal expression than "a lucrative job."
"the present days" -> "the present day"
Explanation: Correcting "days" to "day" fixes the grammatical error and aligns with the singular noun "present."
"a type of business" -> "a business"
Explanation: Simplifying "a type of business" to "a business" removes redundancy and enhances clarity.
"high number of incompetent individuals" -> "large number of incompetent individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "high" with "large" is more appropriate in formal academic writing, as "high" can imply a numerical value rather than quantity.
"which caused many employers to change the priority in hiring criteria" -> "which has led many employers to alter their hiring criteria"
Explanation: Changing "caused" to "has led" and "change the priority in" to "alter their" improves the sentence structure and uses more precise language.
"making soft skills such as cooking and dressing" -> "instructing students in soft skills such as cooking and dressing"
Explanation: Replacing "making" with "instructing" clarifies the intended action of teaching, which is more appropriate in an academic context.
"in many aspects of life namely dating and working" -> "in various aspects of life, including dating and working"
Explanation: Replacing "namely" with "including" corrects the usage of the transitional phrase, and "various" is more precise than "many."
"after being reminded about the dress code of events, people experience a dip in anxiety as worries regarding being overdressed or underdressed is disappeared" -> "after being reminded of the dress code for events, people experience a decrease in anxiety as concerns about being overdressed or underdressed are alleviated"
Explanation: Correcting "dip in anxiety" to "decrease in anxiety" and "is disappeared" to "are alleviated" improves the formality and clarity of the sentence, and "reminded of the dress code for events" is more precise than "reminded about the dress code of events."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the necessity of academic knowledge versus life skills such as cooking and dressing. The author presents a clear argument against the notion that only academic subjects should be mandatory. However, the essay could have more explicitly referenced the specific skills mentioned in the prompt, particularly in the introduction, to strengthen the connection to the question. The discussion about the importance of soft skills is relevant but could be expanded to directly counter the argument for focusing solely on academic knowledge.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly outline both sides of the argument in the introduction, explicitly mentioning cooking and dressing as essential skills. Additionally, the author could provide more examples or evidence to support the claim that these skills are as important as academic knowledge.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position is generally clear; the author believes that life skills should be included in the curriculum. However, the essay sometimes wavers in its focus, particularly in the first body paragraph where the argument about academic knowledge could be misinterpreted as supporting the opposing view. The phrase "this perspective is inherently unfavourable" could be more assertively stated to reinforce the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the author should consistently use language that reinforces their viewpoint. Phrases like "I strongly believe" or "It is essential" can help assert the author’s perspective more firmly. Additionally, reiterating the main argument at the beginning of each paragraph can help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some good ideas, such as the importance of soft skills and the critique of academic qualifications. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the author mentions the rise of incompetent individuals with degrees, this point could be elaborated further with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. The supporting evidence for the importance of life skills is also somewhat vague and could benefit from more detailed explanation.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence. Incorporating statistics, studies, or real-life anecdotes can help substantiate claims. Additionally, using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, focusing on the debate between academic knowledge and life skills. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the first body paragraph could be seen as straying into a critique of the education system rather than directly addressing the prompt about the necessity of life skills.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, the author should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the main argument and ensuring that all points made are relevant to the discussion of academic versus life skills. Using transitional phrases that relate back to the main topic can also help maintain focus.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in addressing all parts of the question, maintaining a clear position, developing ideas more thoroughly, and ensuring relevance throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that only academic knowledge should be taught in schools. It begins with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance, followed by two main body paragraphs that provide supporting arguments. The first body paragraph discusses the limitations of academic qualifications in securing employment, while the second emphasizes the importance of life skills. However, the logical progression between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing academic knowledge to soft skills lacks a clear linking statement that would guide the reader through the shift in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the limitations of academic qualifications, a statement like, "While academic knowledge is important, it is equally essential to equip students with practical life skills," could serve as a bridge to the next point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first on the drawbacks of an academic-only approach and the second on the benefits of teaching life skills. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined with topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. The introduction could also benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes its main idea. Additionally, the introduction should clearly state the writer’s position and outline the key arguments that will be explored in the essay. This will help the reader follow the argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "for example," and "to add further credence," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be smoother. For example, the phrase "this line of reasoning is not sound to some extent" could be more effectively linked to the subsequent discussion about the inadequacy of degrees without ability.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "in addition," "conversely," and "therefore." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, when introducing a counterargument, phrases like "on the contrary" or "in contrast" can provide clearer distinctions between opposing views.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "inherently unfavourable," "predicated," and "core competency" showcasing a solid grasp of academic language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or nuanced. For example, the phrase "high-paying jobs" is somewhat common and could be replaced with more sophisticated synonyms like "lucrative positions" or "remunerative careers" to elevate the language further.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. Keeping a thesaurus handy while drafting could help identify alternative words that convey the same meaning but with greater sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "cultivating students’ core competency," which effectively communicates the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "the mandate of studying academic knowledge can foster employment among learners." The term "foster" is somewhat vague in this context; a more precise verb like "enhance" or "facilitate" would clarify the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the exact meaning they intend. This can be achieved by revisiting sentences and asking whether the chosen words accurately reflect the intended idea. Additionally, practicing with exercises that focus on word choice can help develop this skill.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors, such as "hold" instead of "holds" in the opening sentence. Such mistakes can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud or using spelling and grammar check tools. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them before submission can help reduce errors in future essays.

Overall, the essay shows a strong command of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, phrases such as "This is predicated on the premise that…" and "if a person is equipped with food-making skills…" show an ability to construct sentences that convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and some repetitive structures, such as the use of "this could" and "this has" in close proximity, which detracts from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and transitions. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "This" or "To add further credence," try using phrases like "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely." Additionally, experimenting with different ways to express similar ideas can help reduce redundancy and improve flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "A school of thought hold that…" should be "A school of thought holds that…" to agree in number. Additionally, the sentence "which caused many employers to change the priority in hiring criteria" could be clearer if rephrased to "which has caused many employers to change their hiring criteria." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "namely" in "in many aspects of life namely dating and working."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it’s crucial to proofread for subject-verb agreement and sentence clarity. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. Additionally, practicing specific grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement and the use of commas in lists or before conjunctions, can strengthen overall accuracy. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

A school of thought holds that it should be mandatory for students to study academic subjects to complete exams, and skills such as cooking and dressing should not be included. In this essay, I believe that this perspective is inherently unfavorable.

One might argue that the mandate to study academic knowledge can foster employment among learners. This is predicated on the premise that when compulsory studying is implemented, the number of individuals holding degrees would increase, as they are likely to put more effort into gaining academic distinctions. As a result, this could lead to better chances of having high-paying jobs. However, this line of reasoning is not sound to some extent due to the fact that better degrees do not guarantee lucrative employment nowadays, owing to the proliferation of degrees without actual ability. Especially in the present day, many schools are just a type of business, which focuses more on making profit rather than cultivating students’ core competencies. This has given rise to a large number of incompetent individuals who still possess qualifications, which has led many employers to alter their hiring criteria. This could make the advantage of compulsory studying flawed.

To add further credence to my assertion, I note that instructing students in soft skills such as cooking and dressing could improve one’s quality of life. For example, if a person is equipped with food-making skills, independence will be fostered, as there would be less reliance on other people. In the case of knowing how to dress properly, this helps individuals to develop confidence in various aspects of life, including dating and working. A survey conducted by Halou University suggests that after being reminded of the dress code for events, people experience a decrease in anxiety as concerns about being overdressed or underdressed are alleviated.

In conclusion, I believe it is incontrovertibly beneficial to add life skills to the compulsory subject list due to the fact that this could enhance life’s quality.