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Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People have different views about better academic performances whether are gained by students who receive rewards or are obtained by pupils who receive punishment. From my perspective, the number of learners acquires the amount of certain achievements when they get rewards from the teachers. While I believe castigating pupils is more likely to have some impacts.
On the one hand, I lean towards the point of view of giving rewards that contribute significantly to a scholar’s learning outcomes. Firstly, rewards provide learners with the amount of strong motivation. As a matter of fact, motivation makes not only pupils motivated but also scholars encouraged to continue to obtain a lot of big academic results. As an example, when I get high scores, I always feel proud of myself because my teachers usually give me a few rewards in front of my class. Secondly, this tendency creates the positivity of the education environment. Consequently, rewards supply schoolchildren with either healthy competition or a number of opportunities so that every pupil has certain conditions for academic development. To illustrate, in Vietnam, the education system considers a positive environment as a major factor in the teaching process, and therefore, a variety of learners get both a sense of achievement and the provision of comfort.
On the other hand, I disagree with the notion that the majority of scholars obtain better results when they receive punishments from the educators. Firstly, punishments intentionally offer both tension and resentment for a lot of pupils. As a result, some learners get either the experience of discontent or the loss of the competitive spirit in the process of absorbing knowledge. For instance, my friend risked the verge of becoming a depressed person when the history teacher did not allow her to participate in extracurricular activities with my class due to the lack of doing homeworks. Additionally, these chastises generate the barrier for the relationships between educators and students. Therefore, learners not only feel unequal but also do not show respect for their instructors, leading to the amount of obstacles of interactive activities in the class. As an illustration, most learners in high schools who often have fights with friends and insult teachers are frequently punished and scolded.
In conclusion, I firmly agree with the idea that a number of students who receive the recompenses from the educators definitely gain academic-improved performances in the classroom while criticizing schoolchildren get several negative consequences in the educational process.


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. “whether are gained by students” -> “whether are achieved by students”
    Explanation: Replacing “gained” with “achieved” enhances precision and aligns with academic language, as academic success is commonly framed as an achievement.
  2. “While I believe castigating pupils is more likely to have some impacts.” -> “While I believe that disciplining pupils is more likely to have certain impacts.”
    Explanation: Replacing “castigating” with “disciplining” and specifying “certain impacts” adds formality and clarity to the statement.
  3. “On the one hand, I lean towards the point of view of giving rewards that contribute significantly to a scholar’s learning outcomes.” -> “On one hand, I advocate for the perspective that providing rewards significantly contributes to a scholar’s learning outcomes.”
    Explanation: Simplifying the expression and replacing “lean towards the point of view” with “advocate for the perspective” maintains formality and clarity.
  4. “Firstly, rewards provide learners with the amount of strong motivation.” -> “Firstly, rewards offer learners a significant source of motivation.”
    Explanation: Replacing “amount of strong” with “a significant source of” improves precision and formality.
  5. “when I get high scores, I always feel proud of myself because my teachers usually give me a few rewards in front of my class.” -> “When I achieve high scores, I consistently experience a sense of pride as my teachers frequently acknowledge my accomplishments in front of the class.”
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality and precision, providing a clearer description of the situation.
  6. “rewards supply schoolchildren with either healthy competition or a number of opportunities” -> “rewards provide students with both healthy competition and numerous opportunities”
    Explanation: The revised version improves parallelism and clarity by using “both” and “numerous” instead of “either” and “a number of.”
  7. “in Vietnam, the education system considers a positive environment as a major factor in the teaching process, and therefore, a variety of learners get both a sense of achievement and the provision of comfort.” -> “In Vietnam, the education system regards a positive environment as a crucial factor in the teaching process, thereby providing a diverse range of learners with both a sense of achievement and a sense of comfort.”
    Explanation: Enhancing formality and clarity by using “regards” instead of “considers” and restructuring the sentence for better flow.
  8. “I disagree with the notion that the majority of scholars obtain better results when they receive punishments from the educators.” -> “I disagree with the notion that the majority of scholars achieve better results through punitive measures from educators.”
    Explanation: Substituting “obtain” with “achieve” and rephrasing “receive punishments” to “through punitive measures” improves precision and formality.
  9. “punishments intentionally offer both tension and resentment for a lot of pupils.” -> “punishments intentionally create both tension and resentment for many pupils.”
    Explanation: The revised version improves clarity and uses a stronger verb (“create”) to convey the intended meaning more precisely.
  10. “For instance, my friend risked the verge of becoming a depressed person when the history teacher did not allow her to participate in extracurricular activities with my class due to the lack of doing homeworks.” -> “For instance, my friend teetered on the brink of depression when the history teacher prohibited her participation in extracurricular activities with our class due to incomplete homework assignments.”
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality, precision, and fluency in the expression of the example.
  11. “Additionally, these chastises generate the barrier for the relationships between educators and students.” -> “Additionally, these disciplinary actions create barriers in the relationships between educators and students.”
    Explanation: Replacing “chastises” with “disciplinary actions” and restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.
  12. “As an illustration, most learners in high schools who often have fights with friends and insult teachers are frequently punished and scolded.” -> “As an illustration, students in high schools who engage in frequent conflicts with peers and disrespect teachers are subject to frequent punishment and reprimand.”
    Explanation: Enhancing formality and precision by replacing “learners” with “students” and specifying the nature of conflicts and disrespect.
  13. “a number of students who receive the recompenses” -> “a considerable number of students who receive rewards”
    Explanation: Substituting “recompenses” with “rewards” maintains formality and clarity.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

  1. Quoted text: “People have different views about better academic performances whether are gained by students who receive rewards or are obtained by pupils who receive punishment. From my perspective, the number of learners acquires the amount of certain achievements when they get rewards from the teachers. While I believe castigating pupils is more likely to have some impacts.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction is somewhat unclear in presenting the writer’s position. While it mentions the writer’s perspective, it could be more explicitly stated whether they agree or disagree with the prompt. To improve clarity, you may explicitly state your stance and briefly outline the main points you’ll discuss in favor of rewards or against punishments.
    • Improved example: “People hold diverse opinions on the impact of rewards and punishments on students’ academic performance. Personally, I strongly believe that rewarding students significantly contributes to their academic achievements. In this essay, I will delve into the reasons behind this perspective.”
  2. Quoted text: “On the one hand, I lean towards the point of view of giving rewards that contribute significantly to a scholar’s learning outcomes. Firstly, rewards provide learners with the amount of strong motivation.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument for rewards is adequately presented, emphasizing motivation. However, to enhance depth, consider providing a concrete example from your own experience or knowledge where rewards motivated you or someone you know to achieve better academic results. This would strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: “On the one hand, I strongly advocate for the efficacy of rewards in enhancing a scholar’s learning outcomes. For instance, in my own experience, receiving commendations and prizes from teachers not only motivated me but also instilled a sense of pride, driving me to consistently excel in my studies.”
  3. Quoted text: “On the other hand, I disagree with the notion that the majority of scholars obtain better results when they receive punishments from the educators. Firstly, punishments intentionally offer both tension and resentment for a lot of pupils.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument against punishments is well-articulated, focusing on tension and resentment. To enrich your point, provide a specific example from your experience or knowledge where a student faced negative consequences due to punishment, illustrating the detrimental effects on academic performance.
    • Improved example: “On the other hand, I firmly disagree with the idea that punishments lead to better academic results. For instance, my friend’s academic performance suffered when the teacher restricted her from participating in extracurricular activities due to incomplete homework, causing not only tension but also a decline in her overall enthusiasm for learning.”

Overall, while your essay addresses the prompt, enhancing clarity in the introduction and providing more vivid, personal examples in your arguments can strengthen your response and elevate it to a higher band score.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear overall progression of ideas, and there is coherence in presenting arguments. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and between sentences. The paragraphing is somewhat logical, though it may not always be consistently so. The central topic within each paragraph is generally clear.
How to improve: To enhance coherence, work on ensuring a more seamless connection between sentences and paragraphs. Avoid mechanical or repetitive use of cohesive devices. Additionally, strive for more consistent and logically organized paragraphing throughout the essay.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. The writer attempts to use less common lexical items, and there is an awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. For example, “castigating” might be considered a less common lexical item, but it may not be the most appropriate choice in this context. Additionally, there are some spelling errors (e.g., “homeworks” should be “homework”) and minor word formation inaccuracies.

The essay effectively conveys the main points and ideas, utilizing a variety of vocabulary to express opinions and support arguments. There is a clear attempt to explore the topic with some depth, and the writer demonstrates an understanding of the importance of motivation and a positive learning environment.

How to Improve:

  1. Refine Word Choice: Ensure that the chosen vocabulary is not only less common but also contextually appropriate. Consider synonyms or alternative expressions to enhance precision.
  2. Spelling and Word Formation: Review the essay for spelling errors and inaccuracies in word formation. Attention to detail in these areas will enhance the overall coherence of the writing.
  3. Sentence Structure: While the focus is on lexical resource, a varied sentence structure can further elevate the essay. Experiment with different sentence structures to add complexity and sophistication to the writing.

Overall, the essay is well-organized and effectively communicates the writer’s perspective, but attention to lexical accuracy and refinement can contribute to a higher band score.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While there are instances of accurate grammar and punctuation, there are also noticeable errors that, although present, do not significantly impede communication. The essay attempts to address the prompt by presenting arguments for both rewarding and punishing students, but the development of ideas lacks clarity and cohesion. The use of vocabulary is adequate but could benefit from greater variety and precision.

How to improve:

  1. Sentence Structure: Work on using a wider range of sentence structures for better fluency and coherence. Varying the sentence length and complexity can enhance the overall quality of writing.
  2. Grammar and Punctuation: Pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation. While some sentences are error-free, there are instances where errors detract from the clarity of the message. Proofreading is crucial to catch and correct these errors.
  3. Development of Ideas: Ensure a clear and organized development of ideas. The essay could benefit from a more structured approach to presenting arguments, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point and providing supporting details.
  4. Vocabulary: Expand the range of vocabulary used in the essay. Employing more precise and varied vocabulary can elevate the overall quality of expression.
  5. Coherence and Cohesion: Establish better coherence between sentences and ideas. Transitions between paragraphs should be smoother, creating a more logical flow of information.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score by demonstrating improved grammatical range and accuracy, as well as enhanced overall writing proficiency.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

People have differing opinions regarding the impact of rewards versus punishments on students’ academic performance. In my view, students achieve greater success when they receive rewards, while being subjected to punishments tends to have adverse effects.

I am inclined towards the belief that rewarding students significantly contributes to their academic achievements. Firstly, rewards serve as strong motivational tools. They not only inspire students but also encourage them to strive for better academic results. Personally, receiving recognition from my teachers in the form of rewards when I achieve high scores fills me with pride and motivates me to continue performing well. Secondly, this practice fosters a positive educational environment. Rewards create healthy competition and provide opportunities for each student to thrive academically. For instance, in Vietnam, fostering a positive environment is considered crucial in the education system, ensuring that students feel accomplished and comfortable in their learning journey.

On the contrary, I disagree with the idea that punishments lead to improved academic results for most students. Punishments often evoke feelings of tension and resentment among students, hindering their learning experiences. For example, a friend of mine felt on the verge of depression when her history teacher barred her from participating in extracurricular activities due to incomplete homework. Furthermore, punishments can strain the relationships between educators and students, causing students to feel unequal and reducing their respect for their teachers. This, in turn, hampers interactive activities within the classroom. As an illustration, high school students who frequently engage in conflicts with peers and disrespect teachers are often subject to punishment and rebuke, creating disruptions in the learning environment.

In conclusion, I firmly support the notion that students who receive rewards from educators tend to achieve improved academic performances, whereas those subjected to criticism and punishment face detrimental consequences in their educational journey.

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