Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Discuss both views and give your own opinion

The debate over whether rewarding or punishing students leads to better academic performance has garnered significant attention. While some advocate that rewards are more effective in motivating students, I believe that both rewards and punishments play crucial roles in enhancing student performance. This essay will explore how each method contributes to student development and why a balanced approach is most effective.

Rewards are widely recognized as effective tools for motivating students. When students are rewarded for their efforts, it reinforces positive behavior and encourages them to continue striving for excellence. For instance, primary school students who receive praise or small rewards like stickers or certificates are likely to feel valued and motivated to maintain or improve their performance. Such recognition can foster a love for learning and increase engagement in the classroom.

On the other hand, it is also important to acknowledge the role of punishment in maintaining discipline and ensuring that students meet certain standards of behavior. In cases where students engage in disruptive activities, neglect their studies, or violate school rules, appropriate punishment can serve as a deterrent, helping to maintain order in the classroom . Moreover, for students who do not respond to positive reinforcement, disciplinary measures may be necessary to encourage compliance and focus. For instance, a student who frequently skips homework may benefit from a consequence, such as extra assignments, to instill a sense of responsibility.

In conclusion, both rewards and punishments have their roles in promoting student performance. While rewards can effectively motivate students and enhance their engagement, punishments are necessary to maintain discipline and address behavioral issues. Therefore, a balanced approach that integrates both strategies, tailored to individual needs and contexts, is likely to be the most effective in fostering overall academic success

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"garnered significant attention" -> "attracted considerable attention"
Explanation: "Attracted considerable attention" is a more formal and precise term that better suits academic writing, enhancing the formality of the statement.
"I believe" -> "it is argued"
Explanation: Using "it is argued" shifts the focus from a personal opinion to a more objective, academic stance, which is preferred in formal essays.
"play crucial roles" -> "play pivotal roles"
Explanation: "Pivotal" is a more precise term that emphasizes the importance of the roles, aligning better with the formal tone of academic writing.
"most effective" -> "most efficacious"
Explanation: "Efficacious" is a more formal synonym for "effective," which enhances the academic tone of the essay.
"reinforces positive behavior" -> "reinforces positive behaviors"
Explanation: Adding the plural form "behaviors" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with the plural context of the sentence.
"small rewards like stickers or certificates" -> "small rewards, such as stickers or certificates"
Explanation: Adding "such as" before the examples improves the formality and clarity of the list.
"foster a love for learning" -> "cultivate a passion for learning"
Explanation: "Cultivate a passion for learning" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, replacing the more colloquial "love for learning."
"increase engagement in the classroom" -> "enhance classroom engagement"
Explanation: "Enhance classroom engagement" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea.
"maintaining order in the classroom" -> "maintaining classroom order"
Explanation: "Maintaining classroom order" is a more direct and formal expression.
"disciplinary measures may be necessary" -> "disciplinary measures may be warranted"
Explanation: "Warranted" is a more formal synonym for "necessary," fitting the academic style better.
"instill a sense of responsibility" -> "impose a sense of responsibility"
Explanation: "Impose" is a more precise term in this context, suggesting a more formal and authoritative action.
"a consequence, such as extra assignments" -> "a consequence, such as additional assignments"
Explanation: "Additional" is a more formal synonym for "extra," aligning better with academic language.
"to instill a sense of responsibility" -> "to foster a sense of responsibility"
Explanation: "Foster" is a more precise and formal verb than "instill" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"a balanced approach that integrates both strategies" -> "a balanced approach that incorporates both strategies"
Explanation: "Incorporates" is a more precise and formal term than "integrates," fitting the academic style better.

These changes refine the vocabulary to better suit the formal and academic tone required in the essay, ensuring clarity and precision in expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the effectiveness of rewards and punishments in enhancing student performance. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position that both methods are important, which is further explored in the body paragraphs. The essay presents arguments for both rewards and punishments, providing relevant examples, such as the use of stickers for younger students and the necessity of consequences for disruptive behavior. This balanced discussion demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. Including a more nuanced discussion of the effectiveness of each method, perhaps by providing statistical evidence or studies, could strengthen the argument. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the benefits of each approach in different educational contexts could enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that both rewards and punishments are important for student performance. The writer consistently supports this stance, which is evident in the way each paragraph is structured to reflect this duality. The conclusion reiterates the main argument effectively, reinforcing the idea that a balanced approach is necessary.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could improve by explicitly stating the writer’s opinion in the introduction and conclusion. Phrases such as "I believe" or "In my opinion" could be used to strengthen the personal stance. Additionally, the writer could elaborate on how the balance between rewards and punishments might vary depending on individual student needs, which would further clarify their position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and supports them with relevant examples. The discussion on rewards effectively illustrates how positive reinforcement can motivate students, while the section on punishment highlights its role in maintaining discipline. The examples provided are relatable and help to ground the arguments in practical scenarios, making the essay more persuasive.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer could include more varied examples or case studies that illustrate the effectiveness of both strategies in different educational settings. Additionally, discussing potential drawbacks or limitations of each approach could provide a more rounded perspective and demonstrate critical thinking.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument regarding the roles of rewards and punishments in student performance. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, and the writer successfully integrates both views into a cohesive argument.
- How to improve: To further ensure that the essay stays on topic, the writer could include transitional phrases that explicitly connect back to the prompt. For instance, reiterating the importance of addressing both rewards and punishments in relation to academic performance at the beginning of each paragraph could help maintain focus. Additionally, a brief mention of how cultural or contextual factors might influence the effectiveness of these strategies could add depth while remaining relevant to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the author’s stance. Each body paragraph effectively addresses a specific aspect of the argument: the first discusses the benefits of rewards, while the second examines the necessity of punishments. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the author’s balanced perspective. This logical progression allows the reader to follow the argument easily, demonstrating a strong understanding of coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas within paragraphs. For example, phrases like "In addition to this," or "Conversely," can help clarify the relationship between points, making transitions smoother and reinforcing the logical connections.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs are well-structured, each beginning with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This organization aids in reader comprehension and maintains focus throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear concluding sentence that summarizes the main point and links back to the overall argument. This would reinforce the cohesion of the essay and remind the reader of the significance of each point in relation to the thesis.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "for instance," "on the other hand," and "moreover," which help to connect ideas and provide examples. These devices contribute to the overall flow of the essay and assist in guiding the reader through the argument. The use of cohesive devices is varied and appropriate, which is a strength of the essay.
- How to improve: To further diversify the range of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more advanced linking words and phrases, such as "not only… but also," "in contrast," or "as a result." This would not only enhance the variety of cohesive devices used but also add depth to the connections between ideas, making the argument even more compelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information, utilizing paragraphs, and employing cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can elevate the clarity and sophistication of their argument even further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, using terms like "motivate," "reinforces," "deterrent," and "disciplinary measures." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the discussion of rewards and punishments. For example, the phrases "rewards are widely recognized" and "appropriate punishment can serve as a deterrent" could be varied to include synonyms or related terms to enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary by using synonyms or more specific terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "rewards," alternatives like "incentives," "recognition," or "acknowledgments" could be employed. Additionally, varying sentence structures and employing more descriptive language can help to create a more engaging and diverse lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where the precision could be enhanced. For example, the phrase "appropriate punishment can serve as a deterrent" is clear, but the term "appropriate" could be more specific. What constitutes "appropriate" punishment can vary widely, and providing examples or specifying the type of punishment could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey their intended meaning more clearly. For example, instead of saying "appropriate punishment," they could specify "constructive punishment" or "educational consequences." Additionally, using more precise adjectives and verbs can help clarify the writer’s stance and arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no significant errors noted. Words such as "motivate," "performance," and "disciplinary" are spelled correctly throughout the essay. This indicates a good command of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Engaging in regular spelling practice, especially with commonly used academic vocabulary, can also be beneficial. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing apps that highlight spelling errors can further assist in ensuring accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of lexical resource with a band score of 6, there are areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "While some advocate that rewards are more effective in motivating students, I believe that both rewards and punishments play crucial roles in enhancing student performance" showcases an ability to combine ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, such as "For instance, a student who frequently skips homework may benefit from a consequence," which adds depth to the argument. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and transitions to enhance the flow and coherence between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "For instance," you could use alternatives like "To illustrate this point," or "An example of this can be seen in." Additionally, experimenting with passive voice constructions or more advanced grammatical forms, such as participle clauses, could enhance the complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "appropriate punishment can serve as a deterrent, helping to maintain order in the classroom ." contains an unnecessary space before the period, which detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing. Additionally, the use of commas is mostly accurate, though there are moments where additional commas could clarify meaning, such as in the sentence "Moreover, for students who do not respond to positive reinforcement, disciplinary measures may be necessary to encourage compliance and focus," where the clarity could be improved with the addition of a comma after "compliance."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully for typographical errors, such as the space before the period. Furthermore, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences can improve clarity. Consider reviewing rules for comma placement, especially in compound and complex sentences, to ensure that ideas are clearly separated and the flow of the essay is maintained. Engaging in exercises that focus on punctuation can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and refining punctuation and grammatical accuracy, the essay can achieve an even higher level of sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate over whether rewarding or punishing students leads to better academic performance has attracted considerable attention. While some advocate that rewards are more effective in motivating students, I believe that both rewards and punishments play pivotal roles in enhancing student performance. This essay will explore how each method contributes to student development and why a balanced approach is most efficacious.

Rewards are widely recognized as effective tools for motivating students. When students are rewarded for their efforts, it reinforces positive behaviors and encourages them to continue striving for excellence. For instance, primary school students who receive praise or small rewards, such as stickers or certificates, are likely to feel valued and motivated to maintain or improve their performance. Such recognition can cultivate a passion for learning and enhance classroom engagement.

On the other hand, it is also important to acknowledge the role of punishment in maintaining discipline and ensuring that students meet certain standards of behavior. In cases where students engage in disruptive activities, neglect their studies, or violate school rules, appropriate punishment can serve as a deterrent, helping to maintain classroom order. Moreover, for students who do not respond to positive reinforcement, disciplinary measures may be warranted to encourage compliance and focus. For instance, a student who frequently skips homework may benefit from a consequence, such as additional assignments, to foster a sense of responsibility.

In conclusion, both rewards and punishments have their roles in promoting student performance. While rewards can effectively motivate students and enhance their engagement, punishments are necessary to maintain discipline and address behavioral issues. Therefore, a balanced approach that incorporates both strategies, tailored to individual needs and contexts, is likely to be the most effective in fostering overall academic success.