Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

The debate over whether schools should focus solely on academic knowledge or also include practical life skills in their curricula is an ongoing one. While academic subjects undoubtedly form the bedrock of a student's intellectual development and future career prospects, I argue that incorporating practical skills such as cooking and dressing into the curriculum is equally essential for fostering well-rounded individuals.

The primary objective of formal education has traditionally been to equip students with the academic knowledge necessary to pass exams and secure qualifications. This focus is justified by the fact that academic achievements often serve as the gateway to higher education and lucrative career opportunities. For instance, top-tier universities like Oxford and Cambridge place a premium on candidates with exceptional academic records, as these institutions are committed to nurturing the brightest minds. Therefore, it is understandable why academic excellence is often seen as the most direct path to success.

However, an exclusive emphasis on academic knowledge can lead to a narrow form of education that neglects the practical skills essential for everyday life. Cooking, for instance, is not merely a domestic chore but a fundamental life skill that promotes independence and self-sufficiency. Students who lack such skills may find themselves unprepared for the realities of adult life, particularly when living away from home. For example, international students studying abroad often struggle with adapting to local cuisines, and the ability to cook familiar dishes can provide a sense of comfort and stability, mitigating homesickness and enhancing their overall well-being.

In conclusion, while academic knowledge is crucial for passing exams and achieving career success, schools should not overlook the importance of practical life skills. A balanced education that includes both academic subjects and life skills not only prepares students for professional success but also equips them to navigate the complexities of daily life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The debate over" -> "The ongoing debate about"
Explanation: "The ongoing debate about" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the continuous nature of the discussion, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"solely on" -> "exclusively on"
Explanation: "Exclusively on" is a more formal and precise term that conveys a stronger sense of singularity and focus, which is preferred in academic contexts.
"practical life skills" -> "practical skills relevant to everyday life"
Explanation: "Practical skills relevant to everyday life" specifies the context of the skills, enhancing clarity and precision in the description.
"the bedrock of" -> "the foundation of"
Explanation: "The foundation of" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase, commonly used in educational contexts to describe the basis or starting point of something.
"equally essential" -> "equally crucial"
Explanation: "Crucial" is a more formal synonym for "essential," which enhances the academic tone of the sentence.
"dressing" -> "personal grooming"
Explanation: "Personal grooming" is a more specific and formal term than "dressing," which is vague and informal.
"formal education" -> "formal schooling"
Explanation: "Formal schooling" is a more precise term in the context of academic discussions about education.
"top-tier universities" -> "prestigious universities"
Explanation: "Prestigious" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "top-tier," which can sound colloquial.
"nurturing the brightest minds" -> "developing the most talented students"
Explanation: "Developing the most talented students" is a more formal and objective way to describe the focus of prestigious universities, avoiding the emotional connotation of "brightest minds."
"narrow form of education" -> "limited educational scope"
Explanation: "Limited educational scope" is a more precise and formal expression, better suited for academic writing.
"not merely a domestic chore" -> "not simply a domestic task"
Explanation: "Not simply a domestic task" is a more formal and less colloquial way to describe the nature of cooking.
"promotes independence and self-sufficiency" -> "enhances independence and self-sufficiency"
Explanation: "Enhances" is a more formal synonym for "promotes," aligning better with academic language.
"struggle with adapting" -> "face challenges in adapting"
Explanation: "Face challenges in adapting" is a more formal and precise way to describe difficulties in adjusting to new situations.
"the ability to cook familiar dishes" -> "the capacity to prepare familiar dishes"
Explanation: "The capacity to prepare" is a more formal and precise term than "the ability to cook," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"mitigating homesickness" -> "reducing homesickness"
Explanation: "Reducing" is a more direct and formal term than "mitigating," which can be less commonly used in this context.

These changes refine the vocabulary to better suit the formal and academic tone required in the essay, ensuring clarity and precision in the expression of ideas.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument: the importance of academic knowledge and the necessity of practical skills. The introduction clearly outlines the debate, and the body paragraphs provide a balanced view. The writer acknowledges the significance of academic success while also advocating for the inclusion of life skills, which aligns well with the prompt’s requirement to discuss the extent of agreement or disagreement. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the writer’s position in the introduction, as it currently leans towards agreement without clearly stating it.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction. A clear thesis statement indicating the extent of agreement or disagreement would provide a stronger foundation for the argument and guide the reader more effectively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring the inclusion of practical skills alongside academic knowledge. The argument is consistent throughout, with supporting examples that reinforce the writer’s viewpoint. However, the essay could be strengthened by more explicitly contrasting the two perspectives, as it sometimes presents the argument for academic knowledge without sufficiently countering it.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should consider including a more direct counterargument to the viewpoint that prioritizes academic knowledge. This could involve acknowledging potential drawbacks of focusing solely on academics, thereby reinforcing the importance of a balanced education.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, using relevant examples such as the importance of cooking for independence and the challenges faced by international students. The examples are well-chosen and illustrate the points made. However, the essay could benefit from further elaboration on the implications of neglecting practical skills, which would deepen the analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of practical skills in various contexts. This could involve discussing how life skills contribute to personal development, mental health, or social integration.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and avoiding irrelevant tangents. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, maintaining relevance to the discussion of academic knowledge versus practical skills.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the writer should ensure that all examples directly relate back to the central argument. Occasionally reiterating how a specific example supports the thesis can help reinforce the connection and keep the reader engaged.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By refining the clarity of the position, enhancing the development of ideas, and ensuring all examples are tightly linked to the main argument, the writer could potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the debate, followed by body paragraphs that explore both sides of the argument. The first body paragraph effectively discusses the importance of academic knowledge, providing a strong example of prestigious universities valuing academic excellence. The second body paragraph shifts focus to the necessity of practical skills, using cooking as a relevant example. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that clearly state the main idea. This will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Additionally, integrating transitional phrases between paragraphs can further clarify the relationship between the ideas presented.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-paragraphed, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph serves a distinct purpose, contributing to the overall argument. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs delve into specific points, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the argument while reiterating the importance of both academic knowledge and practical skills.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is effective, consider varying the length and complexity of the paragraphs to create a more dynamic reading experience. For instance, the second body paragraph could be split into two shorter paragraphs: one focusing on the argument for practical skills and the other discussing the implications of lacking these skills. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "for instance," and "therefore," which help connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. These devices effectively guide the reader through the reasoning and examples provided.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using terms like "moreover," "in addition," or "conversely" can enhance the complexity of the argument and provide clearer connections between contrasting ideas. Additionally, varying the placement of cohesive devices can help avoid repetition and maintain reader engagement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively communicating the argument while maintaining a logical structure. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively employing terms related to education, practical skills, and personal development. Phrases such as "bedrock of a student’s intellectual development," "lucrative career opportunities," and "narrow form of education" illustrate a sophisticated command of language. The use of specific examples, such as "top-tier universities like Oxford and Cambridge," further enhances the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To elevate the score further, the essay could benefit from incorporating even more varied synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "academic knowledge," the writer could use alternatives like "scholarly knowledge" or "educational content." Additionally, integrating more idiomatic expressions or collocations related to education could enrich the vocabulary even further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with a high degree of precision. Terms like "self-sufficiency" and "homesickness" are used accurately in context, conveying clear meanings. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "the ability to cook familiar dishes" could be more effectively expressed as "culinary skills to prepare familiar dishes," which emphasizes the skill aspect more clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey their intended meaning more accurately. This can be achieved by reviewing word choices and considering whether they fully encapsulate the concept being discussed. Using a thesaurus to find more specific terms can also help refine vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors present. Words such as "independence," "essential," and "education" are spelled correctly throughout the text, which contributes to the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: While spelling is already strong, the writer can maintain this level of accuracy by proofreading their work carefully. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can reinforce this skill. Engaging in reading diverse materials can also help internalize correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further improve their lexical resource in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is prevalent, such as in the sentence, "While academic subjects undoubtedly form the bedrock of a student’s intellectual development and future career prospects, I argue that incorporating practical skills such as cooking and dressing into the curriculum is equally essential for fostering well-rounded individuals." This structure effectively conveys a nuanced argument. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, which contributes to a smooth flow of ideas. However, there are instances where the sentence length could be varied further to enhance readability and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Students," try beginning with adverbial phrases or dependent clauses that set the context. Additionally, using rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences occasionally can add dynamism to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely maintains grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For example, the phrase "the primary objective of formal education has traditionally been to equip students with the academic knowledge necessary to pass exams" is correctly structured and punctuated. However, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "and dressing" in the phrase "practical skills such as cooking and dressing," which could enhance clarity. The essay also effectively uses commas to separate clauses and items in lists, contributing to overall readability.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in lists and before conjunctions in complex sentences. Reviewing common punctuation errors can be beneficial. Additionally, consider revisiting sentence structures to ensure that they are not overly complex, which can lead to unintentional grammatical mistakes. Regular practice with grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls can also help solidify these skills.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced argument, but there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the precision of grammatical elements. By focusing on these areas, the writer can further elevate their writing to achieve an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate over whether schools should focus solely on academic knowledge or also include practical life skills in their curricula is an ongoing one. While academic subjects undoubtedly form the foundation of a student’s intellectual development and future career prospects, I argue that incorporating practical skills such as cooking and personal grooming into the curriculum is equally crucial for fostering well-rounded individuals.

The primary objective of formal schooling has traditionally been to equip students with the academic knowledge necessary to pass exams and secure qualifications. This focus is justified by the fact that academic achievements often serve as the gateway to higher education and lucrative career opportunities. For instance, prestigious universities like Oxford and Cambridge place a premium on candidates with exceptional academic records, as these institutions are committed to developing the most talented students. Therefore, it is understandable why academic excellence is often seen as the most direct path to success.

However, an exclusive emphasis on academic knowledge can lead to a limited educational scope that neglects the practical skills relevant to everyday life. Cooking, for instance, is not simply a domestic task but a fundamental life skill that enhances independence and self-sufficiency. Students who lack such skills may find themselves unprepared for the realities of adult life, particularly when living away from home. For example, international students studying abroad often face challenges in adapting to local cuisines, and the capacity to prepare familiar dishes can provide a sense of comfort and stability, reducing homesickness and enhancing their overall well-being.