Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home.

In modern life, the development of technology makes life more convenient in various fields, and education is no exception. After the pandemic, distance learning became more popular, so we discussed what is better: studying in a classroom or studying at home. I prefer the second opinion, and I have some evidence to support my opinion.
First, learning online helps students save time arriving at their destination. They can reduce the use of vehicles such as cars, motorbikes, or some other transportation. It helps the environment by decreasing the emission of transportation and the student can have more time to relax instead of wasting time to arrive at the road in rush hour. Students can be more proactive in studying by watching again the lesson in the app. Since they can concentrate more on the lesson, they can have high marks on the exam. They feel more comfortable in their own knowledge and increase their responsibility in studying.
On the other hand, students need to have enough wifi and the internet to maintain the lesson. They can contact with teacher easily when they are in different places. They can communicate with other people in different countries and explore more things in different cultures. Not only making new friends from diverse countries but also improving my knowledge in various fields.
In conclusion, distance learning has more benefits to help students learn efficiently so choosing online is one of the best ways to study besides tradition learning.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In modern life" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "In modern life" is somewhat vague and informal. "In contemporary society" provides a more precise and formal context, suitable for academic writing.
"makes life more convenient" -> "enhances convenience"
Explanation: "Enhances convenience" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact of technology on daily life, avoiding the colloquial tone of "makes life more convenient."
"After the pandemic" -> "Following the pandemic"
Explanation: "Following the pandemic" is a more formal and precise temporal marker, suitable for academic writing.
"we discussed what is better" -> "the debate centers on"
Explanation: "The debate centers on" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce a discussion topic, avoiding the first-person pronoun "we."
"I prefer the second opinion" -> "I advocate for the latter option"
Explanation: "I advocate for the latter option" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "I prefer the second opinion."
"learning online helps students save time arriving at their destination" -> "online learning saves students time on commuting"
Explanation: "Saves students time on commuting" is more concise and formal, focusing directly on the benefit of reduced travel time.
"the use of vehicles such as cars, motorbikes, or some other transportation" -> "the utilization of vehicles such as cars, motorbikes, and other modes of transportation"
Explanation: "The utilization of vehicles" and "other modes of transportation" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone.
"It helps the environment by decreasing the emission of transportation" -> "it reduces environmental emissions from transportation"
Explanation: "It reduces environmental emissions from transportation" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "the emission of transportation."
"the student can have more time to relax instead of wasting time to arrive at the road in rush hour" -> "students can allocate more time to relaxation rather than commuting during rush hour"
Explanation: "Allocate more time to relaxation" and "commuting during rush hour" are more precise and formal, improving the clarity and formality of the sentence.
"Students can be more proactive in studying by watching again the lesson in the app" -> "Students can be more proactive in their studies by reviewing lessons on the app"
Explanation: "Reviewing lessons on the app" is more precise and formal than "watching again the lesson in the app," and "their studies" is more appropriate than "studying."
"They feel more comfortable in their own knowledge" -> "They demonstrate greater confidence in their knowledge"
Explanation: "Demonstrate greater confidence in their knowledge" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express the idea of feeling more comfortable with one’s knowledge.
"increase their responsibility in studying" -> "enhance their academic responsibility"
Explanation: "Enhance their academic responsibility" is more specific and formal, focusing on the academic aspect of responsibility.
"Not only making new friends from diverse countries but also improving my knowledge in various fields" -> "Not only forming friendships with individuals from diverse countries but also expanding my knowledge across various fields"
Explanation: "Forming friendships with individuals from diverse countries" and "expanding my knowledge across various fields" are more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.
"choosing online is one of the best ways to study besides tradition learning" -> "online learning is one of the most effective methods of study alongside traditional learning"
Explanation: "Online learning is one of the most effective methods of study alongside traditional learning" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits of online learning; however, it fails to adequately compare it to classroom learning, which is a critical aspect of the question. The essay mentions some advantages of online learning but does not present any arguments or evidence supporting the claim that it is more beneficial than studying in a classroom. For instance, while it discusses time-saving and environmental benefits, it does not consider the potential advantages of classroom learning, such as social interaction or immediate feedback from teachers.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should include a balanced discussion that compares both modes of learning. For example, the writer could mention how classroom learning fosters collaboration and communication skills, which are vital in many professional settings. Including counterarguments would strengthen the essay and provide a more nuanced perspective.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a preference for online learning early on, but this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. The introduction suggests a debate, but the body primarily focuses on the advantages of online learning without clearly contrasting these with classroom learning. This lack of a strong, consistent position leads to confusion about the writer’s overall argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their argument in the introduction and then reinforce it throughout the essay. Each paragraph should link back to the main argument, perhaps by starting with a topic sentence that reflects the preference for online learning while acknowledging the merits of classroom learning.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to online learning, such as saving time and environmental benefits. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail or examples. For instance, the claim that students can achieve higher marks is made without evidence or elaboration on how online learning specifically contributes to this outcome.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and substantiate ideas, the writer should provide specific examples and evidence for each claim. For instance, they could cite studies or statistics that demonstrate the effectiveness of online learning or share personal anecdotes that illustrate the advantages discussed. Each point should be elaborated upon to create a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally deviates into unrelated points, such as the ability to communicate with people from different countries. While this is relevant to online learning, it does not directly support the argument that online learning is more beneficial than classroom learning. The mention of needing good Wi-Fi and internet access is also somewhat tangential and does not contribute to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the central argument. They could streamline their discussion by focusing on how online learning specifically enhances educational outcomes compared to classroom learning, rather than introducing points that do not directly relate to the prompt.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should ensure a balanced comparison of both learning modes, maintain a clear and consistent position, provide well-supported and elaborated ideas, and stay focused on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized around specific points supporting online learning, such as time-saving and environmental benefits. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing time savings to the benefits of communication lacks a clear linking sentence that would help the reader follow the argument more easily.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of paragraphs and between ideas. For example, after discussing time savings, a sentence like "In addition to these benefits, online learning also facilitates better communication…" would create a more cohesive transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of online learning. However, the second body paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on communication and cultural exchange, and the other on the necessity of reliable internet access. This would provide clearer separation of ideas and enhance readability.
- How to improve: Aim for each paragraph to contain a single main idea, supported by examples. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with a statement about the importance of communication in online learning, followed by examples of how this facilitates learning. The next paragraph could then address the challenges of internet access.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "on the other hand," and "not only… but also." However, the range is somewhat limited, and the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the overall flow. For instance, phrases like "furthermore," "in addition," or "conversely" could be utilized to connect ideas more effectively.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "they can" at the beginning of several sentences, consider using "Additionally," or "Moreover," to introduce new points. This will help maintain the reader’s interest and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially moving towards a band score of 8 or higher.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of education and technology. Phrases like "distance learning," "proactive in studying," and "improving my knowledge" show an attempt to use varied expressions. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "students can" and "learning online." This limits the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students can," alternatives like "learners have the opportunity to" or "individuals are able to" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more academic or topic-specific terminology could elevate the essay’s sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the emission of transportation" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "the emissions from vehicles." Additionally, the phrase "the second opinion" is vague and could be better articulated as "the second viewpoint" or "the alternative perspective."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. Reviewing phrases for their exact meanings and ensuring they fit the context will help. For example, replacing "contact with teacher easily" with "easily contact their teachers" would enhance clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "wifi" (should be "Wi-Fi") and "tradition learning" (should be "traditional learning"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can distract the reader from the content of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, creating a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them could be beneficial. Regular writing practice, along with feedback from peers or instructors, can also help identify and rectify spelling mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "In modern life, the development of technology makes life more convenient in various fields" showcases a complex structure. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as "They can" and "students need to," which detracts from the overall variety. Additionally, some sentences are overly long and could benefit from being broken down for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "They can" or "students," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses. For instance, "By studying online, students can…" or "While learning at home, students have the opportunity to…" This will enhance the flow and complexity of your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of grammatical accuracy overall, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "the student can have more time to relax instead of wasting time to arrive at the road in rush hour" contains awkward phrasing and could be clearer. Additionally, the sentence "Not only making new friends from diverse countries but also improving my knowledge in various fields" is a fragment and lacks a main clause. Punctuation is generally correct, but there are a few run-on sentences that could benefit from clearer separation.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that each sentence is complete and clearly conveys its intended meaning. Review your sentences for fragments and run-ons, and consider using conjunctions or punctuation to separate ideas effectively. For example, the fragment could be revised to "Not only do students make new friends from diverse countries, but they also improve their knowledge in various fields." Regular practice with grammar exercises and reading well-structured essays can also help improve your grammatical accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, you can enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, the advancement of technology enhances convenience in various fields, and education is no exception. Following the pandemic, distance learning has become increasingly popular, leading to a discussion about which method is superior: studying in a classroom or studying at home. I advocate for the latter option, and I have several reasons to support my viewpoint.

First, online learning saves students time on commuting. By reducing the utilization of vehicles such as cars, motorbikes, and other modes of transportation, it not only benefits the environment by decreasing emissions but also allows students to allocate more time to relaxation rather than navigating through rush hour traffic. Additionally, students can be more proactive in their studies by reviewing lessons on the app. Since they can concentrate more on the material, they are likely to achieve higher marks on exams. They demonstrate greater confidence in their knowledge and enhance their academic responsibility.

On the other hand, students must have reliable Wi-Fi and internet access to participate in online lessons. However, this mode of learning allows them to easily contact their teachers, even when they are in different locations. They can also communicate with peers from diverse countries, broadening their understanding of various cultures. Not only do they form friendships with individuals from different backgrounds, but they also expand their knowledge across various fields.

In conclusion, distance learning offers numerous benefits that help students learn efficiently, making online education one of the most effective methods of study alongside traditional learning.